A/N: I'm back with another FMA fic – I'm not using the whole song, just the "No one's laughing" parts.
Disclaimer: I don't own FullMetal Alchemist or Regina Spektor
No-one laughs at God in a hospital
Ed looked down at the small looking, fragile figure that was his younger brother and cried as he had been for the past week when he had received a call from Colonel Mustang saying that Alphonse had been hit by a car and could die at any second. Alphonse hadn't died... yet but Ed could tell that it was impending – Al was in a coma, Ed had never met anyone who'd been in a coma but Winry had told him that chances of survival from comas were little to none.
Ed walked over to a mirror and punched it, seeing the puffy red eyes and tears that were running down his face in a heavy flow in one of the broken shards, let out a strangled sentence escape his throat.
"I'm not laughing God."
He felt like he was the pieces of that mirror.
No-one laughs at God in a war
Colonel Mustang shook; he shouldn't have to be killing more people, he thought before letting out a bitter, broken, maniacal laugh, 'It should be the other way round,' He mused 'No one else should have to die at my hand.'
The Colonel looked to the side and saw his sergeant trying to desperately keep off a Drachman soldier – he felt a hot, wet substance slip down his cheek as his sergeant gave up reasoning and drew a gun, shooting the victim in the head to kill him in the most painless way possible.
The sergeant took a glance behind him as he heard a shrill shriek that ripped the air into pieces. The Colonel was breaking, kneeling on the ground not only screaming loud enough to be heard in Xing and sobbing but laughing.
The sergeant just stood and watched as the strong, muscular, tall figure of Major Armstrong picked the Sergeant up and slung him over his bare shoulder. The Sergeant heard one last scream before Falman stood him up and helped him walk back to the tent.
"I'm not laughing God."
The Sergeant hadn't realized that he'd collapsed.
No one laughs at God when they're starving, freezing and so very poor.
Edward and Alphonse never realized how hard it was for their mother until they lost their house and were thrown out into the street.
That was the day Trisha Elric collapsed and was the lead up to Edward and Alphonse seemingly losing their souls.
Trisha Elric couldn't eat, she was just too sick to even lift the food, let alone swallow. Each word she spoke was interrupted by a weak shiver. Trisha had used Hohenheim's last money to pay rent when she'd lost her job.
She said one sentence before collapsing in a shaky voice.
"I'm not laughing God."
Then the world before her went black.
No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests.
There was something noticeably different about Lieutenant Havoc when he slouched into work that morning. Not just one, but several things. The first was that his usual cigarette was missing from between the mans dry, cracked and cut lips, the second was that he was looking nervous yet he was bang on time for work.
As he walked into the office the tension was unbearable as the Colonel told him that he had a phone call. Not just any phone call, but a specific phone call.
Havoc had trouble keeping himself from crying as the doctor told him why he'd found it impossible to stop coughing of late.
Havoc put down the phone and looked at the Colonel's expectant face.
"Well?"
"Lung cancer."
It was at that moment that blood came out of Havoc's mouth in a series of strangled coughs and sobs. He spelt something with it in illegibly shaky handwriting as his colleagues sprang into action.
'I'm not laughing God.'
Havoc later awoke having been hooked up to various different machines in a white room.
No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's still not back from that party yet.
Lieutenant Hawkeye looked at her husband, a look of worry crossing her usually calm, collected face. Her Husband, sensing her unease put a hand on her shoulders and plastered a fake smile onto his face. She looked up at him and sighed.
"Don't lie to me Roy; you're just as worried as I am."
He looked back at her and gave her a nod.
"You know me too well Riza; I just don't get this, the R.S.V.P said that the party would end at five, it's now seven..."
Roy trailed off as his wife made it apparent to him that he was speaking the obvious.
"Ugh, maybe I should go out there and look for her." Riza nodded again before answering.
"I'm coming too." She insisted determinedly but stopped when she saw the frown on his face.
