AU: This is a little idea I came upon while reading my over love in fanfiction, Star Trek. It's usually some sort of, 5 times someone didn't do something and one time they did, or vise versa. It's just a little ficlet to pass the time. I hope everyone likes it or at least likes the idea enough to make a better version of their own.
It's a response to an LJ prompt, so I do not believe I'm stealing the title, or the idea, but I'm going to admit that I got the basic idea/title from reading many many many of these types of fics. If anyone reads this and decides that it is breaking some sort of writing laws, please tell me. But I'm pretty sure I'm safe. Just covering my bases.
It sort of follows the story line, but I took some creative liberties.
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but my own ideas.
5 Times Harry Felt Alone And One Time He Didn't.
1. Every Day He Could Remember Up Until He Turned 11:
Living under the stairs in a cupboard wasn't so bad, right? It kept him out of sight, and that usually meant less yelling and less chores.
Harry had a feeling that most other children his age were not treated like he was, but he had very little information to go on. For all he knew, every second child in every family lived in a broom closest. But he always had a feeling that was not the case.
The only human interaction Harry ever had was with his relatives. His uncle, who only felt the need to go purple in the face by screaming at Harry. He never knew how his uncle could completely change colors like that. Harry had tried to mimic his uncle by holding his breath to see if he could turn purple, but he could never turn the same shade of red and lavender that his uncle could turn almost daily.
His aunt, a prim little woman, only really saw him as a cook and a maid. One day, while the Dursleys were out of course, Harry watched an old movie on the television that showed a woman in a short black dress with a white apron, doing the exact same chores that Harry was. For months after that, Harry waited for the day that his aunt would introduce the "uniform" that Harry now associated with someone who did all the cleaning in the house.
Last, Dudley. Harry prayed for humanity that not everyone acted like Dudley. He liked to think that Dudley was just so spoiled that it had rotted him to the core. Harry had promised himself, for as long as he could remember, that he would never, EVER, pick on someone smaller then him, just because he could. He knew the damage it could do...
So that was a whole three people he was around, yet, there was always this empty feeling in his stomach. Not just from the lack of food, since Dudley was apparently on another family wide diet, again. But something different. Maybe it was in his heart?
Harry wasn't exactly sure what to call this emotion, but he hoped that one day he would be able to find something that would make that empty feeling go away.
2. Second Year:
How the hell could they think he was the "Heir of Slytherin?" Wasn't he supposed to be the "Boy Who Lived?" The child that defeated Voldemort when he was only a year old? How could he now be the most evil being in the school, well, next to Snape.
Harry could live with the stares, the whispers that arose behind his back when ever people thought he was out of hearing range, even the random insults that were thrown his way.
What he couldn't handle was the abandonment by his best friend, Ron.
How could he do this to him? Weren't best friends supposed to stick together through thick and thin? Weren't they supposed listen and BELIEVE each other above some rumor?
Apparently not.
Luckily Hermione stayed with him, but it wasn't the same. He loved Hermione like a sister, but it wasn't the same. Ron is, was, hopefully will continue to be his best friend, they were practically brothers! He was the first real friend Harry had ever had...and now he was gone.
Harry felt the loneliness creep up into his mind, swirling around like the mist that rolled off the lake in the early morning. He had so much he wanted to talk about, and talking to Hermione only went so far.
It just wasn't the same.
The only thing Harry could do was lie low, try not to do anything that would fuel the rumors, and just hope that Hermione could get through Ron's thick skull.
3. Waking Up In A Hospital Bed
Harry figured by this point in his life, he should have a bed designated in the hospital wing. Who else could possibly end up here as much as he did?
Probably the reason why he was here, Draco Malfoy.
What had he ever really done to make Malfoy hate him so much? He didn't start this ridiculous feud that never seemed to end.
Everything was a battle. He barely had the energy to keep up with it anymore.
But at the same time...he couldn't let it go. Who was this boy to come into his life and try to make it as miserable as possible? Didn't he have enough people trying to do that?
Harry liked to think that he didn't start any of the fights, which may or may not have been true, but he KNEW that Malfoy started way more of their little spats then Harry did.
Harry looked over at the boy sleeping a few beds over from him. He looked so peaceful when he slept and he mouth wasn't contorted into that horrible sneer that he always wore. Maybe in another time, another life, they could have been, dare he think it, friends?
Harry almost laughed at loud, if it hadn't been for the fear of waking the demonic blonde in the same room.
