Based of a quote by Johnny Depp

A kunai scraped his cheek, a line of crimson blood flowed, dripping onto the cold floor. He was surrounded. He could see it in their eyes, an overwhelming hate that he didn't understand, couldn't comprehend why he was being punished in such a way, why he was bruised, cut, why it was difficult to breath-

A muttered prayer left his lips, the dull church abandoned leaving a sole boy to pray alone. A choked sob escaped from his mouth, the pleads become rushed, slurred until it came to an abrupt halt.

His eyes opened, revealing cold blue eyes, devoid of emotion. For how long had he prayed? How long had he spent nights begging to any God out their to end his suffering, to provide him at least with an answer that he so badly yearned?

It dawned on him that it would do no good, no amount of praying or hoping would amount to anything, in this world he would be alone, a small irrelevant presence fighting to find a way to prove his existence, through his own belief and power.

It was that day he had the word carved into his chest.

Nihilism.

nihilism

ˈnʌɪ(h)ɪlɪz(ə)m/Submit

noun

the rejection of all religious and moral principles, in the belief that life is meaningless.

A hollow chuckle escaped his mouth, by doing so he condemned the beliefs that the villagers held so closely to their hearts, truly becoming the demon they accused him of being. Yet, he still ached for some sort of recognition, but would have to do so by removing the wool that they had placed over his eyes, face a world full of contempt and resentment. Only then would he be able to find the light he had been deprived of.

The alcohol addiction he had now harboured came as a result of the daily misery he faced. When things went wrong during training, he returned home and drank, a burning shot that slid down his throat distracting him from the disappointment that caused sharp pains in his chest.

He drank every time their eyes would linger over him with an emotion that was something akin to amusement, mocking him for his goals and ambitions. A dream that no mere talentless orphan would be able to accomplish without any help.

But it was just that, never once had his team made an effort to correct any of his mistakes. He would be berated constantly, reprimanded when he couldn't seem to get the basics down but would never be offered any guidance.

Distantly he let his mind wonder, to the times he had been hurt by the team who were supposed to have stayed by his side, who were supposed to be his most precious people. But they had failed, the image of a perfect team had been shattered with every insult and every moment of disregard.

He remembered months ago when he had approached Kakashi, he needed had needed help setting up a bank account. With the civilians hatred towards him, he had found himself being turned away multiple times and thought that with the presence of his sensei they would not be able to deny him entrance.

"Whatever it is, I'm busy right now Naruto ask me tomorrow."

But when he had asked his teacher had turned his back on him, merely assuming that he would bother him. The one man he had placed so much faith in, to guide and protect him had failed him in a few short seconds.

He had no team mates to rely on, no teacher to help him carve his way and most importantly he had no friends to comfort him when depression dugs its claws into his psyche.

He lifted up the bottle of sake to his lips, the tattoo of a broken kunai burning on his arm.

There were few people aware of his pain. When he was still alive there was the Sandaime, who offered his constant suppourt regardless of the opinions of his advisors.

The second and last person would be Inoichi Yamanaka, his therapist.

Years ago when the Third had taken him to talk to the blonde haired man he had thrown a fit. Why should he have been forced to talk about things so personal to a stranger?

Back then he had not understood what depression was, only thinking that the old man was trying to call him crazy, something that he was not. But now he could see why, now when things got bad and no one listened he found him running to the only person that would. In the corners of his mind, there was a piece of him that knew that he was taken to Inoichi specifically so that they could make sure that he wouldn't lose control of kyuubi, but he couldn't find it in him to care, not when it hurt so bad.

Disaster had struck when he had woken up only to find that he had no medication left. He knew that if he had gone to the hospital, picked up some more and then went to the hokage to receive a medical slip that would excuse him from being late to team activities things would be fine.

But in his unstable state, he couldn't find it in him to make such decisions. Mind racing, he hurried to get ready not wanting to be late to team training and be told off by Kakashi sensei.

Upon his arrival things seemed to take a turn for the worse. Sakura had immediately gotten mad after seeing him, for reasons he did not know, Sasuke sneered at him with a look on his face that showed had lowly he thought of the other and Kakashi had not yet arrived.

His already crumbling state of mind began to deteriorate as it faced the brunt of Sakura's verbal assault. Annoyance began to creep into his veins, an emotion he so desperately not to associate with the team that was supposed to be his family, in fear of severing the already weak bonds that they had.

But he found the words tumbling out of his mouth mouth before he could stop them.

"Would you just shut up for two seconds?"

