From the housetops to the gutters
From the ocean to the shore
The warning signs have all been bright and garish
Far too great in number to ignore
From the cities to the swamplands
From the highways to the hills
Our love has never had a leg to stand on
From the aspirins to the cross-tops to the Elavils
2004:
I sat at the table, my toes beginning to tingle. Matt was next to me, and I could see the look in his eyes. The 'Why did you drag me here?' desperate plea he always gave whenever we went out. I wanted to tell him it was Mother's idea, but that would just rile him up. If there was one thing he hated more than traditional tea ceremonies, it was talking about Mother. I always wanted to ask him why, what was it that always set him off so bad. It must be because of his parent's divorce. TK had announced in the Digital World that Matt hadn't spoken to his mother in years before summer camp. That was one reason TK must have clung to his make-shift family so hard.
I should give him a call. Even while dating his brother, I never really saw the kid.
The hostess bowed low, extending the warm cups of tea toward us. Matt did his best to accept the tea without looking too clumsy, the poor thing. Growing up with just a man around the house must have been terrible. At least I had a loving mother to teach me how to be feminine. How to sit properly, how to do my makeup, how to find a good man. I smiled at Matt, but he must not have seen it behind his cute bangs. Mother kept saying that he needed to cut his hair, that a proper man kept his hair neat. I never told Mother that I liked it long on him. It gave him a certain... softness, that reminded me of something I couldn't quite place. Some warm feeling I lost long ago.
The ceremony was dwindling to a close and I could see Matt's attention had long since drifted away. I wanted to reach out and take his hand, give him a kiss on the cheek. But that wouldn't be proper. Public displays of affection like that were for children and boys, not young ladies, just like Mother always said. So I put my hands on my knees and looked at my manicure while the drums finished beating.
When we stepped into the mild fall air, I couldn't help myself. I leaned in close to Matt, hooking my arm through his. He made a noise and I hummed over it. He didn't know it now, but these would be the best moments of our young lives. Mother always told me the regrets of her first love and I was determined to show her that it could work out, even if we were still in middle school.
"Have you thought about which high school you'll be going to?" I asked.
Matt sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He mumbled something.
"Because, you know, we're about to get into our final year here. We really should think about our future." Together.
"I don't even know if I'm going to high school." Matt finally said. He wiggled his arm against me and I pulled him closer. I gave him the best pout I could (I still wasn't too good at that, even though Mother made me practice).
"But Matt," I told him, "what will you do if you don't go to high school? You know, a lot of jobs are going to require a diploma, if not a college degree." I nuzzled against him despite my better judgment. "Come on, we'll look at high schools together when we go out to dinner."
"Dinner? Sora, I told you this morning, TK's coming over tonight. This is dad's weekend with him this month."
Right. Like I could forget. That was the only thing he could talk about all morning. He always seemed so sad whenever his brother visited, that I was hoping he would agree to spend more time with me. I wasn't such terrible company was I?
I waited patiently, but he would never get the hint. I hated having to be so direct. After all, Mother always said that girls who were too direct ended up alone. "Do you think that, maybe, I could..." He still wasn't going to be the one to say it. "Come over tonight?"
"Sora... it's just going to be us guys. You know, doing man stuff." He was looking away. I hated when he wouldn't look at me.
"But Matt, I still haven't met your dad..."
"What?" He finally turned those beautiful blue eyes on me. "Yeah you have. Remember when Myotismon almost got Kari?"
"I mean, I never met him as your girlfriend. Honestly, it's like you don't want him to know we're going out."
"Believe me, Dad knows."
"Then why don't you ever invite me over? I'd like to think he'll be my father-in-law eventually."
It was actually kind of funny how Matt could choke on nothing. But I still couldn't have him act this way toward me in public. God forbid one of Mother's friends heard it.
"I don't see what's so terrible about that. That's what couples in love do."
"I know, I know." He frowned and I knew he was thinking. He frowned a lot when he thought. "Next Friday. I'll... introduce you to my dad then, ok?"
"Sounds perfect." I pulled away from him and he rubbed his arm. He must be cold now. "I'm going to go home and tell Mother." I kissed him and he stiffened. He really didn't like any public displays of affection.
The tea house hadn't been too far from my home, which is why Mother had suggested it as a location for our date, and our walk home had put me only a block away. I looked over my shoulder, watching Matt pull out his cell phone as he walked to the bus stop. I couldn't remember if I'd given him my number. He had my house number, though, and Mother didn't like me getting calls on my personal cell.
