Hello everyone. Sorry, I've been dead for a while and I'm still dead. I can't make any promises about when I am going to publish anything or update chapters for any of my stories. It's been rough to say the least. Anyways if I find a sense of inspiration, I will be sure to take it down somewhere. There's also probably a bunch of grammatical errors so bare with me. I'm sorry about those.
I just feel a spark of inspiration because this story is based on my (ex) boyfriend and I's story of how we met, and how we started dating. I actually experienced all that I talked about and it is as real for me as it gets. Currently I'm not sure what the status of our relationship is and it's been rough. It is also worth mentioning that some slightly more mature and dark themes are touched upon in here such as self harm. So if you are hurting yourself then please know that there are people who care for you who you can talk to. I've had to learn about it the hard way, and there are still scars on my body that remind me of my choices. Just know that you aren't alone even if it seems like you are. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this.
Every little girl has dreams about meeting her true love. They dream that one day, a prince charming will come and sweep them off their feet. Together, they'd ride off in the sunset and they'd live happily ever after. And then one day, one moment, you meet someone and they are everything you would've hoped for: kind, generous, courageous, loyal, sweet, the list can go on. They are all of these things until they're not. They are perfect until the blemishes and stains start appearing. What happens when you can no longer recognize the person you loved most?
.
.
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They met when she was twelve. A lost girl in a large world in which only the fittest survived. Those in power; the wealthiest, prettiest, or most popular. She was none of these. She was dull, and plain. Her hair was messy and straight, or at least was trying to be. Her skin wasn't flawless. Blemishes, and marks covered her skin and a pair of thick glasses masked her face. Her lips were chapped and her clothes were too baggy for her body. She wasn't anything special. Just another girl trying to make something of her life.
The first time she met him was when she walked into class on the first day. When she pushed the door open, it creaked with excitement and the chatter within the room ceased to exist. All eyes were on her. She wasn't pretty or special. She didn't demand the attention of the room. She could feel eyes burning holes into the back of her skull. She hid her head in shame. When the people forgot her presence, she felt at ease that the attention was directed away from her.
And that was when she saw him. Two tables away from her, laughing within a sea of unrecognizable faces. She didn't know him but something about him interested her. He wasn't anything special. He had pale skin, and bright pink hair. It was rather duster-like she would describe it as. And then he opened his mouth and a rush of words flooded out. From that moment, she decided that she hated him and his guts.
They finally talked when she was forced to be with him. She played flute and the light airy notes soothed her. He played clarinet. When he played, his head bobbed and rocked like a bobble head. The sharp tonguing of each note made her cringe. But his fingers moved with grace and speed. His talent both fascinated her and scared her. He was the best clarinet player and she was the best flute player. So with just one word from the teacher, their lives intertwined.
She felt a sense of dread come over her. She hated him and the thought of playing something as intimate as a duet with him, terrified her. He never shut up. However, she also felt a sense of panic. She knew he was better than her. He would make fun of her, and call her stupid. And when she sat down in that small room alone with him for the first time, her stomach was in knots. When she played, her sound was airy and shaky. He'd expect too much from her.
And then he opened his mouth and laughed. She felt embarrassed that her playing was that awful. However, he simply put down his clarinet and gestured her to put down her instrument as well.
"What are you being so serious for? Let's just slack off and talk about life,"
And she felt the weight lifted from her shoulders and relaxed.
They talked for the first time in that little room. He told her stories of elementary school and all the mischief he caused. Initially she could only offer him a small smile before looking away. However, as the days became weeks, she began to bloom. She'd laugh out loud at his stupid stories and tell him about her own adventures.
The first time they presented their duet, the room filled with the mellow and calming sounds of their instruments. The sounds blended together and echoed throughout the room. They received the highest possible score for their music.
