Alright, so now I break an important promise I made myself some years ago. I told myself that I would never write a fanfiction about Lord of the Rings, because I totally love Tolkien's work and I don't want to insult him, alive or not. You can see that I kept my promise.
I know this has been made before, but I still wanted to write my take on how Aragorn/Estel left Rivendell and how Elrond reacted to the love between his daughter and foster son. We'll see about the happy ending. So... Please tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Nothing except for the copy of the books (which belongs to my sister)
The young man casually opened the door and stopped, looking back hesitantly. The elf-lord's hard eyes did not falter and his piercing eyes stared back coldly. The man opened his mouth but closed it again and lowered his eyes.
"Namarie, hir nin", he said softly, defeat thick in the air. The elf watched him slip out from the room with slumped shoulders and head hung low. The door closed with a soft click.
Only when the footsteps disappeared and the man was gone the elf allowed his stone mask to waver. Lord Elrond of Imladris drew in a shuddering breath and let his head rest against his palm. Farewell, milord, had the man said. Oh sweet Eru, how had they come to this? Why? Why was life so cruel to him? Was it not enough that he lost both of his parents and his dear brother, as well as his beloved wife?
Was he not allowed to keep anyone he loved?
Elrond stared at the door where the young man had disappeared. Estel. The boy he had taken in as his own, loved him like a son. But Estel was no more. Only Aragorn, or Strider, remained. Curse them for stealing his mortal son. He had known, of course, that he took a terrible risk when opening his heart to the little boy. Estel was doomed to die, pass away as all the mortals did. Elrond just hadn't expected to lose him in the way he did.
Estel, Aragorn, he had prepared to lose. But not his daughter. Not his precious Evenstar, his beautiful, cold girl. Arwen… How could she do this to her family? To him? Fall in love with a human, and with that leave everyone else behind.
Oh, Elrond had noticed the changes in her. All since her mother Celebrian sailed to the Undying lands Arwen had lost her happiness. No more was the fair elf maiden's laugh heard, her rare smiles never reached her eyes and her songs were quiet and mournful. Life had abounded Elrond's daughter: she was surviving but not living.
And suddenly, there was a change. Smiles, laughs and sparkling eyes were now ever seen and heard as she danced through the woods, leaving baffled elves staring after her. And Elrond had known what caused this sudden change of mood.
Love.
It was the only thing he could think of: he himself remembered how he used to feel about his love Celebrian. And he had been happy for Arwen, happy that she had finally found her way back to life. And he had been happy for the lucky elf who had won his daughters affections.
And just like that, like fragile glass smashing to the million pieces, his hopes were brutally crushed.
"I love him Ada. I love him with all my heart."
Oh, how he had felt his body and mind go numb at those words. "I love Estel." Arwen had looked at Elrond with determination and fire in her eyes, daring him to say otherwise.
Elrond had prepared to lose his youngest son. He had built up walls to his defence, putting a shield before his heart to be able to survive the loss of Estel. But while only protecting that part of his heart he left the rest of himself completely open. Nothing had prepared him for losing Arwen.
It was said that she was Tinuviel herself reborn, and Elrond had dismissed it, although he was not so secretly proud that his daughter was as beautiful as Luthien herself. He had never imagined Arwen actually would be like Luthien in mind, spirit and love as well. It was more than he could take.
So he had called Estel to his study, still foolishly clinging to the hope that Estel would laugh at him and gently assure that he bore no love for lord Elrond's daughter. He had felt his hope wither away as soon as the human had stepped into the room. Estel had looked grave and formal, face pale and head bowed.
Yet when Elrond confronted him Estel looked up with the same strong fire in his eyes Elrond had seen in his daughter's.
"No matter how strongly you want me to say I do not love her, I can't. I would have to lie, and I am taught not to. Ada… I do not ask you to approve immediately, for I know that would be foolish. But please believe me when I say I love her. Nothing can change that."
And Elrond had felt anger and fear rising up in him, burning just under his skin.
"And you want my blessing?" he asked with perfectly calm voice and flashing eyes. Estel licked his lips and looked away.
"…Yes", he answered in an uncertain whisper.
"Do you realize what you are asking for?" Elrond hissed, his fists shaking of rage. "Do you think that the Evenstar will leave her people for you? How can you ask something so cruel of her? She is immortal, you're not! She is a princess of Elves, my daughter and beloved of her people! You are a ranger, travelling in the wilderness facing dangers and death everyday. Would that be a befitting life for Undómiel? What can you offer her?"
