Who would have thought that I'd ever be in a position like this? Having Tori Vega pinned to the wall of the janitor's closet looking scared and helpless. And just how did this happen? She just had to drag me in here for the thousandth time to talk to me, to question me. As soon as I had shut the door behind me, and locked it out of habit, she looked me in the eye and asked as casually as possible just why I hate her. I didn't even give her an answer, I just lunged at her, grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the wall. And here we are.
"Jade, what are you trying to do?" Her voice is shaky like she's afraid just to ask me that.
"Answering your first question. Why, what did you think I was gonna do?" I give her my trademark smirk and she looks at me in confusion. She turns her face away from me and asks;
"How is this answering my question?" She sounds embarrassed, her voice a bit lower than usual. Does being this physically close to me really affect her this much? I can't help but lean in a bit closer, bringing my lips close to her ear.
"I don't want you to try and run away so I've got to keep you right here." For once, I've got her right where I want her. She brought this on herself; I may as well take advantage of the situation. "You wanna know just why I hate you? You sure you want my honest answer? I don't think you can handle it." My grip on her wrists tightens as I say this and she flinches a bit. Am I hurting her? Good, she needs to know the kind of pain I can make her feel. I know I shouldn't be letting myself do this. I know that if I let her push me to say this I'll just end up hurting her in the end. That's how it's always been. That's why I always acted as though I hate her. I should be fighting this more than I am.
"Tell me." Just those two words aren't enough, even as a command. I stay silent but keep her pinned. This is all too much too fast; I should stop this while I still have a chance.
"Why should I? Why should I give you what you want?" I let my natural bitterness come through with that; trying to back track all of this, too shy her away from asking me this.
"I deserve to know, that's why!" She's angry and trying to get out of my grasp, she's jerking back and forth like she can get away but we both know she can't. She's not leaving unless I let her, though I can't stop the nagging in the back of my mind, telling me to just let her run and forget all of this.
"Why? Why do you 'deserve' to know? Just what makes you so special?" I could answer my own question; everything about her is special, but I just can't say it. I have to keep up this front; I have to scare her off so she won't try this again.
"You do nothing but hurt me, torment me, and taunt me; I have a right to know why! I have a right to know why you hate me when I've been nothing but nice to you!" She's shouting, almost screaming at me. But she's stopped fighting me, she's gone limp against me; like she's given up physically but she's still putting her heart into it. Why? What makes her care to know so much?
"Why do you care? We're in high school; people are mean to each other for no reason, that's just how it is." I feel like I'm explaining to a small child and I hate myself for talking down to her like this.
"That's not true, there's always an underlying cause. Direct hate, jealousy…Love." Her voice gets quiet and I almost don't hear that last one. Love? Why on earth would she say love?
"What the hell do you mean by love? That doesn't even make sense! Just what are you hinting at Vega?" I feel like such a hypocrite; my own self-loathing just keeps growing. I should have just walked away when all of this started.
"You know what I mean. Some people deal with love by trying to fight against the feeling. It's like a self-defense type thing, I don't know." Despite saying this she's not giving up, but she sounds like she's on the verge of tears. I'm starting to get confused but I think I understand at least one thing; she knows. And if she doesn't, she's damn good at guessing.
I let out a heavy sigh of defeat, it's now or never. If she hates me for it, it's not like I've lost anything. Still leaning against her, I finally give her the confession she's been waiting for, the one I've wanted to give since we met.
