Ronan is frustrated. He doesn't know exactly what set him off but he stormed out of Monmouth and sped off to some Aglionby party he didn't want to be at, but he knew there would be good and free alcohol there. He's a few drinks in when some drunk asshole starts to harass him. Ronan had no idea why drunk guys thought it would be fun to try and provoke him.

"Where's your faggot Kavinsky? Or are you fucking Gansey now? Seems I can't keep up with your boyfriends, Lynch." The guy sneered as he spat each name out to him. Ronan could feel his blood boiling, but he didn't know if it was Gansey's voice or another telling him to back down from this fight. Ronan just flicked him off and left. He didn't care where he was going but it wasn't back in there.

Adam's cheap cell phone blinked. It was one indulgence he allowed from Gansey, because it meant he could keep in touch with work and friends. The buzzing finally alerted him to it, pulling him out of his chemistry notes. Gansey's name lit up the screen, covering the 12:45am up. "What's going on?"

"Ronan is gone. Again." Gansey sounded fed up. It wasn't the first or last time Adam would get this call, he knew.

"And you want us to clean up whatever mess he made?" Adam didn't mean to sound harsh, but he was exasperated and tired after getting up for his morning job, attending school, going to his afternoon job, and now doing homework.

He heard a sigh from the line. "Adam, just let me know if you see him. You don't need to look for him." Adam shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes just a little. He would need a cut soon.

"It's fine. I'll take a look around the church and call if I see him in there or something." It wasn't an absurd idea. Ronan's religion didn't make sense to all of them, but it was one thing Ronan truly was present for.

Adam reluctantly got up and stretched, realizing he'd been crouched over for at least two hours. He shuffled down the stairs, making his way outside. He blinked a few times when he saw the black BMW sitting in the parking lot. Quietly, he joins Ronan in the car. Ronan huffs and Adam smells the mixture of alcohols.

"What the fuck, Ronan? Get out of the driver's seat!" Ronan rolled his eyes but obliged. "What are you even doing here?" Adam followed up once they had switched sides of the car. "Trying to get yourself killed? Arrested?"

"I stopped myself from getting arrested. I just… fuck, can we just go to Cabeswater?" That wasn't unusual for Ronan to ask Adam to join him there, given his connection. Adam sighs and turns the car back on. "Don't fuck up my car, Parrish."

"Right, like you couldn't dream up a way to fix it." Adam's dry reply was met with scowling. The drive was quiet, like a storm brewing in the distance. Adam could feel the growing tension with every bone in his body, and his heart raced with disturbing familiarity. It's just Ronan. You and Ronan going to Cabeswater. It's not… him. Adam's racing thoughts had him hitting the accelerator more than usual, earning a look from Ronan.

They finally arrived and Ronan stormed out the car. Adam quietly followed. They hadn't entered Cabeswater, not yet. The final stretch had to be done on foot. But instead of walking in that direction, Adam was following Ronan to a tree not far away. He promptly grunted and punched the tree, blood quickly gathering on his knuckles. For not the first time that night, Adam yelled at him, "What the fuck, Lynch!" As Ronan went to swing again, Adam stepped into the way. Ronan's arm stopped moment from connecting with Adam's face, his eyes wide in shock and fear. With a few scraggly breaths, he turned towards Cabeswater, leaving Adam to follow him yet again.

Cabeswater matched Ronan's mood – sweltering and overcast. A stream gurgled past and in the sudden heat, Adam rolled up his pant legs, removed his shoes, and stepped into the refreshing water. Ronan is pacing, steaming. "So you gonna tell me what happened?" Ronan glared. "Whatever. Stew in it." Adam turned to kicking up water with a scowl.

Ronan's words come out fast and furious. "Why the fuck do they think they can do that? Just insult and antagonize me. I didn't hit anyone, Parrish, don't give me that look. I fucking wanted to! Punch them in their shit heads and make them quick talking out of their useless asshole of a mouth. Thinking they can get away with anything."

