Behind Blue Eyes
The day was warm but still the hairs on the back of her neck stood on end. Though there was no wind, the palm trees played a melodious symphony to the sky. The street, once bustling with the noise of so many people and the roar of so many engines in front of the crumbling old high school, was now dead calm, one passing car sounded like a rocket launch. The setting sun gave an ominous blood red glow over the sky, but the girl, noticed none of this. Only 3 hours ago, fifteen year old Andy Barker and her best friend Adam Riley had been laughing as they came out of their last class of the day, free from the claws of old man Marshall, their batty history teacher, who fell asleep in his Class more than the students did. Now, Adam was on his way to the hospital in an ambulance, hanging onto life by a thread. Andy's mom used to say that Adam had no future. He was an amazing musician playing everything from the drums to the piano, but he, like his many musicians seem to gain, had a drug problem, and once in a while, would get himself in trouble at school or with the local authorities. Not to say that this made Adam a bad person, he was just misunderstood like so many other teenagers that waste away in a suburban setting. Andy and Adam were complete opposites and completely alike in many ways, which is maybe why they were such good friends. Andy had always been a good girl, never got in trouble. She got relatively good grades and was liked by most of the teachers she had. Andy had always been unhappy, always having trouble fitting in, until she met Adam. After that Andy changed from the mousy little girl who nobody knew to that girl who was always with the guys. This and many other things bothered her mother and she began to blame Adam for all the times her daughter did something she disapproved of, like showing up at home drunk. This would explain why Andy's mother had such a sour opinion of Adam. They were walking from class when Adam told Andy that he was to meeting Potter (a.k.a. Harry Potthead, the junior druggie). This had made Andy upset. She had been friends with Adam for so long that he was more or less, her big brother who she cared for as much as her own family. "I thought you quit," she said indignantly "Yeah well I lied, besides today's four twenty," he sad back with a malicious grin. Four twenty is the most stupid non-conventional, unofficial teenage holiday ever thought of. It would soon become the reason her best friend was no longer alive. "Okay then," said Andy annoyed, "I'll see you later, I'll probably be here when you get back, you know my mom, she's always late." "Later AA," he called. AA stood for Alcoholics Anonymous. This had been the name Adam had given her after the first time she had gotten drunk. "Yeah later Riley," she called to his retreating back. As she watched Adam turn the corner, she felt a sudden draft of cold wind. Giving a little shiver, Andy headed back towards the front of Cavanaugh Park High School, and the busy street full of mini vans and school buses.
After an hour, Andy began to wonder where Adam had gone. Having gotten a call from her mom that she would have to walk home and figuring that Potter probably gave Adam a ride home, probably stoned, Andy started to leave. Just then She heard someone call her name. Turning around she saw Adam running down the street a block away. Running after him, was Potter, and a group of guys Andy recognized as people she had known from school, all of them supposedly friends of Adam's. One of them Andy saw was a guy named Jesse Andrews, who had been good friends with Adam until the night before when Adam's bad temper had got the better of him and he had given Jesse a black eye. Even now she could see the wound shining in the sunlight. Potter was catching up to Adam, a semi-automatic handgun pointed at his back. With a sickening crack the handgun went off twice. As if someone had slowed time down, Andy watched as the bullets made contact with Adam's back and he fell to the ground fifty feet away from her. "Happy four twenty Asshole," yelled potter," may you live to see the next one you stupid piece of shit."
Feeling sick and dazed, Andy stood transfixed to the spot as she watched Potter spit at his feet and turn to leave. He did a double take and spotting Andy, Potter yelled," Hey guys it's the bitches little girlfriend, what's the matter sweet thang, you scared? Don't worry, you don't tell, and I won't have to find a reason to put a bullet in your back too."
Laughing, he left with his group of accomplices, all but Jesse who just stood looking as scared as Andy, staring at Adam's unmoving body, then at Andy. Suddenly mastering himself, he scowled, kicked Adam under the stomach and walked away. Andy squeaked as she saw Adam convulse on the ground when Jesse kicked him. As soon as they were far enough down the street, Andy found she could move and ran to Adam. He felt as cold as ice. She turned him over to find he was still breathing, but knocked out by the fall. There was blood coming from his nose and his mouth, his face was bruised and cut, and it looked as if they had attacked him before they began to chase him down the block. Andy got out her cell phone and with a shaky hand dialed 911. "Hello?, she said making her voice as calm as possible while her eyes threatened to tear," there's been a shooting in front of the high school, my friend, he's badly injured, I'm afraid he's going to die."
"Is there a pulse?" asked the operator calmly as if she got this everyday.
"yes, but he's barely breathing, come quick hurry," said Andy on the verge of tears.
"An ambulance will be dispatched immediately," came the annoyingly calm voice of the emergency operator.
Andy hung up the cell phone. "Andy," said Adam slowly through the blood in his mouth.
"Shhhh, don't talk, don't worry, there's an ambulance coming, I'm going to get you out of here," she said with a false voice of calmness.
"Those bastards, I'm going to get them back for this," said Adam quietly.
"Leave it to you to think about that at a time like this," Answered Andy, growing increasingly nervous as the time passed.
"God, did I ever tell you how beautiful you are," he said attempting to raise his hand to her face, and setting it down with a grunt of pain.
