Jude walked into G Major with her head hung low and her eyes on the floor. She had every reason to be depressed, her producer was missing and instead of giving Jude the image she had wanted, Darius decided that the pictures of her drunk would actually make an even more 'bad girl' image for her.
They say bad things come in threes...where's the third one?
Jude walked into the studio with her guitar and journal in hand, and after carelessly tossing the journal on the table and leaning her guitar on the couch, Jude collapsed back first on the couch, causing Kwest to turn around and eye her.
"What's up super star? Get anything written last night?" Kwest asked turning his swivel chair around to face her.
Truth was, getting her music back wasn't as easy as Jamie had made it seem. Facing the music was hardly the solution to getting out of this clouded funk that surrounded Jude now that Tommy was gone. Jude nodded a no and looked up at the ceiling, making her hands into a gun and making a shooting sound. Kwest raised an eyebrow in confusion and then Jude looked at him finally for the first time that day.
"I'm bored, blocked, and just, not doing so well. It seems like all the people I trust right now, aren't exactly available. Mason's out on his first tour, Tommy abandoned me, but what else is new there? Kat is still giving me the cold shoulder the size of an iceberg, and Jamie is too busy with Patsy being Jatsy. And now that you and Sadie are just hitting things off, I'm alone," Jude said turning her head back towards the ceiling, she really didn't want her new producer and good friend to see her like this.
Kwest walked over towards Jude and looked down at her in a brotherly way. He held her chin in his hand and turned her towards him so she could take in every word he said.
"Just because me and Sadie are together now, doesn't mean I'm not still here for you. Sadie knows that things will be the same way with Tommy, except without Tommy's cocky attitude and habit of playing games. Tommy's got some stuff to deal with right now, like I said, I knew his past was comin' to bite him in the ass sooner or later. Kat will come around eventually, and Jamie does miss you, too. But just like you, he's trying to make his name in the business also," Kwest explained.
"You're right, but how come I feel like I'm about to get the biggest shocker of my life any minute now? Like, there's something big going on that I don't know about," Jude said, her eyes growing small as her thoughts became deeper.
"I don't know, girl. But all I know, is you need a day off, especially with all this pressure from Darius and the press, so go home, get some rest, and maybe try and sleep off this funk," Kwest said as Jude nodded, grabbed her stuff, and was out of the studio.
It had only been a month since her release party, Tommy's abandonment, and her drunken demise. It seemed as if everything Jude had ever known was being taken away from her just like a rug beneath her feet. But that was the least of her worries when she arrived home one day only to find her dad sitting at the coffee table, his hand against his mouth and a large orange envelope on the table, addressed to Jude.
"Hey Jude, you're home early," Stuart said, his voice slightly strained and worry written all over his eyes.
"Yeah, Kwest gave me the day off. What's up? You look like you could have used a day off, too," Jude replied until she saw the envelope. "Is that for me?"
"Yeah Jude, before you-"
"California? Who do I know in California?" Jude said as she studied the envelope that was now in her hands as she carefully ripped open the top and pulled out what looked like the contents of a will.
"Jude, there's something your mother and I have been meaning to tell you. But with you winning the contest and then the divorce, we just haven't found a way to break it to you," Stuart said before Jude interrupted him again.
"What is this? This person obviously has the wrong Jude Harrison," Jude said reading the will again.
"Jude, listen to me ok? Your mother and I have been meaning to tell you, but so much has been going on that we haven't found the chance," Stuart said grabbing the papers out of Jude's hands and placing them on the table.
"What? I'm listening," Jude said supporting herself by holding on to the back of one of the kitchen table chairs.
"You better sit down," Stuart said nodding towards a chair which had only made Jude grow more nervous.
"No, Dad. Just go on and tell me already," Jude said looking at her dad with worried eyes.
"I don't know where to start. Look, Jude. You're adopted," Stuart said as his voice started to crack a little at the end of his sentence.
Jude literally froze in her place as she began to listen to his words more carefully. I'm...adopted? Jude kept her eyes on her dad, and then brought them down towards the ground as her hands began to shake and she began to lose her balance. She brought herself to sit in the chair as she looked silently down at the papers before her. Dara Farrows...was my mother? Jude noticed that many of the possessions listed were instruments, or had something to do with music as she continued to stare and read the will over again. That explains my musical talent then.
