Give Him an A for Effort
Disclaimer: By no stretch of the imagination am I affiliated with Gilmore Girls
A/N: Think of this as a soliloquy. Chris is channelling his inner Hamlet or Macbeth. However, no insanity, killing, or old English are used or even referred to. Chris thoughts are in italics.
He was surprised when he got the phone call, asking him to accompany her to some town event. But he needed a break from Gigi, and so he dressed up and went to the town of Stars Hollow, for her. And here he was, sitting at the wedding for a girl he didn't know, the companion or escort or friend or whatever of his engaged ex-something. Man, is my life screwed up. Looking over at her, he noticed yet again her distracted attitude. She was pretending, he could tell. Hell, she did it often enough around him to see it. She kept worrying her ring finger of her left hand, twisting the beautiful engagement ring over and over. At one point, he asked what was wrong, and she denied everything, while her eyes were begging him to drop it and resume his appointed role. So he did. Who can say no to a Gilmore?
It wasn't until later in the evening when he figured it out. The reception was in the town square, and at one point Lorelai looked over at the diner, and her face crumpled. He was watching for it, and so turned around as well to observe what had upset her so. There was Luke, returning from a trip with a little girl. A woman got out of a nearby car, she and Luke hugged, and the woman took the girl, after the girl had given Luke a hug. Lorelai looked crushed. He saw the look, and it was the same as the one burned in his memory from a similar occasion. He understood, he got it. Soon after, she left, rejecting his half-hearted offer to walk him home. When saying goodbye to their daughter, Rory shot him a questioning worried glance. She knows too. He tried to give her a reassuring smile. A plan was forming in his head, but who knew if it'd ever work out.
He entered the diner with the little bells playing a fanfare. Luke looked up, and surprise registered on his face. It was obvious that he expected Chris to avoid this section of town at all costs.
"Look, I know I'm not your favourite person, in fact I probably don't make the top 100, but I have some things to say, and I really think you should listen." Chris opened his spiel. In answer, Luke turned around and got a toaster, and proceeded to fix it at the counter. He didn't look happy, but he also looked like he knew that this was coming. A long time coming. Man, he can express more with his face than a mime! He must be the resident Dr. Phil! Chris took a deep breath, and began spilling his story, sitting at the counter looking at his fidgeting hands.
"Lorelai and I have always been better friends than relationship people. We grew up together, and then had a kid. She grew up faster though, and left. I wasn't ready, and left more permanently. She has always made it clear that despite the status of our relationship, I would always be welcome to make contact with Rory. And for 16years I didn't. I was too busy being a screw up. See, I had always thought that if we could just both get it together; we could finally become a family. A little late, sure, but a family. It would be nice, right?" At this he looked up. No reaction from Luke, other than the sense that he seemed to be suffering from a severe case of deja-vu. Sighing, Chris resumed his hunched over position and continued.
"Sookie's wedding was the last chance for us. I thought we were ready, I told them that we were going to do it. Then my ex-girlfriend called. She was pregnant. Lorelai's face, when I told her…I'll never forget it. She was hurt, crushed, but also knew what to do. I wanted her to tell me to stay here, be with them, but she told me not to miss what I had missed before. She pretended it was okay with her, but I could tell she was barley holding it together. She told me to go, and so I went to the ex-girlfriend who I didn't love and my unborn kid, because it was the right thing to do. And that's when I lost her." I had his attention now. I had always assumed he knew most of this, but I knew he had never heard my side. Heck, I had never really tried to explain our convoluted history. Encouraged, I pressed on.