"There's only one real reason why I hate you. I try to play it off as jealousy, as just being the average 'high school bitch.' What no one knows is that I respect you. You fight for what you want. You stand up to me when no one else will. You're so talented it's insane, and you've got the body to match the voice." I see her face redden a bit but she doesn't look at me. Which is fine, I don't think I could stand to look at her right now. "I hate you because of the way you make me feel. I've built up all these walls to keep everyone out and I can feel you slipping past them. I hate how I feel when I try to hurt you. I hate myself for trying to push you away from me. I hate that if I ever got what I wanted out of all of this I'd end up hurting you in the end." I can actually feel tears in my eyes, confessing all of this is just too much. I feel her shaking against me, I don't know if she's scared or what but I've come this far so I know I have to finish this. "Tori, look at me." I almost don't want her to, but I can't help it. I want to see her reaction to this; I want to know as quickly as possible just how she feels. I pull away slightly and let go of her wrists, she lets her arms drop limply to her sides and turns to face me. I see anticipation in her eyes and I wonder if my eyes look the same way right now. Taking a deep breath I relax and finally let it go; "I hate you because I love you"
Her face goes blank for a moment, like she's processing everything I've said. I'm worried; she's taking longer to respond than I thought she would. Her eyes become darker, void of their natural light. Her head drops down letting her hair cover her face and the first sound I hear from her nearly shatters my heart. She takes in a ragged breath and starts…Crying. Why?
"Tori, what's wrong?" I hear concern in my voice at a level I never thought I was capable of. She starts trembling in response. I don't understand; how could this make her so upset? She takes a quick, unsteady step closer to me and hugs me. Okay, she's officially confused the hell out of me. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around her and pull her against me. She rests her head on my shoulder, sobbing quietly. I let my hands move on their own, rubbing her back in a calming motion. I'll just let her get all of this out; if she needs time, I understand. I've waited this long, a few more minutes won't kill me.
Her crying calms down a bit and I feel that maybe she's going to explain herself to me now. She pulls back a bit, still keeping her arms around my back. She's still keeping her head down but she finally speaks;
"So, you never really hated me?" Her voice is shaky and broken like she's lost in all of this. I feel myself smile a bit as I hug her even tighter.
"No, I never really hated you, just the way you make me feel."
"But why? Isn't love supposed to be a good thing?" She sounds like the hopeless romantic type saying that.
"How the hell should I know? I'm not the 'lovey dovey' type. I always thought that real love never existed." I was being completely honest in saying this. I'd never really felt "love" before, not even with Beck. He was just there for the hell of it. A social status type thing. He finally caught on and broke up with me, which was fine. I didn't care anymore. I wanted Tori and I'd do anything to have her. I just may have her now, but I'm not too sure yet. "I think that's part of why I hated all of this. The way I've felt has just been confusing to me but I think I finally figured it out. I wasn't ready to tell you just yet, but you asked me, so I answered." I feel like I'm talking too much but she just does things to me and I just can't shut myself up.
I pull away from her and place my hands on her shoulders. She looks at me in confusion yet again. I can't keep up with this soft side of myself, she needs to see the real me. I push her back until she's against the wall yet again and smile when her look of confusion turns into a small amount of fear.
"So tell me Tori; just how do you feel about all of this?" My voice sounds a bit lower to me and I don't understand why. She looks me in the eye and she's got this look. I can't read her at all which is weird; I could always read her before. Maybe it's the whole love thing; I've never understood it, so how can I see it in someone else.
"I feel like you took too damn long to tell me." She laughs and I just stare wide eyed at her. "You've felt this way for a while now, haven't you? You shouldn't have waited to tell me if it was tearing you up so much." Well I'll be damned, she's totally fine with it. But she looked so afraid at first. She'll never cease to confuse me, I swear.
I drop my hands to her waist; I've waited long enough for this. She smiles and throws her arms over my shoulders in an overly romantic fashion. Rolling my eyes I lean closer to her.
"Just tell me you love me Vega." She giggles, which with anyone else, I hate, but with her it's cute.
"I love you. Now kiss me would you?" Eager little devil, isn't she? Grinning like a love-struck idiot I close that gap between us and finally kiss her. Her lips are soft, just like I always imaged they'd be. And oddly enough, she taste like vanilla and cherries. She tastes sweet, which is fitting for her. I can't help but wonder how I taste to her, bitter probably. I honestly could care less at this point. Of all the things I've wanted in this world, I finally have Tori Vega in my arms. It's everything I ever could have asked for and more.