Disclaimer: I am simply taking these characters out to play. All Characters and lyrics belong to their respective owners. I own nothing.

A/N: This is my entry for the Snarky Sidekick Contest. A special thanks to Lostinspace33 and Orsinoslady for their betaing skills and wonderful suggestions. You ladies are fantastic!

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Pam and the Lord of Darkness

Usually when February came around, I found myself wanting to dig a hole and sleep until March. For years now, since Eric and I have settled in the area, we have been throwing a party in honor of Prince Dracula's birthday. This year though, I was actually looking forward to our annual celebration. Eric was, of course, being a pain in the ass, demanding the impossible, fussing and micromanaging everything I was doing. It was a good thing he and Sookie were working things out because without that distraction I was sure I would have had to have Eric surgically removed from my ass by the time the month was through.

Each year it was always the same. Eric would go over the top in his plans, hoping that "The Lord of Darkness" would make his appearance, and every year like a human child who had a birthday party that no one showed up to, he would sulk for a week. I have never personally met the Prince but by the way Eric speaks of him you would think his bottom was dipped in gold. "The Prince this...The Prince that..." I had heard every tale and every piece of gossip there was about the Prince, and not because I wanted to.

Eric tried hard to come up with different lures, one that might bring the Prince to his party, and this year, he insisted on having a DJ that was familiar with popular Transylvanian music. 'Oh sure! No problem! It's what all the hot DJs are playing these days. Is there even such a thing as popular Transylvanian music? I think I would rather have my fangs filed down with a rusty rasp than listen to that crap for more than an hour.' It took me three weeks before the found the Duke of Death. He claimed to have been in Romania back in the 1600's and said he was familiar with it. I figured it was close enough and since Eric was over a thousand years old, when he said "popular Transylvanian music" in his terms that would include anything within the last 400 years or so. Who the hell was really gonna care anyway, well besides my Master? But really, he wouldn't know the difference. It's not like he has that type of music loaded on his iPod.

In addition to being tasked with music preparations I was also given the "privilege" of transforming Fangtasia into something more luxurious. Really, I always enjoy dressing a room and I thought the club turned out spectacularly. I had the walls draped with red velvet curtains that hid the tacky vampire movie posters usually adorning the walls. The booths were removed and stored in the basement. I replaced them all with small round tables that could seat four. The tables were covered with crisp white table cloths and in the center was a large black pillar candle surrounded by a wreath of red roses. Eric had wanted to add little coffins to the center piece but luckily I had talked him out of it. That would have been absolutely tacky!

I did talk him into getting a heated blood fountain though, which cost him a pretty penny, but the class it added to the room made it totally worth it. I had the dance floor replaced with a fine walnut wood floor and over it hung a stunning three tier crystal chandelier. The effect was almost ruined when Eric insisted that we hang several of the Prince's flags from the ceiling around the room so it was a good thing I was able to get him to compromise. Instead we had small banners made that were hung around the bar and over the new throne I had installed, at Eric's insistence. That was something Eric would not compromise on…well, that and the red silk pillow that adorned the seat of the throne so that if the Prince showed up his golden ass would have a silky soft place to rest.

The only other hitch that came up was the problem with the invitations. When they showed up at the club, Eric happened to get to them first and let me tell you, I never knew how important the letters "N" and "U" were until Eric nearly blew a gasket when he read them.

ERIC NORTHMAN

AND THE STAFF OF FANGTASIA

REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
AT FANGTASIA'S ANAL PARTY
TO CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF
THE LORD OF DARKNESS

PRINCE DRACULA

ON FEBRUARY 8, 10:00 P.M.
MUSIC PROVIDED BY THE DUKE OF DEATH
COSTUMES REQUIRED

RSVP

Anyway, I had to return them and thankfully got them back and corrected in time to get them out properly. I knew if I didn't "heads were going to roll", as my maker likes to say, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't going to be mine.

It was at Sookie's suggestion, Eric decided it would be a costume party, and as soon as he mentioned it I knew what I was going to dress up as. I was well aware that my costume would initially piss my maker off, but I also knew he would see the humor in it eventually and surely Sookie would be amused. Regardless, I knew I would be amused.

I was not sure what Eric and Sookie were going to dress as, but I was pretty sure Eric would dress as a Viking. Sometimes my maker has no imagination; at times I wonder how he made it so long without me. 'What a boring existence that must have been.'

Being the good child that I was, in an attempt to curb his redundantly boring ways, a couple of nights before the party I had decided to give him some suggestions. I should have known to keep my mouth shut. When I suggested he dress as James Bond or Rhett Butler he scoffed, "I am way sexier than either of those two humans." He sneered then added casually, "Plus, why would I want to wear so much clothing, a tux or some period clothing? Fuck that...and you know how Sookie reacts to seeing my body. I was thinking of something shirtless." 'Oh, but of course...' I knew how much Eric liked to show off his abs.

"Has Sookie told you what she is going to dress as?" I was eager to see what Sookie had selected to wear. She often surprised me. 'Maybe she will dress up as a Viking sex slave. That would be quite yummy indeed.'

"No. She refuses to tell me. She says it will be a surprise." He smirked. 'Maybe Sookie will be showing up as a Viking sex slave.'

