A/N: It's silly, but hey, did you expect anything different?
It was going to be a Barks chapter, but got too long, so I post it outside of the Barks collection. I'm going to try to write something about Band of Seven for the next chapter.
Better
Kagome rubbed her temples, trying to will away her headache. It was pounding like thousands of little feet just behind her eyeballs and there was no way she could reach into her first aid kit and grab a pain killer.
Not with her bag held by a big oni.
"We're going to die!" wailed Shippou, struggling in another oni's tight grasp. It's was safe to say he wasn't helping the miko. She glared daggers at the oni holding her around her waist. The oni glared back and shrugged before looking at the white-clad person in front of the whole group.
The gang had been ambushed by a dozen of oni - all huge, ogre-like creatures. Despite Sango's excellent fighting skills and Miroku's vast knowledge of unfair moves the humans had been tacked to the ground in matter of minutes. Kagome herself was captured the second later, when she had tried to help Shippou. Kirara had been the last one to be captured, but now she was captured as well.
Only Inuyasha was free - standing in front of the oni group and visibly shaking with the desire to tear the youkai apart. Tessaiga was humming in his hand with a promise of a Wind Scar, but the hanyou was motionless. He knew he'd hurt or kill his friends.
"You bastard!" Inuyasha exclaimed and turned his head in the direction the onis were facing. Kagome looked herself and saw Sesshomaru standing there and observing them with a look of cold indifference in his golden eyes.
"Half-breed," he said. "This Sesshomaru came to give you an ultimatum."
"Stick this ultimatum up your ass, son of a bitch!" barked Inuyasha. Sesshomaru just raised a perfect eyebrow.
"This Sesshomaru is tired of trying to take the mighty Tessaiga from your unworthy hands, half-breed," the daiyoukai continued.
"Do you intend to bargain with our lives to get it?" Sango stopped struggling for a moment. The pair of oni holding her used this time of stillness to readjust their grip on her so she couldn't slip out of their grasp.
"But it still would refuse you, even if Inuyasha surrendered it to you, lord Sesshomaru," Miroku tilted his head. Inuyasha started to growl with anger and frustration. Kagome resumed massaging her temples. Her headache was making her want to throw up.
Maybe barfing at the hand of the oni holding her was the right thing to do?
"Perhaps," Sesshomaru stated with dignity. "This one heard that the lowly half-breed Inuyasha, unworthy of the youkai blood flowing through his veins, is bragging that he can do everything a daiyoukai such as this Sesshomaru."
"Cuz I can, duh!" Inuyasha puffed his chest. "Let 'em go, bastard!"
"Silence. This one decided to lay such foolish rumors to rest. This one wants you to here and now perform a thing this one couldn't do. If you find such a thing, that is. This one shall let your pack of weak humans and swear not to come to claim the mighty Tessaiga ever again."
"What if he can't find a thing he can do and you not?" asked Miroku.
"You and your pack shall die and this one shall take the fang of his father."
"But you can't use it!" said Kagome. Sesshomaru looked at her.
"So won't he when the sword returns to the Western Keep to be treasured like the memento of this one's powerful sire," the daiyoukai turned to look back at Inuyasha. "So, half-breed, do you accept?"
"No, no no!" Shippou cried out. "That idiot can't~!"
"I accept, but you have to swear on your honor as a daiyoukai you keep your word," Inuyasha said. His oddly calm voice caused all his friends to stare at him in shock for a second. Even Kagome's headache seemed to disappear for a short while.
"We're going to DIE!" Shippou howled.
"I swear, if you can find one thing you can do, half-breed, that this one cannot, you and your friends will be free," Sesshomaru said with dignity. "You have five minutes."
"Hm..." Miroku thought frantically. "Wind Scar?"
"No, Sesshomaru did it before Inuyasha." Sango sighed. "And as a full inu youkai all his senses are superior to Inuyasha's, so smelling or hearing something isn't the thing."
"Why had you go and brag like this, idiot dog?" Shippou glared at Inuyasha.
He was referring to an event from a few days ago when they had stopped for a night in a big inn and had learned Inuyasha couldn't hold his liquor. First he had bragged that he was a superior fighter and that he could do everything a daiyoukai could - and more. He had ended the evening passing out with his head in Kagome's lap. His last bold statement being "I could kill Naraku with a zori...!"
Kagome looked at the oddly silent and calm hanyou. Usually he'd be swinging his sword and running at Sesshomaru, spitting curses and demanding a fight. She noticed a fang poking out from behind his lip when he grinned cockily and sheathed Tessaiga. Yet another thing Inuyasha wouldn't do; he'd never put away his sword while he had an opponent to fight. Not mentioning a dozen of oni, some of them holding his pack mates. Sesshomaru seemed to see the unusualness and raised an eyebrow at his half-brother, but remained silent. Meanwhile the rest of the gang was trying to find a thing in which Inuyasha was superior to his brother. He had killed Ryūkotsusei, but they were certain Sesshomaru could do that as well, he had battled many powerful youkai.
"Eat four bowls of ramen in ten minutes?" suggested Sango.
"This one can eat an entire cow in one bite, slayer," stated Sesshomaru.
"Ah, yeah..." she nodded. "You're a huge dog in your true form."
"Curse like a drunk sailor?" tried Miroku. The daiyoukai glancced his way.
"This one can curse your family to the tenth generation and make you cry."
"Are you ready, guys?" asked Inuyasha impatiently. Everyone stared at him. "What? I waited enough for you to stop fooling around. Kagome seems to have a headache and she should take a pill."
"Who are you and where's the real Inuyasha?" asked Miroku while Kagome gave Inuyasha one of her most bright and thankful smiles. She didn't care why Inuyasha was acting so calmly, she was more concerned about the prospect of getting a painkiller.
"Shut up, monk," the hanyou growled. Miroku sighed in relief, he knew this tone.
"So the half-breed is giving up?" asked Sesshomaru and looked at his half-brother who shook his head.
"In your dreams, asshole."
"It's lord Asshole for you, insolent halfling!" called Jaken who finally reached the party. Sesshomaru looked down at the imp who gulped and tried to apologize. The next second he was flying through the bushes with a loud shriek.
"So, half-breed? What is the one thing you can do that this one cannot?" asked Sesshomaru the smirking hanyou.
Inuyasha clapped his hands.
A/N: Pointless? Yes. Without sense? Yup. OOC-ish? Most definitely. Fun to write? Oh, yeah! Was it fun to read too?