Andy could say nothing. She was so afraid that between now and the time the ambulance came, he would slip gently through her trembling fingers. " 'Least I know who my real friends are, thank you for being a true friend Andy, I love you "little sis," Adam said, his voice quivering from the amount of pain.
Andy wanted nothing more than to cry out loud, but the pain she was experiencing in her heart was probably nothing compared to the pain Adam was experiencing. It was just like one of those movies when the guy died at the end; cruel intentions, or city of angels, or even beauty and the beast. God she didn't want it to end like one of those movies, because real life was not beauty and the beast, prince charming would not come back.
The ambulance came twenty minutes later. Adam had gone very quiet and his eyes had closed, though he still had a pulse. Andy was sure he was still clinging to life, just passed out. They took Adam into the ambulance. The assistant paramedic asked if Andy was family. For a split second, she thought of saying "yes," but thought better of it and said no. So the medics got in the back of the ambulance and it wailed off into the distant murmur of traffic. They left without a second glance at her, and Andy was left to sit on the low wall outside the overshadowing building and relive the last two hour's events over and over until she could no longer stand it and began to cry. Another hour passed and she started to calm down, enough at least to stop crying. Crying won't bring him back, she thought.
So there she stayed until seven that night when her mom's car pulled up in front of where Andy was sitting. "Do you have any idea how worried sick I've been?," said Andy's mom glaring out the window at her daughter's tear stained face.
Andy didn't answer, nor gave any sign that she had noticed her mother's beat up old jeep squeak up the street and come to an abrupt halt in front of her, nor that her mother was livid and pale with worry and anger. "Andy?," called her mother with a lighter tone of voice," Andy what's wrong? Why are you crying? What happened? What did you do?"
White-hot anger boiled up inside Andy. What did I do? How dare she! Thought Andy as she got into the car. "Adam is at the hospital mom, he was shot twice in the back, an ambulance came and took him to the hospital, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF MY BEST FRIEND IS ALIVE AND YOU'RE ASKING ME WHAT I DID?," said Andy beginning to cry uncontrollably.
"What?! Oh my god!," said Mrs. Barker shocked
"Well I hope your happy, you said he had no future, you were right, thanks mom," said Andy bitterly.
"Let's go, let's go right now to the hospital, did they say where they were taking him? Asked her mother.
"Yeah," she said thinking," they said Cavanaugh Park Memorial Hospital."
The fifteen minutes spent in her mom's car on the way to the hospital seemed to take hours. Every stoplight was another second that Adam might not live through. The Sun had completely set and the clear star strewn sky guided their path to the Cavanaugh Park Memorial Hospital half way across town. The song Someday by Nickelback played ironically on the radio, as if it was already mourning the loss of her friend as well. It seemed, to Andy, as if the whole world was holding its breath.
The lights of the hospital were almost a welcoming sight as they drove into the parking lot. They cast a twinkling glow like a lighthouse waving in tired ships off the coast. Andy's mind was buzzing, she couldn't even remember how she made it into the elevator or up to the reception desk. Three familiar faces met her as she reached the front, jolting her back into reality. It was Adam's mother, sister, and best friend Jordan. Mrs. Riley was fumbling around absentmindedly with a stubbed out cigarette, shaking like a leaf either from nerves or from lack of nicotine, his sister was coloring in a picture of Johnny Depp on the front cover of an old issue of People, and Jordan was standing, staring disconcertedly out the window. "Andy, oh my god Andy," screamed Mrs. Riley," what happened, who did this to my baby?"
She started to cry, it was terrible. Andy wrapped her arms around Mrs. Riley. The familiar feeling of dread and sorrow came over hear again and she gulped hard to avoid crying again. "What's going on," asked Andy as soon as she was able to pull away from Mrs. Riley's grip.
Just then Andy's Mother, Mrs. Barker, blew in from the outside. "You must be Andy's Mother," said Mrs. Riley mastering her emotion long enough to say hello," I'm Bella Riley, I'm so thankful your daughter found my son."
"Melanie Barker," said Andy's Mother," I'm glad she could help, I'm sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, how is he doing?" "He's been in the emergency room since we got here, they haven't told us anything yet," said Mrs. Riley fighting to keep control of her voice
"What really happened Andy?" Asked Jordan as if he had just realized that Andy had entered the room.
"I think we would all like to hear this one Andy," said Mrs. Barker, with an almost accusatory tone in her voice.
As Andy began to unravel the events of that day, excluding who shot Adam and that Jesse had been there, a tall balding man wearing a white coat and carrying a clipboard came to the small group looking very solemn. Clearing his throat the man said," I am doctor Platz, I'm sorry I have some bad news about Adam Riley."
The room was so silent, you could hear the heartbeat of every person in the room. Mrs. Riley looked so pale and fearful that Andy was sure that the bad news would give her a heart attack, Mrs. Barker did her best to looked concerned, Jordan stared incoherently at the floor, Adam's little sister kept on coloring, and Andy stared fixedly at the balding man with the clipboard.
"This is never easy," began Dr.Platz," I'm sorry to say this, Adam did not make it."
