Disclaimer: As everyone on this site knows, I do not own CSI or Nick and Greg, unfortunately. If I did, I wouldn't be writing about them here, I'd be using a television screen.
Acknowledgements: Inspired by the song All or Nothing by O-Town. Also, a big thank you to Alison for editing and support.
Warnings: None.
Summary: Greg has had enough. He wants it all but will he get it? N/G Pre-slash.
All or Nothing
Greg could see it in his eyes. He was thinking about him again, the other guy. There was that look in his chocolate brown eyes. He was miles away. Nick should understand by now that it was over, that guy, that nameless guy, had broken up with Nick. He wasn't coming back.
If Greg had any say in the matter, he would be over there, sitting beside Nick in the break room. He would be the comforting friend, the listener. Nothing more if that was all Nick wanted him to be.
Something had to change. Greg couldn't live like this anymore. This wasn't a mutual relationship; it was all one-sided. This was getting so old.
If Nick knew that Greg would do anything for him, fight for him, love him, and die for him, would he feel any differently? However, the Nick that Greg would die for wasn't even there. He had retreated into himself, rarely talked anymore.
Nick looked up and Greg withdrew further back, away from the door. He looked so lost. Greg breathed deeply and closed his eyes. He let his forehead fall forward against the wall. He didn't hear the footsteps that were leading out of the break room.
"Greg?" the soft, Texan accent said.
Greg looked up into the eyes that haunted his dreams. Those eyes were sad now. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. Greg's heart immediately went out to him.
He wished he could have what he really wanted from Nick. He'd gotten a co-worker and a friend; they'd had that playful camaraderie. Nevertheless, Greg still wanted more. He wanted it all. But was he ready to risk his friendship to go after what he wanted?
Whenever they had hung out, it had been obvious that Nick had something else on his mind. It had taken a long time for Nick to tell him about the other guy. The last time they had hung out at Greg's house, Nick had mentioned something before falling quiet and grimacing a bit. When Greg had asked what was wrong, he said it was nothing, that he was fine. Greg had a feeling it had something to do with that guy. Nick was remembering something that had happened between them; he knew Nick well enough to know that, at least.
And yet, there were those days, those times in the lab, where Nick would flash him that dazzling smile and Greg felt like they were the only two people in the world, that all Nick cared about was him.
As Greg looked into Nick's eyes now, he made up his mind. He had reached the bottom and was now going to try everything in his power to bring himself back up.
"Nick, I need to tell you something," he paused, but the Texan didn't say anything, he just gave Greg a questioning look. Greg looked down at the floor and continued, "I – I'm just going to say it. I love you."
He let out a breath he hadn't noticed he'd been holding and looked back up to Nick. He looked, suffices it to say, shocked. He clearly had not been expecting Greg to come out with something like that.
"Um, uh – I gotta go. Crime scene is waiting, you know," Nick said rapidly before passing Greg and almost running down the hallway. Greg closed his eyes again and leaned his back against the wall with a defeated sigh. He had laid everything out on the table and of course, his hopes had been shattered.
-----
Later that night, Greg was sitting on his black leather couch playing with the phone between his hands. He was debating with himself whether to call Nick or not. He had dialed the familiar number several times but always hung up before pressing call.
"What am I doing?" Greg asked himself. He flinched slightly as his cat, Milo, jumped into his lap. He scratched the cat behind the ears before finally coming to a conclusion.
"Screw it. Screw my insecurities, screw rejection. I'm calling him," he said confidently. He dialed the number and waited as the phone rang once, twice, three times. Just as he was about to hang up that sexy Texan drawl spoke.
"Stokes."
"Hey Nick, it's Greg."
Greg's nerves were suddenly back.
"Oh, hi Greg. What can I do for you?"
The way Nick pretended as if nothing had happened brought Greg's temper up a bit.
"Don't you think we should talk about what happened?" Greg asked, trying to stay calm.
"Look, Greg, I'm flattered, but I just don't like you like that."
