(AN Hello TimeLordMaster108 here and welcome to my Family Guy season 17 fanfiction, Basicaly this fanfiction will show what I would want to see if there was a final season, this story will focus on all the Griffins and takes place after Season 16, credit goes to NarwhalPuppy for the chapter title, anyway I really hope you enjoy and remember to Read and Review, Disclaimer I don't own Family Guy, Family Guy and all characters are owned by Fuzzy Door Productions,20TH Century Fox and Walt Disney.)
Chapter 1 Never Fight At Christmas.
It was a chilly day in Quahog and Christmas was fast approaching meaning everyone was in a rush to buy their Christmas presents, the Griffins were currently at the Mall in their winter clothes doing the same thing.
"Alright now does everyone know what they want?" Lois asked.
"Yes." Everyone else replied.
"Good." Lois stated in a slightly stern voice. "Because I will not have anyone demanding somthing at the last minute and when you go into the shops I don't want to see any fighting over a gift, plus you don't want to get me upset at Christmas again do you?"
As Lois said this she gave the others a crazy look making them all gulp.
"No, no, no we defiantly don't want that." Meg cried out nervously.
"Yeah because Mum went all crazy." Chris remarked before laughing.
Peter chuckled as he saw several people fighting over a pair of trousers.
"Hehehehehehehehehe look at those idiots." Peter pointed out in a childish manner. "Fighting over some pants well at least I'm not stupid enough to."
The obese man suddenly stopped what he was saying as he and Chris spotted a shirt with KISS on it.
"Oh my God Chris look at that KISS T Shirt." Peter cried out in delight. "It's mine."
"Not if I can get to it first." Chris cried out in a childish manner.
The pair ran at the T shirt and grabbed it before entering a tug of war, Lois just sighed in annoyance.
"Well that went well." Lois replied in sarcasam. "Come on Stewie let's go to the Toy Store and Mummy'll buy you somthing really nice."
"Ohhh maybe I can get one of those little trains that actualy makes the noises." Stewie suggested in delight.
"Maybe we'll just have to see." Lois said in a sweet voice.
Meanwhile several people had joined the fight over the T Shirt.
"That T Shirt looks prettier on me." A Teen punk declared.
"No it looks better on me." Death snapped as he touched the girl causing her to drop dead.
The fight continued when suddenly Peter banged into someone causing the T Shirt to tear.
"Oh you Son Of a bitch." Peter growled as he looked up and saw Ernie The Giant Chicken glaring at him.
Ernie narrowed his eyes at Peter which was followed by the dim witted man doing the same, the two then flew at each other and entered a fight, they made their way through the shop jabbing at each other whenever they could and also punching, kicking and pecking each other, their fight caused chaos and destruction including knocking people and shelves over.
Peter imediatly grabbed several objects and flung them at the bird who quickly dodged, Ernie then grabbed the till and smashed it over Peter's head, the obese man remained unphased as the two's fight led them out of the shop and down the escalators knocking several people and Security Guards over.
"Hay watch where you're going." One Guard yelled in anger as he landed on a woman.
The pair then rolled outside and flew on to the roof of a car which began to swerve wildly as the two fought, the car then spun out of control and crashed into a gas tank which caused a massive explosion, Peter and Ernie were thrown into the air by the fireball and landed on a Navy Ship, the two brawled knocking people over and causing damage to the Ship.
Ernie then grabbed a large poll and swung it at Peter who was to slow to avoid it, Peter then fell to the ground as the weapon smashed into his face, the obese man then launched himself at the Chicken and swung his leg round kicking the bird in the face and sending him to the floor.
"Roadhouse." Peter remarked in an Australian Accent.
Without hesitating the obese man ran over to a peace of rope and after ripping from the wall charged at Ernie and wrapped it round his neck, the pair staggered about while continuing to knock things over and soon noticed that the Ship was sinking.
"Uh Oh." Peter muttered nervously.
As the Ship sank below the waves the obese man and the bird fought as the sank And fell towards a Submarine.