He sighed and laid back into his pillows, not nearly as comfortable as the pillows in his dorm, but yet another thing he had become accustomed to. The overwhelming silence that filled the room always seemed to have a way of consuming his soul. Waking up there was always such a quite affair, unlike waking up in his room to the sound of his bunk mates moaning and groaning about the time.
All Harry could do was look at the ceiling, just as white as the rest of the room.
"Why white?" Mused Harry out loud, not even noticing the silver eyes that had come to rest of him.
"What are you babbling about now Potter?" Grumbled Draco, pissed that he had been woken up from a quite pleasant dream.
"Why is this whole room white? It's almost blindly." Harry attempted to be civil to the young Malfoy, hoping that maybe sleepy Draco was a nice Draco.
"Well what other color could it be, you twit?"
Wrong.
"Never mind Malfoy, just go back to sleep. I promise I wont kill you." Harry looked over at Malfoy, who's eyes were already beginning to droop.
"You better off Potter, or I swear I'll haunt you." Yawned Draco, not realizing that if he had been more away that he could have hexed Potter for even speaking to him.
"Good night, sweet prince." Laughed Harry, returning to his musing.
As the room fell silent again, Harry couldn't help but feel that pesky lonely feeling slowly work it's way back up into Harry's conscious thought.
"Damn the hospital wing." Growled The Boy Who Lived, turning over, and forcing down the lonely feeling and slowly drifting off.
4. After Sirius's Death
"So this is what bone crushing sorrow felt like." Thought Harry, as he sat on the window sill and looked at the hordes of happy students running around the grounds. And why wouldn't they? They were enjoying the first weekend of school, Harry's sixth year, where it was still early enough in the year for them not to have a lot of homework and still nice enough outside to enjoy the weather.
But Harry hadn't paid attention to the sun since Sirius died. How could he? The closest thing he ever had to a father was gone and it was his fault. Maybe if he had worked harder with Snape...
"Don't do this to yourself Harry!" He could hear Hermione's voice in his head now, drilling the same mantra into his brain over and over again.
That's what everyone said. That it wasn't is fault. But who else could possibly be at fault other then him? He had brought everyone into unnecessary danger, and it resulted in the death of his godfather. How could everyone not expect him to be guilty?
Harry didn't even realize that he had started crying till he felt a hand touch his shoulder, causing him to jump and spin around.
"I heard about your godfather, and I wanted to extend my apologies." Came the calm and collected voice of Draco Malfoy.
At the beginning of their fifth year, after the extremely ridiculous train incident, Harry had approached the Slytherin, wanting to end their silly rivalry. He knew that Voldemort was his enemy and he hoped that maybe, just maybe, he could get Draco on his side. As much as he hated to admit it...the guy was strong and would make a great ally.
Shockingly, the blonde had agreed with him, though he refused to show friendship in public, something about it being to beneath him. Harry never really understood it. Draco had become some what of a spy for the Order. Giving any information he could to Dumbledore. He had eventually told Harry that he had gotten the dark mark and even his task to kill Dumbledore, but that he knew he couldn't do it. He was willing to give any information he learned over to Dumbledore, but he was still too fearful of his father and Voldemort to stand up to them and renounce them.
They became secret friends, even keeping it from Ron and Hermione.
But even having Draco around didn't stop the loneliness that flooded his emotions when he was alone, thinking about Sirius. Harry had become used to being alone, that wasn't anything new for him. But for a short time, he felt that he actually had real family to fall back on. Sure the Weasley's were great, but they weren't exactly family, no matter how much Molly insisted.
Ever since Sirius had died, it was like a little piece of him had died to, leading to the stabbing loneliness to rear it's ugly head.
"Potter!" Draco snapped his finger in front of Harry's face, not liking being ignored.
"I'm sorry Draco, but I don't really feel like talking right now." Came Harry's whispered reply
"Harry, I can tell when you're beating yourself up. You need to stop it wasn't..." Harry cut him off.
"Yes, yes it wasn't my fault. I know mom. Now, I would like to be left to my solitude alright." Harry snapped at Draco.
"Fine! Enjoy being miserable Harry. When you're going to be less snippy come find me." Draco spun around on his heel and left through the door of the astronomy tower.
Harry realized that he had, yet again, forced another person away from helping him.
He sighed and continued to look out into the gorgeous day. Allowing the self induced loneliness to fill his mind once again.
