Long A/N:
1. This story starts after BtvS s04e15-16 where Faith wakes up from her coma and does the whole Bodyswap gig. It is also after AtS s01e18-19 which is where Faith tries to commit suicide by Angel and is put on the path of redemption by Angel (and in which Buffy shows up and gets way overpissed and kinda petty IMO). If you haven't seen those episodes or haven't seen them in a long time I really recommend you do. Not only are they insanely awesome in terms of character development (for both Faith and Angel) and some of the best TV I've ever seen, but it sets the tone/mood for when this story starts.
2. Why I think this story is different: Most Faith stories either change S3 of BtvS or pick up after Faith's redemption/gotten herself under control after spending years in prison. Nothing wrong with that. This is a different twist on how Faith gets pulled back from the darkness. Here the Scoobies have to deal with all their feelings right away while Faith has to start dealing with her problems one bit at a time. Hopefully it will make it something of an original (and hopefully good feels) story.
3. I'm changing one big canon thing right away: as soon as Buffy gets back from L.A. she has the whole fight with Adam and all the stuff in 'The Yoko Factor' happens in S4. In this story there will be a significant delay from when she gets back from L.A. and the rest of the S4 picks up.
4. There will likely be a lot of changes to canon as the story goes on.
5. One thing that drives me nuts about 'Sanctuary' in AtS and then 'The Yoko Factor' in BtvS is that Angel in Sanctuary stands up for himself and his ideals and puts Buffy in her place when IMO she was clearly in the wrong. She then says some purposeful hurtful mean things to him and he tells her to leave. It was such a powerful moment from him and truly separated AtS from BtvS. But the powerful effect and growth on Angel is totally undermined when he comes crawling back to Sunnydale to apologize. In AtS Angel is interesting and complex and totally awesome. When he shows back up in BtvS he's a whipped little bitch. Just saying. So in my story there won't be any Angel crawling back to apologize to Buffy when she was the one being really mean/petty and in the wrong (IMO). But I guess I kind of get his whole 'I didn't want to leave things wrong between us' thing. He just really didn't need to come with his tail between his legs.
6. As you can probably tell by now I like Angel (AtS version) and there are some things only he can help Faith with that I don't think anyone else in the BtvS universe would be able to. Except maybe the Ripper. Hmm reform of Faith by former evil Giles somehow playing the Angel role and leading her to redemption? Now that is an interesting future Fic idea :D.
7. There are chunks of dialogue taken straight from AtS episode 'Sanctuary' here. It should be pretty obvious what that dialogue is. This whole chapter is setting up the context for the rest of the story.
8. Again if you haven't seen/don't remember seeing 'This Year's Girl' 'Who are You?' 'Five by Five' and 'Sanctuary' I say do yourself a favor and go watch those episodes all over again. A must for any Faith fan.
0000
Buffy was out patrolling alone as had been her routine for years. Crossing through Restfield cemetery was so routine that her feet carried her along her route automatically without her paying any attention. She had been brooding over the past three days over that gift that kept on giving. Over that pain in the ass that somehow just keeps coming back trying to mess up, ruin and complicate her life. Over that piece of crap that somehow always managed to cut her in deeper and in more personal ways than any other bad guy ever with the exception of Angelus. In some ways the crazy psychopath got under her skin and hit her harder than even Angelus had. If that was even possible.
She was brooding about Faith. Buffy knew she should let it go and focus on more immediate problems now that the dark slayer was in prison but the irritation and anger hadn't quite left her yet.
To think she had been concerned about Faith when she first woke from her coma close to two weeks ago. Buffy had been worried about her safety, her state of mind, considering if it was possible for her to come back to the side of the white hats now that she was awake from her coma. But noooo Faith had not even been out of her eight month coma for a day before she was back to her old ways. Basically wanting revenge on Buffy for 'stealing her life' though with Faith you never could be sure what was truth and what was lies. The psyco had attacked her in the middle of the university surrounded by tons of innocent students and then had run off when the cops showed. If anything Faith had seemed even more angry and unstable than from before her coma. If that was even possible.
Then came the next day. Faith's particular brand of angry-evil somehow always managed to find a way to hurt Buffy in the most vulnerable and nasty ways.
First the brunette had punched and terrified her mom and would have done who knows what if Buffy had not shown up in time. Then after wrecking half the house in a fight Faith had used some kind of gizmo to switch their bodies. Kind of like a bad sci-fi movie. Then in the confusion Faith knocked Buffy unconscious while wearing Buffy's face. Next thing she knew she woke up handcuffed in the back of an ambulance and told she was under arrest for questioning in a murder.
Thinking about what happened next raised Buffy's hackles with anger. She had pieced together most of what had happened by talking to everyone. The first thing the girl had done was go upstairs to her bathroom to take a bath. Knowing Faith she probably had been eager to fondle and touch herself in her 'new' body. Or Buffy's body. That wasn't an idea the blonde slayer wanted to spend any amount of time contemplating. As if that wasn't disturbing enough the girl had had the gall to show up as her to a scooby meeting, gone down to the Bronze to dance and get drunk, insulted Willow's new friend Tara, had flirted in an overly sexual way with Spike of all people (the vampire had refused to spill on the details, and Buffy was both glad and annoyed by that) and booked a flight out of the country with Buffy's credit cards. All while leaving Buffy to rot in prison and be killed by Council assassins.