The first time her heart skipped a beat was the following year in their physical education class. The horrors and terrors of fitness testing were upon them and worse of all, the pacer. She hated running more than anything else but she wanted the grade. So she ran what she needed to and stopped. In the second batch of students, he was there. Slowly she watched as all the others dropped out one by one. Until there was just him. Some kind of feeling she could not identify blossomed within her. Whether that be admiration or something else. She was unable to take her eyes off of him and when the audio said "100", it stopped and he stopped. Exhausted and worn out, he walked towards her and winked. Her heart stopped, and her face turned red with embarrassment.
The next time she had the same feeling was before a concert. She had been given the task to play the piccolo; the highest and most draining instrument of them all. But there she was, sitting with her flute placed in her lap and her piccolo in hand. She was scared that it would fall so the teacher said that there was a stand for it down at the high school which was a 15 minute walk away. She didn't want to inconvenience anyone. So she smiled and simply said that it was okay. Within the next thirty seconds, he had hopped out of his chair, handed her his clarinet, and was running down to the high school to get her stand. His clarinet was warm to the touch and it filled her with a strange sensation she couldn't describe. He appeared in the doorway five minutes later, red and out of breath. She felt something in her chest tingle.
A month later, she experienced a feeling that she didn't quite understand. She was talking with a group of girls in the class about life and problems. And then somehow the topic changed to boys. They talked about who was the hottest and the cutest and she felt awkward. And then his name was mentioned. Her head perked up.
"He's definitely the hottest in the class,"
Someone had said, and the rest of the girls agreed. The prettiest girl in the class nodded in agreement and then proceeded to make a comment about dating him. She felt her heart squeeze and she looked away from the group. 'Why wouldn't he want to date her?' She wondered to herself. 'After all, she's the prettiest and every guy has had a crush on her at some point.'
The first time she realized she liked him was on the last day of school. They were parting ways and in that moment, she seemed to have forgotten that. After the bell rang for a final time, she gave him a nice long hug and they parted ways. She waited for her parents to pick her up and she decided to check her phone when she saw a text from him.
"I'll miss u" it read. And then it was then and there that a light bulb went off in her head and the realization hit her like a storm. She had liked him for a while without even realizing it. And then reality slapped her across the face. They were going to different high schools and parting ways.
'It's okay,' she told herself. 'I will be okay.'
The first time they texted was that very summer. She couldn't get him out of her head and it seemed he was set on making her remember him. She had never texted anyone so much in her life before but it made her happy. Maybe he liked her too.
When high school started, things changed. The texts were less frequent and there were long periods of time where neither party said anything for months. She wondered if he forgot about her. But then when he did text he would tell her strange things that perhaps hinted towards the fact that he liked her more than a friend. But she was never sure.
And so the mixed signals continued until in January she told him she wanted to tell him something. However, it wasn't until February that was she able to finally tell him how she felt. He said nothing back other than the fact that he liked her in eighth grade and he left. She felt hurt.
In the weeks that followed she became good friends with someone in a few of her classes. He was nice to her. He was a bit awkward but nevertheless, he always had good intentions. And then she wondered if maybe, just maybe, she could forget about him. And she tried to. And she wanted to like her new friend instead. For a while that's what she told herself. Because the texts became rare and the conversations became short.
The first time she doubted herself was when she saw him at the movies. He looked the same as he did when she last laid her eyes on him. He was the same yet somehow different. He had become more of a man. But they still didn't talk much. Yet some part of her still felt something towards him and so she wondered what it could have been.
The next time she felt this way was when she met up with him again at the movies towards the end of summer. Everything was normal and usual until when she asked for a picture, he put his arm around her and gave an awkward smile to the camera.
The first time he asked her out was just four days later. She never expected it from him but nonetheless, she said yes.
The first time she went on a date was just a few days after. They went to go see a movie she had picked and although she felt content with the movie, she worried that he would not like it. In the empty theater, the light from their 3DSs shined. He beat her in Pokémon but she objected. Before they parted ways, he placed a small kiss on her cheek. Her face heat up in embarrassment and she could hear his chuckles as he walked away. She was happy.
The first time she told him she cut was a few weeks later. She was scared that he would judge her like everyone else. She didn't want him to look at her with pity. But she told him everything; her insecurities, her loneliness, her sadness. His soothing voice calmed her and for once in her life she didn't feel alone.
