A/N: When Spock is two Amanda, terrified her son will live a life of emotional repression and denial, boards a transport in secret, under false names, and takes him to earth. This story is about his life from that point on, how he grows up a half-Vulcan child unaware of his heritage, yet still spurned for being different. A child with such an immense capacity for feeling not only his own emotions but the emotions of others, he can seldom control his responses. This is the story of Spock, how he begins human, turns Vulcan, and finally learns to embrace both halves of himself. Of course, a certain dashing captain might have something to do with the latter...

Prologue

"Mother?" A young Vulcan solemnly tugged at the bottom of his mother's stern grey frock.

"Yes, Spock dear?" His mother smiled warmly and reached down to pull the little Vulcan into her arms. She snuggled him close, kissing him briefly on the forehead and chuckling at the serious look on his face.

"I made a friend today," he told her, voice perfectly monotonous and face devoid of expression.

"Well that's lovely," she ruffled his hair, "now put a smile on that little face, won't you?"

He frowned slightly and made as if to bat her hand away, "Not supposed too," he mumbled and looked away.

"Nonsense," she tapped his nose playfully, "my little Vulcan can smile whenever he wants and," she smiled fondly, "when his mother wants him to."

The tiniest little half-smile crept onto his face and hovered there hesitantly, as if seeking approval.

"That the best you can do?" Amanda teased as she reached over to grab a tiny knitted wool cap from the table.

The smile grew slightly, a lop-sided sort of grin as Amanda ruffled his hair again before placing the cap over it and tucking the points of his tapered ears within it.

"That's more like it," she said fondly, "now how about we-"

"Amanda," a cool, clipped, voice came from the doorway.

Amanda turned around slowly, smile still stretched across her face as she greeted him, "Sarek."

"What is the meaning of this?" Sarek's face is bland, emotionless, his voice possessing the tonal range of cardboard. Still, Amanda sensed a storm on the horizon. Sighing, she set Spock down.

"Darling, why don't you go outside for a little bit, huh? I'll call you in for dinner." She gently pushed him towards the door.

"Okay," he shot a curious glance between his mother and father before shuffling outside.

The smile dropped from her face as she took in Sarek's stern countenance.

"The meaning of what?" She asked quietly, certain she knew the answer.

"Your blatant disregard for Vulcan customs and the traditional upbringing of our offspring." Sarek said shortly, disapproval emanating as clearly as if he'd expressed it verbally.

"Well, I don't agree with them." She crossed her arms, equally as stubborn, mouth pressed into a firm line.

"You are not required to," Sarek informed her, "you need only follow them."

"Can you hear yourself?" She stared, unwilling to believe he could honestly expect her to blindly follow a set of customs she couldn't agree with.

Sarek stiffened, "My ears are functioning optimally," he fixed her with his gaze, "you will cease these ridiculous emotional displays immediately, and desist in your attempts to corrupt our child."

"Corrupt our child?" She said angrily, "there's a key word in that sentence Sarek, and it's our, he's our child. Which means he's Vulcan and Human." Her eyes were blazing now, fierce in her determination to finally get her point across. "Why should he adhere to only one culture, when he can combine the best of both?"

"I do not disagree with the sentiment," Sarek said carefully, "however; I do not share your opinion of human emotionalism. I do not believe it to be humanity's greatest attribute. Indeed, I have often considered it their greatest weakness."

Her eyes narrowed, "you forget I'm human."

Sarek raised an elegant eyebrow, "you have made that exceedingly difficult with your constant displays of inappropriate emotional attachment."

"Inappropriate emotional attachment?" She fumed, "I'm his mother, it's what we do."

"It is a human maternal instinct perhaps, but nothing more. It serves no constructive purpose in the upbringing of a child."

"I am human." She all but shouted, conscious of Spock playing innocently outside, "I feel those 'human maternal instincts', how can I not act upon them? I love my son," she said, quieter, "tell yourself you're indulging my pathetic human faults if you must, but let me raise him in both our cultures. There is no logical reason to deny one half in favour of another."

"There is indeed logic in doing so," Sarek said sternly, "when one is detrimental to his wellbeing."

Amanda sighed at the utter hopelessness of the situation, all the fight sagging out of her. "You'll never accept humans as equal, will you?" she said softly, a bitter half smile on her face, "you'll always see them as inferior, always see me as inferior."

