"I want you inside me, now." I grabbed his tie dragging him inside, he kicked the door closed with his foot.
"I think I can make that arrangement." I laugh and look at him. I continue to grab his tie and lead him into the bedroom, throwing him down on the bed in the process. I get on top of him and straddle him.
"Not just yet." I get on my knees and unzip his pants, but before I can do anything he grabs my hair to pull me away and pulls up his pants. "We have to talk." I look at him annoyed and in a little bit of pain. I plop down on the bed next to him.
"What is so very important that you had to pull all the hairs out of my head?" I stay laying on my back and he does the same.
"I am not ignoring what I saw today, Olivia." I close my eyes and let out an audible sigh. He turns over on his side to look at me, and so I do the same.
"Can you please be more specific?" I knew exactly what he's talking about.
"Fine. I can be. You, no we, were in the integration room and you just disappeared."
"That's because I'm half witch." He looks at me un amused.
"Liv, I know what that look was. I've been there. I just want you to tell me what it was that you were thinking about."
"Why, Nick, why does it matter." I sit up on the bed, and he soon does the same.
"You don't want me to say it." I get up, walk to the wall, put my back against the wall, and look at him.
"Say it, fucking says it!" I start screaming at him. Instead of screaming back he just looks at me with sad eyes.
"Olivia, you were having some sort of flashback today. I want to know, for fuck sake Olivia we live together. Just ask yourself, who's gonna drive you home tonight." He knew that would make me crack.
"Nick, I really don't want to talk about it." I look down, averting eye contact.
"You can't go on thinking nothings wrong." He starts singing. "Who's going to hold you down when you shake? Olivia, who is going to come around when you break?" I look at him and let out a little laugh. He pats the bed. With a sigh I sit down. I cross my legs and turn my body and he does the same, we are officially looking straight at each other.
"Can't we at least take our shoes off?"
"Nope, talk to me."
"There's nothing to say. Just drop it. I was thinking about something from a long time ago."
"I'm not that stupid. I've been noticing some stuff."
"Yeah, like what?"
"Since I have come back you have not done anything that involves you getting naked in front of me. You've changed, I just want to touch you, but every time I do I see your fist clench and you tense up." I look at him with tears stinging my eyes. "Let me see you. I say this in the most unsexual nature possible, let me see you naked."
"Nick, you don't want to." My heart rate has exceeded the natural human level.
"Liv." He puts his hand on my knee. I get off the bed. I start to undress until I'm standing there completely naked, not even socks.
"Is this want you want to see?" I look down, I can't look at him right now.
"When?" I knew what he meant without any further explanation.
"Friday."
"I was gone from Friday into Monday."
"I promise I didn't cheat Nick. It was nothing like that, please." This is when I really start crying.
"Fuck!" He bangs his hand down on the bed. "I need to take a minute. I'm too upset right now." He gets off the bed and storms out, I hear the door slamming behind him.
I leave my clothes on the floor and decide to get into some new ones. Once I am in pajamas I grab my phone and try to call him. No answer. I try again. No answer. One more time. No answer. I let out a scream and throw my phone. Then, this idea comes into my mind. I get up with a passion. I grab a glass of water from the kitchen and then the bottle of Advil in the bathroom. I get back on the bed. The bottle is almost completely full. I look at the bottle for a minute. Then another minute. I open the bottle. I put the water in my mouth first and then a fistful of Advil. I do this until the bottle is almost done. I go for the last couple of pills, but I just throw those up right into, the now empty, cup. I put the bottle and the cup on the nightstand and get under the covers. I close my eyes knowing what I had just done.
Where this all started, let's start a week ago
"Nick, I'm fucking sorry. You know I'm a fuck up, please talk to me." We're standing in the kitchen, fighting.
"I need to leave for the airport. I can't do this right now." He turns and makes his way into the bedroom and I follow.
"He called me. His mother died, and I got caught up and forgot."
"Liv, you forgot it was our anniversary."
"I already said I was sorry. You know I'm not good with this stuff."
