We're starting this tag thing early season three, huh? Premiere thoughts: I seriously feel like that needed to be a two-part premiere, because they crammed a ton of stuff into that forty minute long episode! Mac going to Nigeria made sense, (though that beard was absolutely dreadful) and I don't have an issue with Nasha. It just seemed very predictable. My biggest issue with the whole Nigeria storyline though is how in the world does a remote village without running water have flawless cell phone reception?! Unimportant I know, but it has been bothering me. Mac was just in general kinda irritating in this episode if I'm being perfectly honest. Jack was just, Jack, which is pretty much always perfect in my book, but somebody seriously needs to teach the writers what a proper reunion scene is supposed to be. Cause that wasn't it. And if there was a reason that Riley only had like, two lines in the entire episode, I missed it. I still find Leanna completely unnecessary and I hate that she's cutting into Riley's time. But judging by the new name order in the opening credits Tristin is going to be making up for it. And that ending? I'm just going to say it: It should have been James instead. But back to George's apparent demotion, I'm sad of course, because Mac and Jack are, and will always be, what makes this show work, but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. First of all, we don't really know anything for sure, so I'm hoping that it isn't going to be as drastic of a change as we're all afraid it will be. And if any good can come of this, it will be that if the Mac and Jack scenes become fewer, then they will be more impactful (see previous note on reunion scenes) and meaningful. And really, can we blame the guy for wanting to spend more time with his family? If that's not a good reason to ask for less time on set then I don't know what is. Especially when they film so far away from his family. It's reminding me a lot of Jared and Jensen's decision to ask the CW to drop Supernatural's episode count for the upcoming season down three episodes to give them another month at home with their kids. I'll gladly take fewer episodes if it means they are willing to stick with the show longer, and I'm trying to look at George the same way. If it comes down to him being on the show less or him leaving for good, I'll take some Jack over no Jack any day of the week. Anyway, rant over, on with the tag.

Because Mac was kinda being a brat and I needed some insight as to why. And I wanted to see that note.

Jack's go-bag was sitting on the row of benches inside the Phoenix locker room, still full of dirty clothes from Belarus, right where he tossed it when he and Mac finally made it back, sweaty and exhausted. Jack was battered and bruised and Mac was dragging his feet, having already gotten adjusted to Nigeria's slower paced lifestyle, but they were joking and laughing and finally home.

He was already dressed, grateful for the change of clothes he always kept stashed away in his locker and running a towel over his still wet from the shower hair, when his phone rang from somewhere inside the duffle bag. The notes of The Boys are Back in Town, which had been his goto shower song this evening and was still being hummed under his breath, died mid-chorus as he saw the folded piece of paper tucked under the shoulder strap as he reached for the zipper.

Mac wasn't the best with words. He had told Jack once, back at the beginning of their friendship, that if he had something important to say it was easier for him to write it out rather than to say it. How seeing the words form, in front of him into neat little rows, made saying difficult things easier. "Words just spill out, chaotic and unorganized." He had explained. "And half the time your stuck explaining what you meant instead of just getting it all out. If you write it down you can think it through and reword it first, make sure it makes sense."

Jack bitterly thought back to that night on the deck when he had encouraged Mac to reach out to his father and Mac had picked up the notebook. Jack personally wasn't a fan of writing, he liked the rawness of not having the countless seconds to ponder over carefully choosing each word, of speaking without filters. It was why he insisted on keeping in touch with Mac over video chat while he was gone. It was more real that way, almost like nothing had changed. Almost.

Through all the years since Jack had reenlisted for another tour, he had never found himself on the receiving end of one of Mac's letters. Even when they found themselves on opposite sides of the world it was always texts, video chats, static-filled phone conversations, or the occasional email sent through hard-to-find internet access if no cell phones were available. He had always been the one person Mac didn't need to edit his words around.

Which is why the sight of his name scrawled across the front of the letter, in handwriting so familiar it could have been his own, caused his heart to plummet to the floor. There was only one explanation: Mac was leaving again.

He picked the paper up carefully, and held it in his slightly trembling hand, staring at the letters of his name. The slant of the top of the J and the way the K overlapped the bottom of the C. He memorized each sweep and curve of the letters until they didn't even look like a word anymore, let alone his own name, they were just lines on a page.

Jack jumped, startled, and nearly dropped the letter, which he could feel was more than one page thick, when his phone started ringing again. He hadn't even noticed when the sound had stopped the first time. A missed call from Riley was flashing on his home screen when Jack finally dug the cell phone out of his bag and he dropped, defeated, down beside his bag as he called her back. Maybe, just maybe, she was calling because she had found a letter of her own.

His hopes were dashed when she answered his call with a cheery "Where are you guys? Matty wants us all in the war room for debrief."

Jack winced. She didn't know. "I, uh, yeah. Sorry Ri, I forgot how good the water pressure is here, lost track of time. I'm on my way now." He ended the call before Riley had a chance to ask about Mac, about why he would be coming alone.

Jack glanced down at the letter still in his hand and sighed. He needed somewhere more private than the Phoenix locker room to read it, so he got up, shoved the duffle bag of dirty clothes and his phone in his locker, and slammed the door shut, taking only the folded paper with him.

Jack chose to take the stairs over the elevator since it was the route that would not only take longer but would have fewer people. At some point between the second and third floor though, the need to see what Mac had written, to have some form of explanation, became overwhelming and he settled down on the landing of the cold staircase, back against the wall, and carefully unfolded the papers in his hand.

