Mulder's Journal May 2001
Scully, As I write this, I long to send you this. But I can't. It would be easy to track this back to me and expose you and our son. Nothing under heaven or on earth would make me put you in danger. I would give my life for you both, in an instant. Let me start at the beginning...
After I left you sleeping in your bed that morning, I went to visit the guys. I needed to say goodbye to them, and I needed their help. I know of only one person outside of DC that I could trust, who would help hide me. I needed to find him, and they could do that. Langley used satellite images to find the location of Gibson for me. They tracked him here, where I am now. They provided me with fake papers and I left them my car to sell. Byers arranged my travels for me. I was to fly to Las Vegas. It is easy to get lost there. Frohike made sure there would be a car in my name at the local Avis.
From there, I spent the next few days driving here, to New Mexico. I spent two weeks with our friend Albert's son and grandson. They knew about Gibson, and how to get there. One of the boys rode out to get him, but it took two days to get there and get back. When Gibson arrived, he was scared of me. He told me about the alien bounty hunter who had looked like me that tried to take him right after my abduction. He told me all about how hard you search for me, and took such good care of him. He loves you, you know. He was not that surprised to find out about William. At first, I thought that it was because of his ability to read minds, but he said that was only part of it. When you were at his school, he read your mind about how scared you were that you would never find me, and that you wanted, no needed me there to help raise the son I didn't know existed yet.
We played catch up, and spent one week getting supplies. I fixed the odometer on the car so that if someone looked at the car, they would not be able to tell how far I had driven from Vegas. One of the Navajos took the car back for me, and another one helped me load my stuff up in his car and drove Gibson and I out to the trailer. The only people in the world that know of my whereabouts are on the reservation, and the boys. I didn't even want to tell them, but I couldn't bear the thought of something happening, and there be no way to reach me. You and our son are the only ones left that I love, and I gave it all up for the both of you.
I miss the two of you so much, the pain is almost unbearable. I long to just look at you as you concentrate on something. I want to be there when my son takes his first steps, first words. "I love you, Daddy" is something I won't ever hear from him. Staring at the barren wasteland of the desert, I wonder if it was all worth it. I need the Truth, but I also need you.