"Really? I figured Sookie would want to be all matchy-matchy with you." I ruthlessly suppressed my own smirk. "You know...how the human couples do it. It shows everyone that they are a pair. I know how you are always telling everyone Sookie is yours. So I just figured..." I knew I was getting myself into trouble, but I loved to push his buttons.

"Pamela! I do not do matchy-matchy, as you say! And I do not need Sookie's clothing to match mine in an attempt to show people she is mine. Everyone already knows she is mine," Eric said indignantly and stuck his nose in the air.

'Yeah 'cause you are constantly telling everyone she is. Were there enough "mines" in that statement? It's just like Eric...mine, mine, mine.' I thought but said, "Of course Master." I did not bring it up again, let me tell you.

So the night before the party, when everything was complete and ready, I finalized my own costume. There was not much to it, a pad of paper, small apron, white socks, black gym shoes, black shorts, and of course the most important piece of the outfit, (which by the way I had to steal from Sookie's Shifter boss) the Merlotte's tee-shirt.

Party Time

As soon as the sun set on the night of the party, I dressed in my outfit before pulling my hair into a ponytail high on my head. I put in some small gold ball earrings, and just a little bit of makeup. I had to admit that the outfit was much more comfortable than what Eric made me wear at the bar. I have to say, it irritated the shit out of me that Eric got to wear jeans and a tee-shirt most nights, and I had to wear clothing that I had to put on with Vaseline. Fucking unfair if you ask me. When I was pleased with my appearance, I headed out and made my way to Fangtasia. The party didn't start until ten, but there was plenty to do before then.

Everything seemed to be going well, the staff was all scurrying around like ants on a mission and I was standing on the dais which held the new throne that Eric had picked out himself. It was a high backed chair that stood almost six feet in height and was made of solid mahogany. Eric said it had been hand carved by some old monks or something. Its legs and arms were shaped of gilded lions, and its back sat high, adorned with a carved eagle at each side of a sharp peak. I thought it was hideous but my master insisted that it belonged to some king from the fifteenth century or something. I could care less where it came from. It was an eyesore.

I was finally able to find a suitable silk pillow, which I had to order on the internet. It had come by Fed-Ex overnight and I got it just in time. Eric insisted that it have the Prince's crest embroidered on one side and the other is covered with a rich red silk. It was a "royal" pain in the ass, but I got it done.

No sooner than I put the pillow down on the seat and appreciated its fit, fucking Ginger, a poor excuse for a human who's been glamored so much she's two blinks away from Candyland, trips over her own feet and sends a bottle of blood flying toward me. I was a bit startled and I admit, even though the whole incident was in horrible slow motion, I was so stunned that I did nothing but move out of it's path and yell, "Nooooooooooooooo!" as the bottle slammed into the back of the throne, shattering, and splattered everywhere, including all over the fucking pillow I had just placed.

"FUCK!" I screamed, alarming everyone in the room, not that I gave a shit. I rushed back over to the pillow to check it for damages. The silk side was up and drenched in True Blood. There was no way I could get a replacement in time. I felt like kicking my own ass for not ordering two. That's a mistake I wouldn't be making again.

"Get some rags and clean this shit up," I ordered to Ginger who was cowering on the floor. She scrambled to her feet and ran off.

I flipped the pillow over to the embroidered side and let out a soft sigh of relief. That side was clean of blood and if I left it embroidered side up no one would be the wiser. I did not expect the Prince to actually show up, since he never had before, so maybe no one would notice. I pressed as much of the liquid out of the pillow as possible and flipped it over, embroidered side up. Now I just had to pray Eric didn't see it, or sit on it. He would not be happy with a wet ass. As long as I kept him from sitting there, he would never know. I would have to be creative, but that's what I am good at, after all.

Besides the few mishaps, I was pleased with the way all my planning and hard work turned out. Eric arrived around nine and went straight to his office to dress for the evening. After about a half hour, he had yet to come out of his office and I decided to check up on him. People were already lining up outside, and there were only thirty minutes left before the doors would be opened. I knocked at Eric's office door and he shouted, "Come."

Eric was looking closely at some photos as he sat behind his desk. He did not even look up from his task when I entered. As I suspected, he had dressed as a Viking. I was sure that Viking's wore shirts, which he did not, only a sword strapped to his back. He had on dark brown leather pants, a drinking horn attached to his belt, and an iron helmet, which sat on his desk. Eric's hair was intricately braided, and I have to say, he looked good, even if he didn't have any imagination.

As I walked closer to his desk, I could see that the pictures he was so intently staring at were of Sookie. She was posed erotically with her fairy cousin. Sookie was dressed in some red low cut old-style country maid dress, a fitting look for her if I do say so myself. The Fairy wore a white billowing shirt that was halfway unbuttoned showing off his chest and tight green pants that showed off a somewhat impressive package. It looked like they were going to ravage each other. I took a seat in front of Eric's desk and decided to get his attention. He had not noticed my outfit and I wanted to get it over with, "So I guess Sookie really is a southern girl, keeping it all in the family I see."

"These are the proofs from the Romance Cover Model contest Claude talked Sookie into helping him with," Eric said, still not looking up. "She looks ravishing. I hope she wears something like this tonight."