Inside the tube several people were working away when suddenly Peter and Ernie crashed through the ceiling causing the sub to fill with water, the pair were swept away by the current and ended up on a misfile which suddenly launched and flew high into the sky with both men clinging on for dear life while Peter screamed in terror.
Far away at the North Pole Santa was preparing to do a test flight in his sleigh, Mrs Clause and the Elves were standing by watching.
"Ready for take off Hermes?" Santa asked one of his Elves.
"Ready Santa." Hermes replied. "All systems are ready and operational."
"Excilent." Santa declared. "Alright let's do this."
Santa then whipped the reins and soon his Sleigh flew up into the sky, the jolly old man shouted his signature catchphrase as the wind rushed past his face, however Santa soon became nervous when he saw a large object flying straight towards him.
"Oh my God incoming object at Three O Clock." One Elf cried out in Alarm. "It appears to be..."
"Appears to be what." Mrs Clause demanded in a nervous voice. "Damnit man tell me what it is."
Mrs Clause shook the Elf by the collar as she said this.
"Well it appears to be." The Elf began nervously. "A Torpedo with a fat guy fighting a giant Chicken on it."
Even though the jolly man could not here what they were saying he could now see what was heading for him, the man's eyes widened in horror as the Torpedo impacted with his Sleigh causing a huge explosion, the Reindeer scattered and fled to their homes and Santa plummeted towards the ground and landed in the snow, Mrs Clause and the Elves rushed towards him and looked down in concern.
"Do you think he's dead?" Mrs Clause asked. "Because if he is I'm willing to take one of you Elves."
Several Of The creatures howled in delight at the prospect.
The obese man suddenly coughed and opened his eyes making the Elves sigh in disappointment.
"Oh God damnit." Mrs Clause cursed in a whisper. "Are you alright?"
"No of course I'm not alright woman." Santa growled in annoyance. "I've broken my leg."
Meanwhile Peter had landed on his back on a large Iceberg and was now slowly sliding towards the edge, the obese man slowly got to his feet and tried to punch Ernie but it was no use, the giant bird then pinned Peter to the ground and wrapped his claws around Peter's throat, The obese man's eyes widened in horror as he saw the Ice structure collapsing.
"Suprise." Peter gasped.
Ernie let go and let out a horrified cry as the Iceberg began sinking, Peter used this momentary lapse of concentration to kick Ernie in the back and leap off the structure, the obese man landed head first into the snow and groaned in pain before getting up and walking away from the melted structure.
Peter continued to walk trying to figure out a way back to Quahog, he imediatly noticed the large house in the middle of nowhere.
"Oh boy I must be at the North Pole." Peter cheered in delight. "And that must be Santa's workshop."
The obese man laughed as he ran up to the door and opened it, he then ran inside while giggling in childish delight, Peter Ten ran through a door and imediatly stopped before tripping and landing on his face, the obese man peered up as he saw Santa lying on a couch with his suit off while an Elf doctor tended to him.
"Holy Crap!" Peter exclaimed. "Santa."
"Peter Griffin." Santa growled in fury. "That's the fat bastard who stole my identity and got whatever he wanted, and now you've destroyed my Sleigh, broken my leg and potentially ruined Christmas you big fat idiot.
Several Elves came along and whacked Peter in the groin with sacks of nickels.
"Owwwww." Peter wailed as he began crying and whimpering in a high pitched scared voice. "Please Mr Santa Clause I'm sorry Ok I swear I'll never do it again, but it wasn't my fault it was Ernie's."
"In my opinion it's both your faults." Mrs Clause snapped in an angry tone. "Now Christmas might have to be cancelled all together."
"Oh no don't do that." Peter pleaded. "I'll try and make it up to you I promise."
"Well perhaps there is." Mrs Clause began. "You're already on the naughty list for the fight you just had but perhaps you can place yourself back on the nice list by putting aside differences and working with Ernie to help deliver the presents and save Christmas."