The silence was so deep and it cut through Andy's heart like a knife. It swallowed her sole and closed in over her head. She couldn't breathe. It was as if someone had pressed a pillow over her face and told her to breathe. She was a fish out of water, and growing weaker and dizzier every second. A terrible cry of pain penetrated the silence. Mrs. Riley had collapsed to the floor crying hysterically. The day passed before Andy's eyes. The School...the street...the gunshot...Jesse...the ambulance...the sunset...the car...the windows...the cigarette...the clipboard all passed in front of her eyes like some atrocious slideshow. Andy couldn't stand it anymore. The sickening black darkness crept over her body and she passed out on the couch.
Andy woke up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. It was all a dream, she thought, please god let it have been a dream. She was still wearing her clothes from the day before. The room was pitch black and hard to see. Convincing herself it was all a dream, Andy fell asleep once more. She got up a few hours later feeling tired and groggy but, she assumed, it was from that awful dream. Andy walked into the dining room to find her mom had a visitor. It was the last person on earth Andy expected to find sitting at her mother's dining table, looking drowsy and jumpy, without a cigarette in place between her long spider-like fingers. It was Mrs. Riley. They both looked up as Andy came in the room. "Good morning sweetie," said Mrs. Barker nervously looking at her daughter's pallid face.
It was all coming back to her. It hadn't been a dream. No it had been a nightmare, a real one. Andy couldn't answer. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Andy sat down next to Mrs. Riley on the wooden bench her dad had built just before he left. She could say nothing, there was nothing to say, except, "I'm sorry, I really am, I wish I could have done something."
"Oh beauty you did all that you could," replied Mrs. Riley, her sad eyes glinting in the early morning light," you gave my boy a chance at least. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being his friend."
The funeral took place a two weeks later. Andy had not gone to school since that day and she had even contemplated whether or not she really wanted to go to Adam's funeral but figured it would have upset Adam if she didn't go. She marveled at how almost funny it was that she still thought of Adam as being alive, as if she could pick up the phone and call him and he would be there to answer. This thought made her sick so she turned on the radio. KROQ played loud and clear on the radio, "The next song," said the DJ, "is a special request. Here is Adam's Song from Blink-182." This, Andy thought, is the epitome of irony. The day of his funeral, they play this song. Well Adam, here's to you, she thought staring at herself in the mirror. The slim black dress made her pale skin look even paler. The trail of continuous tears made her blue eyes show even brighter than normal. Andy pulled her stringy brown hair into a ponytail trying to decide what to do with it, and resolved to leave it down. "It's not like it matters what I look like anyway," she said about
It was the worst experience Andy could ever remember having. She remembered walking into the church, hearing the choir children singing I will remember you, looking down the aisle where a black coffin lay at its end. There was a picture of Adam, his yearbook picture, next to it in a silver frame. Then Andy saw something that made her stomach lurch. Jesse Andrews had came in and sat down just front of Andy and her mother. She couldn't believe that he had the nerve to come in to the church and pretend to feel sorry for Adam. For the first time in her life, Andy truly wanted someone dead. Jesse looked back at Andy, as if he knew what she was thinking, as if to say," Yeah, I'm here, so what are you going to do about it?"
Avoiding Jesse's eyes Andy looked up and saw the statue of the savior Jesus Christ on the cross. She felt bad immediately for wanting to hurt Jesse, even though she privately thought he deserved it. No one deserved to die, not even those who assisted in murder. Then Andy realized with a nasty shock that she was the only one who knew Jesse had been there. Andy couldn't remember most of the service and at the end, she was glad it was over. She wouldn't have to see Mrs. Riley crying, or Jesse feeling sorry, or the at least a hundred other people mourning the loss of someone they thought didn't make much of a difference to anyone anyway. When Andy got home to her little room, she collapsed on the bed crying. For along time, all she could do was lay in a pool of tears on her unmade bed in the little patch of sunlight that lay across her room. The hours past slowly, every minute lasting an eternity. The sun slowly left the room and was replaced by a sliver of silvery moonlight. There was a knock on the door as Mrs. Barker entered the room. "Sweetie, are you feeling ok? Let me fix you some thing to eat. It's not healthy to stay upset. Come on let's talk about it. I know it's going to be hard, but you can't hold it inside and I know you have been. Talk to me angel," she said quietly sitting down beside her daughter on the disheveled bed. "He's never coming back mom," Said Andy sniffling as she lifted her red face up off the bed, "I'll never see him again. He's gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it. Oh mom I want him back so bad." Tear shown in Mrs. Barker's eyes. She never approved of Andy and Adam's friendship but never would she have wished this pain upon her daughter. "Honey, you can change the past. I'm so sorry this had to happen to you babe, but would Adam want you to sit here and feel sorry for him? You know what you can do is remember him as he was. Remember all the times you had together. He would want you to move on sweets." "No mom," said Andy, sitting up, "Adam wanted to be alive. He wanted to graduate. He wanted to grow up and... and live."