I'd lived in the same apartment complex since we'd moved from Highton View Terrace. I tried to think back, to remember if Dad had moved with us. If he did, he hadn't stayed long. Boys never did if their wives didn't make themselves important enough. The windowsill garden hanging off the front window was just as beautiful and immaculate as I could ever recall, the meticulously cleaned windows reflecting an ocean of pinks and purples. That Mother could get flowers to bloom, even in the dead of winter, had always amazed me. The front door was thick and heavy, an intricate stained glass nameplate set just above eye level, but it opened with barley a push. Mother must have convinced the neighbor to check out that squeaking noise. I removed my shoes, and was about to take off my jacket, announcing, "I came home!"
From the kitchen, I heard Mother call serenely, "I'm in the kitchen, sweetheart. Come let me look at you." I knew what she meant and I tried not to sigh too loudly. I pulled my jacket back over my shoulders and walked to the kitchen. After everything with the Digital World, my mother looked haggard, like she'd aged ten years. Her hair was pulled into a tight bun, stretching her skin and pulling tight the wrinkles at her eyes. The kimono she wore around the house was faded but still bright against her pale skin.
"Pockets," she told me, her eyes still as sharp as they'd ever been.
I turned out the pockets of my skirt and jacket, putting the receipts I'd acquired throughout the day on the counter. She looked over each piece of paper, unfolding every crumpled scrap. She always wanted to know where I'd gone every day and how much I spent on each date.
"I see you paid for lunch again," she said evenly. I could hear it, though. The disappointment. She only wanted the best for me. "How long are you going to let that boy use you?"
"He's not using me," I told her again. "He just doesn't get that much of an allowance for dates."
"And when are you going to meet his parents? You and Yamato have been going out for how long now?" Mother was getting suspicious. She snatched a gum wrapper that had been caught halfway out of my pocket and made an odd noise.
"Friday," I told her, finally happy to have an answer. "Matt is taking me to meet is father after our date on Friday."
"His father? What about his mother?" She always told me that you could learn a lot about a man from his mother.
"His parents are divorced, remember? I told you, Mother." I always had to remind her.
She nodded to herself, turning to the stove. It was as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I could finally go to my room. On my bed there were a few pamphlets, but I just pushed them aside. Despite what I told Matt earlier, I wasn't in the mood to look at high schools. I know Mother wanted me to go to Odaiba High - it was close by and It was the only school that offered ikebana classes outside of Tokyo proper. I fell onto the mattress, pulling my pillow to my chest. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I missed the old days. Before dating got in the way of being friends, before the Digital World sealed away, before Biyomon left me alone forever...
I can still feel her silky feathers as I buried my head in her ruff. She always smelled so warm and pleasant. We were crying, my shirt had been soaked through, but we didn't care. All we wanted was just those last few moments together.
"Sora," I can still hear her say, clear as a bell. "Just remember, your mother does what she does because she loves you. You might not understand now, but I do."
I didn't even realize I was crying now until I nuzzled in to a wet spot on my pillow. The last gate to the Digital World had closed this spring. It had been six months since I saw Biyomon for the last time. Christmas was coming up again, and so was our anniversary. I should do something special this year. It'll be our first together...
I was heading to the Star Bar, where Matt was talking with the owner, trying to book a gig, when I saw her. Tall and thin she'd dyed her hair pink again, though now she sported raindrop barrettes instead of stars. She was standing in the doorway with Matt and the bar owner, beaming like she owned the world.
"Mimi!" I called, waving and catching up to her. She turned with a natural feminine grace that I would never be able to achieve. "How are you?"
"Sora!" She must have been in America too long because she ran up to be and hugged me like one of her her stuffed animals, lifting me off the ground slightly. "Oh, I missed you!" I couldn't help but notice that she smelled really good. She must have showered recently. "I just got in last night!"
The bar owner gave us an odd look and I pulled myself out of Mimi's grasp. I felt really warm and tingly inside, and I remember that was how Matt described performing. Matt!
I grabbed his arm and snuggled into it, giving Mimi my best "we're still friends but I love my boyfriend more than you" glare.
"What's going on? Did you run into Mimi on the way here?"
"Sort of..." Matt pulled his arm away from me in order to bush his bangs back. "You remember I told you I wrote that song that needed a female backup singer?"
