It's Always The Quiet Ones You Have To Watch
It should be a normal day at the office. But the French Ambassador has been eaten by a carnivorous office, the Minister thinks he's a squirrel and Percy's wand keeps turning into a chicken.
There's two choices, Mungo's Mental Ward…or revenge!
The day was not going well. It had started when Percy had walked into his small office to find another sample of 'Norwegian Fertilizer' in his Inbox. He rolled his eyes, too tired at this time in the morning to even feel particularly irritated. Someone knocked at the door and rushed in, without waiting to receive an answer. Half-turning, Percy couldn't avoid the excited intern in time and both went over, Percy losing his armful of files as he hit the ground.
"Oof…" came from the cloud of loose pages that floated in the air above him. Several of them moved aside to reveal a –now rather embarrassed- intern.
"Er…sorry, sir…" he muttered, flushing as red as any Weasley. Percy readjusted his glasses and stood up, ignoring the pages and trying to salvage whatever dignity was still intact.
"What is it, Johnson?" he asked.
"Er…Mr. Dawkins sent me to get you. Said it was a Code 1."
A Code 1. Oh bloody hell, not again.
"Thank-you, Johnson. Please return to your duties," he replied stiffly, his pained pride -and behind!– not allowing any leeway with the poor youngster. Johnson flushed again and backed out.
"Do you have to traumatise them like that, Percy?" asked Gina, one of the secretaries that seemed to have a knack of showing up whenever there was a hint of excitement.
"Yes. It's good for them," he replied without a hint of obvious humour showing. Gina, however had worked with him long enough to spot the subtle signs and simply grinned and ducked back out of the room.
Leaving the papers where they'd fallen, Percy moved quickly back out of the room towards the scene of the Code One. His pace fell into it's usual 'I'm busy, don't give me any more work' stride down the corridor as he half-flew towards the Minister's office, where Mr. Dawkins, his immediate superior would be dealing with the situation. Just, please, don't let it be a repeat of last time…
As he knocked on the door and called out his name before a harassed voice let him enter he could tell from the sounds that it wouldn't be a repeat. He opened the door and took in the sight. It was worse.
The esteemed Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge, was swinging from light-fixture to light fixture around the room and chittering.
"Squirrel, again, is it, sir?" he asked Dawkins, ducking to avoid a hefty boot from the acrobatic Minister.
"Looks like. Need you to run interference with the two foreign ministers. Take Jeffries, Harlesden, whoever you need, just make sure they don't come in here and see the British Minister for Magic acting like a blasted Wooly Flying again!" With that, the harassed Senior Undersecretary turned back to the task at hand, namely, stopping the normally sedate, composed Minister from flying out a window. Percy nodded respectfully and backed out of the room to go in search of Thomas Harlesden, one of the few others who knew of the minister's unfortunate…ah…problem.
Of all the days for it to happen! Just when the French Foreign Minister and the German Ambassador had to come! And worse for it to be those two. Current Franco- German relations in the magical world were…shaky at best and these two politicians in particular cordially detested each other. On the other hand, if he dealt with the situation well…maybe some good could come of it…
He hauled Harlesden out of a meeting as politely, yet urgently as possible and explained the situation. Hurrying towards the reception room to find the two politicians Percy heard two words that he really, really, didn't need right now.
"Mein Gott! Help!"
It wasn't coming from the main reception room, but one of the smaller ones. The one which, until this morning had been blocked off, due to one simple fact.
It was carnivorous.
"You don't think…?"
"I hope not!"
An aide met themn and ran along beside them panting.
"Sir! The main reception room was infested with doxies, we're trying to clear it. I put the Minister into…" A scream cut him off.
"G16…?"
Zooming around the corner like rally drivers the three men screeched to a halt to the sight of the French Foreign Minister being dragged through a dark wooden door by what looked like a tongue.
"Lacerare!" shouted Percy and Harlesden at the same time, wands directed at the tongue. Harlesden's spell connected, and the tongue retreated. Percy, Harlesden, the aide and the two Ministers looked in astonishment at Percy's wand. It had turned into a chicken.