Andy slept in late the next day. When she finally pulled herself out of bed it was afternoon on Sunday. Coming to the underlying and inevitable conclusion that the only way to go back to normal was to forget Adam, she took an empty Converse shoebox and placed everything in her room that reminded Andy of their friendship. Pictures, a pair of drumsticks, old pieces of notepaper, two CD's, old warped tour ticket stubs, band promotional flyers, and a shoe with Adam's scribbled writing on the side went into the shoebox. It was when Andy came across a little stuffed blue teddy bear Adam had won her at six flags she dropped to the floor crying. It was all too much. This time two weeks ago Adam had been on the phone playing his heart out on his drum set, while Andy listened in awe on the phone. She would never hear him doing what he loved best again. He would never call her line just to annoy her while she was doing homework. He would never make up another stupid nickname for her. Never again would he come up to her at school and say, "You're going to kill me but..." Because the truth was she couldn't scold him for being an idiot, praise him for being amazing, assure him that he looked as good as ever, make fun of him for trying something new, or hug him when she finally left his side on a Friday night. You never know how good something is until its gone, she thought to herself. Just then the phone rang. She'd let the answering machine get it. Too late, the phone ceased its shrill cry and she heard her mom's voice. Curiosity getting the better of her, Andy picked up the phone. "Yes I know you want to talk to her Travis but she's really not up to talking to anyone right now," came Mrs. Barker's magnified voice over the phone. "Its all right mom, I got it," Andy said into the receiver, cutting off Travis's answer. Travis was one of Andy's best friends who rather disliked Adam. They had been friends ever since Andy had been forced to work with him on a school project. Andy had continued talking to Travis more or less because she had felt sorry for him. Now they talked for hours on the phone. Next to Adam, Travis had been one of her best guy pals. "What is it Travis," asked Andy as Mrs. Barker hung up the phone. "I'm so sorry Andy, about, all of this," Travis said sounding genuinely sorry. "Sure you are," said Andy back sourly. She didn't want Travis's sympathy right now. She didn't want anyone's sympathy. "Not to be rude, but what is it you called for Travis," she said knowing that she did indeed sound rude. "Look, I called because I wanted to see how you were doing. Adam wasn't the only one who cared about you, if he did infact care. There are people who miss you in school; they're worried about you," replied Travis, a hint of apprehension in his voice. "People like who? You? Well I don't need your sympathy. You didn't even know Adam so don't tell me if he cared or not, that's for me to decide. Go waste your pity on someone else," said Andy slamming the phone down on the cradle. She began to cry. It was horrible. Andy hated to cry. It made her feel so vulnerable. She didn't want to be that way to Travis. Her rotten temper that had been getting her in trouble ever since she could remember had sprung up and spoke for her. It was no more Travis's fault than Andy's that Adam was gone. That's stupid, Adams's not gone, he's not away on vacation, he didn't move, he's dead. Get over it Andy. She couldn't get over it. She couldn't put Adam on a shelf like an old broken toy and forget about him. He would never stop haunting her every thought. She would always see him, but he would never be there. He would be a memory, a shadow, a ghost, sent to haunt her until she could join him. With that said, Andy knew that Adam had never really left her. "Dead," she said, "Dead but not gone."
That night Andy had a dream. It was more like a flashback than anything else. It was late at night and she was sitting on the hood of her mom's old car, but where she was wasn't clear. Andy could see herself smiling that same shy smile she always wore. Everything was hazy as if it was coming from a badly tuned television, but Adam was clearly visible through the haze. Andy could imagine his Brilliant blue eyes, calm and sincere, yet wild and at the same time uncertain, and his dark hair, hidden under a black trucker hat with a logo she couldn't see. Suddenly as if someone had turned up the sound and Andy could hear her Adam's voice, "So then, who do you live with?" "My mom," came her own wispy voice, "My dad left five years ago. One day he just decided to get up and go. Never came back." "Do you miss him?" Asked Adam "Sometimes," Andy said, "I mean he was my dad, and you only get one. When he's gone, he's gone, and all we could do was pick up the broken pieces and move on." "Ever wish you had a brother?" Asked Adam, attempting lightening the conversation. "Oh yeah all the time," said Andy sarcastically. "Okay well I know I can't replace your dad but I could be your big brother, okay little sis," Replied Adam, taking his hat off his head and putting it roughly on Andy's head over her eyes. "Okay," Andy finished lamely. Andy took off the hat and looked at it. "Famous Stars and Straps, she said wonderingly, "What's that mean?" The dream dissolved in her head as Adam's laugh rang in her ears and turned into the cold merciless laugh of Adam's murderer. She woke up in her moonlit room to find something on her head. It was the black trucker hat from the dream. Taking it off her head, even now, in the dark, Andy could clearly see the old logo that hadn't seemed to fade with the time. She wondered where it had come from and how the old hat had escaped her rampage through the room. Even weirder still was the matter of how it came to be on her head while she was sleeping. Putting it on the nightstand by her bed, she turned over and tried to fall back asleep, but Adam wouldn't let her. He was there when she closed her eyes. "Stop," she said aloud. Someone laughed in her ear. Andy froze in her bed and turned to face Potter leering over her. "Go ahead, scream, she hears you and I'll kill her too," he said menacingly, gesturing toward the hallway where Andy's mom slept. Potter's tall, pale form became visible in the moonlight. His skull-like face seemed more dead then ever and he looked thinner since Andy had last seen him, but the fire that had always burned in his eyes hadn't faded. Andy saw the semi-automatic cocked in his hand. "I just wanted to let you know," said potter, "That I am grateful that you did not tell anyone about my little bit of business you witnessed." "How did you find me?" Andy asked, not knowing how to respond. "Let's just keep this a secret," he said sniggering to himself, "nice hat by the way, it was Adam's wasn't it?" Without another word, he crept silently out the door. Andy stared at the spot where he had been and listened for any sound that would tell her from where he came. She heard nothing. Potter had came and gone like a wind. Doing what anyone in their right mind would if they were fifteen and a murderer had broken into the house and threatened the people inside it, Andy walked into her mom's room and said, "I think there is someone in the house."