And then Faith crossed the line. Again. The girl had crossed a lot of lines before but for Buffy this was what had finally broken the camel's back when it came to giving the girl another chance to prove herself one of the good guys. She didn't think she'd ever give the girl another chance after this.
Faith had gone to find her boyfriend and she had sex with him. With her boyfriend! With Riley! Though she knew it wasn't Riley's fault it still had taken her over a week to let Riley start touching her again without jumping and feeling confused and angry. She still resented the whole ordeal and some small stubborn part of her insisted on still being angry at Riley even though in her head she knew it wasn't his fault.
Buffy couldn't remember ever feeling so violated before. So betrayed. The blonde laughed a bitter laugh. She couldn't figure out why she felt so betrayed by Faith. Why the whole thing with Riley felt like personal treason. It's not like she had trusted Faith. Not since Alan Finch and all the lies that followed had Buffy felt comfortable giving the girl much trust in anything. And you can only be betrayed by people you trust right? She should feel angry. Not feel like someone close to her had ruthlessly stabbed her in the back.
Her short bout of insane-o solo laughter had brought her some attention. Three vamps ran around an old mausoleum and charged right at her snarling and screaming with their game faces on.
"Come on, no stop for threats and witty banter before trying to get dinner? Vamp villainy standards have really been going down the drain lately," said Buffy as she drove a fist into the first vamp who reached her. She felt his sternum and ribs break under her fist as he went flying backwards. Total newbie vamp that had no idea how to fight. She could work with that.
The other two, a man and a woman, both tried to tackle her to the ground. They were also newbie vamps, also terrible fighters. Buffy moved out of the way as they missed her and awkwardly collided with each other. The slayer yanked the female vamp by the collar and clotheslined her sending her sprawling to the ground. Buffy quickly produced a stake from her pocket and staked her in the heart.
"Curly's down," quipped Buffy as the vamp turned to dust. "Time for Larry and Moe to go next."
Both remaining vamps were on their feet again facing her but refusing to attack. Buffy took the initiative and charged the one she had broken the sternum and ribs on earlier. It wouldn't slow a vamp much but it would still be enough to make him the easier prey of the two.
She kicked him in the knee and felt the satisfying pop as ligaments tore loose. The vamp dropped to one knee and Buffy kicked him in the face sending him flying back.
The blonde felt the vamp behind her and ducked under a sloppy punch aimed at her head. She turned and grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and kneed him in the gut once, twice, three times. The she kneed him in the groin once, twice, three times. The vamp made some truly pitiful noises as his legs seemed to lose their strength and he wobbled in place.
"Big stupid boyfriends," gritted out Buffy getting out her frustrations. Though the vamp was now cupping his private parts Buffy gave him another vicious kick between the legs out of spite. "Skanky evil sluts," she muttered grabbing hold of the vamp's shirt and punching him the face. "Stupid, God damn… UGHHH!" she let out in rage and delivered a vicious uppercut that broke the vamp's jaw and knocked him on his back. Buffy moved in to stake him as the vamp looked up at her with fear and a 'what are you going on about' look on his face.
Buffy had been so focused that she was caught by surprise when the second vamp jumped on her back. The slayer jammed her stake in his face, causing the vampire to let go and clutch at his injury. Buffy turned and quickly staked him.
When she turned she saw the final vamp attempting to flee. Buffy chased him and caught up to him after only a few steps. Her stake in his back turned him to dust.
Buffy sighed heavily, the rush and thrum of the slaying vibrating through her whole body. The irony of what she had just done didn't escape her. She had been having very angry ticked off thoughts about Faith and had ended up acting in a very Faith-like manner, pummeling vamps to take out her frustrations while fighting stupidly and sloppily. If that vamp that jumped on her back knew what he was doing she could have been in a world of trouble.
That string of thoughts once again brought her mind to her fellow slayer and all that had happened in the last few weeks.
Just when she thought her feelings for the dark slayer couldn't get any more negative, about a week after the whole body swap debacle she had gotten a call from Giles. Apparently he had talked to Angel and he'd told Giles that Faith was in Los Angeles trying to kill him. Buffy had been at first shocked, then horrified, then felt something ugly start to grow inside of her.
Faith still wanted to hurt her! Still wanted to punish Buffy for whatever, when she had tried so hard to help her and given her so many chances! Faith going down to Los Angeles to kill Angel finally broke something in Buffy and gave birth to something new. For the first time Buffy started to feel true hatred for Faith.
Anger is hot and consuming and makes you want to lash out. Hate twists you up inside and leaves something ugly in its place. Too many injuries too quickly from Faith might have been what did it. Too many unresolved issues and pain from the past on top of everything else. The Major, threatening and hurting her friends, betraying them, betraying her. Stealing her body, violating her, and Riley. And now this. One betrayal too many. Everything she had done after the coma had been too far.