The first time he gave her nickname made her giggle. 'Cupcake' he'd call her affectionately and something about the name made her happy. Whether it was because of how cheesy it was or how sweetly he said it, either way, her heart swelled.
The first time they kissed was when they were together in her bed, snuggling and watching Harry Potter. They had binged the other 7 movies while video chatting with each other but here they were, watching the last part of the last movie. She remembers it clear as day. Snape had just died and his good intentions were then known to Harry. She only remembers how emotional the scene was until her chin was tilted up and his lips met hers in a short kiss. It wasn't perfect. His lips were chapped and the smell of chocolate still lingered from the cake they had just consumed. But it sent shivers down her spine and she felt sparks. When he pulled away, he stared into her dark eyes and she looked away, embarrassed. It had felt electrifying. She snuck him another kiss before turning back to the screen. She felt him smile against her hair.
Everything was perfect. Until it wasn't.
The first time his parents found out she cut, they were disgusted. They believed that she had influenced their only son to do bad things to himself. They blamed her. They thought that she was the reason he started cutting. They hated her, and banned him from seeing her or contacting her. And then 2 whole months went by and they struggled. She felt alone, he felt alone. When she turned 16 he missed her birthday, and she grew depressed.
The first time they saw each other again, he had snuck off to see her. She was happy to see him again, and his unnaturally high body temperature made her feel warm and loved. He made her feel loved.
The first time they were allowed to see each other again, everything was okay. She was okay, and he was okay. But along the way, the hardships, and the journey, something went wrong.
The first time they fought, she thought it was normal. The first time she cried, she thought nothing of it. The first time she cut because of him, she felt like she deserved it. The next time they fought and the millions of times after that, she felt tired. They would yell and call each other names. And in those moments, she could hear the sound of her own heart breaking.
The first time she confided in her friends, they told her to leave him. They didn't like the way she was being treated and she didn't like it either. But still, she had hope so she ignored their warnings and tried to piece together the pieces.
The first time she doubted herself was when he wasn't there. She doubted if she even loved him anymore because he never had time for her. She felt alone and abandoned. But he never knew what she felt. She was alone.
The first time she finally understood that they were different was after a year of dating. He is cold and logical while she was emotional. He never understood girls or emotions very well. He didn't understand her.
The first time she lost all sense of hope and trust was when he called her names. He told her she was a gold digger and that she wasted his time and his money. She was a parasite to him. He told her that she was dumb and stupid and everything that he didn't want. The first time she cried for days was in the aftermath of that. Her eyes were red, puffy, and swollen. But she came to school with a fake smile plastered on her lips and life continued.
The first time she noticed that he had changed was in light of these issues. He was different now. Much different. A different person walking in his skin. He had changed in so many ways that she couldn't even begin to comprehend it. She felt like she didn't know him anymore.
The first time she walked away was when she realized all of these things. When she realized how many times he broke her heart and how many chances she had given him. When she realized how his soothing warm touch had turned ice-cold, and how the smile on her face turned into a dark image of tears. She has cried a lot for him. She had done a lot of things that maybe he will never understand, and he has done things for her that she will not understand either. Deep down inside, it hurts. It hurts to walk away and it hurts to let everything go. All the happy memories and even the sad ones where faces and moments become distorted with pain and tears. She knows deep down inside he cares. Deep down. But he's changed. And maybe so has she. Maybe they were two different puzzle pieces that looked like a perfect match but ended up not fitting. Maybe he thought that she was his Juliet and that he was her Romeo, only to realize that such thoughts were fantasies built on their expectations and hopes. Maybe he was everything she hoped and dreamed for, until he wasn't. Maybe it was over before it even began. Maybe in trying to piece everything together, somewhere along the way she fell out of love with him. Maybe he wasn't hers to begin with and maybe she wasn't his. Maybe deep down inside, she hoped that this would work out but in the end it didn't. And she is powerless to do anything. She utters one word and the world comes crashing down.
'Good-bye'