"Ma'am the house has been checked, there is no sign of forced entry, no sign of anyone being anywhere in the house," said a big beefy police officer drowsily thirty minutes later. Mrs. Barker had insisted that if Andy did really see someone in the house, that they should call the police. When the squad car had arrived, two people stepped out. A man who looked to be about the size of the car himself and someone Andy was sure was not really a woman. By the looks of her or it, IT could have killed a full-grown man with her bare hands. The police of course were not of any help at all. They looked upon the whole thing almost as if it was a joke. "Are you done playing detective now," asked the IT to the human marshmallow in the blue uniform. The Marshmallow bid us goodnight and waddled back to the car. IT revved up the engine, looking more like a truck driver than what was supposedly keeping our streets safe.
Still wondering how the hat had came to be on her head while she was dreaming about the same hat; she decided to go talk to Mrs. Riley. The Riley's house was just down the block. If she walked it would take less than five minutes to get there. Andy reached the only two-story house on the street and knocked on the door, it was open. "I'm up here Tom, come on in, up the stairs, second room," called Mrs. Riley's muffled voice. Andy walked up the stairs to find herself in Adam's room, Mrs. Riley's backside visible from outside a small closet. Andy knocked quietly, "Mrs. Riley, it's Andy Barker, sorry to bother you but-," "Oh beauty!" She said pulling out of the small cramped closet. " I thought you were Tom, my neighbor. It's no bother at all. What brings you here sweets?" "Well, your going to think I'm crazy but, well to make a long story short, I found this hat and I was wondering if you knew where it came from? I think it was Adams but," Andy finished awkwardly, showing Mrs. Riley the black hat. Mrs. Riley took a quick look at the hat, "Adam's dad gave that to him, just before he died. He got Adam his first drum set when he was in fifth grade. His dad got that hat at some store in the mall. Told him it made him look like a rock star. Well you know Adam, he wore that hat everyday he played. When his dad died, he wore it to the funeral. Adam had worn it ever since. I haven't seen it in a while. He told me-," Mrs. Riley stopped, unable to continue; she looked, once again on the edge of tears. "It's ok, what did he tell you," Said Andy consolingly "He told me," she said shakily, "that he gave it to this beautiful girl, he told me she didn't have a dad either, but it was okay, he said, "its ok mom because now she has a big brother to watch out for her, and dad's watching out for the both of us."
It was too bizarre to be believable. Andy's mind buzzed as she walked home. Her visit with Mrs. Riley hadn't been as helpful as she hoped but then again, she had never known what had happened to his father. It still didn't explain how the hat had came to be on her head in the middle of the night. Dad's watching out for both of us, she thought. "Well Mr. Riley if there is something you're trying to tell me, I wish you'd come out and say it. As she approached the house, something on the garage door caught her eye. In bold black letters were the words, "REMEMBER ME ANDY." Terror shot through her body like an electric shock. There was something black on the ground just below the door. A black trash bag lay at the bottom. Fear coursing through her every vein, she ran to the bag, fearing that what she would find would be sickening. Expecting the worse, Andy reached her hand into the bag only to pull out the old black hat. "No way, I put it back in my pocket," she said reaching back into her jean pocket, to find nothing was there.
The police were called again. One officer came out this time. He was tall and skinny with a long neck. There was no hair on his head. It was all growing out of the bushy mustache that covered both his upper and lower lip. He smelled of old coffer and doughnuts. The bushy mustache did not linger much longer than the other two before him. This time though, the mustache asked if Andy had any enemies, or what the message could mean. Andy could immediately think of two people. One was Potter and the other was Mr. Riley. Seeing as how one was a dangerous criminal who would surely try and murder her too if she told the police and the other was dead, Andy said no. Neither Mrs. Barker nor Andy slept very much that night. Visions of the night before kept popping into Andy's head intertwined with the information Mrs. Riley had given her. The message stood clear in her mind as if someone had permanently chiseled it onto the inside of her skull. Remember me Andy, remember who? Adam? Potter? Jessie? I never knew Mr. Riley. Lost in thought, Andy finally fell asleep to find a freshly picked dream ready for her viewing pleasure. She was in the sunset shopping mall; it had to be, she had been there so many times. She was walking between two adults holding her hand. A man on her right and a woman on her left. The man was talk and had Andy's smile. The woman looked happy and carefree, yet stern and careful. These were Andy's parents, five years earlier. The tall, man smiled at her. "What's up Peanut?" He asked "You are dad," she said laughing. They walked by a man and a boy with dark hair and bright blue eyes wearing a stupid looking hat that seemed way to big for his head. It looked as though the only thing keeping it above his eyes was his big ears. Someone should tell him that hat makes him look like a monkey. As they came near the boy Andy stopped. "You shouldn't wear that hat, it makes you look like a monkey" said 10-year-old Andy. "Says who? You?" Said the boy "I'm sorry," came Mrs. Barker's voice, "She didn't mean that, Andy Apologize." "It's ok," said the man laughing," What's your name beauty?" "Andy, what's yours?" "I'm Mr. Riley and this in the hat is Adam," said the man, "You have a very pretty daughter, she's going to grow up to be a beauty." "Thank you," said Mrs. Riley, "say thank you Andy. "Thank you," Andy recited. As Andy and her parents walked away, the dream continued to follow the boy and his father. "I hate girls, they're so mean," said the little boy called Adam. "Someday Adam, a girl like that will come up to you and you'll spend the rest of your life with her." replied the man called Mr. Riley. "Spend the rest of my life? With something like that? I think you've gone crazy," said Adam. Mr. Riley laughed. "Some day you'll understand," he said, "someday." The laughter filled her ears again, but this time it was soft, not cold. Turning over in bed, Andy saw Mr. Riley sitting in the wicker chair on the other side of her room. "Hi beauty," said Mr. Riley. It looked as though Mr. Riley hadn't aged a day. Infact he looked like thirty-five year old version of Adam. They shared the same soft shaggy dark hair, same vivid blue eyes and same twinkling smile. They both were tall and lanky, Mr. Riley looked almost as if he had never grown out of his teen years at all. "I'm losing it," said Andy aloud. "How's life for little beauty? I'm sure you got my message on the garage." "This is going to sound crazy but what the hell, I thought it was you. I'm not doing to good I guess," began Andy, "your son's murderer is stalking me. I've been afraid to go back to school. I don't want to go back and have people talk about me, wondering what happened, or else making up their own versions of events. How's Adam? I assume you've seen him, he's with you I mean."