"Jude, you have to understand that your mother and I had really wanted to tell you. But, we just couldn't find the right time to tell you. I mean, so much had happened, you won the contest, and then you were barely home after that happened, and then there was the divorce, and then the tour. So much had happened that there was really no time to tell you, not only that, but your mother left without another word to anyone, leaving me to handle all of this on my own. And now that we got the news that your birth mother had passed away, and she left all of her possessions to you, I realized that I couldn't keep putting this off forever," Stuart admitted, he had shame in his eyes and couldn't even bare to look at Jude, in fear of how she would react.
Jude was silent for a moment, and then put the papers back down, and just looked ahead out the kitchen door. "So after Mom left you were just planning on never telling me? What kind of father are you? Biological or not?"
"I'm sorry, I told you I meant to, but so much stuff got in the way," Stuart repeated.
"Regardless! You still should have told me sooner! I just, I have to go," Jude said grabbing her journal and guitar and heading towards her Mustang, not looking back.
Jude drove aimlessly and found herself at the rehearsal space, her current sanctuary. When Jude walked in, she saw so many memories. Spiederman showing her the place, recording 'Not Standing Alone', and all the times she had just walked in and started jamming away whatever was her new inspiration. Jude sat down on the couch, trying so hard not to cry. She hadn't let anything that had been eating away at her wall of strength break her down. She hadn't cried since that morning Jamie found her and took her home. But before she knew it, her wall shattered before her, and she sat unprotected on the couch of her rehearsal space, bare, raw and a mess.
Well, there's the third...
When Jude arrived home that night, Sadie was sitting on the living room couch, her eyes on the screen until she heard the door open and close, and she saw her little sister walk in. Jude looked at her and then proceeded to walk up the stairs, until Sadie followed her and grabbed her arm.
"Sadie, let go," Jude said softly, her voice barely audible.
"Jude, talk to me. Some pretty shitty things have been going on lately, and this has got to be number one," Sadie said as she followed Jude into her room.
"Did you know this whole time?" Jude asked as she opened her closet and grabbed her duffel bag and suit case and placed them on her bed.
"No, no I didn't. And nonetheless, I don't care, it doesn't change the fact that my dad is your dad and my mom is your mom. They've been there for you maybe not since day one, but since you were a month old. Mom isn't here now, but Dad still is. And he's worried," Sadie remarked.
"That's not the point, what do you think it's been like for me first finding out my first album sucks, our parents are still fighting when the marriage is over, Mom ditching us for some creepy guy named Don, almost losing our house, I lost almost all of my money, Tommy leaving and taking my music with him, being known as the 'Drunk Instant Star', and to top it all off, I'm adopted just finding out because my birth mother died and gave me everything!" Jude explained throwing some shirts in the suitcase and then just breaking down all over again.
"My past few months haven't been the easiest either Jude! But I'm not going around acting like a spoiled brat! You have so much Jude and you don't even realize it!" Sadie stated.
"You don't get it Sadie, you just don't get it. Everything I have ever known is practically nothing now! My dad, my so called father and best friend has been lying to me for 17 damn years! How would you like it if you found out that what you thought was your family is really not? I know, I know in reality I am part of the family, but how do you think I feel right now? Honestly Sadie, you have no clue what it's like bending and molding into everything everyone wants you to be, losing the one person who kept me grounded and sane while at G Major, only to find out that the one thing I had left that was barely intact, is shattered. You try being me for once and then call me a spoiled brat," Jude said zipping her bags and walking towards the stairs again, Sadie stopping her.
"Where are you going?" Sadie asked.
"Get out of my way Sadie," Jude said not looking at her at all.
"Where are you going!" Sadie yelled.
"California, to see my 'house'," Jude said pushing her way past Sadie and down to her car where she loaded her bags and closed the trunk, walking back inside only to grab some of her old song books, cd's, laptop, and a pillow and blanket.
"When will you be back?" Sadie asked, her eyes starting to tear up.
"I don't know Sadie, a few weeks, months, maybe even years," Jude said placing the stuff in her car.
"Years? Jude, you can't be-"
"I am serious. I need to do some thinking, I figured the drive down to California should give me enough time to get some thinking down, and then once I'm there I'll find the answers to all of my questions," Jude explained.