"Who? Why were they bothering you?"

"Some fucking assholes from school at some stupid shit ass party. I only went for the alcohol. I needed something – anything – to take off the edge. So sure, I went to their party. I had a few," he paused at Adam's incredulous look, "okay more than a few, drinks. Then some dipshit starts to harass me, acting like I've screwed Kavinsky or Gansey! What the actual hell!" He found himself kicking stones into the water, careful to avoid Adam.

Adam approached this cautiously, like a technician aiming to defuse the bomb. Only Adam needed to gather information while defusing the bomb, so perhaps his role was more dangerous. "Why are you letting them bother you? Who gives a damn what some drunk asshole thinks?" His voice was even.

Ronan turned and glared at him. "I just don't need anyone assuming anything about my dating life!"

Adam was thoughtful but unflinching under Ronan's angry look. "Not to sound rude, I really don't mean to, but do you even have a dating life? I don't think I've ever seen you date someone or say you're interested in someone."

Ronan abruptly turned, but Adam noticed the flush creeping up towards his shaved head. The stormy skies gather and Adam climbs out of the stream and onto a large boulder nearby. "Look, loser, if you're going to make us stay here and control the weather and all that freaky comic book crap, can you at least give me some sun to dry off?" Adam doesn't see Ronan's half smile as the sky brightens up in a way that only Cabeswater can. He leaned back against his heads, looking up at the clearer sky.

"You never do talk about it, you know. Even Gansey does and not just since Blue arrived. Now and again around Glendower talk, he'd mention someone he was mildly interested in. You guys have heard me comment on it before. Hell, even Noah has contributed as weird as that is. Why haven't you?"

Adam was afraid he had pushed too far when Ronan whirled around and spat out his next words. "Why? What do you want me to say, Parrish? That I'm gay? That I don't talk to my friends about a guy I might like?"

"You know none of us would care. Besides, I think we've all seen you check out a guy now and again. And if you did like Kavinsky? Or Gansey? We'd be okay with it. Well, maybe not Kavinsky." Adam trailed off, thinking about the horrid things Kavinsky did.

"He hopefully fucked off to Hell! That stupid piece of shit…" Ronan glared, fists balled at his side, entire body filled with potential energy.

Adam was softer now. "He was an asshole. But he did like you. He knew you well."

"Just because he helped me feel alive. That's the only reason I was ever near him. To race. To fly. To feel anger… something."

Softer still came out, "And Gansey?"

Ronan stilled a little and sighed, laying on the ground by him, sky darkening just a little. "When we were younger. Like, barely teenagers? He was, is, my best friend. And everyone thinks he's attractive. But that crush wore off long before my dad died."

"So why did it piss you off so much? The comments." Adam thought about sitting up to look at Ronan, but feared that would be pressing one too many buttons.

"It doesn't matter." He sulked on the ground and the sky darkened even more.

"Is it because you like someone else? That the comments bothered you so much? Or was it because of who they made the comments about?"

"Shut up, Parrish." The edge made it clear that the topic was off limits.

"If you aren't going to talk, can we head back? It's late and I still have homework to do."

Ronan tries to grab the keys but Adam shakes his head. "Nope, I'm still driving."

In the car, the two don't speak to each other. As they get closer to St. Agnes, Ronan hits the side of the door with varying levels of aggressiveness. "And you gripe at me about hurting your car." Ronan doesn't respond but he stops hitting it.

When they arrive, Adam insists that Ronan come up and sober up. "You're not getting these until you sober up."

"I could always dream a new one, dumb ass."

Adam grinned, "Maybe that will take up enough time for you to get more alcohol out of your system." They went upstairs where Adam resumed his position at the desk, his clock now reading 2:37am. Ronan sits in silence on his bed. Adam tries to work, but the pure silence is distracting far more than Ronan's usual annoyance. "Why are you so freaking quiet?"

"I didn't want to disrupt you."