I swear, sometimes I think Eric believes the sun shines out of Sookie's ass. "Yes, the dress does make her breasts look lusciously biteable," I admitted. What can I say? My master is not the only one who has a thing for nice breasts. "How did you get a hold of these photos?" I asked, mildly curious.

"The Fairy used the same photographer that we did for the Fangtasia calendar," he said and I could tell by his tone he did not want to discuss it. I rolled my eyes. 'Whatever.'

He finally looked up at me and his face was a sight. "Pamela. What is the meaning of this?" He motioned to my costume with a mixed expression of amusement, annoyance, and confusion. He arched an eyebrow and it was a good thing Sookie walked in the back door to the club then. I knew Eric heard her because he hastily put away the photos and flipped open his laptop before giving me a sour look. The timing was perfect.

A moment later Sookie walked into the office and Eric and I gaped at her. It took everything I had not to fall to the floor laughing when I looked at Eric's expression. He looked dumbfounded. Sookie was dressed in a long white dress that hung to the ground, and it had long bell sleeves and high neck collar. Around her waist was a silver belt that a black plastic gun hung from. Her hair was done up in two buns, one on each side of her head. I was sure this was not what Eric was expecting, I know I sure wasn't. Not an inch of skin was showing and I was now certain that tonight would be a long night.

Before I could comment Sookie exclaimed, "Pam! Why are you dressed in a Merlotte's uniform?" She gave me an incredulous look. "You dressed up... as me?" Sookie's voice went up an octave. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open.

"No," I said with a huge smirk on my face, "I dressed up as a telepath." Eric's scowl deepened and Sookie's face flushed. 'I love it.'

For a moment I thought Sookie was going to tell me how I offended her, but suddenly she started giggling. Then her giggles turned into an all out guffaw. I could not help but beam at my master, his lips curved up in a small smile at Sookie's amusement, not my own. 'Close enough.'

"Only you, Pam," she stated when she could catch her breath she added, "You know, people will think you're dressed up as a waitress." Sookie made her way over to the couch to sit and she plopped down, with an "Umpf."

"Only the ones with no intelligence," I countered.

Eric was visibly not happy that Sookie was seated across the room from him. He had been staring at her intently when he interrupted, "Sookie what is it that you are dressed as?"

Sookie gave him an odd look and replied, "Princess Leia." Even I knew who that was and I was shocked that Eric didn't.

"Where does this Princess hail from? I have not heard of her," Eric asked looking thoughtful. 'This is too good.'

"Alderaan." I answered before Sookie could. I admit, I own copies of the films on DVD, and don't jump to conclusions…it wasn't like I was dressing up and going to conventions. I had a lover, for a time, a cute little nerdy boy, who was not so little where it counted most and he liked all things Star Wars.

Sookie flashed me a look and I winked at her. A sexy little smirk crept on her face, and all she said was, "I need to use the washroom. I'll be right back." That was one of the things I liked most about my telepathic friend. She enjoyed teasing Eric as much as I did. Sookie stood and exited the room, with Eric's eyes glued to her back side. 'Maybe I should get some sticky notes and place them on Sookie's behind next time I need to get a message to Eric,' I thought randomly.

"Pam, you know of this Princess? Where is this Alderaan?" Eric inquired. His face was pensive. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was constipated.

"Oh, yeah I know about her..." I said offhandedly, "and Alderaan is in a place far, far away." I wanted to burst, but kept it tightly under wraps. I was enjoying this too much. Eric would want to punish me if he knew I was teasing him, but I couldn't help it. It was too funny.

Eric looked at me skeptically. "Can't you be a bit more specific Pam? Is it customary for this Princess of Alderaan to wear such a formless sack?" I knew he was not happy with Sookie's costume. He hoped she would dress in something sexy. I suppose if you're a Star Wars nerd, you might have a thing for that outfit, but I was sure the Viking did not.

"Oh, yes," I said and nodded. He looked crushed for a moment, so I continued, "Although sometimes she wears only a metal bikini top, and simple skirt, made of two panels of fabric covering front and back. It leaves her sides exposed completely, and is held at the hips by only a thin gold chain." The play of emotions as I spoke flickered across his face.

"Do you think Sookie has that underneath that sack she is wearing?" he asked a little hopefully.

"Maybe she has nothing at all on underneath..." The thought of that was pretty hot and I added, "You will have to let me know."

Eric just gave me a grunt. Thankfully, Sookie returned and I casually slipped out of the room to attend to my duties at the entrance.

When we opened the doors at ten, the club had a steady stream of arriving guests. The party was by invitation only, and the humans that attended, paid a high price for that invitation. The area Vampires were all invited and some of the prominent area Weres had been as well. We had quite the turnout.

Among the party goers tonight were Alcide Herveaux and one of his Were bitches. They had shown up dressed as a doctor and a naughty nurse. His companion was a little trashy but would have been doable, if she didn't smell like wet dog. It was a shame.

Calvin Norris arrived not long after Alcide, and he was dressed as a football player...he came alone. I was surprised that he showed up at all. I know at one time he had a thing for Sookie, but I chalked it up to the fact that he was probably just curious or maybe he wanted a taste of something outside his gene pool. Regardless, I was pretty sure he was here for the free drinks. Those panthers are nothing, if not cheap.