Sarek made no move to reply and she shook her head in self-depreciation. "You know, almost three years into our marriage and I still don't understand why you married me. I don't suppose I ever will."

"It," Sarek hesitated uncharacteristically before ploughing forward, "it was a logical decision, nothing more."

Hurt flashed in her eyes at the entirely unemotional statement. "A logical decision?"

"I am ambassador to Earth," he shrugged minutely, as if the admission meant absolutely nothing to him, "it seemed logical to acquaint myself fully with the culture and practices."

"You can't mean that." She whispered voice broken and raw.

"I am Vulcan," Sarek stated needlessly, "I cannot love, not the way you expect. Neither can he, and you would do well to comprehend that." He brushed past her and headed in out the door of the building.

She slid slowly down the wall and grasped her knees close to her chest for comfort. Rocking slightly, she cried, tears slinking down her cheeks in rivulets, dripping off her chin and dampening the fabric of her blouse. He didn't love her. All this time he'd never loved her. And she'd given up everything, her entire life to be with him. How had she missed it? How could she not have realised? She'd known that Vulcans suppressed their emotions to the point where they claimed not to feel them, but somehow she'd just known that Sarek loved her. That beneath his stern, blank, exterior and seemingly impermeable logic, he'd found it within himself to care about her, to love her. Why else would he have married her? Except that, apparently, it had been the logical decision of the week. Well she'd had enough of his ridiculous logic and restricting behaviour. She was not going to let her son become some kind of living robot, not if she could help it. He's pulled my last straw she thought bitterly, and broke the camel's back.

"Mother?" a quietly hesitant voice invaded her thoughts as a small hand hovered in near her face. Swiftly she dried her eyes and brought her head up, forcing a smile onto her face.

"Yes darling?" She felt physically pained to see him struggle to prevent himself from touching her, from indulging the very human need for physical comfort from one's mother.

"Why are you and father fighting?" He finally clasped his hands behind his back, as if physically restraining himself from reaching out to her.

"Come here," she said, reaching her arms out to embrace him. Her son was half human and if Sarek thought she'd deny him that for just one second he had another thing coming.

Spock hesitated before running into her arms with a force that pushed her back hard against the wall. He started to move back apologetically but she held him tightly.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear, feeling the immense warmth his tiny body radiated. She had never felt a more intense love in her life as she did now. "I love you so, so much."

Her heart nearly broke when he didn't reply; she hugged him closer, if that were possible, and fought back the urge to weep again.

"Why are you sad?" He asked curiously as she released him, small hands reaching up to trace the lines of her face.

"I'm not sad," she tried to grin, "what makes you think that?"

"I can feel it," he responded so softly she almost didn't hear it, as if he were afraid to say the words out loud.

She smiled slightly at the admission; there was still hope for her son. And if she took him away from Vulcan, away from Sarek, perhaps he might grow into the loving being she knew he would be. He couldn't remain here, of that much she was certain. If he did, Sarek would beat the Surakian principles into him until nary a trace remained of his human heritage. He would be just another unfeeling, cold, logic-driven Vulcan. She couldn't bear the thought. They had to leave, it was for the best.

"Darling?" she placed her fingers under his chin and tilted his face up to look at hers, "how would you like to go on a trip?"

"A trip?" he asked, barely managing to veil the inherent curiosity he was vehemently scolded by Sarek for displaying.

"Yeah," she smiled, "we'll go see another planet, how's that sound?"

"Will father be coming?" He asked, something akin to slight worry colouring his usual borderline monotonous tone.

"Nah," she ruffled his hair, "it'll be just you and me."

He smiled one of his rare tiny half-smiles, "and we can explore?"

"All you want," she replied, "we can go anywhere you want."

"When can we go?" He failed to hide his excitement; it shone vividly through his dark eyes.

"Right now, if you want," she grinned at him, "just let me grab our things and we can be off."

Hurriedly, lest Sarek return before they'd left and put an end to the whole plan, she haphazardly raced through the house grabbing only the basic necessities. Stuffing her and Spock's clothes into a single bag, she made room for only one personal effect: a photograph of the three of them in a rare moment of happiness. Well, happiness for her and Spock anyway. Sarek, she supposed, had probably very logically decided that smiling once in his lifetime wouldn't actually kill them. If you could, in fact, call that a smile. It was truthfully more of a grimace. Still, it held fond memories for Amanda, and she wanted something to show Spock when he was old enough. She suddenly realised exactly what she was doing. She was kidnapping Spock and running away. She was taking him away from Sarek, his father. But what else could she do? She just couldn't bear to see her son turn into a robot, devoid of all emotion. She had no other choice. She grabbed the beanie she'd knitted Spock a few months back and then raced to the main room where he was waiting patiently.

