A/N: I believe Bleach as a lot of potential in the world of fan fiction. So expect some more Bleach fics from me in the future.
By the way, this is just a short lil' crack fic! Enjoy!
Mayuri Kurotsuchi wasn't about to let his day be ruined. Sure, a few of his experiments died, he stepped in on Nemu while she was having sex with Rukia, and his water broke, but Mayuri wasn't going to get all worried over dumb stuff like that.
For our young and plucky (?) scientist, it was a special day. He was finally going to proclaim his love to the beautiful and intelligent Retsu Unohana. Sure, the powerful medic ran away screaming every time they've met in the past, but today Mayuri was sure it would be different!
While Mayuri was getting dressed for the evening, Nemu popped her head in and said, "Are you going out, Captain-sama?" Mayuri just grunted and began to put on a small black bowtie. Nemu giggled to herself and thought, 'Yes! Now that Mr. Bitch-hole is going out tonight, I can invite the other girls for a "special" sleepover! Heh heh heh…'
Later…
Mayuri was trudging through the 'Division 4' sector when he came across none other than Renji! "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU GODDAMN IRISH PUNK!" Renji, who was just sitting around while eating some ramen, tossed his empty bowl at Mayuri's head and shouted, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? I'M NOT IRISH!"
Mayuri just shrugged like it was no big deal and replied, "Did you know my daughter's a horny lesbian?" Eager to see some girl-on-girl action, Renji quickly ran off to Mayuri's house. Mayuri took advantage of Renji's absence and quickly ran into Unohana's room.
The swung open the door and was about to exclaim his love when he saw a peculiar site. Kenpachi Zaraki and Retsu Unohana were MAKING OUT on the couch! Without a word, Mayuri closed the door and walked off to drown his sorrow in alcohol with Kira…