Bill Compton showed up, dressed as a pirate and more than fashionably late, at about eleven-thirty. When I saw who was trailing behind him I realized why he was late. Following close behind Bill was Bubba. I almost didn't recognize him since he was dressed as Santa Clause, red velvet outfit, white beard and all. I startled a couple of the attendees, who where waiting in line to get in, with my guffaws. 'I will have to remember to commend Sookie later on her idea of a costume party; this is turning out to be more than amusing.'

Bill strode up to me with an impassive look on his face. "Pam," he said in greeting. He looked utterly absurd with his big black boots, black tights (which really showed how inadequate he was), and puffy white ruffled shirt. He topped it off with a red scarf he tied around his head as a hat, an eye patch, and gold hoop earrings.

"Yo ho, Matey! Nice costume, Bill. All you're missing is the bird to shit on your shoulder." 'Douche bag.'

"Why are you dressed like a waitress?" he inquired smugly.

"A telepath, moron," I sneered. 'Of course, dickless here wouldn't get it. He doesn't have two brain-cells to rub together.'

"Hi, Miss Pam," Bubba said cheerfully interrupting. At least he was in good spirits, since I was not in the mood to deal with an obstreperous vampire. "I'm dressed as Santa Clause," he said proudly.

"Yes, I see that. Why don't you go in and have some blood?" I offered. It was the nicest way I could say, "Go the fuck away." I wanted to play with Bill.

"Oh! Mr. Bill got me a whole litter of kittens before we came here," Bubba said and leaned in a conspiratorial way. "I saved the big one for later."

"Well wasn't that nice..." 'Oh yummy...' "Go in now, and say hello to Sookie. I am sure she will want to see you," I encouraged and he nodded vigorously and entered the club. Bubba's turning may have been a mistake, but at least it was a somewhat amusing one. I turned my attentions back to Bill.

"I was beginning to think you were not going to show up. I take it the lateness is due to all that pussy chasing you were doing for Bubba. You two make quite the pair. I am surprised you didn't dress as Mrs. Clause to match your date." I gave him a fangy grin. "You really did scrape the bottom of the barrel after Sookie dumped you."

Bill, in return, scowled at me. "Very funny, Pam. You know Eric has me looking after Bubba. I couldn't very well let him come here dressed as himself and he insisted on the Santa costume," he huffed. Tonight would have been the only time besides Hallows Eve that Bubba could have gotten away with showing up as himself. For a vampire, Bill was a class "A" idiot. "So, Sookie is here?"

I rolled my eyes at him, not only was he an idiot, he was pathetic as well. "Yes, she is with her bonded."

"Her bonded..." he muttered unhappily. 'Is there an echo?'

"Yes, you know, the tall, blond, Viking Vampire. The one with the nice ass and humongous cock..."

Bill interrupted. "Ahhrrrggg," he grumbled, "I have no interest in how big Eric's..." He waved his hand in the air dramatically, "member is," he said with distaste.

"Jealous are we? Feeling inadequate?" I asked him in a serious tone. "Is that why Sookie dumped you? Were you not keeping her satisfied? You could always get one of those pumps."

"IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!" he shouted as he struggled to compose himself when he heard the surrounding patrons gasp at his outburst. "I assure you I am more than adequate. You know it's not the size that matters, it's how you use it." Bill straightened his back defiantly.

"Only men with small peckers believe that bullshit," I crowed, outright laughing at his rising anger. If he were human, I was sure his face would have been purple with his ire. His lips were held in a tight pursed line, and his eyes narrowed. I thought for a moment I might get the chance to kick his ass, that would make the night just perfect, but instead he strode past me without another word, like a pouting child and entered the club.

I worked the door for a while longer before having Indira replace me so I could join the party. The club was hopping, the DJ was playing "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies, and the dance floor was packed. I was pleased we were not yet hearing the sounds of popular Transylvanian music and I glanced around for Eric and Sookie, but they were no where to be found. I figured they had snuck off somewhere, so Eric could see what was underneath Sookie's dress. It wasn't long before my suspicions were confirmed as they re-entered the room, looking a bit disheveled. They made their way to the dance floor, completely fixated on each other, and I watched them for a while as did a lot of the party goers. Eric may not admit it, but he loves that human. He looks at her like she is the answer to his prayers and she looks at him like he is a god. 'If I was human, bile would be rising up in my throat about now.'

It wasn't long before I joined them on the dance floor. I had spied this hot little red head earlier dressed as the devil, and of course she was thrilled when I invited her to dance. What can I say, I'm a smoking hot vampire and women just fall at my feet.

After a few songs, Eric and Sookie made their way back to their table. I figured it was a good time for me to grab a blood and give my partner a rest. I would have loved to sink my fangs into that fine piece of ass, and if this had been an all vampire party, I would have, but since it was not I had to refrain from public feeding.

I made my way through the crowd to the bar. Clancy was playing bartender tonight. Personally, I couldn't stand the whining bastard. He was surly even for a Vampire, and his smart mouth and bad attitude would yield him only an early final death. It was just a matter of time, and boy I couldn't wait for that day to come. Sometimes I felt like I was surrounded by overgrown man-boys. 'And they wonder why I prefer women.'

