Mentally Dull - Hogwarts Style
A/N: This is a total crack!fic based on the lyrics from a wonderful song called Mentally Dull (a mega-mix of South Park soundbites from the Chef Aid cd).
Voldemort: Everybody hates me!
Lucius: Why do you suppose that is?
Voldemort: Because I'm the son of the devil!
Lucius: Uh huh, that's a good start. Why else?
-
Some Student: Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: You bastards!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ginny: What kind of sick weirdo are you?
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: Say something Cho.
Cho: Ahhhhh
Hermione: Oh my god they killed Cedric. Dude, Cedric is dead.
-
Gilderoy Lockhart: Hello there children. Let me sing you a little song: "I'm gonna make love to you woman."
Hagrid: Well you ain't Madam Rosmerta, and if you ain't Madam Rosmerta I don't give a rat's ass.
Rita Skeeter: What would drive a man to such a disgusting act?
Some Student: My god that's disgusting!
Fred: Whoa dude, how do you have sex with a chicken?
George: Dumb asses!
Fred: Ow!
Ginny: God damn it!
Fred: Dude!
George: Huuh Sick
Cho: Ahhhhh
Snape: You get your bitch ass back in the dungeon, and make me some potions!
-
Harry: What the hell would you know you fat sweaty mongoloid?!?
Dudley: Don't call me fat, buttfucker!
Harry: You're such a fat fuck Dudley, that when you walk down the street people say, 'God damnit that kid's a big fat fuck!!!'
Dudely: Hey!
Harry: I mean you're one screwed up little kid, do you understand?
Snape: He is a very disturbed little boy.
-
Dumbledore: You want some Lemon Drops?
Tom Riddle: Yeah I want Lemon Drops!
Dumbledore: You can have an ensy wensy bit can't you?
Tom Riddle: Well?
Dumbledore: Just a wensy ensy woo-woo?
Tom Riddle: Okay!
Dumbledore: I bought you some Lemon Drops and Chocolate Frogs!
Tom Riddle: God Damnit!
Dumbledore: Just a wensy ensy woo-woo?
-
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: You bastards!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ginny: What kind of sick weirdo are you?
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: Say something Cho.
Cho: Ahhhhh
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric. Dude, Cedric is dead.
-
Fred: Dumb ass, what a retard!
George: Fatso!
Dudley: Hey.
Ron: Dude.
Fred: Don't be such a little wuss!
Hagrid: Fruitcake!
Dudley: Bitch.
Hermione: No, I'm not an owl!
Dumbledore: Well I was standing out in a field and I had this huge wand sticking out of my butt, and than there were hundreds of theastrals and grindylow, and then I went up on the ship and Grindlewald gave me pinkeye!
Snape: What the hell are you talking about?!
Dumbledore: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people!
Filch: Bogies are gross!
George: Nobody gives a rat's ass!
Ron: Lunchy munchies hmm!
Harry (to Malfoy): At least my mom isn't on the cover of "Dark Bitches" magazine!
Dudley: Don't call me fat, buttfucker.
-
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: You bastards!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Tom Riddle: Yeah I want da Lemon Drop!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Pettigrew: Hidey Ho!
Hermione: Oh my god they killed Cedric. Holy Shit it's Merlin!
Ron: You pigfucker!
Hermione: Dude, don't say pigfucker in front of Merlin.
Merlin: Yay, believe in me, and ye shall find magic!
Ludo Bagman: Wearing very, very black robes... the king of all that is evil...
Death Eaters: Lord Voldy, Lord Voldy
Voldemort: I'm Lord Voldemort!
Gilderoy Lockhart: Lord Voldy?
Lucius: Lord Voldy.
Malfoy: Kick the baby!
Hermione: Don't kick the baby!
Lucius: Lucius Malfoy. Fleur Delacour.
Gilderoy Lockhart: Fleur Delacour!?!
Ron: Oh yeah.
Lavender Brown: Piss ass little hick!
Ron: You ugly skank!
Pettigrew: Damn your black heart, Lord Voldy. And hey! Why don't you stop dressin' me up like an owl, and making me dance for you, while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed!
Some Student: Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!
Cho: Let us remember the good times; Cedric would have wanted it that way! sobs uncontrollably
-
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ron: You bastards!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric!
Ginny: Total weirdo, freak!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric! Oh my god!
Harry: Oh my god!
Hermione: Oh my god, they killed Cedric. Dude, Cedric is dead!
Ron: gasp
Harry: Eh he!
Harry (about Bella): Well, Draco's aunt's a bitch, she a big fat bitch, she the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch. She's a bitch to all the boys and girls. Monday, she's a bitch. On Tuesdays, she's a bitch and Wednesday through Saturday, she's a bitch. Then on Sunday, just to be different, she's a super King Kamayamaya beyotch. Have you ever met my rival Draco's aunt? She's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world. She's a mean old bitch and has stupid hair. She's a bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, she's a stupid bitch! Draco's aunt's a bitch and she's just a dirty bitch. Draco's aunt is a biiiitchaah.