"Here put this on darling," she gave him the beanie, "and make sure your ears are covered, it's colder where we're going."

In truth, the beanie was simply to hide his ears. Her plan, however hasty and ill-thought was to board one of the visitor's transports. She could easily claim they'd simply been touring Vulcan and no one would think anything of it. Spock looked somewhat different from the average Vulcan when his ears were covered up. He was slightly courser – much less refined, although more so than the average human – and his skin was only really faintly green. In fact, you only really noticed it if he was sick or embarrassed. The beanie covered the ears and, to a certain extent, the bowl cut. If she carried him and he didn't do anything unusual for a two year old human – like speak in full, practically educated sentences – he'd pass.

"Alright, dear," she hoisted the bag on her shoulder, "are you ready?"

"Yes." He looked up at her, unbelievably cute in his little beanie.

"Let's go then," she picked him up and headed out the door, locking it firmly behind her. She was somewhat glad Sarek had quarters within in the Vulcan Science Academy; the heat at this hour would've been almost unbearable to trek though. As it was, all she had to do was walk down a corridor, swipe at the terminal for a transport vehicle, and she had her own private ride to the tourist base. The ride was passed in silence, Spock picking up on his mother's tension and unable to prevent it from filling him with the same, nameless, fear.

When the transport stopped, Amanda grabbed Spock again and stepped out, taking a brief moment to survey her surroundings before heading towards the sign marked 'departure'. There was a small computerised station near the sign marked 'traveller enquiries'. Well, this was it, the part where the plan either worked or failed terribly. She needed to get them new identities, so they couldn't be tracked. She was banking on the fact that she wasn't included in the Vulcan system because she was human. Their 'citizenship' status was never extended to a non-Vulcan, and, as such, the system would have no record of who she was. Thankfully, because Spock was two, he could be registered under her name. Sarek might later guess what she'd done, might even figure out the name she was under, but by the time he did it would be too late. She'd be on Earth, safe, and with an entirely new identity. Thankfully, her brother had a friend who was involved in that 'business', he could help them.

"State your enquiry" the computer droned.

"I've lost my identification unit and need a new one."

"Name."

"Ashley Holmes" She lied.

The computer whirred, "you are not in the database."

"I'm a traveller," she told it, "human."

"Very well." The computer snapped a photo of her and displayed it on the screen next to the name 'Ashley Holmes'. "Address." It demanded.

"46 Stormside crescent," she gave her brother's address, "Minnesota, America, Earth."

"That residence is occupied by a Daniel Grayson. That is not the name you stated."

"He's my brother, I'm staying with him at the moment."

"Very well." The computer whirred again, "your identification unit is ready, please check for any mistakes."

"I also need to add my son to it," she added, "He's two."

"Very well," the computer asked for a few more details and then a small chip dropped out of it. Amanda picked it up and sighed in relief, now they could go. She headed past the departure sign and to the console that displayed the transport times. There was one leaving in fifteen minutes that had enough space. She quickly booked a spot by sliding her identification chip in and then transferring credits across via her other one. Unfortunately, she realised, having done that Sarek could probably track the transference of the credits and then find out her identity. It was of little consequence, she decided, since she'd get another one the moment she got in contact with her brother. Which needed to be soon. The transport would take probably a day to get to Earth and Sarek was sure to return and find her missing before then. At least the new identity would buy her a little time. Besides, Sarek couldn't exactly stop the transport anyway – they weren't doing anything illegal, yet.

"Why did you lie about our names?" Spock asked curiously, hands curled into her shirt.

"Just for fun," she smiled playfully at him, "we're going on an adventure, you and I."

"Where to?" He asked, excited again.

"Earth." She smiled, as she said the name almost reverently. It had been years since she'd been to Earth. She'd missed it. Especially the cool temperatures of autumn and winter. Alright, she needed to call her brother so he could meet her when she reached Earth. She sat Spock down on a bench nearby a communication station and instructed him to stay put. He regarded her gravely with his dark eyes and nodded. She hurried over to the station and called him. Within a few seconds his picture appeared on the screen.