5. When Ron and Hermione Got Together
It was inevitable. He had been waiting for this since the day Ron woke up in the hospital bed and told Hermione that he loved her, which he then promptly forgot.
So since then, it had only been a matter of time before the Golden Trio became The Golden Couple and Harry Potter.
There was nothing wrong with the fact that Ron and Hermione were dating. It was great! His friends obviously loved each other very much. They had been playing a game of cat and mouse since they had met, so them becoming a couple wasn't that much of a shocker.
And he was happy for them. Really. He was.
He just hated being the third wheel. They had always done everything together, now it was Ron and Hermione going on a date in Hogsmede, or a study date, or they wanted to have "special alone" time in Ron's room, which also sucked because that meant everyone had to clear out until it was all clear.
Harry tried to hang out with other people, he really did. His fellow Gryffindors were great companions and everything, but they weren't his best friends.
It's not like he could say anything either since he wanted to be the tough and supportive friend that he claimed to be.
But that didn't mean he couldn't be a little jealous...
He had tried to restart the flame he had with Ginny, but that was going no where fast. Harry knew he was gay after his first disastrous kiss with Cho Chang. Trying to give himself the benefit of the doubt, because really, the girl had been crying, he had tried to go out with Ginny. Ginny was the perfect girl for him; supportive, beautiful, kind, loving, and didn't even try to pressure him into anything.
But it just didn't feel right. And if it couldn't feel right with the perfect girl for him, then it couldn't work with any girl. Plus, some certain blonde slytherin were extremely attractive...
But this was beside the point.
Here he was, again, a lone, while his friends were in the library "studying." Well, Hermione might have been, but she probably had planned snog breaks.
It wasn't even that Harry couldn't be alone, he could. But that didn't mean that he had to be happy about it. He missed it being the three of them. Going on adventures, almost getting themselves killed, the good old times.
But no. Now it was all about how fast they could get away from Harry for a quick snog.
Not that Harry was brooding or anything..definitely not brooding...
He was just...really lonely without his friends. But he couldn't let this affect his friendship with them. He tried to understand that maybe this was just a phase, that this lovey dovey...thing would eventually go away. Or at least fade so that he could see his friends and not have the inevitable tension fill the room.
Now all he had to do was wait...alone.
1. His First Kiss With A Boy
Harry knew this was one of those days that he would always remember. Right up there with the day he defeated Voldemort.
Harry and the gang were back at Hogwarts for the first eighth year that Hogwarts had ever had. The war had destroyed many lives, but Hogwarts was ready to begin the healing process, and what better way to do that then to have a small group of teenagers drown in homework for a year longer then necessary?
It was genius.
The group consisted of mostly Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, one or two Hufflepuffs, and Draco Malfoy.
After the war Harry had cleared Draco and his Mother's names during the endless trials of death eaters. Draco had saved his life when he didn't tell Voldemort where Harry was hiding, he had even snuck some curses in at some very important death eaters during the final battle.
He was also Harry's friend, and he wasn't going to let his secret, annoying, rude, beautiful friend go to Azkaban!
Then there was also that fact that Harry may have had a slight crush on the blonde...not that he would ever act on it or tell anyone. Draco was the epitome of a lady's man. Suave and graceful, always had the girls swooning over him. Even if everyone thought he was pure evil.
So what would that dark beauty ever see in little old Harry? Exactly.
Harry had wandered down an old path that surrounded the lake. Walking was his new favorite pass time. It was calming, relaxing, and just the right amount of exercise. With Quiditch practice and the muscles he had gained from training, he didn't really feel the need to keep up the intense regiment that he had when he was trying to defeat Voldemort. Didn't he deserve a little break? He thought so.
He found the small clearing that met the lake. The little ripples slowly ebbing away at the secluded shore line. The perfect willow tree hung out over the lake, providing the perfect seat and much needed shade, since it was late spring and the heat was slowly increasing.
Today was different though. Today, there was another boy sitting in his favorite spot. A certain boy that continuously made his way into Harry's mind.
Draco looked up from his book when he sensed another presence in the little field that he had stumbled upon during one of his many walks.
"Harry, what are you doing here?" While Draco and Harry were friends, they had to kind of put the friendship on hold, what with Harry having to defeat the Dark Lord and then deal with the fame that came with that.
"Draco, long time no see." Replied Harry, trying to act calm, since he heart was beating faster then a group of centaurs.
"It really had been a long time, hasn't it?" Draco had missed talking to Harry, one of the few people he ever considered a true friend.
