Moments that haunt you

by Ella the mini-Bat

"Lily," he repeated slowly, "It was either you or me, and contrary to your beliefs, taking the hit for you wasn't a stupid decision on my part. "Hell," James ran a hand through his hair, "it wasn't even a choice to begin with."

A/N

I've always been fond of the Marauders and this is my take on their story, but as I'm too perfectionist to write anything longer- this was the result.

Disclaimer: I live, but I don't own Harry Potter. (Sad life, huh?)

Summary: In your life, there will always be moments you'll remember more than other. Moments, that will stay with you and by you for the rest of your life, and maybe even your afterlife.

...

[Beginning of seventh year: Mulciber and Avery corner Lily alone after curfew and James, being his idiotically brave and selfless self (also he 'might' have been stalking Lily on the map just to make sure nothing happens to her during the fifteen minutes she patrols alone before meeting up with Amos to patrol the donjons together), hurls head first over there and gets himself injured and Lily's freaking out because yes, Potter might not be her favorite person right now, but that doesn't mean she wants him dead.]

"Potter stop moving, you're hurt." ordered a fed up redhead, while pacing the Head's common room.

James didn't listen. He pushed himself into a sitting positions, grimacing as a hand came to rest to his rapidly bleeding side. "Careful," he joked, "you almost sounded like you cared."

"Of course I care you prat!" Lily snapped, pacing up and down gathering bottles and herbs. "You're an idiot." she muttered.

"Lily."

She ignored him.

"-a moron with no sense of self preservation whatsoever, I'd actually be surprised if you'd even heard of the concept."

"Lily." A bit more forcefully.

"And then you think I could just-

"Lily!"

She shut up. "What…?" She asked finally, her shoulder tense.

"Lily," he repeated slowly, "It was either you or me, and contrary to your beliefs, taking the hit for you wasn't a stupid decision on my part. "Hell," he ran a hand through his hair, "it wasn't even a choice to begin with."

...

[It hurts, to hold on to this dimming hope that one day you'll love me back, because I know there is no one else for me...]

James let out a snarl, punching the wall to his left, his shoulders hunched as he finally turned to face her, eyes wild. His tone held a pleading note.

"What will it take Lily," he whispered, "for you to finally give me a chance?"

...

[Middle of seventh year: Lily comes to terms with her feelings.]

"No," Lily rolled her eyes, "I actually fancy the block." she admitted, "I mean, after everything, OWLS, last year's fiasco, this," she gestured at herself before letting her head drop onto her knees.

The redhead hesitated.

"Remus…" she called softly, "Please don't tell James about this."

...

[Marlene Mckinnon (Lily's closest girl friend) and James Potter chat.]

"You have six years of evidence piled up against you." deadpanned Marlene.

"Meaning?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing, just that you've done some crazy things over the years to get that witch to notice you that's all."

James sighed, "It's kind of hopeless, isn't it?"

"No, not really." She replied thoughtfully, surprising him as he wiped his head back to stare at her "You're friends now aren't you?"

"Barely." He gritted bitterly through clenched teeth.

"Still." She patted his shoulder, heading for the girl's stairs "I don't think you should give up just yet, James. You might finally be getting through to her."

...

[After Lily started dating Amos, beginning 7th year and she's on friendly terms with Potter. Setting: breakfast.]

"Trouble in paradise?" he inquired.

"Don't even." She dropped next to him pilling some food onto her plate and completely disregarding the fact she'd taken his by accident.

"Lily"

She hummed noncommittally.

"Lily, not that I mind sharing my food with you but I'm not eating wiped cream and bacon, even for you."

...

The famous Marauder tactic or wearing down/baiting foes and friends alike:

"It will not work."

But it absolutely did.

...

"Bloody hell, Potter!"

…

'nough said…

...

[Sirius feeds a famished and sleep deprived Lily. Setting: After curfew, Gryffindor common room by the fire.]