"To Hell with that." Peter yelled in horror before folding his arms and pouting. "There's no way on earth that I'm working with that oversized bird."
"And he can wait till Donald Trump gets put in a straightjacket." Ernie barked as he entered. "I'm not working with him.
The Chicken then shook himself dry getting water everywhere, he then sat in a nearby chair and pouted.
"I still don't get why Lois likes you." Peter grumbled.
"Because she's actualy smart and a mature adult." Ernie sneered. "Unlike you, And before you get any stupid ideas no I'm not flirting with your wife."
Mrs Clause rolled her eyes as the two continued to throw insults at each other, she knew that she had to make them work together and began to think before a brilliant idea popped into her head.
"Alright boys I didn't want to have to do this but you leave me no Choice." Mrs Clause scolded as she placed her hands on her hips. "I'm going to get someone who'll talk some sense into you."
The woman then clicked her finger and dissapered in a puff of golden sparks.
The others simply sat and waited for a few minutes before Peter let out a loud laugh and gave Santa a smug smile.
"Ha looks like your wife couldn't find anyone." Peter declared before giggling in delight. "But Seriously who's she going to summon here that would make me listen."
"Oh really Peter Lowenbrau Griffin." An all to familiar voice said behind him.
The obese man gulped and slowly turned round to see a very unimpressed Lois glaring at him with her arms folded and her mouth set into a frown, Meg, Chris, Stewie and Brian also stood next to her
"Ohhhh hi Lois honey sweetie." Peter cried out in a nervous voice. "What brings you here."
"Don't try to sweet talk your way out of this Peter." Lois barked in a stern tone. "I know exactly what you did and I'm very dissapointed in you."
"B-but it wasn't my fault." Peter stammered in a scared voice.
"As far as I'm aware it's both your faults." Nichole yelled out as she stepped out of the shadows.
"Um Nichole." Ernie cried out nervously before laying an Egg. "This isn't a good time."
"I don't care." Nichole barked in anger. "Me and Lois may have gotten off on the wrong foot but we've managed to put our differences aside, your fights have caused more death and destruction than any crime in history."
"Nichole's right." Lois replied. "Plus the only reason you two started this stupid rivalry was because you gave Peter a fake coupon."
"But he's never done anything nice." Peter whined. "I may have caused a few incidents over the years but I'm nice."
"Oh so you think I've never done a single nice thing in my life?" The talking Chicken questioned. "Well let me tell you somthing I have done nice things, when Brian joined that Make A Wish organisation and became Batdog I decided to help him and then when we fought a real villain I helped to, when everyone thought you and Lois had died in that horrible car accident I was the one who helped Chris through the grieving process and when the local orphanage was snowed in and unable to get the Christmas Turkey two years ago, I All Alone braved that blizzard and the cold to get the turkey to them."
"Wow I geuss I never thought of that." Peter replied in amazement.
"You see Peter, Ernie has done good things." Lois replied. "So why can't you just put your differences aside and work together to save Christmas."
Peter then looked at Lois and his three kids who looked at him with pleading faces, Peter then thought of the other kids who's Christmas would be ruined because of his actions and finnaly sighed in defeat.
"Aww Alright Lois." Peter replied. "I suppose it wouldn't kill me to try and work with him."
"Oh thank you Peter." Lois cried out in happiness before hugging her husband. "I knew you'd do it."
"Right so it's settled then." Santa declared. "You two will first rebuild the Slay and then you'll fly it on Christmas Eve to deliver the presents to all the children around the world."
"It's a deal." Peter declared before he and Ernie shook hands.
"Don't worry Mrs Griffin and Mrs Chicken we'll take good care of your husband." Santa promised as Mrs Clause prepared to take the other Griffins and Nichole back.
"Ok bye Peter have fun." Lois said. "And behave yourself.
"Bye Dad." Chris said.
"Try not to muck things up this time Fatman." Stewie retorted.
And with that they all dissapered back to Quahog, Peter then gave off a nervous whimper before letting out a long squeaky fart.