After Buffy found out about Faith trying to kill Angel in L.A. she would have stabbed the girl in the gut and thrown her off a roof all over again if the slayer had appeared right in front of her that minute.
Buffy headed down to L.A. right away without much in the way of explanation only telling Riley that she needed to go down for a day or two. The blonde slayer could now admit upon reflection that she had not gone down to L.A. in the best state of mind. She wanted to protect Angel but she wanted to hurt Faith. Buffy felt raw, angry, violated and hopelessly betrayed by Faith. There wasn't a whole lot of rational thought on the way down to L.A., just the curling sensations of anger and hate in her chest and the determination to keep Angel safe by inflicting pain on Faith. Buffy wanted Faith to pay for the pain she had caused her and she was going to use her own two hands to do it.
When she got to L.A. and let herself down to Angel's underground apartment what she saw left her feeling confused, jealous and horrified. Faith was hugging Angel. Angel was hugging Faith. There was Faith and Angel huggage. And Angel's shirt just happened to be most of the way open.
000
L.A. Three Nights Before
Angel gets up: "Buffy. (Angel Buttoning his shirt) I didn't know you..."
Buffy: "What..."
Buffy looks from him to Faith still sitting on the day bed staring at her bloody hands, then back to Angel.
Buffy: "How... What are you doing?"
Angel: "She - we were attacked."
Buffy: "We? - You and..."
Angel: "Faith."
Buffy: "You and Faith."
The first thing that goes through my mind is that they are together now. The horror of that possibility made me physically ill until I got it under control.
Angel: "Oh, it's not what you think."
Buffy: "You actually think that I can form a thought right now? - Giles heard that - that she tried to kill you."
Angel: "That's true."
Buffy: "So you decided to punish her with a severe cuddling."
Angel: "Is that why you're here? To punish her?"
Yes. That was part of it. But after this… Always count on Faith to throw you a curveball. I was still confused and angry and wanted to pound Faith to hell. Nothing is ever simple.
Buffy: "I was worried about you."
Faith: "Buffy. (Buffy looks at her) "
I look at Faith and I know my anger is plainly visible on eyes and face. The other slayer can only meet my eyes for a second before they start dart in every direction- everywhere but me. It's plain to see that she's scared of me. I take an ugly form of satisfaction from that.
Faith: " Oh, god."
Buffy walks closer to Faith who is cringing away from her.
Buffy: "You didn't think I was going to find you, did you?"
I look at Faith. She looks pathetic. A mess. She's shaking. There's blood on her hands. She looks at my eyes for a second before glancing fearfully, shamefully down. I don't even stop to consider if it's genuine or not. I'm not moved. Too much has happened.
Angel: "Buffy, let's talk."
Buffy: "Oh, I don't think talk is in order right now."
Angel: "She needs help."
Buffy whips around to face Angel: "Help? Do you have any idea what she did to me?"
Of course he doesn't. I don't think anyone truly knows.
Angel: "Yes."
Buffy: "Do you care?"
Angel: "She wants to change. She has a chance to..."
Buffy: "No. No chance. Jail."
I'm thinking a little bit more clear now. I know it's wrong to come here looking to beat the hell out of Faith. If it wasn't for Angel standing right there I would still do it though. Still I have to make sure Angel's spontaneous Faith-pity doesn't end up with her getting off the hook for all the things she's done.
Faith shakily gets up.
Angel: "You think that'll help?"
Faith: "Buffy...
(Buffy whips around to face her)
Faith: "I'm sor..."
Buffy: "Apologize to me and I will beat you to death."
Things between us had gone far past the point where they could be fixed with just words. At that point I was just looking for an excuse. I don't know if I would have really beaten Faith to death. But she would have ended up damn near it.
Faith quietly: "Go ahead."
She meant it. I could tell. Part of me liked hearing that. Part of me felt sick. But that wouldn't have stopped me.
Angel steps in front of Faith: "This is not gonna happen."
Buffy: "You're gonna stop me? Because you're gonna have to."
Faith shakes her head: "Don't - do this." She says weakly. Uncertain. It's unclear who she's talking to.
Angel: "Faith, go upstairs - now."
Buffy: "You think I'm gonna let her out of my sight?"
Angel: "Buffy, just back off."
Buffy: "There is no way I'm letting her out of my sight."
Angel: "Faith, go!"
Faith does as Angel tells her and runs for the stairs. There was no way I was giving Faith a chance to get away to raise hell another day. Angel grabbed my arm to keep me from stopping Faith. I turn on a dime and my anger finally gets an out. My fist flies and I punch Angel in the face. I cock my arm back, anger getting the better of me and I punch out again. To my complete shock he blocks my second hit and punches me right on the mouth. He apologizes to me as soon as he does and looks contrite but the damage is done. I just stand there with the shock of Angel punching me in the face momentarily overriding everything else. God, what is going on?
Angel: "She's not gonna run, Buffy."
Buffy: "Well, why would she? When she has her brave knight to protect her? - Got you. - Does she cry? - Pouty lips - heaving bosom? - I thought you needed help."
