(Thus, enter the story formerly known as Prince - no, The Monk and the Feline. Retitled, Revised, and Retold. Ah, sweet alliterations. ^^ Old readers and new, enjoy!)
Feline Fatale
This
Or
perhaps a tall, dark, demon, smothering some kind of helpless being and controlling them which will lead us to yet another evil scheme in devouring Sanzo. (Evildoers. They just never get bored, do they?)Or
perhaps, it would start off with a smilling Hakkai, a very loud Goku yelling for food, a name-calling Gojyo, then some pre-school combats, only to be silenced by Sanzo's echoing gunshots..Or
it would start off with a mere Disclaimer, as all fanfics normally do.Well, I prefer the latter one, for I do not want to be sued… ^^
Disclaimer : Minekura Kazuya, do not try to sue me. I do not own any characters or anything to do with Gensomaden Saiyuki.
~~~~~~~~
chapter one.
As usual, we see a smilling Hakkai, a sleeping Sanzo, a very loud Goku yelling for food and a name-calling Gojyo inside a green jeep that is really not a jeep at all. They are driving silently through a sizzling desert towards the nearest town, as usual. And they probably are, as usual, half-expecting some bizarre incident to turn up, which seems to turn up in every corner of their death-defying journey. It all just seems so.. normal.. right?
"It is not!" yelled Goku, a small boy with menacingly golden eyes and unruly brown hair.
"It is too!" yelled Gojyo, a devastatingly tall man with long crimson hair and identical crimson eyes.
The two were engaged in en exciting food fight over the last bun in the bag - which was already half bitten and badly squashed due to their violent mishandling. Yet they are still fighting over it! And that.. er.. sort of worries me, that does.
"Go fry your brains somewhere, you baka saru."
"At least I have brains, unlike you!"
"Shut up and give me back my pork bun. You shouldn't touch that. It should be mine! You're barely past puberty!"
"I think you're the one with the age issues, you old-horny-looking water monster. Why don't you consult the mirror and check out your newest wrinkles? This is mine!" Goku quickly nicked the last remaining bun in the bag, devouring it at once in a rather sadictic measure. "Ha!" he said triumphantly with his mouth full. "Whee. Mine!"
Gojyo looked scandalized, not believing that a 518-year-old, aged monkey who never had the time to maturize could beat him in his own little food fight.
"Why you little-" he gave out a cry of war and lunged at Goku, "That was mine! My bun! My bun! Mine."
This time, Goku looked scandalized, not believing that a lanky red-head womanizer would dare strangle an innocent soul who was in mere hunger.
"Your bun!? Why you - you ero kappa!" he yelled as he lunged back at Gojyo, giving his long hair a decent but very painful tug. "Since when was your name on it!?"
A kind-looking man wearing a monocle behind the steering wheel spun around to the fighting men, and smiled. A way-too-kind kind of smile. Which is kind of bizzare, since it is not particularly normal for someone to smile very, very often like Hakkai. Like, if I see a couple of boys fighting physically over a very bitten, pathetic-looking bun, I will probably think 'Oh, the poor things' and throw a sympathetic quarter at their feet. But no, certainly not Hakkai. He is a very, very reasonable man. He will smile meaningfully.
"Please, do try to keep quiet. Otherwise, Sanzo will wake up." he said, very politely even though he had had the two boys as close companions since two years before. Like, if I've known a person for that many years and they are annoying me, I won't try and be polite. I will probably say 'You rude people' and butcher them until they are sorry. But no, certainly not Hakkai. He is a very, very patient man. He will smile meaningfully.
Goku and Gojyo peered at the sleeping Sanzo.
He seemed very sleepy indeed. But most of the time, asleep is how they liked Sanzo. A concious Sanzo is usually very dangerous to them, for they have been manhandled by Sanzo's trusty gun and paper fan in every way possible, upside down and sideways.
"Is he really sleeping??" asked Goku curiously.
Gojyo shrugged, obviously forgetting entirely of the pork-bun incident. "Well, his eyes are closed." he said evidently.
"That doesn't mean he's asleep!" whispered Goku frantically.
I don't blame him for sounding so panicky. If Sanzo ever heard what they have been fighting about, he would probably yell 'Do you want to die that badly!?' and blindly shoot the air within his range with his anti-demonic gun, killing several airborne demons on the way, I suppose.
"Of course he is.." said Gojyo, but rather uncertainly.
"Of course I'm not, Gojyo. I was though.." said (eep!) Sanzo with his eyes closed. Oh, so he's not asleep!
Goku and Gojyo stopped breathing. Then they began to laugh quite falsely. "We didn't know you were sleeping, Sanzo.. hehehehehhhehh.." said Gojyo.
"Hehehheheh .. hello, Sanzo. Honestly. We didn't know.. heheehh.." said Goku.
At this, Sanzo still hadn't opened his eyes. "Of course you didn't know.." then he opened his eyes at same time the infamous paper fan made its appearance, ".. you were too busy fighting over a piece of bun, you STUPID IDIOTS!!"
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
Two violent blows on each head and Goku and Gojyo began to twitch all over.
"I told you to be quiet you morons!! Do you want to die that badly!?" he said as he sat back down comfortably in his chair, "Do not interrupt me when I'm trying to sleep. Or I'll have my gun to keep you quiet for me, idiotic sods."