"You were engaged to him!"
"Nick." I move towards him, but he grabs the suitcase next to the bed and leaves the room.
"Can we please drop this for now, I have a lot to deal with." He looks at me with his puppy dog eyes.
"Okay, I hope you can have fun at your sister's wedding."
"I fucking hate my home town, way too many bad memories. I love you, Liv." He kisses me on the lips.
"I love you too." I stand there as I watch him walk out the door.
It was Friday night and he wouldn't be back until Sunday night, well Monday morning. I soon feel a vibration coming from my jean pocket. I take my phone out and look at it. It was Sabrina. She was always the wild one. I had met her through a different friend and we just clicked. It's been about six years now.
I know your hubby is gone for the night, so let's go out
I don't know I'm tired
I'll be at your door in two hours, be ready
I laugh reading her texts. I set an alarm on my phone for an hour and 45 minutes from now and go and take a well-deserved nap.
I hear my phone go off, and I just want more sleep. I found my phone on my nightstand and shut the alarm off. I get off the bed and move to my closet. I decide to wear something sexy, because Nick is always so annoying whenever I do. He's gotten a lot better with his jealousy, but still. Once the dress is I just grab random heels and apply some lipstick and that's about it. It's not like I'm looking to get laid. I soon hear aggressive knocking.
"I'm coming Sabrina." I open the door and I see her standing there.
"We're wearing the same dress. At least not the same shoes." We both laugh. I see her, and she looks like a slut. The dress hugs her tightly, cleavage is intense, and the dress is short enough that if I lean down you can see my panties. "Let me grab my wallet." She grabs my hand.
"Bunny, with that outfit you won't be needing it." We laugh again.
We take an Uber to a club I have never heard of. Once I step into the club I feel naked, uncomfortable.
"I'm going to head to the bar." I sit down at the bar wishing I was not there.
"I don't want to be here either." I look over to see a man I can no longer remember. He just seems like a blob with lines now.
"Is it that obvious?"
"What are you drinking?"
"Surprise me." I smile at him.
I wake up to find myself in a hotel or motel room. Everything hurts, I have a pounding headache. I'm lying in this bed naked and under the covers. I sit up and scan the room to find my dress on the floor with my phone lying on top of it and my shoes next to the dress, I see my underwear not too far away from my shoes. I get up and it hurts to stand up. I need to pee. I walk into the bathroom and there I find a mirror. I see bruises all over me, especially my upper arms. I need to get out of here. I pee, get dressed, and quickly get out of there. Sitting in the lobby I'm getting looks. I call an Uber and wait five minutes. I also respond to all the calls I got from the precinct and told them I was sick.
Once I'm home I slide down the door once I've closed it. I had all the classic signs. But this does not happen to me. I'm a cop. I stare at my phone and debate weather or not to call her. I do.
"Hey Melinda, we haven't seen each other in a while."
"Yeah, I want to see you."
"Can I come over today?"
"Sure, how about five?"
"Sounds great. I'll see you then." I hang up the phone.
"I can't go with you guys. I need to find my French."
"Okay, just come with us this way. Jay." I'm whisked away and led out of the club.
"No, Sub. She'll be concert."
"Trust me when I tell you fighting it will do nothing for you." My head is so heavy.
I'm brought out of my thoughts. I bring my hands up to my face and can't stop the tears.
Once I'm in Melinda's house I can't do the chit chat, I need to get to it.
"Melinda, I need you to do an exam on me."
"Olivia?"
"Today I woke up in a Hotel room, bruised, and sore. I've seen enough of these cases, but to be sure I need an exam. I trust you. I can't do a hospital, please." She can hear the desperation in my voice.
"Okay. We need to go to the morgue though, I don't have my equipment here." I look at her and nod.
I'm lying in a spot many dead people have been. My legs are spread open. I keep telling myself it's just like the OBGYN. It hurts.
"There's a lot of tearing here. There was most likely more than one."
"Melinda, you can't tell anyone. I need to figure this all out." I get off the table and put my clothes back on.