Angel: "You think I wanted this to happen?
Buffy: "You hit me."
And that hurt. That Angel would hit me. That Angel would hit me over Faith. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's like Faith is poison. Everything that has to do with her turns to shit.
Angel: "Not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first. In case you've forgotten - you're a little bit stronger than I am."
Buffy: "You did it for *her*."
I'm wondering at this point how Faith could have turned Angel against me. I am so mad at him now. It just doesn't make any sense. Not a damn lick of sense.
Angel: "You were about three seconds - from making her run - you know that. She's at a crucial stage."
Buffy: "She's playing you. She tried to kill you!"
Angel: "That was just - that was just a cry for help."
What the hell is wrong with Angel?
Buffy: "A cry for help is when you say 'help' in a loud voice."
Angel: "I know Faith did some bad things to you."
Buffy: "You can't possibly know."
And he doesn't. He doesn't know. He doesn't know how much having her turn on us, on Xander, Willow, Giles and all of Sunnydale felt. He doesn't know how it feels when the one person who was supposed to understand the sacrifices of the slayer I go through every single day leaves to go join the invincible enemy who wants you dead. Angel doesn't get how painful it was to watch her efforts to reach out be rebuffed again and again. If anyone was supposed to be my ally it was her. Fighting evil. The Chosen Two. But she turned on me. Even after all that I still held out hope for her after she came out of her coma. Then in two days she tore apart my life and left me feeling weaker, more vulnerable and more hurt than I had in a long long time. Angel just can't get how much she's hurt me.
Angel: "And you can't possibly know what she's going through."
Buffy: "And of course, you do? - I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I never murdered anybody."
It was a low blow. But I was angry and I wasn't being too careful about what came tumbling out of my mouth. Faith had run upstairs and I ended up lashing out at Angel. It wasn't the last time I would do that on that night.
At that point Wesley comes down the stairs guiding Faith in front of him. The girl seems in a daze. Wesley says that we've got three assassins from the Council moving in on the building to take out Faith. Faith gets her coat. Talk of the special operations team coming spooks Faith and she takes off while Wes and Angel were planning how to deal with the new arrivals. Somehow I get tasked with following Faith to the roof and protecting her. Never in a million years would I have imagined my trip down to L.A. to turn out like this. Protecting Faith on Angel's orders. It makes me wonder just how well I know the new Angel.
I make it to the roof and Faith is just standing there with her back to me. I try to ignore the weakness in her pose, the very image of a crushed and vulnerable human being in her very stance.
Buffy: "You're not gonna run, Faith."
It's a promise. A threat.
Faith: "What do you wanna do? You're gonna throw me off the roof -again?"
Buffy: "Any reason why I shouldn't?"
I start walking towards her. Slow. Predatory. The threat of sudden violence is still very much in the air.
Faith turns to look at Buffy: "There is nothing I can do for you, B. I can't ever make it right."
'Do you even want to?' I think. 'Have you ever even wanted that before?'
Buffy: "So you're just going to take off again. Leave us to clean up yet another one of your messes."
Faith: "It would make things easier for you."
Buffy: "Till you got bored with the whole guilt thing - decided to come back to shake things up?"
I'm so not sold on the redemption thing at this point. There was no way I could be. Not when I was so angry. Not when I didn't have all the information. I'm still not sure I believe it at all.
Faith: "That's not gonna happen."
Buffy: "You're right. It's not."
No matter what I'm not going to let her run.
Faith: "Angel said there was no way you were gonna give me a chance."
Buffy: "I gave you every chance! I tried so hard to help you, and you spat on me. My life was just something for you to play with. Angel - Riley - anything that you could take from me - you took. I've lost battles before - but nobody else has -ever- made me a victim."
It's true, though I'd never thought about it in terms of a victim until it came out of my mouth. There is so much more to that story, why I was and still am so angry at Faith. But it wasn't the time. And I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing any more of just how much she had affected me.
Faith: "And you can't stand that. You're all about control. You have no idea what it's like on the other side! Where nothing's in control, nothing makes sense! There is just pain and hate and nothing you do means anything. You can't even.."
Buffy: "Shut up!"
I don't know what it was. Maybe how desperate she sounded. The look on her face as she was trying not to shout. The pain that was plain to see. How extremely pale and worn she looked. Maybe it was words she just said that resonated inside of me in a disturbing way. How the words had a ring of truth to them that wasn't so easy to discount or ignore. Whatever it was a crack appeared in my wall of anger and self-righteousness. A doubt and pathetic hope that it might be for real this time.
Faith: "Just tell me how to make it better."
Before I could think of anything to say to that all hell broke loose. A man with a machine gun burst onto the roof from the stairs. There was a helicopter. I dragged Faith by the hand and forced her to stay in cover. The girl was so messed up that even her survival instincts were sluggish. Coming from a slayer and from Faith in particular it drove home just what a wreck she was at the time. There was a fight. A chopper and a guy with a big machine gun hanging off it. Angel doing something dangerous and heroic. When everything was over I looked around for Faith. At first I felt panic then crushing disappointment. After that came the mandatory bitter anger. Faith had taken off again. She was gone.