The following day Peter and Ernie had repaired the sleigh and were now admiring their handy work.
"Well I don't believe it but we actualy did it." Peter declared in a proud voice. "I geuss Lois is right I can work well with someone I'd normally hate."
"Yeah I can see what you mean." Ernie replied proudly. "You know before I met Nichole I used to pick fights with everyone after my first wife died I just started blaming everyone and began pranking people and acting like I was trying to prove a point."
"So what changed that?" Peter asked in a curious voice.
"When I met Nichole she showed me a better way of life and showed me how to handle my emotions." The talking bird explained. "And that's how I was able to rais a family and why I stopped trying to pick fights with you, and how I was able to help Chris come to terms with your suposid death."
"Wow!" The obese man exclaimed in wonder. "And I geuss somtimes you just let your emotions get the better of you, I remember Brian told me about what you did for Chris and about Carter trying to get custody of the kids because he thought money would help."
"I remember that." Ernie remarked. "Even Quagmire was friendly with Brian and instead of taking advantage of Meg he saved her from some douchbag named Vinny who tried to get everyone to forgive those assholes who almost got you and Lois killed."
"Yeah I geuss I've never worked up the courage to thank you for helping Chris." Peter replied. "And I'm sure that together we can help save Christmas."
Meanwhile high up in the mountains the King Of The North Pole was observing the pair through a Snow Globe, the King was a tall man with ice blue skin, bright blue eyes and long white hair, he wore log white robes and a crown of ice was sat atop his head.
"God Damnit." The King screeched in fury. "I thought them breaking the fat oaf's leg would stop Christmas, but nooooooo they're now working together as friends oh give me a bucket I think I'm gonna be sick."
A small Dwarf like creature with white fur and large club like arms rushed over to the King with a bucket.
"Here you go sir." The Dwarf said.
"IT WAS A FIGURE OF SPEACH YOU THICK HEADED NUMSKULL." The North King yelled in fury as he kicked the bucket away.
The King then punched the Dwarf in the face which sent him flying out the window and into the sky, the King sat down on a throne of ice and began to think of a way to stop Christmas.
"Um-um pardon me sir but I think I know a good plan." Another Dwarf began nervously as he approached the King.
The man then growled in fury and before the Dwarf could run The King grabbed him by the throat and yelled in anger.
"What have I told you about interrupting me while I'm thinking." The North King thundered. "This plan had better be good."
"Oh don't worry this plan is really good." The Dwarf declared. "What I was thinking was that you could get a few of us to go down there and sabotage the sleigh so those two'll stat fighting."
"Sabotage the Sleigh so those two will start fighting." North King repeated in a slow quiet voice. "Yes that's brilliant, it'll work perfectly."
North King then cheered in triumph before dropping the Dwarf on his head and laughing wickedly.
The next morning it was Christmas Eve and Peter and Ernie were preparing to go on the Sleigh and save Christmas.
"Well Ernie I've gotta hand it to you." Peter remarked. "You sure know how to help with the Sleigh.
"Oh I think you helped just as much." Ernie complimented.
"Right ready to go boys?" Mrs Clause asked.
"Ready Mrs Clause." Ernie answered. "And thanks once again for showing that me and Peter can be friends."
The Elves then made final checks before confirming that they were clear for takeoff, the pair then boarded the Sleigh and were just about to leave when suddenly Peter noticed somthing.
"What the Hell!" Peter exclaimed. "Someone's loosened the ropes a little bit."
Ernie looked and saw that the ropes were indeed slightly loose, the bird turned to Peter and glared at him suspiciously.
"You did this you fat bastard." Ernie yelled accusingly. "I thought you'd changed you sabotaged it just so I couldn't go home."
"I had nothing to do with this." Peter snapped. "More likely you had somthing to do with this, I bet you wanted to leave me here and go home just so you could finnaly be rid of me."
"Now boys please." Mrs Clause began. "You don't want to start fighting now, Not after becoming friends."