I remember we'd been in the park. A group of girls from Juban High were discussing their boyfriends while applying makeup near the fountain. "Of course I do."
"I've been talking to Mimi on and off since then and we decided to give her a chance."
"A chance at what?" There we a twinge of jealousy. Since when did Mimi have time to talk to Matt and not to me?
"At singing the back up." Matt was giving me a funny look. "You feeling all right? What are you doing here anyway? You don't like my bar gigs."
"I just wanted to remind you about our date tonight. Don't forget I'm meeting your father afterward."
Matt gave a weird smile. What was with a everyone and their odd looks today? Mimi just cheered, grabbing my hands and bouncing with me as though we were dancing. "You mean officially? How precious!" She winked knowingly. "I think I hear bells somewhere!" And then she laughed.
I heard them too.
Matt was talking to the owner while we "girled it up", as he would call it, and I barely noticed them shake hands in agreement over something. Mimi had begun chattering about something involving the move back to Japan, and all I could notice was how cute her hair was as it draped over her shoulders, and just how adorable her barrettes were, the blue droplets reminding me of her long since shattered crest.
"Sora," Matt called and I was dragged back into reality. "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah! Mother found this nice restaurant not too far from your apartment complex. I thought that would make it easier on you when we go to visit your father."
"Yeah sure," Matt grumbled. He then smiled at Mimi. "I'll see you at practice tomorrow, OK? You remember where the middle school is, right?"
Mimi flashed him a V and a dazzling smile. "Of course I do! I'll see you then, pookie!"
"Pookie?" I asked as we walked down the street. Mimi had run off excitedly in the opposite direction and I felt the warmth drain away. There must be a chill in the air.
Matt just shrugged with an easy smile. "Mimi's weird," he said and that was all he really needed to. Mimi had a knack for giving us all nicknames. In fact, the last time I saw her, she'd taken my phone and renamed all my contacts. I will had no idea who Juicy Butt was, and whoever it was never picked up when I called.
"Well, anyway," I said, waiting patiently for him to take me by the hand. "Have you figured out where you're going to take me tonight?"
He started walking away. He was never really good at reading my signals, so I grabbed him by the wrist when I caught up. He flinched slightly and I loosened my grip. I wanted to cuddle to him, to have him share my scarf that Mother made extra long just for us, but he just looked so... forlorn. Like his whole world had just fallen away. He didn't seem like he had thought too much about where we were going to dinner. I knew if I had to choose, I would end up having to pay again.
"I have an idea," I chirped as female-y as I could. "How about you make dinner at your place?"
"What?!" He stumbled, almost dragging us both down to the ground. "You, you want me to cook?!"
"Of course, silly. You love to cook." He always did in the Digital World.
I took a moment to swallow my tears. Biyomon...
"Only because noone else could." He had a bittersweet smile. "Remember when Izzy tried to make omurice?"
We shared a laugh, a genuine honest-to-God laugh, at the memory of the poor redhead frantically shoving rice under a crunchy board of egg. He'd never quite gotten the hang of actual cooking.
"Oh, but have you ever had his cookies?" I could still taste his very first batch of shortbread – light and flaky and deliciously buttery. "He may not be able to boil water, but he sure can bake a cake."
"Oh yeah, he used to bring them by all the time when, ah..." He gave me that look again. The one that said he wasn't sure what to say next without getting a call from Mother. "... Tai was living with me."
I don't know why he thought I had a problem with that. So what if Tai and Izzy were... together? Like every prejudice Mother had was going to infect how I feel about my friends? I still spoke to Joe on occasion, and he'd come out as, uh, that way to everyone when we'd come home after defeating Apocalymon. It's not like I avoided his calls, we just never really had the chance to sit down and talk to each other.
"I didn't know that." I smiled. "That must have been very sweet."
"After Izzy stopped being pissed, yeah." He had that distant look in his eyes again. "They're pretty happy together, even with Tai all the way out in Shibuya."
"Shibuya?" I hadn't heard this. "What's he doing out there already? Isn't he still in middle school?"
Matt shrugged. "My dad managed to convince them to let Tai take an aptitude test and graduate early, so he could live in the dorms over summer break. And I thought I barely saw him before..." He laughed, that tired noise that told me he missed his family.