"No, he's not," Mr. Riley said sadly
"Where is he, what happened?"
"There are some things in life, and in this case death," Mr. Riley said solemnly, "you or I can't explain. My son didn't belong here. I want him to have a second chance, and you can help him."
"Me? How can I? Wait. I don't understand," Andy replied staring at the floor, unable to hold the steady gaze of the phantom.
"You can help, Andy," he said, "You can help my son. That hat is the key. That's all I can say, anymore and I'll be in trouble. We aren't allowed to change fate. Death was not my son's fate. He was meant to live."
"Who is we? What are you talking about, the hat is the key to what?"
Andy looked up to find Mr. Riley was gone.
Andy told no one about the encounter with a man believed to have been dead for the past five years. The short but bizarre conversation ran through her mind. The hat is the key, to what? How can I help someone who is already dead? Andy had left the hat in the garage and hadn't moved it since the day before. She was a little surprised to find it on the kitchen table the next day. "Mom did you move this hat?" "No I didn't, I was just about to ask you to put it away actually," came Mrs. Barker's voice from the next room.
Andy picked up the hat scrutinizing its every stitch. She felt around inside, but nothing was there. "A clue would be nice," she said out loud accidentally.
"What did you say?"
Mrs. Barker said coming into the kitchen and depositing a dirty glass in the sink. "Nothing, I was just talking to myself," Andy lied.
Actually she had unintentionally been asking Mr. Riley for a clue. This seemed awfully stupid, but considering that she had had a conversation with a dead man before, asking for his help wasn't so crazy really. Unless of course I am imagining the whole thing, then I am crazy, she thought. She put the hat on her head.
Everything around her began to dissolve. She had become a pair of eyes in a haze of nothingness. Andy had a weird sensation that while she seemed to be standing still she was moving. There was darkness and then she saw no more.
"Wake up, its 7:00 on April 20th, 2004. Kids go out and have some fun tonight. Here's some Story of he Year for you, a song called Anthem of Our Dying Day, here on KROQ," came the sound of the Radio.
"ANDY GET UP, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE TO SCHOOL."
"I think she's finally lost it," Andy said to herself rolling over in bed.
Mrs. Barker appeared in the room. "Andy Barker get up. If you didn't study for Mr. Marshall's test last night, that's not my fault. You're going to school."
"What are you talking about," said Andy dazed.
"You were on the phone late again last night weren't you? I swear if I catch you talking to that stupid Adam kid at three in the morning again you'll be in serious trouble," Mrs. Barker said, her face reddening with anger.
She's losing it, its finally happened. She's gotten a nervous breakdown. Wait, Andy thought, how did I get here? One minute I was in the kitchen, the next, I'm in bed and the damn radio is saying its four-twenty? Okay maybe I've lost it. "That hat is the key," came Mr. Riley's voice.
"Andy what's the matter with you? Stop staring at me like I'm speaking Chinese and get dressed," Mrs. Barker's voice cut in.
"He did it, he gave him another chance, he really did it, I'm really back," said and aloud.
"What are you talking about?"
"What, oh sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad, I got confused and thought it was Sunday," said Andy thinking quickly.
If I tell her she'll think I'm insane, Andy thought.