"Cookie?" asked Sirius, sitting down on the chair next to her. He was holding a box of cookies in one hand and, in the other, waving the cookie he had been munching on himself, "They're triple chocolate chipped."

"Marry me." Lily said seriously, taking a cookie, and then several more, hungrily.

"Now, now," chastised Sirius, "I said I was open to Prongs punching me again, not murdering me."

Lily laughed sweetly, "One of these days, you're going to have to show me where the kitchens are."

"You mean James hasn't already?" asked the marauder besides her surprised.

"No, was he supposed to?"

"Nah, I just thought he'd jump at the chance to impress you." explained Sirius, grabbing hold of Lily's hand and dragging her behind him.

The redhead considered protesting, but then again, this was Sirius being quirky so best not risk it. The prefect even managed to keep silent for all of seven steps before asking her would-be kidnapper where they were going. She was entitled to that much at least.

"Sirius…where are we going?"

"The kitchens of course."

...

Something to note about the Marauders:

They were insane. All of them.

… Also, it may not be the best idea to leave Remus unattended in Honeyduke's for extended periods of time.

...

[Lily/Severus dynamics and special guest from a jealous James.]

"No Severus!" she shouted and he physically flinched when she stalked up to him "You're an idiot, that's what you are." Pushing him back once, he stumbled, and she followed. "Why?" she asked, "Why Sev?" hoping that Sev, her friend, her best friend wouldn't do something like that, couldn't be- there had to be some explanation. "Please Sev" she begged again, pleading with him.

"Lily…" he started reaching a hand for her, not a denial but a plea for her to understand. But she couldn't, not now, not after everything. Shaking her head, she slapped his hand away. Blinking back tears, the redhead whirled around and ran.

And that's how James bloody Potter found her a few hours later, alone and miserable in the courtyard.

A bitter chuckle escaped her lips. Of course, it would be Potter.

"What the bloody hell was that?" he demanded, breathing heavily because of course he would have witnessed to whole thing as well.

...

[Lily has been drugged with Amortentia.]

Lily smiled wistfully, clutching the piece of parchment to her chest. "I think I'm in love with you, James."

Sirius snorted, "I think it's your lucky day, mate."

"Shut up." grumbled said Marauder, "I'm bringing her to the infirmary."

...

[Sixth year.]

Watching the window wistfully, Lily sighed as she shifted once more in her seat. She glanced hopefully at her transfiguration essay which was still exactly two inches long, as it had been for the past half-hour the redhead had attempted to concentrate enough to finish it. She sighed again, turning her attention back to the window as she nibbled her quill.

"You should go."

Lily jumped and turned to see Alice staring at her from her bed across the room.

"Sorry?" she asked.

The smaller girl shrugged. "Outside, you looked like you wanted to go."

"I do but," Lily trailed off then added, admit reluctantly, "I mean… I probably shouldn't, what with being a prefect and having to set a good example and all that…" trailing off.

Alice threw her a weird look, about to say something before being interrupted by the resonating thunder that echoed outside. The brunette watched as her friend's gaze snapped back to the window a soft smile playing across her lips. Making up her mind, the redhead stood up determinately walking half way across the door before seemingly realising what she was doing and freezing.

Alice signed at the hopeful doe in the headlight look Lily probably wasn't even realising she was giving her.

Smiling encouragingly at her dorm mate, the dark haired girl made a shooing motion with her hand. Lily smiled gratefully. This time, making it all the way to the door before stopping and hesitatingly looking back.

"It's after curfew…"

"Go." Alice whispered and that did the trick because Lily grinned and shot out running.

Marlene looked up from her magazine. "She does realise she's wearing a white shirt, right?"

"If I'm being completely honest, probably not." answered Alice with a chuckle just as Dorcas walked in.

"Lily going out?" she questioned and her roommates nodded.

"In the rain" she pressed "wearing that…which obviously neither of you told her about." More nodding.

Dorcas raised an eyebrow unimpressed "You realise James is out flying, right?"