"What about G Major, and your contract?" Sadie asked.
"At this point, I really don't care. This past month has made me a millionare thanks to my record sales, my music is gone and I can't record without that. Maybe this trip will help me find it. Maybe G Major will accept me back if I return, if not, I could always find another studio, or join the real world and record on my own," Jude said opening her car door and going in.
"So that's it? You're leaving, just like this," Sadie said, more as a fact than a question.
"This is something I need to do on my own Sadie. I don't expect you to completely understand at all. I'll call you sometime, but right now, I need to do this. I'll see you later Sadie," Jude said as she started the car.
"Goodbye Jude," Sadie said as Jude drove off, leaving a tearfilled sister behind on the side walk watching as she disappeared into the night.
So, I've decided that I really have too much going on in my life to deal with everyone at home. My career is on the line and it doesn't exactly help much that I can't write for my life right now. The one man I have ever loved and who has ever really understood me and known what I've wanted to say has abandoned me. My mother is off trapezing in Europe with creepy lawyer dude Don, and my sister had spent my whole bank account and only managing to return about half of it so far. It doesn't help now that I am known as a drunken 17 year old rock star, and oh yeah, I'm adopted. With all these different issues floating around at home, it's pretty self explanatory as to why instead of just buying a plane ticket and flying to California wasn't my first choice to facing who I really am. I need to figure out what I need to do now, who I am, what I want. I'm sort of using this long ass trip to the United States as a road to 'self discovery'. Everything I've ever known has been shot to pieces, and I have no idea what it is I think about most stuff now. What makes it worse, is the most dependable thing I've had all my life, my music, has disappeared from my existance, and it's going to take everything I have to find it and bring it back to me.
Jude stopped by a convenience store and bought some chips, coffee, cookies, and other random things she might need. She didn't know what it was exactly she was looking for, all she knew was that this trip just might have the answers to her questions, and that maybe it will help her find her music again. Jude paid for the items and returned to her car, revving the engine and then pulling back on to the high way and heading towards which ever state was the first one she landed in.
The closest thing Jude had to her own music was the music of others. Her music was her life, any music for that matter was her life, it was only an instinct to her that any sort of music provider was cherished like a holy item from God himself. Her ipod was connected to her 67 Mustang, playing on shuffle, and Jude could only find the car ride calm and soothing. She had been driving for a few hours on end already, it was now midnight, and Jude's eyes were beginning to close, and then she had seen the old inn on the side of the high way and decided she'd mind as well stay for the night.
Jude pulled into the small inn and parked her car at one of the few parking spaces, grabbing her necessities and walking inside the inn. The inn had looked very much like an old home turned inn, it had a few decent looking couches and TV in the lobby, and then there was a hallway with about five or six rooms and on the opposite side was a kitchen with a dining table that seated about 12. Jude nodded as she took a look around and walked over to the clerk.
"Can I have a room, please?" Jude said opening her wallet.
"Of course, how long do you plan on staying?" the clerk asked. He looked about 20 years of age, he wasn't horrible looking, but he wasn't wow either. He had a sort of young innocent naive look to him, but Jude hadn't really paid much attention to him.
"Just one night," Jude said, waiting for the clerk to tell her how much the cost would be.
"That would be 75 dollars, that's including breakfast tomorrow morning," the clerk said handing Jude the bill as she signed and handed the clerk the money. "Here's your key, please enjoy your stay at the Home Sweet Home Inn,"
Jude nodded and gave a weak smile as she went back to her car to grab her duffel bag. She locked her car and then entered the inn going straight to the room number her key had labeled on it. The room wasn't extravagant, it had a cozy looking bed, a TV, mini refrigerator, and bathroom. Jude set her bag down next to her bed and turned on the TV as she kicked her shoes off and started flipping through channels. There was nothing good on, besides more supposed 'sightings' of herself at bars getting drunk off her ass. Jude just scoffed at the TV and turned it back off, and finally going to bed.
The next morning at G Major, Sadie was in Darius's office having a private meeting with him about Jude.
"What do you mean she's gone? Do you have any idea how crucial it is for her to be here now that her album has just released a month ago!" Darius shouted, which everyone heard despite his door being closed.