"Clancy, get me a glass of Royalty," I demanded and he shot me a look. You know the one, the one that basically says "Fuck off." If I wasn't Eric's second in command, he probably would have told me so. 'Bully for him.'

Clancy stalked over to me with a deep frown on his ugly face. He was literally wearing a black plastic garbage bags all over his body. The one on his head had a tear large enough to show his face. He wore one like a shirt, holes cut in it for his head and arms, and he had a bag on each leg. He had used black coal around his eyes to make them look sunken in and that completed his costume. "Eric said to save the Royalty for the Prince." he told me gruffly.

"What the fuck are you supposed to be? The Michelin Man? And I know what Eric said, and really do you think "The Prince" will be showing up here in this backwater state?" I rolled my eyes. "Now be a doll and pour me a glass, before you piss me off."

"Well you don't have to be a bitch about it. If Eric finds out, I am telling him you insisted," Clancy huffed. 'Yeah, run and tell on me you pansy.'

As he walked off to get my drink, I called, "Chop, chop, bagboy." Clancy was moving human-slow in an obvious attempt to piss me off.

When he came back with my drink he sneered, "I am not "Bagboy". I am dressed as a corpse. What are you dressed as, a waitress?" he scowled.

"Oh, how original, dumbass. I am dressed as a telepath, not a waitress, and how does dressing in garbage bags make you a corpse?" I replied coolly.

"When you dump a corpse, often the body is placed in garbage bags when it's buried." He stuck his nose in the air as if he was irritated by my stupidity. 'Fucker.'

"Yeah, but usually the body is cut into pieces first. You should have called me. I would have been happy to make your costume more authentic." I smiled sweetly at him and his body went rigid, right before he slammed my drink on the bar and stalked away, much like he had when he had arrived.

I scooped up my drink and as I turned I found myself running into a brick wall. "Watch it asshole," I spat while checking to make sure I didn't spill any blood on myself.

"Excuse me, beautiful lady. I apologize for bumping into you, but do you think you might get me a glass of Royalty, warmed?" a heavily accented male voice purred.

"Do I look like a fucking waitress to you?" I growled, and looked up at the offending jerkoff. My mouth dropped open and the words seemed to stick in my throat. All I thought was 'OH FUCK!', and absently handed him my drink, while still impersonating a large-mouth bass.

The Prince Vlad Drăculea, better known as Dracula, stood in front of me with a feral smile on his face as he took the drink from my hand and drained it in one gulp. "Well," he said as he looked me up and down, "actually, you do." He smirked while blatantly eye fucking me. "It has been a long time since anyone has dared call me an asshole." he continued as he placed the emptied glass on a nearby table. I did not know what to say. For once in my undead existence, I was utterly speechless. He was dressed as none other than Michael Jackson. I recognized the outfit immediately. It was iconic after all. He wore the infamous black fedora hat, red leather jacket with the zippers, black leather pants, white socks and black loafer shoes. His own hair was hidden under a black curly wig and several of the curls hung down over his forehead. Even in the Michael Jackson getup, I recognized him from his sharp long nose to his slightly bugging black eyes. The Prince had a long mustache that reached out to the middle of his cheeks. It hid the fact that he had a small upper lip in comparison to his slightly larger lower one. He had not shaved his outdatedly styled mustache to complete his outfit and it looked ridiculously out of place. The Prince was no looker.

"I...I...apologize. I did not mean to call you an asshole," I fumbled. Eric was going to stake me himself if I screwed things up. 'I am sure he is going to love to hear I called the Prince an asshole.'

"I accept," he said with a devious smile. "I knew you were not a waitress. I just needed something to break the ice. You are Pamela Ravenscroft, are you not?" he said smoothly. 'That was his pick up line? He has no game. Wait what?'

I flinched."You know who I am?"

"Yes. I have heard of you, child to Eric the Norseman, second in command of area five, Louisiana. The stunningly beautiful angel of death, who united Weres, Witches, and Vampires to slaughter a coven of bloodthirsty Were-witches, in order to restore her maker's lost memories. I would have loved to have seen that. Not to mention your other exploits." His fangs dropped, showing me just how much he wished he could see me in action. I had to force myself not to wrinkle my nose; I was torn halfway between being disgusted and flattered. Honestly, I hoped he was not interested in getting a piece of Pam. I would not want to fuck this guy with Bill's dick...okay, maybe then, but otherwise he was not even close to my type.

My mind raced with things I might say, there was no way I wanted to lead on the Prince, but I did not want to offend him. Eric must have felt my distress because he sent a subtle call my way and I saw him making his way toward me with Sookie in tow.

"Is everything alright here, Pam?" Eric said, standing stoically behind the Prince. He had no idea who was standing in front of him since Vlad's back was to him. I gave my master a wide eyed look.

Vlad turned then to look at Eric. "Sheriff Northman! I have long wanted to attend one of your parties in my honor. I was so pleased to see you decided to make it a costume party this year. I love costume parties!" the Prince said with a flourish. I thought Eric might faint with joy. The music stopped (the DJ obviously noticed the incident) as Eric dropped to one knee before Vlad. Sookie just stood gaping at the Prince and Eric while standing at his side. It was an awkwardly quiet moment.

"Prince Dracula! You honor me...us with your presence," Eric said, tugging Sookie's arm and she rolled her eyes but joined him, kneeling before the Prince. Eric swept the room with his eyes and everyone followed the Sheriff's lead and dropped to one knee, even me.