However The woman's pleas fell on deaf ears as Peter and Ernie narrowed their eyes at each other before starting another fight with each other, their brawl knocked Candy Canes and Elves over, it took several loud yells from Mrs Clause to stop the brawl, the pair stopped fighting as the older woman approached them with an annoyed face.
"Stop it you two." She yelled. "I don't think any of you did this, come and have a look."
She then led the pair back to the Sleigh and indicated towards the ropes, the pair looked closely and saw that there were tiny claw marks that couldn't have been made by Ernie, Peter then looked up at the Chicken with an apologetic face.
"I'm really sorry for accusing you like that Ernie." Peter stated. "It was a very childish thing to do."
"That's alright Peter I'll forgive you." Ernie answered. "Although it makes me wonder who's responsible for this sabotage."
"I know exactly who'll be behind this." Santa answered. "The North King, he lives in a castle at the top of the mountain and rules over The North Pole with an Iron Fist, he probably sent his minions down to sabotage the ropes so that you'd turn against each other.
"What." The pair cried out in horror.
"Wow I'm really sorry for accusing you like that Ernie." Peter said in an apologetic voice.
"No I'm the one who should be sorry." The talking bird replied. "I shouldn't have accused you like that friends."
"Friends." The obese man replied.
After the Elves had patched up the ropes Peter and Ernie took off in the Sleigh while waving at the figures below who waved back.
"And don't come here again." Santa called out in an irritated voice.
Back at the castle North King was throwing a massive party thinking that he'd succeeded, he was currently dancing to the Snow Miser Song, suddenly a Snow Dwarf ran in with a panicked look on his face.
"North King I have some terrible news." The minion began in a terrified voice. "The obese man and the Chicken are riding the Sleigh together and it seems our sabotage has been fumbled."
"WHAT." The King hollared in anger. "Those miserable nit wits are ruining my plans, it looks like I'll have to take matters into my own hands."
It was four in the morning by the time Peter and Ernie reached Quahog which was their last stop for delivering presents, the pair went from place to place and eventualy were flying above the rooftops on Spooner Street.
"Well we did it." Ernie declared in a proud voice. "I geuss learning to get along with someone does pay off in the end."
"I couldn't agree more." Peter replied cheerfully. "And I feel like I finnaly got to know you."
The two then high fived and continued their deliveries, they were just coming out of the Last house when suddenly a huge blizzard started and pulled the Sleigh high into the sky while spinning like a spinning Top.
"What's happening?" Peter cried out in horror.
"Somthing's pulling us up." Ernie yelled over the Blizzard.
The pair then heard evil laughter, the Sleigh stopped spinning, Peter and Ernie then looked up to see The North King floating in the air while grinning wickedly.
"Who the Hell are you?" Peter asked in a bemused voice.
"I'm The North King." The King yelled in a deep booming voice. "And I'm going to make sure that Christmas is finished."
"Well I'm afraid to say you're too late." The talking bird cried out. "Almost all of the presents have been delivered and we just have to go to Peter's house last."
"Oh really, well I'm afraid your little adventure ends here." North King boasted. "So prepare to feel a cold wrath like never before."
The King held out his hands and began throwing blue energy beams at the pair while also pushing the fierce wind at them, Peter suddenly Peter was blown off his seat and was left clinging to the back of the Sleigh, Ernie turned around and reached his hand out towards Peter.
"Peter give me your hand." Ernie cried out in desperation.
"I-I can't reach." Peter groaned. "And I can't drop this sack."
"Wait I've got an idea." Ernie replied before taking a deep breath. "Rudolph shin your light at that nutcase."
The Chicken's voice carried across the wind and reached Rudolph's ears, the Reindeer then closed his eyes in concentration, his nose then lit up with a brilliant red light which blinded North King causing him to loose concentration and the Blizzard to die down.
"Yaaaayyyy." Peter cheered as Ernie helped him back into the Sleigh. "That showed him."
"Yeah but that'll only be temporary." Ernie explained in a grim voice. "Peter I'll lead him off you jump on to that roof and get to your roof."