I put my hand in his and gave him my best smile. "Don't worry, that's why we're having dinner at your place tonight. Now, come on, let's go shopping." And before he could change his mind, I started dragging him to the bus stop
It had taken me forever to convince him, but I finally decided on curry for dinner. It was simple and something he was good at making. We were walking down the street to his apartment complex, carrying only a few bags from the store. He said he had plenty of spices at home, but I told him that they were old and that a dinner like this needed to be special. He made some kind of noise I couldn't quite place when his cell phone started ringing. I was more than happy to take the bag he shoved at me as he grabbed his phone.
"Who would be calling me...?" He had told me about how busy Tai was at his new school, and, really, none of the other Children were as close to him. Except for me, of course. Suddenly, he brightened and answered the phone with a happy, "Hey, what's up?"
Who was he so excited to talk to?
I didn't let my sour expression show as he started ignoring me to talk to his phone, after all, Mother always said frowning causes wrinkles and wrinkles cause divorce. So I walked beside him, wrapping my arm around his, smiling as the best girlfriend I could be. So what if he was ignoring me now? Whoever was on the phone couldn't be anywhere near as interesting as me.
I didn't let my smile falter once, even though Matt was on the phone all the way up to the elevator in his complex. He mentioned something about seeing them later before hanging up.
"Who was that?" I asked, sounding as chipper as the girls in the grocery store.
"Hm?" Matt looked at me and blinked, like he couldn't remember where he was. His cheeks were a little flushed, was he coming down with a fever? "Oh, that. It was Joe, he said he finally got a night to himself and wanted to catch up."
Joe. I can still remember the Digital World, how he always blushed and clung to Matt like some lost puppy. I thought that since he was in High School in Juban now, he wouldn't have the time to bug my boyfriend. Obviously I was wrong.
I shoved the bags I was carrying into his arms and he dropped his phone as he tried to put it up. I stepped closer, not really disappointed that I didn't step on his phone, and pressed my lips to his as the elevator dinged behind us. Hopefully there was someone on it who could see just how in love we were with each other.
"S-Sora!" Matt yelped as he pulled away. I knew he didn't care for public displays of affection, but right now I didn't care. I just... loved him so much! "What's that for?"
"Because you're my boyfriend, silly." I had to make sure he didn't forget. "And that's what people in love do – they kiss."
"W, well, we're going to miss the elevator." And he ran into the lift, juggling groceries around so he could push the button. I grabbed his perfectly intact cell off the ground and hurried inside, the doors starting to close on me. It was empty, of course, so I just leaned against him and he pressed against the wall. He must have been very tired from shopping earlier, as he barely even looked at me the whole way up. I tried to talk to him, but every conversation I started, he refused to acknowledge until I finally fell silent and we walked into his apartment.
I was all prepared to make a face and remind Matt that just because two men lived alone, that didn't mean it had to look like it. I was ready to start picking up and cleaning and dusting while Matt just sighed at my womanly ways. Except...
The apartment was spotless. Everything had it's place, the floors were swept and even the table looked polished. I took my jacket off and Matt quickly hung it on an empty hook that was labeled "Visitor".
"Sorry about the mess," he said, removing his shoes and placing them neatly beside the door. "I still haven't had the chance to dust after Typhoon Tai blew through here."
"It, it's fine." Great. Now how was I supposed to show what a great girlfriend I was? I didn't even see what dust he was talking about!
He walked into the kitchen, setting the bags on the counter. With a practiced ease, he moved about the small space and put up every item into it's tagged place, tossing out the old spices I refused to let him use. I wanted to help, to prove I was useful, but he just shooed me out of the kitchen that also appeared to be the living room.
"Just sit at the table for now. I still need to steam clean that couch that Tai slept on."
I sat in the mismatched chair, looking around. I couldn't remember ever being in Matt's apartment before, despite how long we've been dating. It was... cozy. Small kitchen overflowing into the entertainment area. There was a large blue couch that didn't seem to quite match the rest of the furniture and I remembered Matt telling me that they'd gotten it from a secondhand store so Tai would have a place to sleep. Our once-leader had been kicked out of his house at the beginning of summer, and I remembered being so mad when I was finally told that he had spent time living with Matt and his father.
Mad because, obviously, Tai used to crush on me, and he hadn't told me he'd been kicked out until he was already making plans with Izzy's family about high school. And not at all because I could remember all the sexual tension he used to have with my boyfriend long ago in the Digital World. After all, Matt was straight – I had nothing to worry about when it came to boys.