A look of irritation flashed on his face before his eyes widened realising what he had said. He watched as his words registered in her head, her face slowly contorting into a look of pure anger. Before he could step away her fist came crashing down onto his head, a string of curses leaving her mouth.

Tears prickled at his eyes, the hit worsening the dull headache residing at the back of his skull. He couldn't take it anymore, he could feel himself slowly coming apart at the seams, so he ran far away from the training ground, far away from them.

Ran away from his problems like he always did, always would.

But years later he found himself with an unlikely companion.

Naruto's love for Sasuke knows no bounds.

He thinks bitterly, wondering where they went wrong, when the sweet loving touches took on a much darker meaning. When hands wrapped tightly around his neck started to feel so good. Destruction was at his fingertips and it had never tasted so sweet.

He knew. That deep with him it had started from the seed of resentment that Sasuke had planted, leaving him behind all those years ago, to suffer in a village filled with hate and an ignorance towards his plight. He watched, eyes gazing with a morbid fascination as his lover struggled to breath, each breath causing bursts of pain to shoot through his body.

He wondered how long he could keep this up, hiding away under false smiles, keeping their toxic love a secret. A bitter chuckle escaped his throat as be noticed the loving gaze directed at him, as the Uchiha struggled to breath for him.

He was a fool, years of hurt and abandonment left him believing the lies that Naruto fed to him every night, believed the sweet nothings that he would murmur into his ear as his encouraged him to cut a little deeper, and to loose just a little more weight.

He leaned closer towards his frail body, lips presses against the others porcelain skin leaving of a soft trail of kisses. Down his neck, biting down on the skin between his neck and collarbone, and gifted with a deep moan. He let his hands wander, they had long memorised every inch of the other mans skin, every scar and every crevice.

He gripped tightly at his waist, a smirk graved his features as he saw the marks of his hands tainting the others skin as he thrust inwards. A shaky breath escaped Sasuke but was silenced by Narutos palm covering his mouth. He couldn't stand to hear the other mans voice when they spent nights like this, he wondered distantly is Sasuke knew that Naruto would never love him, that he used him like a toy for his own sadistic pleasure.

Hands gripped raven hair tightly, as he slid put. Sasuke's hands gripped at his back, nails dug into skin as he rolled his hips.

Moans broke free from his throat, with every sound filling the room his love and compassion fled into oblivion.

Because all his life he had been told,

" If you fall in love with more than one person, pick the second one for you could not have loved the first to fall for another."

And yet he found his teeth tugging at skin harshly, the body beneath his writhed and moaned in pleasure. He knew that this was wrong, a guilt had always blanketed him as he caressed softly at curves, that fit right into his hands as if they were meant to be.

Even with someone else in his thoughts

As pleasure coursed through his veins as nails dug deep into his back, that would surely leave a mark, but the beauty beneath him left him breathless. His breath would hitch, as he watched as dark brown eyes rolled backwards, as his back would arch of the bed, as mewls of contentment would tumble out of his mouth.

It was wrong, their love was a filthy secret, kept behind closed words and small gestures, love that would erupt under the sheets, away from the prying eyes and suspicion. He moved, breathless, and lied down on the bed, the sheets long tangled and the pillows thrown carelessly on the floor minutes ago. He tugged at his lovers hair, gripping it tightly bringing the other in for a searing kiss.

A dirty escape as he led him on

They couldn't continue, always promised that they wouldn't every meeting would be left with I cannot, Cannot love you anymore. And yet as fate would have it they would end up together, lips pressed against the others in a hasty kiss. Filled with words that were left unsaid, of words of love and regret.

He tried to stop the tears that burned in his eyes but found that he could not, the pain of a mistake he had made, of denying his love had left a deep wound . An agonising pain that lingered with every breath he took, with every step he made.

His eyes lingered on the figure beside him, even in slumber, he looked heavenly. He marvelled at how someone could look so peaceful when his own being was in chaos. His heart constricted painfully as he noted that he would have to leave, no-

He has promised to leave.

Promised to spare his love from a life of pain, but even then it did nothing to erase the pain deep in his core. His hands reached out, wanting to touch his skin once more so that he would never forget, but pulled back, knowing that it would do more harm than good.

Quietly, the door behind him closed, he pressed his forehead onto the cool wood and sobbed. Tears chocked him and a deep sadness enveloped him. He couldn't stay here forever, lest someone see him but his heart longed to stay.

"But if your heart is in chaos, then you shall never find peace."