Where the Road Parts
"We haven't heard back from the Longbottoms, have we?"
"Oh, Frank told me last weekend that they'd be coming. He never got around to getting that RSVP in the mail, that's all."
James and Lily sat across from one another at their kitchen table, a multitude of papers scattered in organized chaos between them. Lily had a checklist in front of her, and she dutifully ticked off two names before she went back to her stack of paper. She flipped through a few pages, pausing at one for a moment and letting out a small laugh.
"Professor Slughorn can't come. And he wrote us a personalized note filled with his regret," she chuckled with a shake of her head, handing it over to James.
A smirk came to his face as he skimmed the note, his eyebrows shooting up in disbelief. "Well, thank goodness he has a legitimate reason for missing out on the big day. I was so very worried that he was just blowing us off," he laughed, handing the note back to Lily. "Don't worry—he gave us a reference of who to call if we want proof."
"You know, he was one of the first people to ever joke about us getting married one day," Lily mused, slipping the note into a new pile. James raised his eyebrows in surprise, clearly not recognizing the event in his own memory. "It was in Third Year, actually," she explained, smiling in recollection. "He had paired us together in Potions, and we couldn't agree on what to do with the rosemary. And he told us that we bickered like an old married couple."
"You remember that?" James asked with proud curiosity.
"Oh, yes. I was quite beside myself, and I took the offense quite personally," she laughed quietly to herself before looking back down at her piles, her eyes stopping on the next piece of paper. Lily couldn't hide her sudden change in expression as she registered the name. She could feel James' on her, though, and she put it to the side as casually as she could.
"Who was that?" he asked, and she looked up in surprise.
"Oh…" she said slowly, clearly wishing she had been more inconspicuous. "I didn't send that one." She tried to turn her gaze back to her checklist in forced interest, but James reached for the invitation nevertheless. She grabbed for it, but he was already reading it.
"Snape," he said, his face falling somewhat. She hated seeing the disappointment in his face, but he wasn't bothering to hide it from her. "You were going to invite Snape?"
"I didn't send it, James," Lily said with a sigh, grabbing it back and putting it down in the pile. "He was my best friend for years, and something told me that I should reach out to him," she said quietly, not looking back to James. "But I thought better of it. I haven't spoken to him in so long, and for all I know, he's off killing Muggles for fun or something like that."
She could feel him staring at her as she focused on the next paper, ticking off another box on her paper. "It's alright, James," she murmured without meeting his eyes, and after a moment, he too continued sorting through papers.
The ceremony hadn't even started, and she felt dead on her feet. She had been shepherded around all afternoon, prodded, poked and made up to perfection, and she desperately wanted to simply curl up and fall asleep. And yet, energy still coursed through her veins at the thought of what was the come in only a few hours. She had gotten dressed over an hour ago so that she and James could take pictures while the sun was still up. It was an exquisite gown, really, and the thought of his smile when he had first seen her brought a twinkle to her eye, even as she sat in the empty pews of the church in wait.
The ceremony wouldn't start for a while yet, and guests hadn't started filtering in. Her bridal party had wanted to swarm her, even after the pictures were finished, but she slipped away and insisted on having a few moments to herself before the guests flooded in.
She sat in the front pew, her dress draped neatly beneath her while her shoes sat in a heap beside her. She hadn't been so done up in quite a while, and she felt self-conscious with her tightly wound hairstyle and expertly applied makeup. It all seemed a bit silly, really, given that all she really wanted to do was marry a man she loved. But she had gone along with all of the traditions after the insistence of her friends and parents.
And James… The whole idea of marrying him nearly made her laugh, simply because of the absurdity of it all. When she really thought about it, it wasn't all that long ago that she couldn't stand the sight of him. But the man who would stand before her today seemed like a separate entity from that boy from her memories. Still, she had no shortage of people teasing her about finally giving in to the insufferable James Potter. And yet, she didn't mind one bit.
She wasn't sure how long she had been there, staring up at the stained glass at the front of the church, listening to her own breathing. It had all been so peaceful after the bustling of bridesmaids that she had quite lost her mind in reverie. But all at once, she felt someone's eyes on her. She figured it was James, or perhaps somebody else in the bridal party—they probably wanted to check on her or push her out of the church before the guests arrived.
Tentatively, she turned her head as her eyes scanned the church. There was nobody there. A small chill ran down her spine as she let out a sigh, turning back ahead. Just then, she saw a small movement in her peripheries and she stood up slowly, skirts in hand. "Hello?" she called out, letting the fabric of her dress fall into place. "I'm sorry, I'll be out of here. Just needed a second—" she began, but stopped short when she saw the figure in the shadows.