"Rise now Sheriff, no need to stop the party! We need some music!" Vlad commanded. Thankfully, he did not turn his attention back to me.

Eric and Sookie rose to their feet and everyone else followed as the DJ started playing the horrible Transylvanian music, which effectively cleared the dance floor. Eric led the Prince over to the throne and all I could think of was what the Prince was going to look like with blood dripping off his backside. 'Eric is going to stake me.'

I stood still perfectly still for a moment as I watched the scene unfold and to my relief, the Prince shook his head and indicated he did not want to sit there and Eric led him to his private table. 'That was too close for comfort.' I grudgingly followed them when Eric gave me a little wave behind the Prince's back. 'Shit! I had hoped to go hide somewhere until he left.'

The Prince sat down with Eric on one side, me on the other, and Sookie sat between us, opposite the Prince. I noticed then a group of women that sat at a table nearby. There were five of them so they pulled a chair over from one of the empty tables to add it to their own. They were dressed in 80's style gang member outfits. They were sluts with big hair, lots of cheap jewelry, and heavily done makeup. Vlad gave them a wink and they giggled and swooned like disgusting groupies. 'Are they his?'

Vlad noticed me looking at them and leaned over to whisper, "Do not mind my concubines. They are a bit over excited. They get out of the country so very little." 'He travels with a gaggle of women? Wonderful.'

When we were settled Eric made formal introductions. "Prince Dracula, I am please to introduce you to my lover and bonded, Sookie Stackhouse, and this, whom you have briefly met, is my child, Pamela Ravenscroft."

I simply gave a deep nod of my head to the Prince, but Sookie absently held out her hand and before she could snatch it back the Prince grabbed it, but instead of kissing it, he licked her from her knuckles to her wrist. He did not let go of her for a moment, and he gazed into her eyes. I had to give it to Sookie she didn't flinch and it was obvious what he was trying to do, and it wasn't going to work. I could feel Eric tense, he was not happy about this one bit. The Prince seemed to realize that glamor wasn't working on Sookie and he released her hand.

"Interesting," the Prince commented and studied Sookie for a moment before Eric interrupted.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Eric asked, waving over a waitress.

"A virgin, perhaps?" The Prince raised his eyebrows in question. 'Yeah right, not in this place. Not bloody likely.'

"I apologize, I do not have a virgin, but I can have one procured for you if you wish. Otherwise, there are many donors here to choose from, or I have Royalty if you prefer." Eric said and Sookie looked appalled for a second before securing her expression. I just prayed the Prince would decline or I would be the one out virgin hunting. 'Where the hell am I going to find a virgin at this time of night? It's not like I can call Virgins-R-Us.'

"Royalty will be fine." the Prince said. 'Thank God.' "I must ask, what is this music you are playing?" 'Oh this is going to be good.'

Eric looked genuinely stunned for a moment before he replied, "It is popular Transylvanian music. I assumed you might like to hear something from your home country."

"Pish Posh,"Vlad said waving his hand dramatically, "if I wanted to listen to that I would have stayed home. I want to hear American music." 'Pish Posh?'

"As you wish." Eric said with a bow of the head. Then Eric gave me a look that clearly indicated he wanted me to handle the music problem.

He did not have to ask me twice. "Excuse me, Masters. I will return shortly." I said and took off before anyone could protest. I sped across the empty dance floor to the DJ booth to give the Duke his instructions, but it didn't get me away for long enough.

I admit, I dragged my feet on the way back, not wanting to return to the table. If ever I wanted the club to be attacked by the Fellowship of The Sun, or surrounded by a invading enemy, it was now. 'Maybe I can rile Bill up enough to get him to make Eric give him his final death. That would make the night better...'

When the music changed the dance floor began to fill back up and I sat back down at the table next to the Prince. Sookie was attempting to make polite conversation with the creepy vampire. Eric had her chair pulled over right next to his and his arm rested on the back of her chair possessively. His hand stroked the back of her neck and she tried very hard to hold still under his ministrations.

For the next excruciating hour, the boring conversation continued as Vlad spoke of other parties and named dropped people from Marie Antoinette to the artist formally known as Prince. He bragged about this and that, droning on and on like an old boring blowhard. 'How did we ever get so lucky to be gifted with his presence?'

"Your Majesty, I really like your costume. Are you a big fan of Michael Jackson?" Sookie asked when Vlad finally let her get a word in.

Vlad grinned widely showing his uneven teeth. "Yes, it was a pity that he was not turned before his death, a musical genius and a gifted choreographer. I know all of his moves."

"Really!" I blurted, startling everyone since I had been so quiet for so long. The wheels had been turning in my head. 'Perfect.'

"Yes, no one does Michael Jackson like I do," he said and that sentence just did not come out right. Sookie giggled and covered it poorly with a cough.

"I would love to see your moves," I purred, hoping to distract him and get a break from his endless cock stroking.

I was shocked when Eric said, "As would I." Eric gave Vlad an innocent smile. "I too am a fan of the King of Pop." 'Liar, liar, pants on fire.' I knew for a fact Eric hated Michael Jackson. He always said he thought the singer was a mutant inbreed shifter of some sort. He thought Michael wore the medical mask to cover up his inability to completely shift back.