"Of course –" started Marlene but paused "he is?" she asked innocently "Wasn't he still in the hospital wing?"

"He just got out, actually." The newcomer informed them suspiciously. Both girls stared at her. "You knew about this!" Dorcas accused.

Marlene's eyes lit up, the sly smile she threw her way answer enough before the blonde girl diverted her attention back to her nails which she was painting a coral color, mimicking the design found in the current issue of Witch Weekly. She grimaced at them, pulling out her wand to vanish the polish off.

Obviously not going to get anything more from Marlene, Dorcas turned to Alice "I can't believe you're on board with this."

Alice shrugged.

Dorcas gaze shifted one last time from Alice to Marlebe before she sighed defeatedly, "I actually feel bad for the guy…"

"Poor James" agreed Alice nodding.

"I don't know… depends on his definition of unlucky. Personally, I think our fellow Quidditch captain would love the sight of the soaked blouse." Said Marlene, getting a pillow thrown at her, courtesy of Miss Prewitt.

Alice hugged her remaining pillow, "He always was kind of unlucky in the Charming-Evans department and maybe he won't even notice her." She suggested, ever the kind soul, "I doubt Lily would wander anywhere remotely close to the pitch."

She was met with point black stares.

"Are you forgetting the built-in Lily radar he's had since third year?" Dorcas broke the silence.

Alice sighed.

...

[Sirius and Lily bonding.]

"You're an ok bird Evans" he finally nodded.

She smiled at him "You know what Black, you're not so bad yourself either."

...

[Sirius making James's life difficult. Lily narration on this one.]

Sirius walked over to us slinging an arm around Potter and me.

"Ah, Evans, I see I've run into you again, he said to me. I tried to subtly shake his arm off, but his grip was too firm. I gave up. Instead, I looked over my shoulder at him. He grinned at me before transferring his weight completely onto me. James glared at us. I shrugged. He'd get Sirius to himself later, right now I was intrigued.

"You see" Black was saying "a bloke has got to wonder why you're around so much. So I've a question for you." His expression was serious but his eyes were twinkling mischievously.

I nodded for him to continue.

"So Lily dearest," He leaned into me from behind, his free arm coming to rest over my other shoulder in a sort of couplish hug. I played along smiling but drew the line as his chin came to rest atop my head as well.

"Black…" I sighed.

He didn't even react, pretending he hadn't heard me as he nuzzled my hair.

"Black!" I said again feeling him laughing as he leaned his head over.

"You called?" he whispered into my ear. "Yes actually," turning to poke him in the chest I pretended to frown but found my lips tugging upwards "I was asking you to move."

"Oh but Lily" he pouted "what if I don't want to." I was about to answer him when a pair of strong arm grabbed him by the shoulders and forcefully moved him aside. Potter looked livid. Sirius took one look at him and doubled over laughing. His laughter must have been contagious (and frankly Potter's face was something else) because I soon found myself laughing along. James on the other hand still looked murderous.

"Prongs mate, you make this too easy." Sirius chuckled patting him on the shoulder before waving me goodbye and running off towards the direction of the Gryffindor common room.

Potter waited for Black to turn the corner before his careful restraint snapped.

"What the hell was that?" he shouted heaving.

Taken aback, I blinked at him "hum…Sirius being Sirius…?" I ventured.

James mumbled something, it sounded like a curse, running a hand from his face to his hair seeming to calm down a notch.

"Look, Lily-Evans, I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said stalking off as well.

I watched him leave feeling potentially worried for Sirius.

...

Somewhat mumbling for heavens forbid James Potter should do anything against his will.

...

... starring at Lily's tear streaked face for a moment before it registered, he had made her cry. Grabbing the first pair of shoes he could, James slammed the door open and rushed after her.

...

[Sirius catching James and Lily in a compromising position.]

Sirius stood in the doorway, silent. He blinked.

"Can I be the best man?" He asked simply.

...

[Lily about James during third year when James first started asking her out.]

Actually if he could remain away from her general vicinity that'd be great.

