Hello, lovelies. Here is an updated version of Chapter One. I hope all you Reylo shippers enjoy! xoxo Marie Kane

Chapter One

Dear Father,
It has been two years since I last saw Rey and the Resistance. Every night, I reach out to her, with the Force, but I feel nothing. It's as if she's not even there, like she doesn't exist. But I know she's there. I just know it. And I will find her again. There's just something about her, something that I need, something my whole body and being need. I feel as if there is a raging storm inside of me, trying to break my seams, and for some reason, she is the only thing that makes that go away. Why her, Father? What is so special about this scavenger? I wish you could be here. I know that sounds strange coming from me, the reason you're dead, but I just want answers. I want to know why I feel this way. Why do I need-

"Supreme Leader, General Hux is requesting your presence," A First Order officer said from the entrance of my room. My fist hit the desk.
"I told General Hux not to disturb me while I rest," I rose from my chair and faced the small and intimidated officer. He gulped.
"I-I'm sorry, sir. G-General Hux insisted I retrieve you," His voice quivered as he spoke. I took several long strides towards him until I towered over him.
"Tell General Hux I will come when I am ready. I will not be ordered around by him. I am the Supreme Leader. I am ordered by no one but the Force." The officer nodded his head quickly and ran down the hall. My door shut and I sunk to the floor against it. I reached out with the Force, feeling it reach around my journal and pen. I brought them to me swiftly. Warmth flooded my body, like it always did when the Force was flowing freely through me. How could anyone not want this?

I feel like I am constantly wearing a mask. The second I show any sign of remorse, or feelings, I'm labeled weak and no one respects me or takes me seriously. I have to wear a mask. They fear me when I wear a mask. They fear me just like they did my grandfather. I want them to fear me. But not Rey.
Father, why do I always come back to her? I told her after Supreme Leader Snoke's death, that she was nothing. Except to me. And I truly meant it, Father. She is something. I want to know why I am connected to her. I know Snoke said he connected us, but I don't feel like he did. This is the Force. It connected us. It wants us together. And I don't know why. She refuses to join me, to rule by my side and help me make the galaxy a better place. And I can't join her. I'm not good enough.
Until tomorrow,
Ben

I stood, throwing the journal back to the desk. I took in a deep breath, releasing it slowly, trying to clear my mind. I couldn't let General Hux see I was preoccupied with my thoughts. He would use that to try to make me mess up. Not today, General Hux. Not today.
My door opened and sauntered forwards towards the main bridge to meet with the scrawny red-headed pain in my side. A part of me hoped that Hux's men somehow had found Rey. And the Resistance of course. Another part of me had no hope he found Rey, and whatever he wanted was probably something not worth my time. Yeah, like I have anything else better to do, I thought to myself.

The door to the main bridge opened, and all of the bridge crewman and officers turned to acknowledge my presence. Half of them were wide-eyed with fear, and the other half didn't even make eye contact. Hux stood in the middle of them all, a triumphant smirk on his pale face.
"You wanted to see me, General Hux?" Several crewman parted the crowded as I made my ascent towards the general. I stopped about a foot away from him. I hated being around him. Just the sight of him was enough to make my blood boil.
"Yes, I did, Kylo. I-"
"You will call me Supreme Leader, Hux. Or I will have your body blasted into the dead space around this ship," I snapped. Hux squinted his tiny eyes at me.
"Supreme Leader, I have some rather good news for you," He nodded at one of the crewman, who pressed a few buttons on the holovid, and an image appeared. My breath caught in my throat. It was my mother's flagship. The Raddus. I leaned forward, resting my hands on the edge of the holovid.
"We have found the Resistance, sir," Hux retorted. "Within a few hours, we will be right on their tails once again," I stared at the hologram, unable to move my eyes from it.
"Where is it?" I asked.
"D'Qar, of all places," Hux replied. My eyes shot over to meet his.
"We destroyed their base there,"
"I am aware sir. It seems the Rebels are rebuilding. All underground, I assume, since there is nothing to be seen on the surface,"
"And the girl?" My fingers curled under my palms, holding my breath. I tried to hide the hope in my voice.
"No sightings yet, sir. For all we know she's probably dead..."
"No!" I yelled, smashing my fist into the holovid, leaving a fist-sized hole in it. "She is not dead! I would know if she was dead. I would feel it in the force if she was dead. How do you think I knew Skywalker was dead?" I spun around, storming towards the bridge door. Right as I was about to reach it, I stopped, turning my head towards Hux.
"Get us to D'Qar now, Hux. I want that base leveled just like the first one," Hux nodded, and yelled orders at the crew, and I made my way back to my room.

Once I was safe in my room again, door shut and locked, I let out a scream I had been holding in since Hux had the nerve to say Rey was probably dead. I would have felt it if she was...I sat down on my bed, trying to control my breathing. That was when the air around me shifted. My head shot up. My room began to slowly fade into a black darkness around me.
"No," My heart rate accelerated the second I heard her voice. Rey. I jumped off of my bed, spinning around. My heart fell to the floor. There she was, her hazel eyes staring wide-eyed back at mine.
"Rey," Her name slipped from my lips before I could even think. She still wore the same, tattered scavenger clothes she wore when we first met, and her hair was still in the same 3 buns at the back of her head. But she looked tired and sad, nothing like she did the last I saw her.
"I thought this was over," She said, still staring at me, eyes not moving from mine.
"I thought it was too," I took a step towards her, but she took a step back. I stopped where I was, scanning her body for any sign of injuries or scars. "I'm glad to see you are well,"
"What do you want, Kylo?" She snapped.
"The same thing I've wanted since Snoke's death," I replied. She dropped her gaze down to her feet.
"You know that will never happen. I-"
"I know," I took a few steps towards her, before she looked back up at me. "Rey, I know you said you won't join me, but I-" I took another step towards her. We were an arms length away. I could smell the salty sea air coming from her. Is she on Luke's island? I shook my head internally. That's not what's important right now, I told myself.
"I've been trying to reach you for years," Rey's brows furrowed, and confusion was in her eyes.
"What?"
"With the Force," She still looked at me confused. I huffed. "I've been trying to reach out to you with the Force. But I couldn't feel you. It's like you weren't there," I looked her up and down. "I feared you blocked yourself from the Force, but I can see that's not the case."
"I didn't want you to find me, Kylo," There was a coldness in her voice that send chills down my spine.
"What?" I asked. "Why? Were you scared I would try to hurt you? I would never hurt you, Rey. I couldn't..."
"You're a monster," She spat. There were those words again. I never let her see it, but they hurt. I didn't want to be a monster. Not to her.
"Rey," I took another step towards her, and now we were just inches apart. I gazed down at her as she gazed up at me, both of our breaths accelerating. My heart pounded in my chest. I wondered if she could hear it.
"I don't want to be a monster," I choked out. My own eyes widened at the realization of what I just said. I had never said it out loud before. Rey opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. "I don't want you to see me as a monster."
"Ben," My heart stopped when she said my birth name.
"I've been writing to my father. In a journal. Trying to understand everything, myself, you. I know it must seem silly, me writing to my dead father. But it helps me keep my composure around everyone." This time, I was the one who dropped my gaze. "I'm lost, Rey. I don't know who I'm supposed to be anymore,"
Her hand slowly reached towards my face. I held my breath, anticipating her touch. She hesitated above my left cheek, searching my eyes for something to tell her no. She wouldn't find the answer she searched for. I moved my face to her fingertips, and electric shock shooting through my skin, down my body at her contact. I heard her gasp as my eyes closed. My whole body felt warm. The Force. It was flowing from her to me, and from me to her. I knew she felt it too.