"Sacre…what is the meaning of zis!" demanded the –now damp- French Foreign Minister. "Zat office is lethal, I'll av your jobs for zis! And- zen! Zen to exacerbate matters, zey send an incompetent to deal with it!" he added, becoming richly Gallic in his fury. Percy flushed with anger and humiliation, silently vowing to do something horrible to Fred and George when he got his hands on that pair!
It took quite a lot of calming and a certain amount of brandy before the two Ambassadors would stop trying to kill the unfortunate trio, all of whom wished they'd not come into work today. The aide in particular was horrified at his mistake and the death-glares he was receiving from his exasperatedseniors were not helping. Percy had to explain calmly that the Minister was indisposed due to a nasty case of Eupetaurcititus, which was the only thing to occur to him when put on the spot. Harlesden had to turn away from the frantic eye-roll directed at him. But eventually Percy and Harlesden escaped, leaving the Ministers to the capable hands of someone who at least wasn't having the anger directed at her personally. They exchanged rueful shrugs as they parted, each wondering if they were going to last the day!
Back in his office, the smell was the first thing he noticed. With a rather fastidious hand over his mouth and nose- he hated smells!- he went in, to see that that damned baggie of dung had leaked. Worse- the dragon that gave it had obviously not been well at all! There went a chunk of his inbox, covered in a dragon-dung soup.At least he prided himself on having an empty inbox in the nighttime, so not much was lost. He took out his wand and cast a cleaning charm. With a distinctly unmusical squawk, the wand went chicken again.
"OH, FOR THE LOVE O…"
Gina ducked her head in the door again and narrowly missed being brained by the flying fowl. Her nose wrinkled as she took in the smell.
"Don't ask…just don't…" he sighed, opening the two small windows to their full extent.
He sat at his desk –the smell was finally gone, thank God!- and thought deeply. He'd reached his absolute limit with Fred and George's tricks. Not to mention, that one with his wand could have been dangerous. If Harlesden hadn't been there…he flushed again at the thought of that particular debacle.
No…at this point the choice was pretty much St. Mungo's Ward for the Mentally Disturbed…or revenge.
Percy had always had a rather good imagination, though, like his sense of humour, he didn't always show it. And now with this latest effort demanding some sort of reprisal, he decided to show the twins once and for all that if they wanted trouble, they were damn well going to get it!
"Well, they don't respond to any sort of normal discipline..." he mused out loud. "Do something to their wands?" No, too dangerous for one thing. If anything was to happen, they needed to be able to defend themselves, especially as his family were an ex-Death Eater target. Not that they had afforded him the same consideration!
"Are you plotting?"
"Uh…trying too."
"Excellent, let me join in too. Oh, and Julie, she's always good." Before the alarmed Percy could call her back, Gina had gone to collect the errant 'Julie'. He sighed, resigned to the fact that now he was going to have to back up this notion.
Once he had really decided what he was going to do, it took a day or two to organise. This wasn't going to be easy by any estimation. But not for nothing had he graduated Hogwarts with the highest marks in years! For those two days of the Christmas holidays he treated Fred and George perfectly normally, mainly by ignoring them, apart from the one occasion when he demanded his wand back. They looked smug, as if they had gotten away with it. Charlie, however (who was back of the two weeks) was regarding him with suspicion. He knew all his little brothers better then they thought!
"What are you up to, Perce?" he asked him on the morning of the third day as Percy was about to leave the house. Percy did his best innocent act and escaped, fighting an insane urge to giggle. Lack of sleep over the last two nights getting this thing ready he supposed. Well, tonight, he should get repayment of his hard work…
The day passed fairly normally. Both Percy and the aide got harshly reprimanded over the Foreign Minister Affair, the aide for putting them in there and Percy for the chicken. Percy swallowed the scolding without comment, any slight reservations about his revenge well and truly buried.
He re-entered the house that December 21st to the sound of horrified screeches. He looked up rather nervously, wondering if this was the result of his handiwork or real trouble. His answer arrived in the form of Ron opening the kitchen door and sliding down the wall, convulsing with laughter. He spotted Percy and waved his hand towards the kitchen.
"Fr…f ah…Ge!" he managed. Ginny slithered past, tears running down her face as she fought for breath.
"Fredrika and Georgina, you mean!" she gasped out in one breath before Ron and she caught each others eye again and collapsed into helpless laughter again.