"What makes tonight so special? You never cared about that before."

"Nothing!" But he continues to be quiet.

"Seriously, what makes tonight so different?" Adam turned to look at the sullen boy slouching on his bed. "You're here all the time. Never bothered with silence before."

"I just… I can't stop! Thinking! It's driving me up a fucking wall! I can't… I can't stop. He is consuming my fucking life and this dumbshit doesn't have a clue of course." Ronan is up and pacing at this point, half unaware of the words flowing out of his mouth, still a little drunk from the earlier night. "I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Alcohol doesn't even help."

Adam is quiet. He sighs and turns, standing to lean back against the desk and actually face Ronan. "I don't know much about dating or crushes to really help here. Haven't had much experience in that department." That last sentence was stated with a wry smile.

"What about crushes? Don't you get those, too?" Ronan rolled his eyes. "Obviously dating hasn't been my thing either."

"I try not to think of crushes or having one."

"Wish I could do that."

Adam didn't even realize his next words were said out loud. "It's easy when you're like me."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Ronan steeled a gaze at Adam, who suddenly was looking at his old, busted sneakers.

"Why would I waste my time crushing on someone? No one would want someone like me, anyway. Even with Blue… it was a miracle that she agreed to go out with me in the first and that ended pretty badly, even if we're close friends now. I'm not someone worth crushing on, so I don't allow myself to entertain the thought of crushing on someone." Adam stated all of this as a fact, like if he were explaining how gravity worked or what role declensions and conjugations had in Latin. Ronan's irritation started to boil over again and he kicked at the wall near the bed, back facing Adam. "I don't want your pity." This last statement was gravely, harsh, unwavering.

"It's not fucking pity!" He stalks over and throws himself on the bed. "It's never been pity! Not from me and I highly doubt from Gansey. We have never pitied you. We want to help you but that's not from pity for fucks sake, it's cuz we care about you."

"No shoes on my sheets, idiot." Adam returns to his chair, shaking his head at the disaster this night had been. Ronan groans in frustration. Quietly, almost inaudibly, he says, "This guy must've done a number on you."

Ronan hears this. His body stills but he cannot respond, not until his breath returns. It's a gaspy whisper and Adam almost doesn't hear it, his good ear not facing Ronan. "He has no fucking idea."

"Probably because you haven't told him." Adam smirked at the frustrated boy and gets hit by a flying pillow.

He scoffs. "No point."

"Whatever." Adam rolls his eyes, turns back to the homework that he has made no progress on since Gansey's call earlier that night. He almost cannot hear Ronan's next words.

"He's too good for me."

Adam's whole body freezes, far too familiar with that feeling, and gulps before he can respond with a nearly witty response. "You overestimate how badass you are." Once again, there's no response from the bed. His voices falls back into a whisper. "I get it, though." He slumps down in his chair, sneaking a glance at Ronan, who is staring at the ceiling splayed out on his bed, only to have his breath catch when Ronan turns on his side and looks at him. He quickly grabs a book from beside the desk and turns into it, blushing, with no clue what page or subject he's on.

It's too much for Ronan to handle. Watching and hearing Adam's lack of self confidence, lack of self esteem. He jumps off the bed, cussing out Adam's family for making him feel like that. Adam just looks at him in surprise. "I don't get why you're so angry about it." Because Ronan always is. Gansey was angry but in a backburner kind of angry that slowly boils. Ronan is a blast of heat, ready to hit Adam's piss poor excuse of a father at any given moment.

Ronan stops mid pace and stares at the floor, still cursing but in a more generalized way now. He glances at Adam and all rational thought fled his mind. Adam, sitting there, looking at him like he should be okay with everything that has happened and Adam, sitting there, a little flushed from all the emotion spewing out tonight, and Adam, sitting there, more than a bit drowsy but too stubborn to sleep, and he stomps over before his brain can catch up with his body and lightly kisses Adam's chapped lips. Before their lips had parted, Ronan muttered, "Now do you get it?"