"After that, I only saw her once or twice for years. Then, last year, Sherri left, and I panicked and I phoned her because I knew that she would help me. She came, and she did help, she's Wonder Woman, but something was different about her. She was…happy. She was glowing. At first I was confused, but when Rory came and told me to stay away from her, and you, I got it. And I did. We had lunch a little while after when she phoned, concerned about Gigi, but that was short because Rory was so mad at me. Then, my Dad died." Ah yes. He remembers that event. Luke stiffened at the mention of that infamous instigator of all things bad. It's amazing, really, how my Dad has that effect on people. I mean, Luke never even met him! The power that man has…
"I hated my Father. The last time I had even talked to him was at the Gilmore house, about 5 years ago. Friday night dinners were just starting, which I knew thrilled Lorelai, and Emily invited my parents and myself over, I guess to be one big happy family. Ha! No sooner had we sat down, did my father start ripping into her. Lorelai quickly sent Rory out of the room, then straightened her shoulders and prepared to defend herself against the vicious attack. He told her that she was a screw up, and responsible for ME being a screw up She was the reason I failed at everything, she and Rory. Man, did she fight back. She defended herself until she was blue in the face. But nobody helped her. Not her parents and not me. When she had had enough, she left to go find Rory to take her home. I saw her before she left, and all she could talk about was how she was supposed to help her friend paint that night, and now she was late and he was going to hate her. She was just viciously attacked, and all she could think about was her friend." Luke looked shocked at that, and also a bit guilty. Must be some history there. Never mind that – move on Chris! This is slower than Notting Hill!
"So anyways, that night last year was two friends bashing a man they both hated. That's it. Nothing more. She was still glowing, still happy, and I didn't want to wreak that. Soon after, Emily came and told me that this 'was my last chance' and invited me to that stupid wedding. I knew I had already lost, but hope is a terrible thing. So I went. And I saw it. She was the happiest I had ever seen her. I could tell. She had everything she ever wanted, and so much more. You gave her that, not me. So I got drunk, and I got angry. It was over, I knew it now. I said things that weren't true, and you said things –you were right that night. Everything you said was true. I knew it, Lorelai knew it. After you left, she told me in no uncertain terms to stay away from her, and then proceeded to chase after you. I heard from Rory how that turned out and I felt so guilty. I made her lose her glow, her sparkle, the whole package. And I stayed away. Until this year." At this point I looked up. The toaster at this point was long forgotten; Luke had a reflective look on his face. I knew he was processing. I had to say this last part with eye contact. This was the important part.
"When I inherited the money, I wanted to make it up to them somehow. I know all the money in the world won't make up for all the hurt and pain that I've caused, but I wanted to try. So I saw her again, after a year, and she was back. The glow, the sparkle, the happiness, all there in full force. And the ring on her finger told me why. And I was happy for her. She deserves to be happy. But at Rory's press thing a couple of weeks ago, something had changed. She seemed distracted, worried. I thought it was stress at the inn, and wrote it off as that. But tonight I saw it again, and it was worse. Her sparkle had gone, and I wanted to know why. What changed? Later on, I knew.
"Lorelai has been hurt so much in her life, by her parents, by me, by you, and by Rory, that she has built up a defence of sarcasm and wit. It's this thick wall that Fort Knox would be proud of, to protect her. Tonight, right from the start, I saw that the wall wasn't as strong as it once was. She was pretending to be okay, putting on an act. She'd done it so often around me before; I knew it when I saw it. But what was unclear to me was why. Later on this evening I knew. I watched her watch you return from your trip with your daughter, and I saw that look again. That look that was directed at me at Sookie's wedding." I stood up here. I was almost done. Slowly I made my way to the door, pressing home the point in case Luke had missed it, which I was pretty sure he hadn't.
"Once she has something she wants, Lorelai will hang on to it for dear life, even if it kills her. I broke her, years ago, to go be with a woman I didn't love and my unborn child because it was the right thing to do. I left her basically for my kid." I was at the door now. I opened it, and turned around for one last parting volley.
"Learn from my mistakes, Luke. She never said yes to me." With that, I left. I looked through the window, and saw him contemplating this last bit. I knew when realization dawned when he rushed out the diner, didn't lock the door and ran in the direction of Lorelai's house. I had done the best I could. Now it was up to him to bring the sparkle back.
END