Mrs. Barker dropped Andy off in front of the school in the same place she had been for the last two years, but to Andy it had been three weeks since she had seen the old school, and she almost missed it. It was as though years had passed since she had last stood on the concrete outside CPHS. Andy walked slowly toward the front doors, and froze. She was standing directly where Potter had shot Adam. Andy stopped to look out over the long stretch of sidewalk. She could almost see Adam running towards her. She could almost feel his slow breathing on her face. She could hear his voice calling her name clearly as if he was standing next to her. "Andy," came the voice. Startled, Andy turned around. It was Adam. Andy was so startled she almost screamed. Instead she just stared at her best friend until he asked, "What, you act like you haven't seen me everyday for the last 3 years and that you are actually happy to see me." Andy couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah I am glad to see you," she said smiling, "Sometimes I even surprise myself. "Well could you stop staring at me," he said complacently," I mean we both know I'm hot but-." "Oh shut up," She said smugly," you know I don't think of you that way." "That hurt," he said, his blue eyes looking sad and hurt, his smile saying otherwise. It was beyond weird. It was as if nothing had ever happened, because nothing had happened, yet. She had to do something. Andy had to save those confident, gorgeous blue eyes. "You look like you could use a hug," said Adam grabbing Andy around the waist, "What's the matter, Travis been hitting on you again?" "No its nothing," She said "Yeah bull," he said giving her a big hug. Andy could have fallen asleep in his arms right then and there. She wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. For the first time ever a realization came over her. She loved him. It was obvious to anyone but herself. It was then that a second realization came over her. He was going to die, all over again. She would hold him in her arms one last time, and he would be gone. No. He wouldn't. Not this time. She had been sent back to stop it from happening, and she would. "Hey loser, I can't breathe," she cockily. After he had let go, Andy asked," So what are you doing today?" "I don't know, why?" "Just wondering," she said casually, "because today is four twenty, I figured you might be thinking of being a stupid idiot today and following the crowd." "I think we need to stop being friends," he said sarcastically, "you sound like my mother little sis. Whose supposed to be watching out for who? Besides, I wasn't going to do anything you consider idiotic. I quit remember?" That's what you want me to think, thought Andy, he's not going to make this easy for me. "Yeah, whatever," she said facetiously.
"Whoa! Who is that?"
Said Adam stupidly
"Who? That girl? Oh I don't know," said Andy dismissively.
"God she's hot, huh?"
"Oh yeah she is so hot," Andy said sarcastically, "I'm going to class, you coming?"
Andy felt, as she walked into first period, that it was just her luck that the girl would be in their class. Then another thought came over her. The girl hadn't been there the day of Adam's murder. Why was she here now? Mr. Riley had said that we can't change fate. Maybe the girl was a side effect or something. Maybe we changed more than one persons fate. Andy didn't care. She was glad to be with Adam again. She took her seat in the back next to Adam, feeling for the first time in what seemed like forever, happy. "And who are you?"
Asked their teacher, Mr. Kay speaking to the girl as if she had just entered a kindergarten class. Mr. Kay was new to the school; new teachers were always nice, for the first year or so. The girl introduced herself as Jessica. Her long dark flowing hair cascaded down her back like spring rain caught by a ray of sunshine. "Well Jessica it's a pleasure to meet you. I am mr. Kay. Welcome to US History. If you'll just find an empty seat I will get you a book so we can get started. Now the rest of you please take out your homework and give it to your homework buddy to correct." As she walked gracefully to the empty seat next to Andy, Andy knew that she wasn't going to like Jessica. Her skin was smooth and her eyes sparkled like dewdrops on the morning flowers. Her smile could have charmed any snake she came across, or boy for that matter. However, Andy was about to bet, that Jessica's personality was that of the snakes she charmed. As devious as the fox and treacherous as the devil herself. Jessica was the kind of girl who had been born to torment the hearts of any boy she ensnared in her web of beauty. Maybe her name should have been Estella, thought Andy remembering the novel Great Expectations. Who was the spider eyeing she wondered? Andy was almost startled to find that Jessica was pointing her saccharine sweet smile right at her. "Hi," she said with the softest voice, "I'm Jessica, what's your name?" Deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt Andy smiled back and said, " I'm Andy, what school did you come from?" Jessica was saved from answering this question when Adam shoved his homework in Andy's face. "Here you go homework buddy. How retarded could that guy get? Oh hi, I'm umm..." Adam had stopped mid-sentence and seemed to have forgotten his name. "This is Adam," Andy said feeling more and more like her first impression had been correct. "Hi Adam," Jessica said coolly tossing her hair back so that she looked like she was shooting a Cover Girl commercial. "Here Adam correct my homework would yah?" Andy said getting annoyed at the stupid expression on Adam's face. Andy almost felt guilty for getting annoyed with him. She had almost forgotten in the last few weeks how much Adam seemed to annoy her. It didn't matter she still loved him. "My family moved here from Hawaii. My dad got transferred here, he works for the FBI," Answered Jessica proudly. Do you tell that to all your victims or just the special ones? Andy thought maliciously. She couldn't believe herself. She was getting Jealous over Adam. After every girlfriend he'd had, Andy was getting jealous because Adam had said Jessica was hot. She wasn't going to let herself be jealous of Miss Hawaii. "Wow that's interesting," Andy replied sound not at all impressed.
Adam however had his mouth hanging open. He looked like a starving dog that had just caught sight of food. Andy was sure any minute he would start drooling.
"Did you correct my homework yet?"
"Yeah, here," Adam said handing her the homework.
This is going to be a long day, thought Andy
"Hey Jessica, you want to hang out with us at lunch," asked Adam.
"Sure, oh but I can't," she said sounding sorry, "I have to go see my councilor, I was supposed to be in honors English."
Andy knew for certain she did not like Jessica, not one bit.
"Adam do you like Jessica?"
Andy asked later during lunch.
"She was hot, I wouldn't say I liked her. Why?"