He looked so very different, and yet precisely as he had when they had been in school. Same greasy hair, same hooked nose, same lanky frame. And yet, he had a new air to him—exhausted, and yet unassailable. Commanding had never been a quality that emanated from Severus Snape, but as he stood there before her, she felt the need to shrink away. She forced the impulse aside and slowly made her way to him. The sound of her dress dragging across the wooden floor was the only thing to be heard, and she suddenly felt even more aware of how perfectly coiffed she was. It was embarrassing, really—as if she had some mask on in front of this man who had seen her at her best and at her worst.
"Severus…" she said slowly, unable to hide the confusion written in her features.
"You look beautiful," he said civilly, his words filled with such stiffness that it didn't seem like a compliment.
"Why are you here?" she said with more strength, never one to be outdone. She squared off her jaw in some semblance of defiance as she looked him straight in the eye.
"I got an invitation. A rather late one, but…I decided to come nevertheless." Lily could barely process the words. An invitation…James had sent it, then. Had it been some kind of joke? Severus clearly didn't see it as such.
"You're coming to the ceremony?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowing together. She watched as a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, and he shook his head, looking down at his feet momentarily.
"No… I'm afraid I wouldn't be welcome company at a gathering such as this," he mused almost ironically. He looked back up at her and their eyes met, and she could immediately see the regret that hid behind his guarded exterior. The overwhelming desire to break down into tears nearly took Lily over as she took in that inherent and implied apology, but she pushed it aside firmly.
"What happened to you, Severus?" she asked, the desperation unabashedly clear in her voice. He seemed affronted by this remark and nearly sneered at her.
"What happened to me?" he repeated, his eyebrows shooting up. "What happened to you?" he countered, narrowing his eyes. Yes, he had always been one for quick changes in attitude—soft repentances promptly clipped away by mocking remarks.
"What are you talking about?" she stuttered at the disguised accusation, watching as he looked down at her garment fleetingly. "Severus, look at me," she insisted, searching for recognition in his eyes.
"Everything's changed, hasn't it," he reflected in something akin to cold amusement, and her confusion gave way to frustration.
"If you're going to be cryptic—" she exclaimed, but he spoke before she could finish her sentence.
"Lily Potter…" he murmured as he looked back at her deftly, and she felt her heart skip a beat at the words. Her aggravation all but disappeared, and she cocked her head to the side with inquisitiveness.
"Not yet," she reminded him, and hope flashed in his eyes momentarily before he hid it away behind antipathy.
"You could change your mind," he said quickly, and she finally recognized the remnants of the old Severus Snape in those words. A hopeless dreamer, shielded by a cold and hardened shell. An idealist who dreaded being found out one day.
"I'm not going to change my mind, Severus," she said simply, shaking her head. "I love James—" she continued, but he took a step away from her in disgust.
"Don't say his name," he begged, and she pressed her lips together in hopes of restraining words that would hurt him more. "You're so much better than him—how can you…" he began, but he trailed off before he could continue the sentence. He looked back at her, a wounded expression written in his features.
"Human beings are not better than one another," Lily insisted, a shaky smile forming on her lips. "We're all just… Here." He stared at her, and she continued on tentatively. "He's not better than you, Severus. And you're not better than him."
He blinked, unsure of how to take her words. Finally, he shook his head and looked up towards the stained glass painfully, no longer able to hold her gaze. "He's so damn lucky to have you. Nobody else can see the good in people like you can."
She laughed audibly at this, and he looked at her with arrest. "It's not easy, Severus. It's an acquired skill," she told him as a warm smile came to her face. She reached for his hands and took them in hers, ignoring his instinctive flinch as he tried to draw back. "You can learn to do it too."
The resentment in his face faded slightly, and it was replaced with a kind of wonder. It only lasted for a brief moment, though, before he shook his head and took a deep breath. Pulling his hands from hers, he spoke. "I have to go."
"I know," she said in a low voice, watching as he turned deliberately and began to make his way towards the door. "Will I see you again? Ever?" she called out, the last word tacked on as an afterthought. It sounded more desperate than she had intended, but held her ground as he turned back to look at her. Their eyes met, and without a word from him, she knew her answer. With trembling lips, she smiled to him and nodded once before he turned and left.
She watched breathlessly, her eyes remaining trained on the door several moments after it had shut. It wasn't until she heard her named called softly from the other side of the church that she was pulled from her contemplation. It was James, standing with his hands in his pocket. She made her way towards him, picking up her shoes on her way. He was beaming softly at her, and she felt a reflective smile form on her lips.
"Thank you, James," she said softly, listening as her quiet words echoed gently throughout the church. His smile only widened at this, full of sympathy and adoration. They had no need to speak as they stood there, nor as they made their way out of the church just in time for their guests to arrive, hand in hand.
Yes, that would be their final goodbye. She was quite sure of it. And she was at peace.
I hope you enjoyed it! A special thanks goes to dbanjeezeez for perusing it! Let me know what you think, and happy reading!
Until next time,
Christine