...

[Lily mentally preparing herself to ask James on a date.]

"What if he says no?" asked Lily

Her friends all stared at her.

Marlene was the first to speak. "Lily dear, even you can't be that oblivious."

...

[Blackinnon moment because I ship those two together.]

Sirius smiled at her, and Marlene grinned back, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she reached out and messed up his hair.

"I hate you." He pouted.

"I know."

"I spent hours on this."

"Still looks better as it is." She quipped back, laughing now as he offered her a hand up, pulling her to her feet.

"Thank you." She added.

"You're welcome." Sirius chuckled, smirking before pushing her right back down into the mud.

And sprawled there, wiping earth and grass from her face, Marlene found herself speechless.

She blinked, "I think I just fell in love with you."

...

"Not just yet." Remus said almost apologetically as he placed a hand on his friend's shoulder.

...

[Angtsy prompt (slightly non-cannon I believe) where there was a little more than friendship to Lily and Severus's relationship and Lily first starts acting nice to Potter to spite her ex best friend, but then genuinely grows to like James. Except, James figures out her initial motive- thus he's kinda heartbroken. 'Cause you know, finding out the girl you love only started hanging out with you to make your worst enemy jealous can not be pleasant.]

James Potter might be thick-headed and potentially stubborn at times, but he was by no accounts stupid.

He knew Lily hadn't been entirely honest about their friendship. The phrase 'too good to be true' coming to mind and if James was really being honest with himself, he'd suspected something was off from the start. It still didn't mean it didn't hurt to have the truth revealed to him. That she had only grown closer to him to make Snape, of all people, jealous. He ought to be angry, he thought. But he wasn't, not really. Mostly, it just hurt, a lot.

Too good to be true indeed.

Somehow, that notion didn't bode too well with him.

~same prompt, but with a slight time skip to the library where the James/Lily conversation (confrontation?) ensues~

Lily kept her head down, avoiding his eyes.

"No," she said "it's nothing you've done." But she couldn't help the quick glance she threw over his shoulder. He followed it, his eyes landing on the hunched silhouette of Severus Snape making his way out the library.

James's expression darkened.

"I see…" was all he said turning to leave. She shot up after him, grabbing his wrist "No wait! James."

"What?" he bit out.

"I…" Lily started only to realise she had nothing to say "It's not like that." she whispered finally.

"Then what?" he asked and she flinched at the tone "You mean Sniv-Snape, has nothing to do with this? You mean he didn't hurt you? You mean that you don't regret your lost friendship, not even a little and you've absolutely not been getting closer to me as an excuse to spite him?" He laughed but it was joyless and bitter and Lily blinked furiously at the tears that threatened to spill over.

James's eyes softened when he saw her tears, but he otherwise remained expressionless.

"I'm sorry." There wasn't really much else she could say. He had been right, she had been using him and the fact that she really had grown to consider him a friend was irrelevant because she had been wrong and cruel to use him in the first place.

He stayed quiet.

Lily's shoulders dropped, she probably deserved it. She didn't know what she had been expecting. She was one to know an apology couldn't always make everything ok. She went to go around him, brushing at her eyes, but he stopped her, a hand coming to rest atop her arm and the other under her chin. He waited patiently for her to meet his eyes. They were wide and honest, not a trace of anger or resentment. It only made her feel worst.

"I'm not mad, Lily." he said softly "Disappointed, but not mad. I-" he hesitated, a weird look passing across his face before he sighed "I understand why you did it. He meant something to you and he hurt you. I guess you wanted to hurt his back too."

She cringed. It sounded even worst out loud.

"I'm not –

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is." He begged, interrupting her mid sentence. "I'm giving us a chance here, a clean break. If not for you, for me because I need this. I'm not mad, Lily." He repeated again taking her wrist, "I'm just asking for you to back out now. Please, Lily."

The girl in question couldn't speak. A very unfamiliar emotion made her stomach lurch as she bowed her head. What he asked was reasonable. Heck, it was downright a saint move. He was giving her way more than she deserved and she knew it. So why was it so hard to do what he asked?