The rest was a whirlwind. It didn't take long for Wes to find out that Angel had been arrested because some hot tip had told the police he was sheltering Faith. It was a nightmare scenario all over again. Angel was in handcuffs. The bitchy detective was gloating about throwing him into a cell that faced the sunrise. I was starting to panic, wondering if I'd have to bust Angel out of a police station to save his life. It was classic Faith all over again. Destroying lives wherever she went then taking off without a care in the world.
But then she was there. Faith had beaten them to the police station. Just sitting there in a chair looking away from us. Faith turned her head to look at us. Her expression was bland, kind of dazed looking and unreadable. She stood up slowly and walked over to the cop who was going to put Angel in a sunny cell.
Faith: "I'd like to make a confession."
I gaped. I couldn't believe my ears. I was shocked. It didn't take me long to convince myself that it was some kind of trick. Or that… that maybe she felt she owed Angel and was getting him off the hook before she busted out of prison and went back to her destructive ways. It was hard to reconcile what I was seeing. From 'See. Want. Take.' to confessing to crimes to the police and letting them take her away in handcuffs.
It was too much. Just too much to process. I knew I would be spending a long time sorting this mess out in my own head but now was not the time. There were still things that needed to be said between me and Angel. A little later we got a little privacy in the police station to talk.
Buffy: "You should have told me what was going on."
I was pissed. And hurt. It didn't occur to me until much later that maybe those were good reasons for me to let Angel handle things.
Angel: "I didn't - I didn't think it was your business."
That pissed me off. It still does. As if there was any universe in which Faith wasn't my business.
Buffy: "Not my business?"
Angel: "I needed more time with Faith. I'm not sure.."
Buffy: "You needed - Do you have any - idea what it was like for me to see you with her? That you went behind my back..."
I did feel very betrayed by Angel then. Siding with Faith against me. Keeping me in the dark when slayer business is my responsibility. Hitting me. And all the while I had come down to try and protect him. It hurt a lot then. Still hurts a little bit now even after I've had time to cool down and tried to see things from his perspective.
Angel: "Buffy, this wasn't about you! This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here, and you're not a part of it. - That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other."
Buffy: "I came here because you were in danger."
Angel: "I'm in danger every day. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance."
Buffy: "I have a right to it."
There it was. It was more honest than I intended but I wasn't for a second going to take it back. I didn't care if it made me sound petty or cheap or unjustified. Even if I hadn't had the time to sort out what was going on with Faith she had still wronged me, still gone too far. The most recent wounds stood out the most. Sleeping with Riley, stealing my body, hurting my mom, turning Angel against me. I wasn't sure what was going on with Faith. But if I felt like I still needed to hurt her no one had a right to stand in my way.
Angel: "Not in my city."
Angel said it so firmly. So strongly, making it clear there would be no arguing and he would not bend on that point. The way he said it also stole the indignation from my sails. He had the moral high ground here and I… I couldn't deny it. Because it was true. Angel was being the bigger man, the better person. And he had never spoken to me like that before. It made me feel shitty. I couldn't argue now that I had a right to hurt Faith. Not like this. So I lashed out at my most convenient target, the other person I was really mad at because of tonight.
Buffy turns away for a moment then turns back.
Buffy: "I have someone in my life now. (Angel looks away from her but otherwise doesn't move) That I love. (Angel swallows hard) It's not what you and I had. - It's very new. (She steps closer) You know what makes it new? - I trust him. - I know him."
Angel hadn't even know I'd met someone new at that point. It was petty. It was a low blow. It was something meant to intentionally hurt Angel. Parts of what I said weren't even true. I regretted saying it as soon as I was out of sight of him and started to cool off a little bit. I've thought about calling and apologizing but I've been a wuss and it doesn't seem quite enough to make up for it.
Angel lets out a sharp breath: "That's great. - It's nice - you moved on. - I can't. You found someone new. - I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again it cuts me up inside and the person I share that with is me! You don't know me anymore. So don't come down here with your great new life and *expect* me to do things your way. - Go home!"
It hurt. This whole day was just one big ugly pile of hurt piled on more hurt. Looking back I don't blame him for reacting like this. You could say I had it coming given a lot of my behavior that day. But I still love Angel. Part of me always will. Him telling me to go away and get out of "his" city was not an easy thing to hear.
Buffy looks at him for a moment then goes to pick up her jacket, while Angel walks over to the wall and braces his hands against it.
Buffy: "See? - Faith wins again."
I'm not even sure what I meant by that. Truth is I was hoping one more shot would hurt him. That was a real black day for me. A record low in the "is Buffy a good person?" scorecard.
Angel without looking at her: "Go."
Buffy goes.
000
Looking back on that night Buffy felt a lot of confusion and regret still. Giles had talked to Wesley soon after she had returned to Sunnydale and filled in most of the blanks of what had been going on in L.A. with Faith before she walked in to see that stupid hug. She wasn't sure if the story made her feel better or worse about the whole Faith situation.