Harry didn't know what to say, so he just stood there awkwardly, looking at the ground and trying to come up with something to say.
Draco laughed and took pity on him.
"Why don't you join me? As we have discovered, it had been a long time since we saw each other."
'YES!' Harry screamed mentally, walking over to the willow, lowering himself to the ground and sitting next to Draco.
The awkward silence returned like a tornado. What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to act? They were friends, right? This shouldn't be so hard!
"So, do you come here often?" Joked Draco, looking over at the flustered boy.
"It's one of my favorite places in the castle. It's beautiful, quite, secluded..." Harry trailed off, hoping he hadn't made it sound like he wanted Draco to go.
"Ah. I see. I've never been here before, but it just looked too much like a painting for me to walk away. It really is magical." Draco pried his eyes off the little beauty next to him to look out at the lake.
"It's so weird though. The castle feels so empty without...everyone." Did he really have to bring up such a depressing subject.
"I know. I hope for future generations that the atmosphere lightens and the student population grows." Sighed Draco, returning his gaze to the emerald one.
"I can admit though, I don't miss everyone. Especially the other would be "8th" year Slytherins. God, if I had to hear Pansy screech my name one more time, I would have clawed my ears out." Draco rubbed his ears, as if he could still hear the high pitch screams that came out of her piggish mouth everyday.
"I thought you two were..I don't know? An Item?" The shy boy asked
"I should hex you for that! Not only do I not enjoy the company of girls, I detest the company of that particular girl." Shuddered Draco
"I don't mean to pry. But, um, don't enjoy the company of, all girls?" Asked Harry, trying not to let his hope get the better of him.
"I thought everyone knew I was gay. It's not exactly a secret." Laughed Draco, looking at a fidgeting Harry.
"I had no idea. But that's, um, that's great!" Exclaimed Harry, trying to not to act too excited. But deep down, he knew that all came out wrong and dorky.
"Haha! I don't believe I've ever met anyone as excited about this as you Harry."
"Excited? No, no. Not excited. Just...surprised! And happy for you! It's great! It's really great! I can't think of any other adjectives now, but, um, its really is great." Harry knew his entire face was red. He didn't even try to pretend that he wasn't a lovely shade of ruby red.
"Harry, why are you so happy?" Asked Draco
"Um, I guess it's just because, well, I'm, you know, gay too." There. He had said it. He had finally said it out loud. That was another thing he could cross off his bucket list. Right after "defeat Voldy."
"Well, to take a page out of your book, that's great." Draco smiled over at the boy, knowing how hard it was to come out to other people.
"Yeah, it is." Harry smiled, finally able to look Draco in the eye. Had he gotten closer?
"While we're on the confessing streak here. I think it's only fair that I tell you something." Said Draco
"Oh, Draco you don't have to do that!" Laughed Harry
"I do. I have a crush Harry. On one of the nicest, strongest, shyest boys I have ever met. A weird combination, right? I mean, I don't think there's a stronger man out there, yet, when you get to know him, he's really quite and a great listener." Harry's eyes widened. Yup! Draco was definitely getting closer.
"Do I know him?"
"Intimately." Draco finally closed the agonizing gap between Harry's lips and his own.
This was by far, one million times better then any other kiss he had ever had. Draco's lips were soft, but demanding. He gained entrance into Harry's mouth with only a few nudges from his tongue. Not that Harry was exactly locking him out.
The kiss was the definition of short and sweet, just like a first kiss with the promise of many in the future should be.
"Well, I hope he doesn't mind that you just kissed me." Harry smiled up into Draco's silver orbs.
"I don't know, do you mind Harry?''
"I don't think I could mind any less." Harry reached up and gave Draco a quick peck on the lips, much to Draco's disappointment.
"So, um, what does this mean?" Asked Harry, slowly growing uncertain
"Well, I would like it to mean that we can be dating. That I can call you my boyfriend. That you can do the same. The I can hold you, kiss you, do other naughty things to you." Draco pulled the blushing boy into his lap, wanting to bridge the gap between their bodies.
"I would love that." Harry grinned. All doubts washed away.
Harry would always remember the day that Draco Malfoy gave him his first boy kiss. He would remember everything about their relationship. Their engagement. Their wedding. Their Children. Everything. But he would always treasure, above all, the day that he knew he would never feel alone again.
Iri
I really hoped everyone enjoyed my little story :)
Reviews would be lovely!