Elrond forced the conversation away. Brooding would do no good. He had work to do. The elf reached for the closest document and stared blindly down at the paper. The black letters stared numbly back, mocking him. No matter how hard he tried, he could not concentrate. The only thing that filled his mind was his two youngest children.
He had been unnecessarily cruel to Estel, yes. But what could he have done? Destiny had granted him two choices: lose his son or lose both his son and daughter. Could anyone fault him for wanting to save at least one of them?
Elrond remembered Estel being a young boy, constantly wondering why he was different from all others. Elladan and Elrohir along with Elrond had assured him that they did not care if he was mortal or not, they were still family. What a hypocrite that made Elrond, then. For now it was the very thing that tore them apart.
The sound of small feet against the floor and soft breathing drew closer. Small hands stroke the walls, trying to find the way in the darkness. "Ada?" the little boy asked carefully.
Elrond looked up from the book in his lap and faced the boy. "Yes, Estel?"
Estel climbed up in the sofa and sat as far as Elrond he could and studied him with dark silver eyes. He drew his knees to his chest and a frown wrinkled his brow. "It's late, Ada", the six year old told him with so much maturity he could muster. Elrond felt a smirk tugging at his lips and raised an eyebrow.
"And who are you to tell me it is late? Why are you not in bed? It is long past your bedtime."
"I couldn't sleep", the child answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm reading", was Elrond's calm answer.
"Your book is upside down."
Elrond blinked and looked down. Indeed it was. "What's wrong, Ada?" Estel wondered and crept slightly closer. The elf sighed and closed the book. How would he explain to a child that he missed his wife, who had been tortured by orcs, and that he missed his daughter who was slowly becoming an empty shell in Lothlorien? How could a little child understand that he missed his family? The twins were there, indeed, and were no longer as captured in their mad thirst for revenge as they used to be – thanks to Estel.
"Do you remember the stories about… Celebrian?" Elrond begun, choking out her name.
Estel's face lit up. "Amme!" he exclaimed eagerly. Elrond felt his heart cringe painfully at the child's name of his wife: mother.
"And do you remember where she is?" he continued and forced the words past the lump in his throat.
Estel nodded slowly and his eyes suddenly sparked with…compassion, understanding? "She went away", he murmured softly. "And you miss her."
Elrond set his jaw and breathed out. "Yes. Yes I do." And suddenly he felt tears stinging in his eyes, tears he had not cried for a long, long time. "She took a part of me with her, a part of all of us. You have only seen your brothers as happy, carefree boys, but they carry so much grief. I… fear for them. Every time they leave I'm counting the minutes, afraid that I might lose them as well." Here he stopped, horrified that he might say too much for the child's innocent ears. Elrond really needed more sleep.
Estel cut off anymore he had wanted to say by climbing up in his lap and flinging his arms around his ada's neck.
"I know ada", he whispered soothingly. "You feel alone even when you're surrounded by people, even when you're with friends and family. You miss things you know you can't have, yet you crave them with your whole heart. You put on a brave face and hope it will be enough to cover up the grief you feel. Everyday it's the same, and the lounging is big enough to taint even the happiest moments you have."
Elrond stiffened and pulled away from Estel so he could look him in the eye. "How can you know feelings like that?" he asked in disbelief.
The boy smiled sadly. "I feel alone sometimes" he said and yawned, curling up against Elrond's chest.. "And Naneth talks in her sleep too. She misses Father, the one she loved. I know she is sad that I don't remember him. I wish I would. But I still wouldn't want to leave you or the twins or even Glofy and 'Restor. Even though I want to see Nana happy." The child's eyelids begun to drop and sleep seemed to be lurking around the corner. "Nana is sad and happy at the same time, and when she's alone I'm alone. Then we can be alone together, and then we're not alone anymore", the child paused and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "If you understand what I mean, Ada."
"I believe I do, ion nin", Elrond murmured and hugged his son closer to his chest. They sat like that for minutes, father and son in the room lit only by moonlight. "Estel?" Elrond asked huskily. The child hummed in reply and cracked an eye open. "Why are you alone?" the elf wondered silently.
