AN: I do not own the Akatsuki. This is my first ever fanfiction, so constructive criticism would be good… its very boring but hey, it's my first time. Rated M for Hidan's language.

Chapter 1

It was a peaceful morning in the Akatsuki base. Because everyone was asleep. Until, at about 7:13am-

"Art is a bang, un!" Chaos soon followed.

"Deidara my moronic partner, I had to pay for the last room you destroyed, so don't blow those things up in here!"

"Deidara, you motherfucking dick-arsed heathen! I'm trying to fucking sleep motherfucker!"

"Deidara, if this continues then you shall know pain."

"Deidara you blockhead, I nearly knocked my money off the table!"

"Deidara, are you asking to be fed to my sharks?"

"You lack hatred."

"Deidara, you do look kinda yummy…"

"Deidara, do you like being tortured with paper cuts?"

"Yay sempai! Tobi is a good boy!"

So you can imagine, the atmosphere for the remainder of the morning was anything but light-hearted. Whilst the rest of the Akatsuki woke up in an irritated manner (bar Tobi, who woke up in an irritating manner), Deidara retreated to his hiding place in the loft above his bedroom, which was primarily used for avoiding Tobi. Deidara made sure Sasori didn't spot him as he woke, or he would be a dead man/bomber.

"Fucking idiot," growled the Jashinist in Hidan and Kakuzu's room. Said Jashinist rolled out of blood with a renewed bloodlust. "You're one to talk," Kakuzu commented absent-mindedly. The stitched-nin was already dressed and counting his money, much to Hidan's dismay.

About an hour later the Leader called a meeting, and everyone gathered in the living room. Meetings usually meant bad news, often in the form of a lecture; there was the one time Hidan threw Kakuzu's briefcase out of the window, causing the Kakuzu to go on a murderous rampage, destroying half the base and traumatizing Tobi; the incident where Sasori spilled accidently spilled poison in Pain's tea; or the day the combined efforts and stupidity of Deidara and Tobi almost destroyed the Gedo Mazo. Today, however, the news was even worse.

"We're going on holiday to the Yorkshire Dales. It is important that you harm no other shinobi on this trip, as that will violate the S-rank ninja holiday contract. This is not negotiable. We are all going on holiday. We need a break, especially after Deidara's early morning explosive antics."

"Art is a bang, un!" Deidara added gleefully.

"We are leaving tomorrow morning," Pain continued, ignoring Deidara's interruption, "You should all pack your bags now." With that the meeting was adjourned and everyone left to pack, even more irritated.

"Holidays! Sempai, sempai, this is going to be so much fun! Tobi is a good boy!" What the good boy hadn't realized is that Deidara had left and he was now bothering Hidan.

"Fuck off you orange faced twat, or I'll shove my scythe so far up your ass it'll stick out of your mask," Hidan retorted angrily. With that, Tobi squealed and ran to his room. Zetsu, who didn't feel like packing with Tobi hanging around, simply said, "Hey Tobi! Be a good boy and wait outside while I pack."

"Yes Zetsu-san! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi ran outside and straight into, yup you guessed it, Hidan.

AN: Please rate! I need feedback baaad :( Stupid autocorrect kept wanting to change 'Deidara' into 'Deidre'.