She had been even more unstable and dangerous after waking up from her coma. The reckless nights of drinking, violence and muggings in L.A. that were way too brazen and over the top even for Faith. Giles told her about how Faith had attacked Angel several times and kept trying to goad him into violence. Then how she had kidnapped and viciously tortured Wes. Part of Buffy couldn't even wrap her brain around that. Faith had threatened to torture people before. But never before had she actually gone through with it. It was simply horrifying.
Then Angel had found out where Faith was keeping Wes and had come to the rescue. Faith held a knife to Wesley's throat and tried to make Angel even more angry before they started fighting. The way Wes described it Faith was giving Angel a sound beating before they had both gone out a second story window. Wes had gotten himself free and caught the tail end of the fight between Faith and Angel in the alley. Apparently Faith was going on about how she was truly evil and bad while trying to get Angel to fight her. Angel had refused to fight and instead just talked to Faith while taking a beating. When it was clear that Angel wasn't going to fight Faith had started pleading with him and crying. Pleading with him to kill her. She broke down and fell to her knees. Angel had hugged her then, comforted her in the rain. That's when Angel took her back to his apartment.
Buffy didn't know what to believe. They had been played by Faith before. She had the sinking feeling that it was another trick. Another lie of Faith's to get under people's skins. Buffy had tried to reach out, to open up, to give the other girl another chance and been proven wrong too many times to take this at face value. She couldn't trust anything Faith said or did.
And yet after a couple of days of fuming anger Buffy realized things weren't as black and white as that. There had been some signs that Faith wasn't the two dimensional incarnation of evil and anger Buffy wanted to see her as. With everything that had been going on and the anger and hurt she had been feeling Buffy hadn't really thought about those until now.
First it was the dream she had shared with Faith the day before the girl woke from her coma. Buffy hadn't thought about it because she thought it was just a random regular dream. Looking back on it though it clearly had been a shared dream with Faith. She and Faith were making a bed. At the time Buffy didn't remember all the bad things that had gone on between them. They had talked, small talk and some cryptic slayer dream things. Faith looked at ease. Relaxed. They smiled at each other. For a minute it felt like they were back on the same side again. Friends again. It surprised her just how happy and relieved she felt at that, how a massive weight she had not even realized was crushing her chest had been pulled away.
Then there was the blood dripping on the sheets. Buffy looked down and saw her hand holding the same knife she had used to stab Faith last year in the girl's gut yet again. Faith asked her 'are you ever going to take that out?'. That was the last Buffy remembered of that dream before waking up.
In hindsight that dream was one reason why she had been hopeful and concerned when she heard Faith had woken up from her coma. That hope had turned to disappointment and horror when Faith wasted no time getting back to her old ways with renewed gleeful intensity.
Yet part of Buffy felt that the dream still represented some sort possibility. Some possible way of how things might be. Or might have been. She wasn't sure. She had never been very good at figuring out slayer dreams. But Buffy knew that at the very least it meant that such a thing had at one point been possible between them. It was somewhat more bitter than sweet.
Buffy remembered the last dream they shared over eight months ago after Buffy had first put Faith in a coma. Faith had helped her out then, giving her the clue she needed to defeat the Mayor. Again in hindsight that was another reason for her to hope Faith would be on their side when she woke up. Again why she had been so disappointed when it had all started up again.
The second recent thing that put a damper in the 'Faith is as evil as any demon' train of her thoughts was the last things the other girl had done while still wearing Buffy's body. She came back to help those people trapped in a church by vampires that had been shown on TV. By looking in her pockets and finding the ticket later Buffy realized that Faith had missed her flight to Mexico to come help those people in the church. It was so out of character for Faith. She had stuck her neck out and messed up her own plans for escape to come help people. Buffy still didn't know what to make of that.
Buffy wearing Faith's body had come in at the last second and staked the final vamp. Faith had freaked and tried to run. What came next was the most surreal fight in Buffy's life. They had struggled and fought ending up rolling around on the ground next to the altar. Buffy seeing her own face looking at her in anger and desperation and hate and disgust was something that would probably end up haunting her for a long time.
Then Faith got the advantage and ended up straddling her on the floor.
000
That Day at the Church
"You can't win this." I told her.
Faith loses it. She starts pummeling me, viciously punching me in the face.
"Shut up! You think I'm afraid of you? You're nothing!"
She kept punching me, getting more and more agitated, losing control.
"You're disgusting! A useless, murderous bitch! You're nothing!"
She's crying at this point, fat hot tears running down her face. My vision starts to darken as she hits me in the head over and over again. I reached in my pocket and grabbed the magic stone Willow says will switch us back. I grab for her hand and press the stone between us. There is a bright light and I feel a strange sensation going up and down my body. Next thing I know I realize I'm in my own body again with Faith splayed out underneath me.
Faith pushed me off her and I let her, too tired and confused to do anything else. The look on her face is horrified as she runs out of the church. I lay against the altar and watch her go, unsure of what to think.