"Where's your dad?" I asked, wanting to talk about anything but Tai and his "relationships". "I thought he was supposed to be here?"
"He will be," Matt said. "He just tends to work late, but he promised to show tonight."
"I see. So, he'll be here in time for dinner?" We'd skipped lunch to go shopping, and I was starting to feel my stomach growling. I hated feeling hungry. It always reminded me that even the worst times in the Digital World were also the best of my life.
Matt just shrugged. "Maybe. At least he should come home before I take you back."
Wonderful. Now what was I going to tell Mother? That I'd met his dad in passing? Just a, "hi, how are you, I've been dating your son for almost a year, good night"? She was going to be furious with me! I picked at my manicure, playing with my left pinky nail that always seemed to pop up, as I listened to Matt pulling out pots and pans.
"We're not waiting for your father?" Was this going to go at all like I'd planned?
"Nah. I usually make him a plate and throw it in the fridge. Besides, I need to get you home before dark or your mom'll have a fit." He shuddered.
It wasn't that bad, the last time he'd taken me home after sunset. Sure, Mother had accused him of impregnating me in front of all our neighbors and demanding evidence that he'd taken all precautions, but after she'd calmed down, she had told him that he would make a good son-in-law.
"She's just looking out for me," I reminded him. "Like I used to with Biyomon."
"If you want to call it that..." And then he went quiet. He was remembering Gabumon, I knew it. I still couldn't believe that we would never see our Digimon again, that we'd never be able to go back to that world where we'd all become friends...
Something on the stove popped and Matt cursed, running to the sink and running water over his hand. I jumped, wanting to go over to him, but he just shook his head.
"I'm fine. Just a bit of oil." He looked at his hand and I could see a spray of red down his forearm. "It'll go away by tomorrow. I've burnt myself worse back in the... The Diner."
Joe, again. I don't know why he constantly insisted on bringing him up in every conversation. It was starting to make me feel unimportant. I should be the forefront of all his thoughts, just like he is mine. The first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep is M... Matt.
Obviously Matt. I mean, who else would I obsess over?
"Is there anything I can help with?" I asked. I wanted to salvage what I could of this date, no more talking about other people, or couples, or anything like that. "I'm not that bad in the kitchen."
He looked around. "We're just waiting on the rice, now." He walked over to join me at the table, sitting across from me. He put his chin in his hand and stared off into the distance. This was terrible, we should be talking about something, anything, not just sitting here in silence. I tried to sit calmly and serenely in silence like a girl should, but I couldn't help tapping my fingers on the tabletop. My pinky nail finally popped off, rolling onto the floor.
"So, uh, Matt..." I looked under the table. I couldn't see the sparkly yellow plastic anywhere. "Do you think -"
The door swung open and Matt's dad walked in. He dropped his jacket on the floor and kicked off his shoes, yawning as he announced, "I'm home!"
"Dad, hey." Matt stood, rushing over. He grabbed his dad's jacket and hung it up, straightening his shoes, and in general acting more like a wife than I ever could. "You're home early."
"For once, the station manager didn't get wasted at lunch, so we got everything done on time." He sniffed the air. "Smells good in here, what did you make?" He finally looked up. "Oh, I see that your... That Sora is here."
I stood and smiled as politely as I could. Matt walked over to me, still holding his dad's scarf, and put his hand on my shoulder.
"Dad, you know Sora. We've been..." Oh, come on. How hard can it be to say it? "... Dating... for nearly a year now."
I bowed. "It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Ishida. I am very happy with your son."
Mr. Ishida walked over, bowing quickly before ruffling my hair. He was really used to boys, I guess. "It's good to see my son so... happy with a woman."
Matt made a noise and his dad gave an apologetic smile. I wondered what he meant by that. Maybe he was worried his son was gay? Obviously not, since he was dating me.
"C'mon, dad, dinner's ready. Help me out in here." He surely was in a huffy all of a sudden. I wanted to help set the table, but Matt shooed me away again, this time much more harshly than before. I started feeling more like a third wheel than the guest of honor as the two men hissed at each other in the kitchen. I tried to act like this was how I imagined the evening going, or that I wasn't trying to listen in on their conversation, even thought I couldn't. Every now and then I managed to catch a word here and there, mostly "Nancy" and "dating".
Wasn't Nancy his mother's name?