Reason flew into his head and Ronan quickly exits the apartment, filled with panic and shame. He climbs into the driver's side of the BMW, and leans his forehead against the steering wheel in shock. He wasn't drunk anymore. He had never felt so alive, either. Not when dreaming things into existence. Not when street racing and speeding over hills. His eyes close and he thinks of lips, slightly chapped but incredibly soft nonetheless. He absentmindedly touches his own.

Air suddenly hits him as the passenger side door opened and closed. He doesn't move, trying to prepare himself for the worse. Adam just sat quietly, still processing everything that had happened. Finally, Ronan couldn't take the silence, the tension floating between them. He rushed through his words. "I didn't mean to pour everything out and then when I did I didn't mean to give a name but you were sitting there and calling yourself unworthy and dammit Adam I needed to do something I snapped I just needed to show you that are loved and worthy." He spoke to the steering wheel, not once lifting his head, his heart being tightened in his chest.

"Ronan." A whisper. Head still on the steering wheel. Adam is hesitant, unsure in a way he never presented himself to anyone, even his friends. He gently placed one hand on the back of Ronan's head, turning it towards him. Ronan refuses to make eye contact, his entire face shades of red and pink, contrasting against his black jacket and ripped jeans and scar. Adam feels a little more determined and uses that same hand to move down under his chin and tilt his head up towards him, forcing Ronan to look him in the eyes. Adam takes a deep breath, looking into eyes that were filled with emotions and questions, and kisses him softly on the lips, and then tentatively, kisses Ronan's forehead. He can hear and feel Ronan's breath catch. Adam's voice is still barely a whisper. "Every time I caught you looking, I felt a twinge of hope. A flutter of possibility before I realized who I was." He leans back into his seat, looked at the ceiling, and feeling his own face flush. "I secretly looked forward to you crashing here. It made it… easier. To sleep."

Adam glanced up at Ronan, who took that as an opportunity to kiss him again, more deeply than before. Both boys lose their breath and Ronan leans into Adam's good ear. "That's why I would come. Even the floor was more restful than at home." He stumbled over the last word and Adam couldn't help but wonder if he meant Monmouth or the Barns.

The two of them sat in their seats, quiet and seeking out answers for questions they didn't even know they had. Adam desperately wants to ask, "Why me?" and Ronan can't stand to believe that he is dreaming again. Eventually, Adam's yawn breaks the silence and he opens the door. Ronan doesn't move. Adam leans down, "Are you coming or not?"

Ronan laughs, a real laugh. "Well, if you insist." He comeback only tinged with sarcasm.

"Asshole."

"Shitbrain." They taunt each other as they climb up the steps, their insults all the tamer with grins across their faces.

Inside the room, Adam grabs pajamas to change into and throws his second pair of pajama pants to Ronan. When he exits the bathroom, he sees Ronan grabbing his pillow and sets it on the floor. Adam, more nervous than before, takes a deep breath before he puts it back on the bed.

"Are… are you sure?" Ronan doesn't know how to react to this action and his hands are shaky.

"I'm not trying to fuck you I just…" Adam sighs, his head hanging, and his voice drops again, "in the morning. I want to know that this was real and not just a result of my sleep deprived brain."

Ronan grinned and blushed, scooting next to Adam who had already climbed onto the bed. He had no idea how to approach being in this bed. He'd platonically slept with Gansey a number of times, but this was entirely new to him.

Both of them felt electrified but it didn't take long for sleep to claim Adam. Ronan watched as his entire body relaxed in a way that he had never witnessed, and he was tempted to touch Adam's face. Reason won out, and eventually Ronan drifted off to a peaceful sleep. In the early morning hours, when Adam was waking for work, he found himself staring at a calm Ronan, a beautiful entity that he desperately wanted to touch. Finally, he pulled himself out of bed and picked up his phone. In a response to the numerous texts and calls from Gansey, he simply sent, "He's okay."