Vlad lit up like a Christmas tree and answered with false modesty, "Well how can I refuse, when my gracious hosts insist?"

Vlad stood from his seat and motioned to his gaggle of women and they stood, "Ladies, our hosts have requested that I give them a taste of the Dracmeister." 'Did he really just call himself the Dracmeister?' Vlad walked off with his gaggle of floozies following him like the sycophants they were. He made his way to the DJ Booth to request his song.

"He never shuts up, does he?" Eric said softly through gritted teeth and Sookie giggled. Eric gripped the back of her neck tightly and pulled her into a passionate kiss and whispered, "I can still taste you on my lips. When he leaves I will taste you again." I was pretty sure he was not talking about her blood.

Sookie moaned, and it looked like she was going to climb Eric like a monkey, so I decided to interrupt. "Oh, not impressed with your idol? But he is sooooo interesting."

"Like watching paint dry," Sookie mumbled and the music in the club went off. All eyes went to the dance floor.

The DJ's voice came over the speakers, "Please clear the dance floor and put your hands together for our guest of honor, The Prince of Darkness, Vlad Dracula! He is going to perform the stylings of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop's "Beat it"."

The dance floor parted like the red sea, as Vlad made his way over to the center of it followed by his tramps. The dance floor went dark and the room was silent until the unmistakable almost gonging sound at the start of the song. When the lights flicked on, Vlad and his hookers were standing in a "V" formation with him at the front. They were swaying their hips and snapping their fingers in time with the beat.

As soon as the lyrics started they all walked forward in time continuing to snap their fingers and began shuffling their feet from side to side, as Vlad lip-synched the words. 'Where the hell is my video camera? No one is ever going to believe this.'

They told him don't you ever come around here
Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear
The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear
So beat it, just beat it

Then, they stopped abruptly to punch their fists in the air. My eyebrows flew up at the display. Images of the Prince practicing this at home flew through my mind, and I let out a strangled gasp as I tried to contain my howling.

You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can

So beat it, but you wanna be bad

At the same, perfectly choreographed time, they turned to face the right side and slid backwards pushing their fists in front of them as if they were rowing a boat. After a couple of steps back, Vlad and the girls broke out into a freaky body wave, placing one foot in front of them and the other foot far behind and pointed their toes as they rocked back and forth as they moved forward again. It was like epileptics having seizures.

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it

No one wants to be defeated

The Prince and his dancing hussies stepped back then, bending at the knee and taking exaggerated steps backwards, one foot, stop, dip, the other foot, stop dip. When that painful move, to watch anyway, was through, they did some bizarre move that looked like they were shuffling imaginary cards from their hips out into the crowd.

Showin' how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

Vlad grabbed his crotch with one hand and then and thrust his hips yelling, "YEE HEE," as his other hand pointed first in the air toward the ceiling and then to me. He made a "WHOOHOOO" sound while thrusting his pelvis in my direction, before he sang the words to me. I stared at him like a suicidal human standing on railroad tracks watching the train approach. 'If there is a God, please strike me dead now.'

Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it
Just beat it, beat it

I wanted to run and hide, but mercifully after an agonizing moment, he shifted his eyes elsewhere. Vlad continued to thrust his hips, grabbing his crotch and humping his hand like it was a lover. The girls mimicked the hip thrusting movement except they pulled their elbows back and arched their back as they thrusted themselves into the air. They repeated these appalling dance moves as the song continued and I was never so relieved to hear the last verse of a song in my long life.

Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it

Vlad, looking to end his disturbing little dance dramatically, began to spin in place, like a top, at vampire speed before throwing himself to his knees and sliding across the floor. He ripped his shirt off and threw it to his gaggle of woman, raising his arms to the air in a "Ta-da". The slutbag who caught it lifted the shirt to her face and inhaled before fainting. Unfortunately for the whore, she hit the floor, and since no one moved to catch her, she landed with a thud. The room was silent as death for a moment. It seemed I was not the only one in shock. It was Sookie who broke the silence by clapping like a loon. Everyone seemed to join in (waking from their stupors and not knowing what else to do) and the Prince stood and took a deep bow. 'I don't think I will ever be able to listen to Michael Jackson again without those nightmarish images burning in my mind. Visions of the Prince thrusting and grabbing his crotch alone was enough to make a girl swear off men for good.' I took a gulp of my Royalty and looked anywhere but in the direction of the Prince and tried to think of happy thoughts. 'A fifty percent off sale at Jimmy Choo's, my new Gucci handbag, boobs, my jackrabbit vibrator with its rotating beads and turbo powered duel control...'

My happy thoughts were disturbed when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I had a horrible feeling I knew who it was and I turned ever so slowly until I met his beady black eyes. His face was too close to mine and I pulled my head back some in an attempt to give myself some space. The Prince followed my movement until he was hovering over me. "Pamela, I have asked the Duke of Death to play a very special song for you," he smiled. I had no idea what look I had plastered on my face, but I hoped it wasn't too offensive.

"What song is that?" I asked trying to keep the trepidation and repugnance from my voice. I forced on a smile (at least I thought it was a smile). 'Eric must feel me, why isn't he stepping in? Come on, Eric, save me.'