Matt and his father sat at the table, Mr. Ishida handing me a plate. I gave him the warmest "thank you" I could and we sat in an uncomfortable silence. Matt was sitting in his chair, glowering and not really eating. His dad looked concerned, and any time he attempted to start a conversation with him, Matt just grunted and put his chopsticks in his mouth.
"So, Sora," he finally turned his attention to me. Obviously he was tired of trying to reach Matt. "How have you been? It's been a few years since we've met."
The evening dragged on, the sun taking it's sweet time to set. Dinner had long since gone cold, but Matt was still being bitter about something so we were all still sitting at the table. Every now and then, his dad would say something to him as though in some kind of code. I knew what he was saying, but not what he was truly asking him and it was driving me crazy. How could they tiptoe around some secret like that? Shouldn't Matt tell me everything?
"Matt," his father finally said directly. "Shouldn't you be getting Sora home soon? I've heard that her mother is rather protective."
"Yeah, whatever." Matt stood suddenly, his plate clattering to the floor. He didn't even spare it a second glance as he stormed over to the door. "You coming Sora?"
I jumped, startled, and rushed over. I've never seen Matt so mad at anyone that wasn't Tai. I wondered what his father had said to him in the kitchen. Oh! I turned and bowed. "Thank you for having me over, Mr. Ishida. I enjoyed getting to know you."
He gave me a sad smile and a little wave before Matt shoved me out the door, slamming it behind us. He was glaring daggers at his feet as he stormed toward the elevator, as though he didn't realize I was still beside him. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and make his feel better, but every time I moved closer, he flinched and turned away.
I wished I knew what was going on...
Fall faded from brilliant oranges and yellows to the dreary whites and grays of winter. Matt and Mimi had preformed beautifully on stage together. Her whole body seemed to shine when she stood next to him, like her crest used to. I could feel every emotion a thousand times over as she sang straight into my very soul. It was like when I'd first met Biyomon and the hole within me I never knew existed was suddenly filled. The whole world melted away in that bar, and it was just me and her, together in an intricate dance written by Matt.
It wasn't long after that Mimi found herself on tour with Matt, going from bar to bar all over Tokyo. First as a backup vocalist on select tracks, but the more the crowd cheered when she appeared, the more Matt wrote specifically for her. On the last gig he had booked, he hadn't sung a note, Mimi bathing herself in the spotlight for the whole hour.
I was sitting in that bar, lost in Mimi's wonderful voice long after she'd left the stage, when Matt suddenly fell next to me. It was a simple statement he made, as though he were telling me the temperature outside.
"The Teenage Wolves are over. We broke up."
"W-What?!" I hadn't known they were having trouble. "What happened?"
He shook his head, and I could smell the alcohol and cigarette smoke waft over my nose. I'm sure it was just the stench of the bar clinging to him – he would never drink or smoke. "We've been having problems lately. That's why I got Mimi to help out."
"What does Mimi think of this? She seemed really excited to sing with you guys." The light and warmth in her eyes would never leave me.
Matt just shrugged, running his tongue over his yellowing teeth. "She seems pretty damn happy. There was a scout here, Evin Downes from Avex, and he's in the back, talking to her right now."
Avex? Even I've heard of them! They're the number one talent agency when it comes to pop idols! Would this mean that Mimi would be famous? I mean, we were never really recognized for what happened in the Digital World as Gennai saw to it that all information on it was lost, but still, wow. Mimi would be the face of Odaiba if this Evin person was pleased with her.
I wanted to squeal with excitement, to run backstage and cheer Mimi on, but Matt just looked so depressed.
"Us, the Wolves," he was telling me, "all the songs we played on this tour are going to be part of Mimi's first CD. After that, we're going to part ways and let her... be famous."
I couldn't let my joy for Mimi ruin the sympathy I was supposed to be feeling for my boyfriend. "Hey, Matt... Don't worry about it. You had a good run for a junior high school band, right?" He looked away and I knew that was the wrong thing to say. "Maybe... Maybe Mimi won't make it?" He was growling now, and I was worried about what he was going to do so I tried a different tactic. "You know, Matt, this is Christmas Eve... Our first anniversary together."
He sighed and sat back, looking lost in thought. "It is, isn't it? Our first televised concert..."
I reached out and took his hand. He didn't pull away and I took that as a good sign. "If you want, we can... go... somewhere special?" He barely blinked at me, but when I tugged on him, he stood.
