Title: Exhale
Author: Lordwhat
Rating: PG-13
Pairings/Characters: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: None, well a small part of season 5.
Warnings: none
Word Count: 642
Summary: Castiel is slowly becoming human. Some parts of it escape him.
Notes: Unbeta'd. I was given the prompt "Exhale" by xdominoe on my Tumblr.
Grasping the idea of breathing is a lot more complex than Castiel expects it to be.
Since he began to fall the need would strike him at random occasions, he would find himself choking before he realised that it was his lungs struggling to contract. He allows them and feels powerless. After that it gets more frequent and more confusing.
His body becomes full of contradictions. For a long time he is tired but unable to sleep, he eats when he's hungry but his still partially angelic body refuses to process the food, adamant he doesn't need it. He cannot die of suffocation yet, but at the same time he needs to breathe.
He has collapsed a few times from simply forgetting. Each time Sam and Dean grown more concerned. When he explains the problem to them Dean jokes that they should tattoo it on his hand to remind him. Castiel sees worry in his eyes, he's touched.
That night is the first he is able to sleep, he falls into the sensation even though the vulnerability of it makes him want to weep.
Sleep is meant to be peaceful. Castiel's dreams are not.
He's that soldier again. The obedient one. He remembers all the cities destroyed, all the people he killed simply because he was told too. The demons who he burnt out of their shells regardless of the fact that those shells had once been alive. He remembers flying, the pure power at his disposal. He reaches for it, unable to help himself, he opens the remains of his burning wings to fly.
The world shakes around him.
No, something is shaking him.
He wakes with a start with Dean on top of him, his arms wrapped around him and his head in the crook of Castiel's neck. He feels him shudder with what he might mistake for sobs. He wonders why Dean would be crying.
"Breathe you stupid son of a bitch." Is hissed into his ear and it's suddenly very clear.
He remembers and inhales. Then coughs when his lungs react violently.
Dean gasps and then he hears a laugh filled with relief. He's pulled even closer into the embrace. Strange, he hadn't thought that was possible.
The motel room has begun to fill with morning light, blue seeps through the blinds. It's like being underwater. Like drowning.
He breathes again.
"Dean." He says. The name seems to claw at his throat as he says it. He coughs again.
"Yeah?" He hears the reply.
Castiel frowns. He doesn't like not being able to see his face. He moves his arms up around his friends back and tugs at his shirt.
It's okay. He thinks. I'm okay now.
Dean understands and leans back so they can look at each other. He looks wrecked, there's a tear track running down the left side of his face, his hair is a mess and he looks like he hasn't slept in a week.
"My apologies." He says and Dean laughs again, which makes him look slightly better. Castiel smiles at him and Dean smiles back.
It's then he feels pain on his mouth, he licks his lips and realises they're bruised.
"Did you kiss me?" He asks.
"It's called CPR you dumb ass." Dean says. Then he sighs and brings his forehead down to meet Cas's.
It surprises him, Dean's usually quite strict on personal space, but he doesn't object. Dean smells nice. Like sweat and sleep and motor oil. An odd combination, but still very pleasant.
He nudges Dean's nose to the side with his own and moves so he can get as close as possible. He breathes in his scent. They sit like that for a while.
"If you don't breathe out I'm gonna punch you in the face."
He remembers and exhales.