"But Ernie I can't just leave you." Peter cried out in a saddened voice. "You know you've become like a new brother to me, I know we had our differences but now I Think I've come to really like you."
"I understand Peter." Ernie replied. "I feel the exact same way about you, but your family needs you to give them their presents and fully save Christmas I know this may be hard but you have to do this."
Peter then gave Ernie a sad smile, he then stood up, bent his legs back and leapt out of the Sleigh he then landed on a roof and watched as Ernie flew into the air with North King in hot persuit, the obese man then got up and started running towards the edge before leaping on to the next roof.
The dim witted man then defied logic by jumping from roof to roof, he then leapt on to Joe's roof and began panting with exhaustion.
"Oh God, I'm beat." Peter huffed before getting a determined look on his face. "No I must keep going."
The obese man then took a good running start before pelting towards the edge and leapt on to the ledge, the man then began slipping but kept his grip and pulled himself on to the roof, Peter crept over to the Chimney and began to climb down.
Lois suddenly woke up as she heard loud noises coming from downstairs.
"Oh my God!" Lois exclaimed in a scared whisper. "Brian wake up I heard a noise."
The talking dog woke with a start and slowly crept down the stairs with Lois who had put her Dressing Gown and slippers on behind him, The talking dog moved over to the light switch and turned it on, Lois then approached the Fireplace and realised that the strange noises were coming from their, suddenly a pair of chubby legs wearing black boots and red stockings appeared.
"ARRRGH SON OF A BITCH." A familiar voice with a Rhode Island accent yelled in annoyance.
"Peter." Lois cried out in delight. "You're back, did you manage to make amends with Ernie."
"Yeah." Peter answered. "Turns out he's not so bad after all, he went off to the North Pole to give Santa his Sleigh back since we've delivered all the presents and I've got all yours here too."
"Oh Peter." Lois cried out in a happy voice. "I knew you'd come through in the end I never lost faith in you."
The redhead then grabbed Peter's legs and began to pull, Meg, Chris and Stewie then came downstairs.
"Kids come help me pull your father out of the Chimney." Lois called out in a strained voice. "He's managed to save Christmas."
"Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy." Chris shouted in delight.
"Way to go Dad." Meg cheered.
The three siblings held on to each other's backs while Meg grabbed Lois's back, after a few pulls a slightly soot covered Peter came flying out and landed on top of Lois, the kids then saw the sack full of presents and ran over to open them.
Lois then kissed Peter and Peter giggled in delight.
"I'm so proud of you Peter." Lois said as the couple stood up.
"Thanks Lois." Peter replied. "And hay maybe later I'll show you some of that magic..." if you know what I mean."
"Ohhhh Peter." Lois said teasingly as the two began snogging on the couch.
And so the Griffins and the Chickens had a wonderful Christmas, Peter and Ernie remained good friends and The North King returned to a shocking welcoming committee.
"Oh Come on i wasn't that awful." The King reasoned as Santa, Mrs Clause, The Elves And Snow Dwarfs aimed Machine Gun's at him.
"Yes you were." Everyone chorused.
"Oh F." The King began.
But the King never finished it as the North Pole air was filled with the sound of Machine Gun's.
(AN Well that was Chapter one of this story, I hope you all enjoyed it and Happy Belated Christmas to everyone, anyway the North King is meant to be a parody of both the Ice King from Adventure Time And The North Wind From A Miser Brother's Christmas, and the fanfics that Ernie is referring to are TheNewIdeas stories, Brian The Suprhero, League Of Superheroes Volume 4, The Long Way Home, The Long Way Home Arrival And Peace In Our Time.
Next Chapter Preview.
Meg and Chris get back into relationships with Frank from Family Guy MC and Amy from Family Guy OC Universe.
Yeah so the next Chapter is a Crossover with all those other Meg Oc fanfics geuss which other ones get mentioned, anyway hope you enjoyed and remember to Read And Review.)