The weather outside the bar was cold, so I cuddled up close to him and held him steady. He was stumbling a little, but that was surely because he was drained from his tour and wishing Mimi good luck. There was barely anyone on the streets this late at night, so it's not like Matt could be embarrassed to be seen hugging and kissing me and I knew exactly where I wanted to take him for our anniversary.
Snow had started to fall, swirling flakes melting on our cheeks and eyelashes, and I put my hands in Matt's pockets. He made a strange noise and stumbled, almost dragging us both down to the sidewalk. I laughed at him like he was being silly and pulled him along.
"Hold on, sweetie, we're almost there."
The hotel loomed over us, neon red lights flickering and advertising rates for a "Nap" and a "Stay". It was the closest place I'd been able to find, and I had the money saved up from sleeping on the tour bus instead of staying in motels. The woman at the desk was very professional, though she gave me a private wink when I gave her the money for a Stay. Matt was still wobbling on his feet, and whenever he tried to talk, his words were slurring. Poor thing must have been completely exhausted. I took the key and we managed to make it to room 13, where Matt leaned heavily against the door, almost falling over when I opened it. He grabbed at me to steady himself and we fell, giggling and laughing onto the fluffy pink mattress. The whole room was decorated in reds and pinks, and every shape was a heart. Heart mirrors, heart chairs, even the sink in the bathroom was heart shaped!
Matt was under me on the bed, breathing heavily with his eyes shut tight. It made me a little embarrassed as to how eager he seemed. I felt my cheeks warm and I leaned down to kiss him. Pressing my lips to his.
"N... Ng..." He moved his head aside, still not looking at me. "S-st..."
"What's wrong, Matt?" I purred as best I could. "It's Christmas Eve and our anniversary." I grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast. If he was to shy to do it, why shouldn't I help him out? "Doesn't this feel good?"
His hand was shaking and when I let his wrist go, he pulled away. Matt rolled, trying to sit up, but I pushed him down. This was getting ridiculous. We've been together for a full year, today. We've kissed before, but never deeply. He never tried to touch me, he barely initiated even holding my hand. Any time the topic of sex came up, he just looked away, that same distant look that told me he was thinking of something in the Digital World.
I threw my legs on either side of him, sitting on his stomach. He was shifting beneath me as I reached up to undo my blouse. I had made sure to wear my best pushup bra to show off what little had grown in since I'd hit puberty. "Do you like how I look?"
He couldn't even open his eyes, and I thought I might have seen a tear try to leak out. Something about that, the fact that he was about to cry just from being here with me, well, it was pissing me off.
"Matt..." It came out as more of a growl than a purr. "Touch me."
"No." It was soft, scared, but a definite, "No."
"What are you talking about? You're my boyfriend! Now," I grabbed him and forced his hand down my pants. "Touch me!"
Matt screamed like I'd thrown him into a bonfire. He bucked frantically and I fell off him, almost tumbling off the bed. He grabbed me and threw me down onto the mattress. His eyes were wild and he was crying openly, tears splashing on my cheeks
"You want it so fucking bad?!" He screamed at me. "This is what you want, isn't it, you goddamned whore?!"
"Matt!" I was surprised, to put it lightly. He'd never acted anything like this before! The rage that was openly displayed on his face...
He grabbed my wrists and held me down. I could already feel the bruises forming. "Matt, please..."
"I'm tired of you making me beg for it!" He released one of my arms only to draw back and punch me across the face. Pain exploded from my nose and I almost threw up.
"Matt! Stop it!" I wasn't sure if I screamed that or just thought it. I was in so much pain...
There was a thump and I felt Matt's weight leave as he fell to the floor. I was dazed, trying to catch my breath. I could hear Matt rolling around, hissing to himself, "Oh God, oh God..." He suddenly stood over me. "Sora, oh God, I'm sorry..."
"Matt, what happened?" If it wasn't for the throbbing in my face, I was sure that I'd just had a horrible nightmare. He reached down to help me sit up. "Why... Why would you...?"
"Sora, I just, I just can't do this..." I looked up at him. He'd sobered up, finally, and his face was completely pale. I wanted to say something, anything, to him but he just backed up. "Sora... Goodbye."
And he...
He ran.
He left me, bleeding and alone, sitting on the mattress in a love hotel that we still had seven hours left in.