The Prince and the Pea

The Prince and the Pea

There was once upon a time a Princess who wanted to marry a prince, but he had to be a true prince. She was Princess Stephanie, and her parents were King Vince and Queen Linda. They ruled over Titan Towers, the most powerful kingdomslashwrestlingcompany of all the kingdomslashwrestlingcompanies in the entire world.

To find her true prince, Princess Stephanie traveled through the whole world to find one, but there was always something against each one she met. There were plenty of princes, but she could not find out if they were true princes. In every case there was some little defect which showed the right person had not yet been found. Prince Test was too clingy, not quite as confident as a true prince should. Prince Hunter was too overprotective, not letting her do what she wanted like a true prince should. Prince Kirk was actually in the same boat as her, both looking for their true prince. Prince Albert – well, let's not even go there!

So, Princess Stephanie came home again in very low spirits, for she had wanted very much to have a true prince for her husband.

One night there was a dreadful storm; it thundered, the lightning flashed and the rain streamed down in torrents. It was ever so fearful! In the midst of the storm there was a knocking heard at the Tower gates, and not-quite-that-old King Vince went to open it with much grumbling. He had just been interrupted in the middle of business negotiations for starting up XBA, or Xtreme Basketball Association.

There stood a Prince outside the gates; but, oh, in what a sad plight he was from the rain and the storm! The water was running down from his blonde locks, soaking into his shiny T-shirt, sliding down his leather pants, and into the tips of his boots and out at the heels again. And yet this man said that all he wanted was a job, and that he really was a true prince!

'Well, we shall soon find out!' thought the all-powerful Queen Linda, when King Vince reluctantly brought him into the Tower. But she said nothing and went into one of the rings, crawled beneath the ring amongst all the hardcore 'weapons' and laid a pea in the very middle of the floor.

Then, she covered the pea with twenty wooden tables and twenty steel chairs on top of the wooden tables. And this was the ring in which the Prince was to wrestle and show his ring skills to be able to get a job.

The next day wise and crafty Queen Linda asked the man how he had performed.

'Oh, very badly!' said the Prince. 'I scarcely managed to get a pin over my jack-ass opponents all day. I am sure I don't know what was in the ring. I kept bumping into something so hard that my whole body is black and blue. It is awfully dreadful! I feel like I've just been given a beating that I will never, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever forget!'

Now they perceived that he was indeed a true prince, as he had claimed, because he had felt the pea through the twenty wooden tables and twenty steel chairs. No one, surely, but a true prince could be as sensitive as that.

So Princess Stephanie married Prince Jericho, for she knew that at last she had found a true prince. And the pea was put into the World Wrestling Federation Hall of Fame, where it is still to be seen if no one has stolen it.

Now this, my friend, is true.