The rest of the day is a blur. The only thing I remember doing is texting two people. One is Amanda telling her I will not make it in tomorrow. The other is Sabrina, asking her what happened last night.
"Come on just get on the bed."
"No." I'm trying to fight the hands holding me still and then throwing me on the bed. I land on my stomach and try to get up, but I'm pushed back down.
"Police."
"They're not coming to save you." I hear the voice whisper in my ear.
"No, me pepper onion."
"I told you it was pointless to fight it, now let's get that dress off you." I feel someone taking my shoes off.
"Place." I'm picked up again and they take my dress off, I feel cold.
"Cold."
"Let me warm you up."
I wake up in a panic.
"It's okay Olivia, you're okay." I'm telling myself this like it means anything.
I get my phone and call Nick.
He doesn't pick up. Instead I just start crying in a way I never have before. After I have my little cry fest I grab my phone, wallet, keys, and put some flipflops on. I don't care that I'm wearing pajamas, I need sleep. I know there's a target about two blocks away, twenty-four hours. At three am there are still so many roaming the streets. I walk up to the store and the sliding doors open for me. I feel the air conditioning hit me. I've been to this Target many times before, so I make my way right where I need to go. I get to the isle and scan it. I find it and grab it, making my way to self-checkout. Getting back to my apartment I turn the kitchen light on and throw my keys and phone down. I put the Benadryl down on the counter and get a glass of water. I open the container and then the bottle. I grab two and pop them in my mouth. Now I can sleep. I throw my shoes off and get back into bed. I turn the television on and wait for the drowsiness to kick in.
I'm woken up to Steve Carell yelling something at his fellow employees at Dander Mifflin.
"I love feeling you squirm under me." He grabs my hair and shoves my head down, he keeps holding my hair forcing me down with his body. I feel him enter me.
"Sub is locking for me."
"Liv, no one's looking for you. Sub watched you leave the club with us."
I feel the tears going down my face. It's getting hard to breathe.
I quickly search for the remote to shut the television off. It's too early for this shit. I get up in a haze and look at my phone. I slept in for a long time, it's five pm. I unlock my phone.
Why are you ignoring me? I keep having these flashes. Something happened that night, and I know you know something. Please.
I don't know why she won't answer me. I decide to call her. No answer.
"Hey, please talk to me. I'm kind of freaking out over here." I put the phone down.
Okay, tomorrow everything will go back to normal. Nick is coming home soon. Everything is going back to normal soon.
The rest of the day is mechanical. I watch television for a while and stare at my phone waiting for her to respond. She doesn't. Instead I just gets texts from Melinda asking me how I am and if I'm okay. I wish I could tell her the truth, but I lie and say it's okay. I wait until ten and take another two Benadryl.
"I can tell you're enjoying this."
"No." I feel his fingers inside me.
"I can feel it, slut. My turn is over." He gets off me. I try to get up, but someone pushes me back down.
I wake up having to catch my breath. I just want to sleep. I see someone appear in the doorway and come towards me. I'm frozen in fear. Did they come back for another try?
"I didn't think you'd still be awake." Nick.
"Yeah, I heard you come in." He comes to the other side of the bed and I can see him stripping down into his boxers.
"I am so exhausted." He goes to cuddle with me, but I quickly move him away.
"I'm really hot." I put my knees to my chest, laying on my side.
I let the tears hit the bed, but make sure Nick won't know.
"It's time to get ready for work." I wake up to see Nick hovering over me.
"You're going to work?"
"Yes. Now come on get your lazy ass out of bed."
Walking into the precinct Amanda comes over to me.
"You're feeling better?"
"Amanda, what are you talking about?"
"I was a little sick when you left."
"She actually called out sick, she must've been dying." I laugh, and she walks away. I can feel Nick staring at me.
"Sick?" Thanks Amanda.
"I tried calling, but you didn't answer. I guess all is forgiven now, right?" I walk away and go to my desk, wishing I could just scream.