Glorious Sadness
An empty hallway
Fading lights sneak its way into the walkway, the air is neither comfortable nor heavy, and it's just something lingering in the atmosphere.
The silence is loud, but the footsteps echoing quietly
Her eyes looks from here to there, taking in everything she could, something familiar with this hallway, a hallway of fading light and loudly silence, everything just seem so alien yet so close.
So many doors, yet at the end there is one that open, and the fading light sneaks its way out of the unclosed space.
Something felt so welcoming, but yet it just wanted to push her away.
A small white enter the space.
It just came, flying in with the wind into her gaze from outside the open window, she caught it in her hand, and let its coldness touch her skin.
Outside there was just snow, blinding what's beyond it, a wall of frost.
So welcoming, so close, but so…forbidden?, so wrong?.
Where is she?, she wonders, there is no one here except her, her shadow on the wall is her only companion, and the air is just, lack of life.
The hallway like it can stretch forever and ever, the red carpet just keep longer and longer, until she reaches the open door, push her way in, and grip the doorknob tight in her palm.
Her lips taste like blood, her body trembling.
Her old bedroom
Her old prison
Her old home
How many memories does she have in here?, how many days she counted?, how many tears she had shed?.
How long?
For 13 years she hid herself, for 13 years she counted her days, and planning to keep counting for the rest of her life, until her very demise, for 13 years endless tears she had shed, for 13 years she wasted her childhood in this very room, a prison she push herself in, for her love ones.
So many memories, so many bitter, so many fears, so many temptations
Memories of how she used to sit by the door, listen to the giggling outside, bitter that she could not go outside and play with her, and catch her when her sister falls, fears that if she came out, if she would catch Anna again, it would be her last time she ever see Anna again.
Temptation that she would said '' Wait'' when Anna came knocking at the door, and asking her dearly to come out and usually left, but what's the point?.
Her sister is happy without her for 13 years, for 13 years she thought Anna threw her into the deepest place in her memory.
But that hug seems so real, it's just like waking up from a nightmare, a terrible dream, nothing more, and nothing less.
It was warm, not cold and bitter when she looks into the ceiling in her room, and asks so many questions.
But no ones can answer them, only the loud silence mocking her, the shadows on the wall keep consuming her and her every teardrop, like waterfall.
Before she knows it, she was already standing in the middle of her old solitude, a place kept her like a secret, like a whisper in the wind for 13 passing winters.
Winters that she regretted to have, like the life she used to living in.
A sob, a small sob broke the silence, slicing through the air into her ears, that sob, she knew all too well.
But where is she?, why is she here?, a dream?, an illusion?
A dream where she wonders in a empty hallway fill with dying light, her old room and sadness, but an illumination is herself, her younger self, sitting in the same place she used to sit for 13 passing Summers.
Crying, praying, regretting.
She's so vulnerable, so fragile, curled up like a ball, lock the world behind her back, and staring at it outside the window.
Her 8 years old self's eyes shot up, like she knew that the woman in front of her is coming closer, she raise up her hands toward the approaching woman.
''Please…Stay…..away!'' Her voice was small; her eyes were red with unshed tears, her face pale.
She kept moving, despite the pleading of the younger girl.
''I..Don't want to…, stay away!''Her voice louder, louder that silence emitting in this very room, where she spend her childhood in sadness and sorrow.
But she didn't stop, didn't stay away, and every steps closing the distance between her and the girl.
A blue streak flying pass her braid, but she keep moving on.
Seeing her younger self so fragile, determine to keep her away as far as possible, but her raise of hands was an act of defense.
How far did she go, to keep everyone from coming near her?.
She will become a monster if that take them to stay away from her, ready to unleash her power if they come to close.
A monster by choice, a demon by fate
''No, don't come any closer, I warn you!'' Her younger self shouted in the empty air, desperate to find a way for her to stay away, to warn her that a monster will hurt her, a monster that she needs to hate.
This time, the streak of blue find its mark, on her hand, she raise the blueness in her right hand, and use her left hand, 1 clap, the blueness was nowhere to be found.
The younger girl eyes widened, before she could open her mouth to speak, Elsa pushed her hand straight up, blueness like the younger girl's own flying into the air, and a small snow rain was born.
''You…like me?'' The younger girl was standing when Elsa didn't notice, and was standing with her eyes looking up in the ceiling of her room, and let her hands came into touch with the older girl's snow.
''I thought…..I was the only one….'' The statement struck her like a lightning, what this girl doesn't know, that she was her, only older.
And better at concealment, the thing she was good at the most, shield her emotions, don't let them show, turn her back to the world and close the doors.
She closed enough doors in her life; never will she close another door, again.
But how about her, her younger self, is she real?, or she just a dream?, of a lost childhood that she wished to take back?.
But her smile was real, too real, and it's warm.
''No, you're not the only one, Elsa'' She kneel down to her younger girl's level, staring into a sea of sadness much like her own, and let one hand in front both of them, and creating a small snowflake.
''Are you real?'' The older asked, but then, both of the queen's hands on the girl shoulder seems so real, that she could feel the coldness from her shoulders, but then Elsa could ask that same questions.
But she came to a realization; maybe none of both Elsas are a dream.
''I am, if you believe me to'' Elsa said, while closing the distance between them, into a hug that she never have for 13 years, that this younger version of herself need one, after everything she been through.
Like she had been through for almost half of her life
Her younger self held her tight in her own little arms and smile that there is someone who she could hug without hurting them, but with Elsa.
Is like hugging your own memories, your own pains, your own loses, but those days were in the past long gone, she keep hugging the girl in her arms, close her eyes, and smile.
When she opens her eyes, she was met with another blue of ocean, but this one with sun and birds flying pass the horizon, a happy blue sea fill with life.
''Are you ok?, can I get you something?, anything?, Elsy?'' And the owner of the eyes said with worries in her voice and with her a board-shouldered man with his hands in her shoulders.
And her hand was warm, like the sensation she had with that girl in her arms, it felt so real that makes her wonders.
Is she real?
Maybe she is real if she believes her to be.
''Where am I?'' She said, while slowly drifting back to reality, and looking into the figure who she devoted almost half of her life trying to hide from, like a game of hide and seek.
But now there is no used of hiding, because she doesn't need to anymore
Maybe that girl doesn't need to too anymore, maybe, just maybe.
''You've been sick for a few days, don't you remember?, sleeping in your desk?, your face was hot''
''Fever…..'' Elsa smiled, trying to comfort her sister.
'I was worry so much about you….'' Anna said, almost a tear streaking in her pink cheek.
No more doors, no more closed doors, no more concealing.
''No, there is nothing to worry about, I'm sorry…. And I always forget to say this every time, I love you''
With confusion in Anna's face, she only said '' Er…, I Love you too?, ok now she is blabbing again, go back to sleep, dear queen!''
''You said it to me every day, when we got back together again, jeez, you need some rest''
And Elsa just quietly drifted back to sleep; smiling, maybe being sick and wonder off into some wonderland wasn't so bad, even having sadness haunting her dream.
It was glorious sadness.