The blonde monk wistfully tried to fall asleep, but couldn't. Yet he was very tired. And very angry indeed.
Well, who wouldn't when you're trying very hard to have a nice picnic-like journey to the west, but ungodly rude demons keep interrupting you every time you want to relax and challenging you into fights. And then they try to eat you. And then you have these three weirdos as companions who keeps getting on your nerves. And then these people who call themselves gods try to attack you too. And then–
Screeeech!
The jeep halted to a stop. Gojyo and Goku fell back, and unbelievably, so did Sanzo who looked quiet embarassed with his fall. Thankfully, no one saw him but us readers. But, ssh, don't you mention that to him!
"Why did you stop, Hakkai!? Are we.. lost??" asked Goku as he looked around… the desert.
Hakkai didn't answer.
"We're lost aren't we!? I'm still seeing the endless desert! It won't go away!"
Yes, they were still at the desert. No town, no nothing. Goku's tummy grumbled as vicious as ever. He was sooo hungry. And Gojyo looked as if he would die of boredom as he darted his crimson eyes through the blazing desert. It had been six tormenting days since he came contact with the opposite sex! He did not choose to die with three other guys! And cold beer! Cold, cold, beautiful bitter beer! He wished he had a six-pack with him now. He wished he had a woman with him now. Goku wished he had a humungous plate of all-you-can-eat dumplings with him now. The two goons were so absorbed in wishing, they didn't realize they were starting to drool on Sanzo's stunning blonde hair..
Drip
"YOU IMBECILES!!" and gunshots were fired into the air, "You will PAY for this!! You will DIE for this!!" he yelled as more gunshots filled the air. Goku and Gojyo began to twitch horribly.
Hakkai hopped off the jeep, walked in front of it and bent down. The others of the Sanzo-ikkou thought they heard a muffled 'cutie-pie', but it was hard to tell with the hot desert wind blowing in their ears. What cutie-pie!?
"Did I hear you say 'pie'? Where?" said the Greedy Guts. "I hope it's minced beef. Is it? Is it minced?"
He immediately got his answer.
"Meoww…" something purred lazily.
It wasn't Hakkai, obviously.
But it was something in his arms. A bundle of something white. Something that (to Goku's dismay) was not a minced pie. Something furry. Something very very allergic.
"Ah-ah-AH -CHOO!!" sneezed Sanzo. Snot. Snot. Sniff. "It's a CAT!" he yelled.
And so it was. White fur, yellow eyes, annoying purring sound. Definitely a cat. Yay for Sanzo.
The cat purred dearly.
"Aww…" cooed Goku and Gojyo. They loved it already.
"It's a little girl!" cried Hakkai cheerfully, checking her as she squirmed embarassedly.
"Oy, Hakkai! That kitten's kind of cute, shall we keep her?" asked Gojyo excitedly. He liked cats. Especially female felines. In fact, anything female would be great for Gojyo.
"Of course we should. You poor kitty, we nearly ran over you. Isn't she lovely?" said Hakkai with his usual smile. He patted the cat lovingly and the jeep suddenly grunted jealously. Hakkai smiled then patted the green jeep, "Don't worry Hakuryuu, she's a good cat. She'll be your friend. We'll take her with us, is that okay Sanzo?"
But Sanzo didn't answer. He was way too busy with his handkerchief. Way too busy to notice Hakkai's question. Way too busy to notice the snow-white cat slip away from Hakkai's arms and slide quietly into his monk robes…
"AH-CHOO!!!" Sanzo sneezed loudly. The loudest one yet, actually. The cat purred and rubbed its fur against Sanzo's feet, but he quickly yelled 'scram!' and shoved it away. To his horror and dismay, the cat did not scram like he wanted it to, on the contrary, it turned back and started to lick Sanzo's feet like it was some kind of juicy catnip or something. "Hakka-a-choo! Hakkai! Get this ca-a-achoo!! This cat awaa-a-aachoo! Away from me!"
"Does that mean we can't keep him?" asked Hakkai as he lifted up the cat in his embrace, his smile fading slightly.
"No!"
"But Sanzo.." started Goku with his puppy-dog eyes.
"I said no!"
"But can't you see she's all alone in this world? Isn't there anymore hope for this little girl to be with us, Sanzo-sama?" added Gojyo, looking beaten.
"No!" snapped Sanzo. He sneered down at the cat which purred at him. He really must admit though, that it was very white and very clean indeed. Just look at her twitch her cute little nose like that – what!? No, it does not look cute! It is horrible! It is fluffy! It is a white, cuddly, devastating disease!
"I will not tolerate that cat whatsoever. I eschew, I avoid it at all costs, and if you insist in bringing that cat along with us you – you – I – you – why you impudent mental patients, can't you figure what I'm trying to say?? OVER MY DEAD BODY!!"
That can be arranged..
something purred over the rush of wind.What?
Sanzo's eyes searched around the empty desert but found nothing. He shook his head slowly. He must have imagined it, after all those sneezes, all those anger, all those cat fur, all those Goku, Hakkai and Gojyo, after all those oh-so-stressful moments, he must have imagined it.
Boy, he is so wrong.
to be continued..