"I can't do that." Her mouth blurted before her actions could catch up with his brain.

James who'd dropped her wrist and had already started heading towards the exit froze. He stiffened momentarily, as if expecting a hit, before the tension in his shoulders dropped and he turned to face her.

"I can't do that," continued Lily "because it wouldn't be true. Because despite the fact I had absolutely no right to it, I grew to like the person you were. I truly did consider you my friend, James."

The Head Boy's eyes grew wild. Whatever he'd been expecting her to say, this clearly hadn't been it.

"So I'm sorry," the red head stepped over to him, taking one of his hands in both of hers. Hers were so tiny compared to his she observed, unconsciously starting to play with his fingers. "but I won't back away now. You might want to, and I wouldn't blame you for it, but if you still by some miracle want to be my friend, I'm here James and I'm not going anywhere."

She smiled sadly at him, taking a step back, leaving him behind as she walked out of the library.

[Alternative ending to previous fic idea, but I kind of liked the happy/hopeful end note of the original so… yeah, I'm still posting the more angsty end scene version for those that like drama.]

"No." he bit "It's not ok. I'm not ok." he laughed mirthlessly, "This might have actually been easier had you simply continued to hate me."

She recoiled the hand that had been reaching for him, a hurt look crossing her eyes.

He noticed.

"Merlin, Lily." running an angry hand through his hair "because you gave me hope," he explained more softly, his expression pained "you gave me hope they're might be something more between us, and like a fool I immediately fell for it."

...

"I think, during their last years at Hogwarts, Lily wasn't exactly in denial about Severus but- at the very least, I think she knew where he was heading but chose not to see, or at least, not to believe how deeply involved he already was. As for the Dark Arts part, I mean obviously Snape showed off to Lily (in a misguided quest to impress her). The Dark Arts were something he was brilliant at. And if he didn't show her everything, he certainly showed her enough. The new spells he created, the theories they discussed. All and all, I think Lily knew a bit more about that particular branch of magic that she let on."

...

[When Sirius ran away to live at the Potter Manor and him and James kinda, maybe, sorta, might have had destroyed the entire west wing playing Quidditch indoors.]

"You two are idiots." grumbled Mrs. Potter.

"But you still love us." Sirius made sure to point out.

Mrs Potter felt a headache coming up.

...

[Welcome to the Potter household.]

"Uncharacteristically inefficient," noted James, earning him a glare from both his parents. "Oh what? You're allowed to mock the Ministry, but I'm not?"

"Exactly."

"Rubbish."

...

[Downright suicidal plans of her fellow students the Marauders, Lily somehow finds herself being a judge for.]

Lily glanced back and forth between the Marauders.

She blinked, gaping slightly. "Merlin, you're serious?"

Four identical smiles answered her, but no one pointed out the obvious pun until Sirius raised his hand in the air saying, "No. I am."

...

[Evans family reunion]

Mrs. Evans stared at all the happily coexisting relatives, and then at Lily, eyebrows raised.

"I'm a genius," sighed Lily.

"What did you do?"

"Lied through my teeth."

Mrs. Evans patted her daughter's shoulder. "That's my girl."

...

[Second year: Marauders confront Remus about knowing that he's a werewolf.]

"Because- because I'm a monster!" Remus whispered, not understanding why the three boys in front of him weren't running away screaming.

James rolled his eyes. "You're being dramatic. You fold your socks, Remus. Forgive me if I'm not trembling at the sight of you."

...

[Lily exasperation moment. (It comes with the 'dating the leader of the Marauders' part.)]

"Bloody Merlin." the red haired witch muttered. She needed to get out of there before her crazy boyfriend and his even crazier friends ended up getting her killed three days to their graduation- or worst, expelled.

...

And there, under the rain, stood a soaked redhead.

James got a weird sense of déjà-vu.

...

[James Potter was acting weird. Set during winter break.]