"I don't know. She was kind of annoying to me. She seemed to perfect. Like she was trying to prove something," Andy answered slowly.
"Am I to understand that you are...Jealous?"
Adam said smirking.
"No are you kidding?"
"Yes you are jealous, I can tell. We've been friends for too long I think. If I can tell when you're jealous, there a problem," said Adam laughing, "Hey, if you really don't like her, then I don't either."
"That's cool if you want," Andy said trying to act as if she didn't mind either way, "hey do you want to come to my house after school? You owe me a guitar lesson remember?"
"Yeah, I can't," said Adam withdrawn, "I've got to go somewhere after school. Maybe after that?"
"okay, I'll come with you we can walk to my house," Andy said knowing that Adam would be going to meet potter.
"uh, I don't know," said Adam not quite meeting Andy's eye.
"Come on, what do you have to do anyway?"
Andy had figured that if she went with Adam that he would forget meeting Potter. It was worth a try.
"All right, all right," said Adam finally.
Andy froze as she saw Jesse coming towards where they were standing. Adam looked murderous. They both stared at each other with such dislike in each others eyes that Andy was sure Jesse would no doubt be their to get Adam today. Jesse's fates hadn't been changed. "That guy's got it coming, I swear, he's got it coming," Adam said still staring fixedly at Jesse as he passed.
"Cool it Adam," Andy said feeling sick, "You know you guys will be friends again in a week tops."
Andy just hoped she was right.
It was three-thirty. School was out. Andy had done it. They were walking toward her house laughing as the late afternoon sun shined brightly on their backs, cooled by the wind that blew down the street softly rattling the leaves on the old trees that grew up and down the block. "So what did you have to do that was so important after school?"
Andy asked, though she knew the answer already.
"Oh it was nothing, I was supposed to make up a test, but I decided I'd rather go to your house than pass the eleventh grade," finished Adam jokingly.
The afternoon passed by fast. Adam taught her to play a song his band had recorded a demo for. It was called forty-nine to midnight and Andy had written the lyrics to it. "I wish I could play this stupid thing better," said Andy getting really frustrated.
"what do you want," asked Adam, "you just started learning."
"I know but, it gets so annoying," Andy said back laying the guitar against the wall.
She was so happy; she would always have Adam here to teach her. He would always be there to cheer her up when she was sad, and tell her, " You need a hug" and then give her one. She could call him everyday just to hear his voice, and walk to his house just to see him smile. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much he meant to her. Somehow, she couldn't. Of course she loved him. She always had to some extent. But now, it was different. She loved him, if it was possible, even more than before. But she couldn't tell him. Andy knew Adam too well. He would make a complete joke out of any serious subject. That was just the way he was.
"Yeah well I got to go, my mom will think I'm up to something over here," Adam said getting up to leave.
"I'm sure she would, you just want something to happen," said Andy, knowing herself she wanted something to happen.
"Really? You think so? I think you want something to happen," He said coming back toward her.
"I don't think, I know," said Andy confidently
"Oh do you?"
Yes, I can tell," said Andy standing right in front of him.
He was so close to her. She could feel him breathing. His heart was beating just as fast as hers. She was tired of waiting. She kissed him. To her surprise, he kissed her back. She was on cloud nine. No heaven wasn't a place where you go when you die, it was right here, in his arms. She never wanted to leave heaven. It would never leave her. She didn't have to tell him. He knew. I love you.
Andy lay on her bed all night until her mom got home at from her job at ten. She couldn't believe how happy she was and nothing was going to bring her down. "Andy are you home, god turn on a light or something," came Mrs. Barker's voice.
"Sorry mom I fell asleep," Andy lied.
"Yes I'm tired too, I'm going to watch the news for a few minutes and then go to bed as well," Mrs. Barker said turning on the Television to channel five.
"Here's your local news at ten," came the TV reporter.
"Good Evening I am Ted Ireland"
"And I am Laura Baura."
"We have breaking news coming to you tonight from Cavanaugh Park, here is Cyrus star reporting.
"Thank you Ted and Laura, I am standing outside this second story house where two people were murdered earlier this evening. They were shot in the head and then thrown out the second story window. Police are investigating who would have wanted these two people dead. The victims have been identified as forty-five year old Bella Riley and her son sixteen year old Adam Riley. If anyone has any leads as to who would have committed this heinous act, they are urged to contact the police immediately."
It had happened again. Andy hadn't stopped Adam's death, she had only postponed it. "Didn't you know him?" Asked Mr. Riley shocked. "NO," Andy screamed, "NO I WON'T LOSE HIM AGAIN!" Andy stormed into her room, took the hat from her bed and jammed it on her head. Again she felt the feeling of weightlessness in total darkness. She felt herself going down...down...down.
"Andy are you okay?"
Adam was kneeling on the floor next to her
"Yeah I'm fine, I think," she said looking up.
Now I know how Dorothy felt when she fell from Kansas, thought Andy.
"Are you sure," came Adam's voice.
"Yes I'm fine, what happened?"
"I just told you that I asked Jessica out and she said yes, and you fainted," said Adam, helping Andy up from the ground outside CPHS.
"Whoa! What? Rewind, stop and press pause, what was that?
Andy's heart was beating in her mouth.
"Me and Jessica, we're dating," Adam repeated slowly.