"I'm not really alone, ada. I just… Ada, why am I not like you or Dan or Ro? Why am I different from everyone else? I don't have pointy ears and I can't walk on snow, I'm clumsy and can't run fast or… or anything like elves can. Why can't I be an elf as well?" Estel looked down with dark hair hanging in his eyes, small body trembling.
"Oh, Estel", Elrond sighed and tapped a finger under the boy's chin. "You are no elf, that is true. And who says it's worse to be human? You're a clever boy, and although you're not able to walk on snow you're not clumsy. Just think about all the times your brothers have been forced to chase you when you run away from your bath or bedtime! You give us quite a hard time trying to catch up with you. And do you know something else?" Elrond lowered his voice to a whisper, as if he were telling Estel a big secret. "Tell me what your name means."
The human's brow furrowed again. "Hope", he answered carefully.
Elrond smiled and ruffled Estel's hair. "Exactly. And you, you little human, live up t your name. There were no laughs heard in Imladris before you came. No one smiled and your brothers were never home, while I never left my study. We lived in… in a sad and boring place, where harmony and stillness ruled and happiness was far away. The sun shone over the gardens, but the light couldn't reach our cold hearts hidden under ice and rock. There was no Hope for the elves of Rivendell. And then you came." Elrond pinched Estel's nose, causing him to giggle. "I gave you the name Hope, for I saw it shine in your mother's eyes as she came here with you. She looked so lost and hurt, as if nothing could ever bring her happiness again. And I pitied her. But then she simply looked at you: and in that moment I saw hope and love spring to her eyes as a smile grazed her lips. You are her hope, Estel, her reason to live. And slowly you begun to spread that Hope in Rivendell. Suddenly my two sons were laughing again, playing with their new little brother and I realized… that Hope still shines in Arda. And Valar had granted me a new son, a mortal one, a human. And why should I care if he was of my kin or not when he was the one who finally could bring joy to my heart after so many years?"
Estel nodded sleepily and Elrond ended his small speech. He doubted the boy had understood much of what he had said, but at least it was enough.
"I love you Ada", Estel yawned. "Always and 'ever…"
Elrond smiled and ran his fingers through Estel's dark hair. "I love you too, ion nin. Always and forever."
Elrond squeezed his eyes shut and balled his hands into fists. His nails bit into his palms but he didn't care. Think about Arwen. It was necessary. I had to tell Aragorn to leave. But it didn't make it easier. He cast a look out from the window and blinked in startled surprise. It was late evening outside, stars already shining from beneath the clouds.
Harsh, fast footsteps were getting closer to Elrond's study and he looked up at the door. No elf would normally make that much sound, and he doubted it was Estel who was storming towards his study. No, this was an elf. A very, very furious elf.
The door was flung open with a loud bang and Elrond forced himself not to cringe as his sensitive ears hurt. There was no time to focus on that either. Right now he had to deal with a dark haired elf with a face red of anger.
"Would you dare to tell me, ada", his eldest son Elladan hissed out through clenched teeth. "What in Valar's name you've said to Estel?"
Elrond straightened his back and looked at Elladan with cool eyes. "The truth."
"Truth?" Elladan repeated with high pitched voice. "He won't even look at me or Elrohir, and Arwen refuses to speak to anyone! Last time I saw her she was running away with teas running down her face! What truth did you have to tell them so they can look so heartbroken?"
"They cannot be together", Elrond answered firmly. "Do you approve of their love? Ion nin, Aragorn is a mortal. Do you want your daughter to leave us? To fade?"
"Are you blind?" Elladan cried out. "Without him, she will fade! Certainly you have not forgotten the reason why she lived in Lothlorien? Ada, she's been clinging to life because she didn't want us to be hurt by her fading away by grief of mother. And what do you think Naneth would say about your behaviour? Breaking both your daughter's and son's hearts for your own selfish wishes-"
"Enough!" Elrond snapped and stood up. Elladan slammed his mouth shut and glared at his father. Celebrian was a forbidden topic of conversation, and Elladan had crossed a dangerous line. "You will not speak to me like that", Elrond said lowly. "I may be your father, but I am also the Lord of Imladris. Go and find your sister and comfort her, for she will need that. You may also tell Elrohir to come to my study. I wish to speak to him."
A long silence followed before Elladan answered with disgusted voice. "I do not believe you will find Elrohir for the moment, milord. He is searching for Estel. We haven't seen him for hours."