000
Buffy had not needed to consult her psychology textbooks to figure out that Faith had been talking about herself, hitting herself, hating herself. A few days of mulling all these things over and they were starting to paint a different picture of Faith. Maybe a very different picture than what she had thought when she had gone down to Los Angeles. But Buffy wasn't ready to go there. Not yet. She was still too angry at Faith, too hurt by what she had done. Still somewhat angry at Angel even though she realized she had in large part been in the wrong. Still angry that Faith coming between them may have damaged her delicate relationship with Angel.
Maybe one day she could forgive Faith. But they would never be friends. And Buffy would never really trust her. Not really. Not in the way Buffy had hoped they would come to trust each other before it all went to shit with the Mayor. That ship had sailed. It was heartbreaking.
Buffy had a lot of regrets in her life. How things had played out with Faith would always be one of her biggest.
As Buffy went over this in her head a great deal of the anger she had been carrying around since she had gotten back from L.A. and even before then began to slip away only to be replaced by weariness. It seemed that now that she had more or less sorted out and processed what had been going on, figured out what it meant and have it make sense, she could finally let some of that immediate anger go.
Faith… was a damaged person. Upon reflection Buffy could now accept that the girl had hit rock bottom and was making an attempt at redemption. There were actually a few good human qualities underneath all the anger and crazy. If the dark slayer actually stayed on 'the path of redemption' as Angel called it or not remained to be seen. Buffy hoped she would.
It didn't change anything though. She had still done all the things she had done. Buffy didn't forgive her for that. If she proved herself to one day be truly a different person then maybe Buffy would be able to forgive. But not now, not for a long time. And the trust was gone forever.
Buffy pushed aside the pain of the friendship she had hoped to have and squared her shoulders and held her head high. The slayer let a few tears fall and then wiped her face, forcing herself to stop. Faith was out of her life and was going to be in prison for a long time. Angel said that he would help her stay on the path even behind bars and Buffy trusted Angel enough to feel sure he would keep her on the straight and narrow as well as anyone could. It was time to put aside that dark chapter of her life and focus on what was in front of her right now.
Faith had gone too far and was gone for good now. She needed to think about Riley. He had been so good to her and since the whole Faith body switch debacle and her moodiness since the trip to L.A. things had been strained between them. She hadn't even told him the whole story about Faith or much of what had happened in L.A. except for a heavily edited outline. Buffy knew he had picked up on her mood and short terse answers since she had gotten back and that he was nervous and worried. The blonde knew he must be wondering if something had happened between her and Angel. Buffy decided to go see Riley as soon as possible tomorrow to put his mind at ease and make it up to him.
Even though Buffy had lied to Angel by telling him she loved Riley the truth was she still really cared about him. Buffy needed some kind of rock to lean on and a mostly normal, kind, great guy like him was just exactly the sort of thing she needed. It didn't hurt that he was in the know and could fight demons as well. There was no reason why she wouldn't fall madly in love with him given time.
Decision made, Buffy decided to finish her sweep of Restfield and then head back to her dorm. It was almost at the end of her sweep when she noticed a large shape hidden in the shadows.
Buffy approached cautiously trying to get a better look. The demon stepped out of the shadows to challenge her. It looked like a mix between a bull and a sabertooth tiger on four legs. It had dull silver spotty hair in lumps over most of its body. Its bull like horns and large walrus-like fangs glistened with some kind of thick disgusting liquid covering them. Long nasty looking claws protruded from it's limbs.
"Ew, you're a nasty looking one. Don't think you'll be in the running for Sunnydale's most eligible demon," quipped Buffy while she drew a stake and sized up her opponent. The thing was the size of a large bull and that was extremely rare. Most demons are bipedal and aren't too much larger than a man. It probably meant it was a lot stronger than most demons. Buffy found herself wishing she'd brought an axe. Or a cannon.
The creature roared with a low pitched sound and charged the slayer. It was fast and Buffy didn't want to get anywhere near it's front that was full of pointy sharp things. The slayer waited until the last moment then jumped high in the air clear over the demon. Buffy took off at a run as the demon turned around and chased close behind.
I hope you're as dumb as you are ugly thought Buffy.
The slayer ran straight towards a large mausoleum and jumped high to land on top of it. The demon didn't have time to change direction and it crashed into the wall of the mausoleum. Buffy felt the wall of the small building crack and give. From below the demon roared in anger and pain with a low rumble that she felt in her bones. The slayer hoped hitting its head like that would stun it for a least a second or two.
Buffy jumped down onto it's back and jammed her stake into it's neck hoping to sever the spinal cord. The stake glanced off the bone and ended up imbedded deep in the demon's neck. The creature roared and bucked with surprising strength. Buffy went flying and landed badly while clipping her head on a tombstone. The blow to the head disoriented her and Buffy tried clumsily to get to her feet.
The demon charged and was on her before she could steady her feet under her. It went to gore her with it's horns so Buffy did the only thing she could think of and grabbed on to both of the large bull horns sticking out of it's head. She managed to keep it's slobbering fetid mouth from biting her but the demon kept moving forward and she was dragged along with it. It kept trying to bite her while running straight ahead reminding Buffy of a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick. Buffy knew she needed to do something before the demon rammed them both into something hard.