There was something going on with James Potter.

Remus noticed, his mom notice, hell even Sirius notice. So when the black headed boy practically skipped to the kitchen table, kissed his mother on the cheek and proceeded to serve everyone an ecstatic grin on his face. Well… Remus worried.

"What's gotten into you?" courtesy of Sirius.

"She smiled at me Padfoot, smiled." grinned James digging into his own food and the prefect got the strange feeling his friend was only half with them.

Sirius raised an eyebrow "Evans?"

"Figures." shrugged Peter turning his attention back to his meal. And with another look at his fellow Marauder Remus decided that maybe some things were really better left alone…

That was, until Mr. Potter showed up. Now, that he did not want to miss.

...

[This one calls for a little bit of backstory:

Severus (pre-Hogwarts era) would always sneak Lily wizard candy when he could- namely, most often, chocolate frogs. It became a tradition of theirs, from when they were kids to the end of their friendship, to always bring chocolate frogs to each other. It was even how they would officially end fights: it you accepted the other person's chocolate frog, you accepted their apology as well.

It's also the reason why Lily can't accept that particular sweet from anyone else, not even (when they eventually start dating) James.

Sugar quill are Lily's favorite wizard candy, but chocolate frogs were special to her. They were their (Lily/Sev) thing: from when Sev would simply show off, telling her about the wizards on the card as she sat beside him enraptured, to how he'd offer her one every time they would meet for Hogsmeade or how he'd offer her one every time she was down (immediately cheering her up a little).]

"I don't hate you Sev" Lily whispered, blinking away the tears blurring her vision "But we can no longer be friends."

He looked like he was about to say something but she stopped him, speaking before he could "I've forgiven you, I really have, but what happened that day wasn't just a slip up and you know it. We both knew it. I'm sorry." and if her voice cracked during this she didn't care because this was final and he'd been her best friend and she had given up wiping her eyes halfway through her speech, the tears now freely rolling down her cheeks.

The Slytherin prefect gave her a sad look, pulling her to his chest, and she found herself sobbing her hands fisted in his shirt and it was so wrong that it felt right, because despite everything Severus felt safe. "So, so sorry." She sobbed while he stayed silent, letting her finish before pulling out a chocolate frog from his pocket as she stepped back.

Lily took it tearfully, a small laugh managing to escape her lips. Even now, these still brought a smile on her face.

"Thank you, Sev." She said and for how much it hurt, for how much he hated and blamed Potter, Lily and even himself, Severus Snape couldn't find it in him to break this moment. For in some weird twisted way, it was a befitting.

He wouldn't say he understood, because he truly didn't. He didn't understand how Lily could just end years of friendship like that, but another part on him, a quieter part, knew not to disturb this. Knew she needed this probably just as much as he did because if they really couldn't be friends anymore, Snape would take this goodbye. He'd take a goodbye over nothing. He'd learned the hard way to accept the little gifts, no matter how much you didn't want them or how much they hurt. He'd never taken them for granted before, because he'd always known they wouldn't last but Lily, Lily had been different. He'd always been so sure they could make it, they'd promised to be best friend forever after all. So no, he wouldn't say he understood but he wouldn't push her either. Maybe later, maybe when they weren't both so close to breaking apart. Not now, but maybe later.

It was the reason, he told himself, he let her go. The reason, why he simply stood there as she hugged the chocolate frog to her chest. The reason, why even thought everything in him was screaming to go after her, to stop her, he let her walk away. And maybe it was the reason, why when she turned back to whisper she loved him, he whispered it back just before she turned the corner.

And just like everything else good in his life, she disappeared as well.

...

A/N

Hope you enjoyed reading Moments that haunt you even half as much as I had fun writing it!

Have a lovely evening,

Best wishes Ella the Mini-bat.

Ps: Did you hear Young Justice is getting a third season *Squeeee!*. Yeah, I know, I know. Wrong fandom but whatever, it's Young justice we're talking about with potentially Damian Wayne as robin!