With that he gave a curt bow and strode out of the room without looking back. The door slammed shut and left the paintings on the walls shaking. Several minutes passed before Elrond let a muffled cry escape his lips and his hand swept over his desk. He watched as the papers flittered to the floor and ink slowly stained them black.
The elf lord sank back into his chair and buried his head I his hands. He was such a fool. In only one day he had managed to upset all of his children. No, not only upset. Hurt. He couldn't let it stay like that. Arwen had hid herself, Estel was missing, Elrohir gone as well and Elladan furious.
Elrond stood quickly and walked over the ink stained documents with not as much as a look at them. No matter how much he loved his daughter, he… loved his foster son. Even if he didn't want to give away Arwen it couldn't stay like this between them.
Lord Elrond hurried along the corridors and soon found himself standing in front of Estel's door. He took a deep breath and knocked. As expected he received no answer. He carefully pushed the door open and looked in. Empty. He was about to turn around when something on Estel's desk caught his eye, causing his breath to stuck in his throat.
He walked closer on shaking legs and finally understood what Elladan had meant when he said Estel was missing. It wasn't just a short trip away from home. Not at all.
A long, elfish dagger lay on the table. The word Hope was written on it, an honour to Estel. It had been a gift when he had turned eighteen, and he had been very fond of it. Beside it lay a short note:
I apologize for taking my leave in silence. I thought it would be best to do so. I wish to thank you for taking me in when you did not have to, and letting me stay in Rivendell for all these years.
Hannon le, Namarie.
Elrond dropped the note and closed his eyes. The note was fatal, ending.
Estel had left.
And thinking back on all hurting words he had thrown at the young man, could anyone blame him? Elrond felt a sea of self-loathing wash over him and he almost drowned under it. He had wished that Estel would leave. Valar, he actually wanted him to leave. How could he, the oh so wise Lord Elrond be so foolish?
Turning on his heels he ran out from Estel's room. Out, down the stairs and down to the stables. Estel's horse was missing. All rational thinking left Elrond, only fatherly instincts were left. Not caring about taking anything else than a dagger with him he left, running over the bridges and out from the gates. Rain was now falling from the sky and the wind blew strongly in the trees.
"Estel!" Elrond cried out and the wind stole his words. Using his ring Vilya to overpower the coming storm did not occur him even once. No, instead he tried to follow tracks through the forest, the muddy ground already erasing the proof that Estel had travelled this way.
But Elrond couldn't give up just yet. He had terribly wronged his son, and now the son was leaving bearing all hurt and blame on already weary shoulders. He had to find him. He had to, if he ever wanted his son back.
But the voice in the back of his head whispered that he was too late.
It was well past midnight: only hours to dawn when the Elf lord finally returned to Imladris. Elrond had searched the whole night for his foster son, fighting through the storm and desperately scanning the forests around Rivendell. His body had gone numb, and his feelings were dumbfounded. Nothing. Not a trace after Aragorn.
The rain was finally calming as the elf slowly made his way into his home. Water dripped from his clothing when he walked in the corridors, making his way to Estel's room once again. Rivendell was asleep and Elrond didn't meet a single waking soul.
Knowing his youngest child was gone he pushed the door open and stepped in. Even this time he stopped.
The bed was occupied.
Arwen lay clad in her evening dress and her long dark hair messy, tangled up in the bed sheets and hugging a pillow. Elrond's heart seemed to break even more and he backed out stumbling. His daughter's face was haunted even in sleep: a frown upon her fair forehead and tears drying on her cheeks. And in her open hand lay the ring of Barahir.
Estel and Aragorn were gone. Estel had died and Aragorn had gone in exile, leaving his ring in the home Estel had lived in. A sob tore its way from Elrond's lips and he fled.
He fled to his study, but the room brought him no comfort. It was here he had killed his own son. But what comfort did a father like he deserve? No, it was best if he stayed here, wallowing in self-disgust, shame and guilt.
Everyone makes mistakes. And Lord Elrond of Rivendell made a fatal one. He was right when he thought Destiny had granted him two choices: he was just wrong about the options. It wasn't about losing one or two children.
He could let his daughter and son spend a lifetime together in happiness and love. Or he could forsake his son and crush his daughter's heart.
He had chosen to let all of his children suffer, only for his own selfish need to keep his Evenstar close.
He had destroyed them, and Hope had left Imladris.
So much for a happy ending. If you liked it or disliked it, please leave a review! ...flames will be laughed at ;)