"Sis!" He smiled widely, his eyes crinkling as he saw her. "It's been awhile, how's it going?"

"Not so good Danny," she sighed, "I don't have a lot of time to explain but I'm...I'm leaving Sarek." She practically muttered the last few words, conscious of her son's better-than-average Vulcan hearing.

"What?" He actually looked somewhat pleased, "it's about time you know. I still don't even understand why you shacked up with that guy in the first place."

"Quiet," she hissed as Spock turned to watch her curiously, "Spock's here."

"Sorry," he grinned sheepishly, "so you're coming back to Earth then?"

"Yeah," she said, "and I'm bringing Spock."

"He's letting you take him?"

"Not exactly..." she hedged, "look I'll tell you all about it later, right now I just need you to meet me at the arrival area on the spacedock in around twenty-four hours, ok? And...can you bring some new identities with you? We're going to need them."

"Oh no, Manda," he looked slightly shocked, "you aren't stealing the kid are you?" he all but whispered.

"He's my son," she groused, "and I'm not stealing him. This is for the best, trust me. So can you do it?"

"You got it, sis,' he mock saluted her, "so what names?"

"I don't really care," she sighed, "just something that doesn't link me to Sarek in any way, shape, or form."

"Alright, see you then." Daniel moved to cut he communication.

"Thanks," she smiled at him, "means a lot to me."

"What are family for?" He joked, "if not to smuggle their sister's kids into the country."

She laughed as the communication ended before going back to grab Spock and head to the transport.

"You ready?" She asked him, "It's your first space flight."

He just nodded and clutched her shirt just that little bit tighter. She tugged a lock of his hair and reset the beanie on his head as they waited in line to board the transport. Once they'd boarded and Amanda had settled Spock on her lap, she began to relax a little. The plan was working out; they'd make it to Earth where her brother was waiting for them.

"We are now leaving the Vulcan space dock" a computerised voice drifted through the air.

Spock's eyes widened as it began to take off, engines whirring loudly. He clasped his hands over his ears in surprise, squeezing his eyes shut. Amanda chuckled and stroked his back as he gradually opened them again only to widen them in wonder.

"The stars," Amanda smiled gently, "aren't they beautiful?"

Spock started nodding in agreement even before he realised what he was doing. Blushing faintly, embarrassed at showing emotion, he studiously looked the other way.

"Now none of that," Amanda mock lectured him, "on this trip you can be as expressive as you want. I don't care. In fact, I want you to be expressive."

"Really?" the hesitance in his voice tugged her heartstrings, "of course," she murmured, hugging him close, "with me you can be as emotional as you want; I'll only love you more."

He said nothing and she realised that he'd fallen asleep. Smiling, she rested her head on the window ad joined him. Around twenty-four hours later she was tensely fighting the urge to bite her nails as the transport landed in the Earth space dock. Grabbing her bag, she slung it over her shoulder and exited the transport, Spock still firmly asleep on her other shoulder. He was receiving a lot of adoring looks from passing strangers and, objectively of course, Amanda had to admit that her son was awfully cute. Scanning the room for her brother, she sighed in relief when she spotted him and made her way over.

"Hey Manda," he greeted her when she was within earshot.

"Danny," she hugged him awkwardly with one arm.

"So this is Spock, huh?" he peered at the little bundle of sleeping cuteness on her shoulder. "He's kind of cute. Dunno where he got it from..."

She grinned, "Do you have them?"

"Yep," he held out two new identity chips to Amanda, "welcome to Earth Miss Amanda and Spock Joyce."

"Seriously?" she looked at him incredulously, "you kept both our first names?"

"Hey," Daniel defended, "there are a lot of Amanda's on Earth, and, you said his name was some strange thing like Ssschnn tagai Spoock or something."

"Yeah but, Spock isn't common at all and-"

"Relax sis," Daniel reached out to take her bag, "Sarek won't find you."

She didn't look convinced but followed him as he walked through the dock.

"You got a place to stay?"

"Not exactly," she sighed, "but I can't stay with you, it's too obvious."

"I know," he grinned, "that's why I took the liberty of contacting a friend in Boston. She's got a free room for a couple of nights while you sort yourself out."

"Where would I be without you?" She said emphatically.

"Glad to help."

And so it had begun.

A/N: So there it is. I had this idea and I just had to write it. What if Spock grew up human? Well, we'll see won't we.