Hoping it wouldn't hurt too much Buffy let go of the horns and rolled under the demon. She pulled out her last stake and slammed it into the demon's gut right before the charging beast stepped painfully on her chest as it ran by.
As soon as the weight was off her chest Buffy moved to get on her feet. But the demon was faster and in a blink it had turned around and slammed her with a clawed paw back onto the ground. She felt it's long claws cut deeply into her flesh. The creature's head came down to bite her and the only thing Buffy could do was get her arm in the way.
The creature bit down on her arm and Buffy had to stifle back a scream as she felt teeth grate against bone. Knowing what was coming next Buffy quickly wrapped her legs around the demon's thick neck to protect herself. Right on cue the demon started to shake her like a terrier with a rat trying to do as much damage as it could while it bit down on her arm, Buffy hanging on for dear life so she wouldn't get her arm ripped off.
In desperation Buffy used her free hand to grope around the demon's neck. She felt the handle of the stake she had stabbed in to it's neck and pulled it out with a wet squelching sound. The slayer brought the stake down and slammed it into one of the demon's eyes.
The creature opened it's mouth and roared in pain. Buffy pulled her mangled arm out of it's mouth and adjusted the grip on her stake. While the demon was still howling in pain she brought the stake upwards and slammed it into it's throat.
Buffy began to backpedal as the creature made to go after her again. It made it a few steps after her until it began to slow down and wheeze horribly. A few moments later it collapsed on a heap on the ground slowly dying from the injury to it's throat.
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief at having managed to kill the demon. She had no idea what it was but it was something she'd never seen before and it was extremely dangerous. She hated to think what would have happened if it had been Riley or one of the scoobs who ran into that thing. The slayer would not have placed bets on anyone but her coming out on top of that fight.
Still keeping an eye on the wheezing, dying demon to make sure it didn't make a last minute recovery Buffy gingerly looked at her arm. It was nasty looking, lots of blood and lots of mangled meat. It didn't hurt much right now but she knew in a few minutes that would all change once the adrenaline wore off. The cuts on her chest were deep and bled freely but were not immediately life threatening. Cursing at having another jacket ruined she awkwardly took hers off and ripped one of the sleeves off to make a bandage for her arm. It was crude and ugly and any medic would have a fit if they saw it but she needed to do what she could about the bleeding until she could get somewhere safe and get help patching herself up.
Since the demon looked like it had breathed it's last once she was done she gingerly walked over to it and retrieved one of her stakes. From where she was she figured Giles' place was by far the closest. She made her way in that direction hoping nothing else would jump her while she was mangled and losing blood.
000
Buffy knew something was wrong by the time she made it to Giles's place. Her hands were shaking and she felt hot. Buffy knocked on the door hard not trusting that her shaking hands would be able to work her keys into the lock.
A minute later a bleary looking Giles in a robe opened the door. "My goodness Buffy it's late. Is everything allri…" he trailed off as he got his first decent look at her in the dim light. She saw him take in the ugly cuts on her chest and the blood soaked bandage covering her arm.
"My word! Buffy come in, come in quickly," He said with worry clear in his voice. She gratefully let him put his arm around her and lead her inside.
"What happened?" asked Giles as he helped her to sit on the couch.
"A demon. Four legged prehistoric bull-looking type thing. I got it but not before it did a number on my arm." Buffy had started to shiver now. A minute ago she had been feeling too hot and now she was shivering. Weird.
Giles was already off getting the large well stocked medical kit he kept in his bathroom. Buffy closed her eyes as she felt oddly disjointed from her body. When Giles came back she tried to sit up straight.
"Come on dear, let me look at your arm," he said as he sat on the table in front of her and took her arm for him to examine.
He pulled off the makeshift bandage and Buffy saw him swallow when he saw her arm. She looked down at it. In all fairness it looked a lot worse here in the light than it had in the darkness of the cemetery. The meat over much of her forearm was torn and jagged and ugly as heck. It wasn't quite as bad as hamburger but it wasn't a great deal better either. At least with slayer healing the bleeding had already stopped for the most part.
"Buffy, I really think we should…"
"No Giles. I'm not going to the hospital. A week max and my arm will be as good as new. Just patch me up and I'll take a few days off from slaying while it heals. No biggie."
Giles didn't look happy about it but nodded and started to disinfect the wound. It stung but her arm was already feeling numb and tingly. Buffy didn't know why but suddenly her thoughts were becoming sluggish and harder to put together.
Buffy remembered what she had been thinking when she had gotten to the door. That something was wrong. How had she forgotten that?
"Giles…" Buffy began, her voice weak and thready.
"Yes?" asked Giles while he concentrated on bandaging up her arm as best she could.
She suddenly began to feel incredibly hot. Her limbs started shaking. Thoughts were becoming harder and harder to form in her head.
"Giles I think something's wrong," she managed to croak out.
Buffy blacked out, for how long she didn't know but it couldn't have been more than a few moments. She opened her eyes to find a scared looking Giles standing over her, talking to her. She couldn't make out what he was saying. The slayer began shivering and shaking until it all went black again.