I probably should start this out with an apology, huh? You might not believe me but I am sorry, Jack. So sorry. I just can't do it. I can't come back there and pretend that nothing happened, I can't work for him. I know you thought that me coming to save you meant that I was back for good, that things could finally go back to normal, but it wasn't. That life, it doesn't feel right to me anymore Jack. I look around there and all I see is how my father had manipulated that life into what he wanted for me. It left me feeling like nothing was really mine anymore. My job at the Phoneix- that was all him. My house, the place that I thought my grandpa had left for me because he knew how much I loved visiting it as a kid? All I see now is that it was a convenient way for my dad to make sure I stayed in LA. Even you, Jack. And I know, our friendship goes way past a job, but HE picked you to watch out for me. It was his choice. And yeah, you chose to stay, which is why I dropped what I was doing and came back. But everything that used to feel safe, and secure, and real, it just feels tainted now. And being back there reconfirmed it. LA isn't my home anymore.

When I left, back at the beginning of the summer, I was lost. I didn't know what to do, where to go. So I went back to Mission City for a little while, hung out with Mr. Ericson. He mentioned me teaching again, and this time I really considered it. But I couldn't stay there, there were too many memories of my father around, and no other school would just let me teach without a degree. So I went out to MIT. Frankie offered to pull some strings with the admissions office, get me reenrolled. I almost did it, Jack. I almost went back. It seemed like the most, I don't know, logical, choice? But then I got to thinking about how it was probably my dad that got me into that school in the first place. And I couldn't do it.

I just needed to go somewhere I could make a real difference. Somewhere with real people who had real problems that I could fix without the help of Phoenix and their unlimited budget. Nigeria was the first place I thought of. I hated how we just left them in such a mess after we put out that fire. I always felt like there was so much more we could have done for them but instead, we just packed up and shipped out and moved on to the next job, but this time I could stay. I knew they would remember me, and that they would welcome the help. What I didn't expect was that I would be so happy there. Building and working and fixing, I finally started to feel like me again, Jack.

And because I know you're thinking it: No, it wasn't because of Nasha. She truly was the last thing I expected to find here. But she does make me happy. Bozer said that while I was gone the only thing that seemed to make you happy was knowing that I was. I'm happy here Jack. I need you to know that.

And I'm sorry for leaving this way, for not telling you this in person, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't look you in the eye and explain that being there, in LA with you, just doesn't feel like home anymore. I wish I knew a better way to put it, but that's the truth. I'm not saying goodbye this time though. Last time I didn't know when I was going to see everyone again, but now… If coming back to Phoneix to drag your butt to safety proved anything it was that I need you in my life. Not just you, but everyone. You're my family. So no more avoiding your calls, or taking weeks to respond to messages. I'm keeping in touch this time, okay? You have my word. And maybe, if you can get away from saving the world for a day or two, you could fly down and visit me? I'd love for you to meet Nasha, I think you'll really like her. I'm not saying this is permanent, Jack. I can't imagine how hurt you're feeling right now. But honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. I just know that, for now, Nigeria feels right.

Do you remember, back when DXS first became Phoenix? We were driving through North Korea, trying to make it to the DMZ, with a cyber-terrorist in the trunk and the only ammo we had were the fertilizer bombs I was making and throwing out the window. You were telling me to stop thinking about Nikki because I wasn't on my A-game and that if you were going to do your job, you needed your partner back. You were wrong back then, because I could do my job and worry about Nikki just fine. But this thing with my dad, Jack, I can't do it. I'm really not at my best right now and I'm not going to risk you or Bozer or Riley or somebody else I care about getting hurt because of it. And because you deserve the truth, Jack, I don't know if I ever will be. But I'm trying. I'm trying to get you your partner back.

I'm sorry. For leaving again, for not being strong enough to say all this to your face, for leaving you with the job of breaking the news to everyone else, I'm just sorry. Take care of yourself, okay? I'll talk to you soon.

-Mac

Jack wasn't sure how long he sat there, staring at the blank wall of stairs in front of him after reading Mac's letter. It was long enough for someone to worry about him though because he heard the echoing clap of the stariwell door slamming shut above him and footsteps steadily descending, before a familiar pair of combat boots appeared in his line of vision.

"There you are!" Riley exclaimed, her steps quickening as she jogged down the last set of steps until she was standing beside him. "I was starting to think you'd got lost. What are you doing…" Her voice trailed off when she saw Jack's face. "Where's Mac?"

"He went back." He said, amazed at how calm his voice sounded.

"Like, back to the locker room because he forgot something, right?" She asked hesitantly.

"He went back to Nigeria, Riley." Jack said, carefully refolding the sheets of paper in his hand.

Riley dropped down beside him in disbelief. "He just left?"

"I thought we got him back, you know?" He said, shaking his head morosely. "I thought this was finally over."

"Look, he hasn't been gone long, right?" She asked, reaching into her pocket for her phone. "Maybe we can call him, talk him out of this. He can't just leave us again."

"Don't," Jack said, a sad smile forming on his lips. "There's no point. He knows what he's doing. If…" He forced himself to take a breath, not quite believing what he was about to say. "If this is what's best for him then, then we have to deal with it."

"You're his partner." Riley insisted, the hurt of Mac's leaving quickly turning to anger in her eyes. "Just because he thinks this is what's best for him doesn't mean it's right, Jack."

"No. I'm his partner, which means that I stand behind his decisions, even if I don't always agree with them." He nodded slowly, sounding more sure of himself with every word. "If this is what Mac needs then I support it. How much it hurts me doesn't matter."

"What now?" Riley asked softly. "What do we do now?"

Jack stood up, brushing the dust off his jeans and tucking the carefully folded letter in his shirt pocket. "Now we go break the news to everyone else, bad as I hate to," He paused, thinking of how hard Bozer was going to take Mac's decision. "And we go back to work, saving the world one crisis at a time. Because that's what Mac would want us to do. And when he decides to come back, well then we'll be here waiting."

After a few months away from writing, it feels good getting back to our boys.