"No. If anything should happen to me, you and the baby should be safe." Roy sternly replied.
Riza sighed and reluctantly held the door open for him. Roy smiled at her, this time it was a genuine one, neither amused or spiteful but comforting and determined. She used this smile to give her a little more fake reassurance.
Deep down she knew something was wrong. She was right.
After an agonizing hours wait, Roy returned with their seven year old daughter cradled in his arms – Riza nearly went into early labour. Her hands shook wildly as Roy explained how she'd been found by one of the local gangs who proceeded to punch her in the stomach before hitting her round the head with an unidentified blunt object then dumping her into the river.
She spoke one sentence.
"I'm not laughing God."
The death date of her daughter had sent Riza into early labour. It was a double funeral.
No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken.
Havoc grinned as he walked down the cool blue military hallways; this was the day that he was going to ask Rebecca Catalina out on a date that he'd been anticipating for months – no, years. He did his usual actions before opening the door to the lieutenant's office, stub his cigarette out on his shoe and frantically try to flatten his already somewhat tidy hair.
He wasn't anticipating what he saw when he got around to actually going into the office. Rebecca Catalina was there. The usual, unfinished, metre high stack of papers was there. One thing was out of place; Vato Falman kissing Rebecca Catalina.
Vato stopped eating Rebecca's face the second he saw Havoc at the doorway.
"Oh uh... do you want anything?" Vato asked uncomfortably
Havoc clenched his fist and blinked furiously.
"No, don't mind me you bastard... YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Havoc's voice raised more and more as he tore his throat out at Vato before seeing the uncomfortable look on Rebecca's face. Vato frowned.
"What's this all about?" Vato was feigning innocence. Havoc lost his head again.
"You KNOW what this is about, I TOLD you!" Havoc couldn't be bothered to explain his point to Vato and Rebecca; instead, he stalked over to Vato and punched him square in the face.
"I never laughed at God."
Havoc sprinted away.
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on the door and say we've got some bad news sir.
To say that Ed was worried would be an understatement – he was downright hysterical. His brother wasn't home; he hadn't had a call from Winry, nothing. In attempt to calm himself down, Ed limped slightly to the radio. He regretted his action almost immediately as the next statement had him trying desperately to stop hyperventilating.
"The nine o'clock train from Resembool had a serious malfunction which has so far led to 13 deaths."
Ed cursed more loudly than he ranted. How could the damn presenter be so calm about this, hell, Al could be dying, maybe even dead. The knock on the door confirmed Ed's fears and he couldn't help but let a few tears escape his eyes as he swung the door open.
"Sorry, I'm looking for a Mr. Edward Elric?" The rest of the man's words were droned out as Ed took in the mans blue uniform and grave face.
"I'm not laughing God."
Ed cried himself to sleep that night.
No one's laughing at God when they've lost all they've got and they don't know what for.
Alphonse knew that he was an idiot not to risk his own life for Ed's and get off of that transmutation circle. The balance of the world was equivalent exchange yet their father left them, their mother died, Al lost his body and mind and now Al had lost Ed too. He never got anything in return.
Al thought of Winry and Granny back in Resembool... he hadn't lost them, sure he'd LEFT them but they weren't gone were they. Al just dropped his head with an anguished sigh. They would soon be losing him.
"I'm not laughing God."
And with that Gluttony bounded toward him.
No one laughs at God on the day they realize the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes.
Hohenheim watched, a look of horror etched across his face as Ed recounted all of the things that had happened while he was gone; All the things that wouldn't have happened if he'd been there. What was more alarming though was what happened next.
"And now you FUCKING BASTARD, it's YOUR turn to FUCKING have those souls RIPPED out your CHEST!" Ed roared over the rushing waterfall* behind them.
Hohenheim never resisted, he instead nodded and shut his eyes trying to lose Ed's voice in the crashes of the waterfall. As the metal arm tore its way through him, Hohenheim whispered one phrase.
"I'm not laughing God."
And then he toppled