"You will find out the moment you accept," Vlad said and held his hand out to me with an exaggerated flip of his wrist. I looked over to Eric who was nodding his head vigorously, and then to Sookie who was shaking hers almost imperceptibly. 'I will make Eric pay for this. Oh he will pay...'

"As...you...wish...my Lord." I could barely get the words out as I hesitantly put my hand in his. 'Alright Pamela, suck it up. You've faced worse things…well not many, but still, worse things. This wretched man only wants one dance. Do your duty now and pay back "Eric the Asshole" later.' I pumped myself up and let Vlad pull me from my seat.

He led me to the still cleared dance floor. The DJ's voice came over the speakers once again, and I wished I was human so I could faint and wake up after the agony of this night was over. "The Prince has asked to dedicate this song to the bewitching and gorgeous young vampire, Pamela Ravenscroft!"

The music started and Vlad wrapped his arms around my waist and I placed my hands on his shoulders, leaving my elbows between us in an attempt to keep him as far away from me as possible.

I did not recognize the song at first but then I heard Bryan Adams voice loud and clear. It was the song "Everything I Do, I Do it for You". 'I am in hell. I met my final death and this is hell. Maybe I should have prayed to the demon instead?'

The Prince and I rocked from foot to foot in a circle, like a couple of kids at a high School dance. (I have seen all of the John Hughes movies.)

For the first two minutes of the song, Vlad's hands roamed over my body and I did my best to divert them from their targets. When he would slide his hand down to squeeze my ass, I would pull it back to my waist. When his hands moved up the front of my shirt and got too close to my breasts, I pushed his hands to my sides. When he figured out I was not going to let him grope me, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, holding me against him.

"Sweet Pamela," he breathed, "why play so hard to get? It is obvious you are in awe of my magnificence. Your actions and expressions say it all, me micuta mea floare (my little flower). I knew I could impress you with my dance moves."

'FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK...FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK...' "Your Grace, I am not attempting to play hard to get," I began carefully, knowing I had to tread lightly, "although I am in..." I had to stop myself from spitting the word, "awe of your many talents, the truth is, I am a lesbian." It was the only thing I could think of to say at the moment. I was scrambling.

"A lesbian?" Vlad asked as if he had scarcely heard the word.

"Yes. I am attracted to females." I said hoping that would ward him off.

Vlad kept up our awkward dance while he looked thoughtfully into my eyes. "I have no issue with that, I am attracted to females as well." 'Is Ashton Kutcher going to jump out and tell me I've been punked? Oh, please Lord Satan, hear my prayer...' I thought it was worth a try.

"Pamela, come back with me, back to my castle. Should you choose me, I will shower you with gifts. I will make you my Queen and we will see all of our enemies impaled on our front lawn. We will dine on only the finest virgins." 'Oh what an enticing gift. How can I refuse the rotting corpses of my enemies strewn out on the front lawn? He sure knows how to melt a girl's heart.' "I do not make this offer lightly. I have been inquiring about you for some time. You match me in every way. You are strong, beautiful, and vicious. Yield to me." He ground his unimpressive hardness against my leg. 'GROSS!'

'Think Pam. THINK!' "You honor me with the invitation, but I am afraid at this time, I am needed here at my Master's side." It was really all I had. The lesbian thing didn't put him off, and now he was offering marriage. I just met the freak merely hours ago. "My duty is to my maker."

"I am sure I could purchase your freedom. I could offer him currency or as many concubines as he wishes," he offered.

I knew Vlad was an old school Vampire. I needed to use that to my advantage. "As I know you have heard, since you mentioned the Were-witch War, my maker tends to get into a bit of trouble. He needs me right now, and by honor, I must answer the call of my maker."

Vlad sighed a deep sigh as the song came to a blessed end. I pulled back from him, but he ran his hands down my arms to hold my hands in his. "I understand, but should your answer change, you have only to seek me out." He pulled my hands to his lips and ran his tongue, from my knuckles to my wrist on one hand before moving to the other and repeating the action. 'I need a wet-nap.'

After that repulsive gesture, he thankfully released my hands and walked toward Eric's table. I sighed a deep sigh of relief and gave myself a pat on the back for not pissing off The Prince of Darkness.

Vlad said his goodbyes and thanked Eric for the wonderful evening before finally leaving for the night. The party seemed to clear out not long after that, and thanks to whichever of the gods that answered my prayers tonight, we all made it out relatively unscathed.

When everyone was gone, except for Eric, Sookie, and me, we all seemed to slump in our seats. "Well, Eric, was the Prince all that you had hoped for?" I inquired with just a teeny bit of sarcasm.

"Now, Pamela, you can't tell me that you didn't enjoy all of the attention that he paid to you," Eric said so straight faced that if I didn't know any better, I would have thought he was serious.

In turn I gave him the universally recognized "you're number one" gesture.

"Well that was real fun, but since you met the Prince and all, are you all going to be doing this again next year?" Sookie asked giggling.

Eric and I simultaneously spat the word, "NO!"

But just in case, I think next year I'm gonna call in sick.

FIN

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A/N: I really enjoyed writing something in Pam's POV. Thanks to the judges for taking the time to read and score my story. Those ladies are tough cookies, but I still laugh every time I read it, so I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know what you thought!