"She had just found out she is adopted yesterday," Sadie said in a whisper looking Darius straight in his eyes.
Darius settled back into his office chair, he ran a hand over his face and sighed in frustration. How could one artist have so many horrible incidents happen in under a year? Darius just looked at Sadie and nodded to her towards a chair to sit down.
"This is what we're going to do, Sadie. Jude as of right now is on a temporary hiatus. I want a full press release scheduled saying she's taking a break from the spot light, her where abouts are unknown to all who are not family, and we are unsure when she will be back. That's all I want said, nothing more. If you hear from Jude, tell her that she's welcomed back here once she's figured everything out," Darius said with a hint of sadness.
"Thank you D, I'll be sure to have this out. And thank you for giving Jude this chance," Sadie said getting up to leave.
"Sadie, I'm only doing this because Jude has been at number one for the past month, and her sales are steadily growing still. Her sales are definitely benefiting G Major and we need to keep her. I understand that this is something that's going to take Jude some time to deal with and sort out," Darius explained.
"You sound like you know from past experience," Sadie remarked.
"That's because she wasn't the only one on G Major staff who was adopted and took it just as hard," Darius said cryptically as Sadie just raised an eyebrow and Darius dismissed her from his office.
Jude was up at around 9 the next morning sitting at the dining room table of the inn, eating french toast, eggs, sausage, and bacon. The clerk who was working at the front desk the night before came and took a seat across from her with a warm smile on his face. Jude finished chewing and smiled at him, still being quiet and reserved to herself.
"You're Jude Harrison, right?" he asked, trying to be polite.
"Um, yeah. It's nice to meet you, um-"
"Will. Will Travis," Will said holding his hand out for Jude to shake. Jude shook his hand and returned the warm smile as she went back to her breakfast.
"So what are you doing way out here near the border of Canada and the US? Shouldn't you be out there partying and celebrating what ever it is you rock stars celebrate these days?" Will asked.
"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not much of a partier. I prefer quiet nights at home just hanging out with friends than drinking and getting drunk off my ass," Jude said with a hint of meanness in her voice, which wasn't directed at Will, and that didn't slip past him.
"A picture's worth a thousand words, and you've got several," Will remarked.
"You don't know the story behind it. So could you please just, lay off the twenty questions here," Jude said going back to her breakfast.
"Sorry, it's just, the only thing anyone knows of you is what we see in the tabloids and hear in your music. It's clearly two different stories," Will said, looking Jude straight in her eyes.
"Well, nothing gets passed you. Look, those pictures were blackmail and my manager thought it'd improve my 'bad girl' image. That drinking incident was a one time thing from a night that I really would prefer to forget. If people want to know who I am, listen to my music and stay far away from the tabloids and magazines," Jude said taking a bite out of her bacon and then a sip out of her coffee.
"Alright, point taken. But you never did answer my question," Will stated.
"What was it again? Sorry, I kind of get carried away," Jude said
"What are you doing out here in the middle of no where by yourself?" Will asked.
"Just a little roadtrip. I needed a break, so I'm taking it now," Jude said, her eyes saying another story, but Will didn't catch that last bit and just nodded.
"So you're leaving again soon?" Will said as Jude finished her breakfast.
"Yep, I've got a long drive ahead for me," Jude said as she wiped the corners of her mouth and finished her coffee.
"Where are you headed?"
"California,"
"That's pretty far, why not just fly?"
"I asked myself that same question while driving, and I figured I could use the fresh air instead," Jude said with a simple smile. Jude checked out of the Inn and then looked back towards Will with a smile on her face. "It was nice to meet you Will, maybe I'll see you again,"
"Maybe you will," he said as they shook hands and Jude was once again on the road towards to California.l
Lately, I can't help but think that these journalists who write for the tabloids are writing my life, the life that my fans can't help but believe. The life that I never wanted, the life that I am completely against. I've been wanting to correct them too. I've always imagined myself barging in to their 24/7 working offices and smash their computers, demanding them to start writing what I want to be said about my life, and not their versions of it. But right now, all that matters is me turning back the pages of time, or that's what it feels like I'm doing, and finding out the real story as to why and how I ended up in Canada, when I'm a natural born Californian, ironically.