This announcement heralded the arrival of the two in question, being chased by their mother.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELVES!" she shrieked as the two made an abortive attempt at escape.
"None of us can remove it, whatever it is," said Charlie, leaning against the wall. "Funnily, they are adamant they didn't do anything." He gave Percy a penetrating look which the younger brother fended off.
Looking at his new…siblings, he nearly lost it altogether. They were still almost identical only now with long hair, almost to their waists, done up in pigtails. Both were in dresses that could only be described as frilly.And both were female.It had been a good bit of work, he noted clinically. They had kept many of their original features, slightly modified but the chins and cheekbones were definitely masculine. Fine on a boy but…an interesting effect for two girls.
It took all his training in the Ministry to keep his face straight. He shrugged and fought the rising laughter as he said calmly.
"Ah well. I always wanted more sisters." With that he strolled past them and up the stairs. The two new 'sisters' glanced at each other but before they could do anything their mother grabbed them both by an ear each and hauled them back into the kitchen, still berating them.
If anyone had been able to here over the whooping of the two youngest, the shouting of the mother and the loud (and higher-pitched then normal) denials of the twins, they might have heard howls of laughter emanating from the small prim blue and white painted room upstairs that was Percy's private domain. Not that they'd have believed their ears anyway.
"What did you do to them? Not that I'm almost certain they didn't deserve it!" asked Charlie, grinning as he entered the room. Percy had just about composed himself and was sitting at his desk with papers spread all over it. He took one look at his older brother and didn't bother denying it. He shrugged and another chortle escaped.
"Oh, they did! They've had this one coming for a while!" Charlie sat down on the bed and raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, I'm surprised it hasn't happened earlier. You and Ron have always been their targets of choice. So what was the endpoint?"
Percy explained the day that had started the revenge prank and his reasons for not messing with wands or any of the more obvious ones.
"Will it wear off? Or do you have to take it off?" asked Charlie, still privately in shock that his staid, almost middle-aged brother came up with this! Or that he'd managed to do it by himself in under three days from conception to execution.
"Oh, there's a trigger on it…it'll come off when that's activated!"
And not another word on the subject could Charlie draw out of him.
Thundering on the stairs suggested that the twins had escaped. And had recognised their tormentor. Percy busied himself in his work and Charlie stepped back to watch the show. He couldn't entirely blame Percy for his revenge –not to mention the entertainment of seeing the tables well and truly turned on that pair!
Two pink tornadoes burst in.
"Bloody hell, Perce, what did you do to us!" squawked one, obviously half-way between fury at the change and a sneaking admiration. This was one hell of a prank.
"Me?" Percy asked lightly, seeing just how far he could wind them.
"Yes, Perce, you," said Fred firmly, sitting down.
"Calling time on the pranking. So far is funny, if irritating. Further is silly and can be dangerous," he said bluntly, hoping he wasn't coming across schoolishly. If so, he'd never get through to them. A loud sigh from the vision in pink that currently was George.
"Oh, come on Percy! We haven't done anything really over the top to you!"
"Exchanging my wand!" he fired back. "We've had three security breaches in the last two weeks, one of which was someone with a grudge against the Minister. It would be nice to be able to defend myself if the need arose, which was why I didn't do anything to your wands. And, as it happened, the French Foreign Minister was nearly killed that day in the Ministry when I was there and if it hasn't been for my colleague had a working wand, he would have died! Not to mention we both nearly lost our jobs."
"That was…look, that shouldn't have happened…" muttered Fred, blushing a bit now himself.
"But it did," he replied inexorably. "That'll wear off…if you figure out the trigger". He turned back to his work and the three brothers- brother and two sisters behind him exchanged looks, pleading in the cases of the two younger, trying not to laugh in the case of the older. But no, he could see Percy's point, even if he did have a rather…unique way of putting it.
The twins trooped out, mutinous and a bit embarrassed. Maybe this'd work, maybe not.
Charlie wandered out after, still sniggering every so often. Percy worked away on his report on cauldrons without looking up. And if the writing was a bit shaky here and there as if the author had gone off into occasional paroxysms of laughter, well, it didn't matter.
Wasn't like anyone would ever read it anyway!
Ah, pre-exam procrastination. I'm being good, really! I'm trying to study! Please give me some feedback. Nice reviews, my prrrrecciousss...