Greg could hear the hesitation in Nick's voice but couldn't figure out what it might mean, so he let it go.
"Okay, so what now? We just keep being friends?"
"G – Greg, I think we should just stay away from each other for a while. Okay? Then maybe we can go back to being friends. I just don't want things to get awkward," Nick replied.
"You know what? Just forget about it. Forget about me. Don't make promises you can't keep."
Greg reached up to run a hand over his face and was surprised to find tears wetting his cheeks. He hadn't even noticed he had begun to cry.
"I'm sorry, Greg."
"So this is how it ends? With a telephone call? It's now or never. What do you want? Are you willing to forget about me?" Greg asked, defeated.
"I guess I am. I really am sorry, Greg," came the reply before the dial tone sounded in his ear.
Greg dropped the phone and curled into a ball. He let himself break down and sob, drawing Milo close to himself when he nuzzled Greg's face. He was alone. Now and forever. He couldn't just get over Nick. It wasn't that simple. Nothing was ever that simple when Nick was involved. He would just have to come to terms with that.
Greg had nothing now. He had lived for Nick, for his smile, his voice, everything. What was he supposed to do now that his best friend had just been taken out of his life? There was nothing else for it, he would leave. He would try to move on and forget the Texan. Forget Nick, forget the lab, forget the life he had been living.
-----
A few days later, after sitting down with Grissom to discuss his resignation, Greg walked into the break room for the last time. And who should be there, of course, but Nick.
"Hey Greg," Nick said upon looking up. No 'G', no 'Greggo'. It sounded so cold, distant, unaffectionate. Greg never thought that he would hate the sound of his own name.
"Hi," was his reply.
"I uh … I hear you're leaving."
This made Greg turn around from where he was pouring a cup of coffee and look at the man he had fantasized about on countless occasions.
"Yeah, I am. Sorry I didn't tell you, but since we haven't really been on speaking terms …" he trailed off.
"I don't want you to leave. You know what? I think I could love you like you love me."
The plea that sounded almost desperate went straight to Greg's heart and a shot of pain went through him.
"I don't want you to be with me out of pity or to get me to stay, Nick," Greg replied sadly.
"G, you're my best friend. I just can't let you walk away," Nick told him, his voice wavering.
"You think I want to leave? You think I want to give up everything I've worked my whole life for? It's not that easy!" Greg countered.
Nick put his face in his hands.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled desperately.
"I know you are," Greg soothed, his anger immediately disappearing, "but it's not enough. I want it all, Nick. And if I can't have it all, then I don't want anything. I can't handle it anymore."
Tears dripped down onto Nick's face as he stood up to face Greg. He walked over until he was close enough to touch Greg. He lifted a hand and placed it tentatively on Greg's arm before roughly pulling him into a hug. Nick was really crying now, and all Greg could do was to wrap his arms around the Texan and hug him back.
How many times had he wanted to do just this? How many times had he pictured comforting Nick? And now Greg wished none of this had happened, that he had of just kept his mouth shut.
"Greggo," said a struggling voice, "I need you. You're the only one that can make me smile anymore. After Kevin, I had nothing. You, at least, made me feel human again. Please don't leave me."
Hearing the despairing plea, Greg completely melted, "Okay, I won't leave. I won't leave. I'll be anything you need me to be."
Nick looked up at him in surprise.
"Really? You'll stay?" he asked in disbelief. When Greg nodded, Nick's face broke into a radiant smile. A smile that hadn't been on his face since before Kevin.
"Thank you," Nick whispered as he brought his hand up to caress Greg's face. Greg's whole body tensed up in anticipation of what Nick would do next. Without warning, Nick moved closer and their lips connected. It was every bit as exhilarating as Greg had imagined it to be and more. It was short and sweet but full of emotion. When Nick pulled back and rested his forehead against Greg's, Greg couldn't help but voice some of his inner questions out loud.
"I thought you said you didn't like me like this."
"I didn't think I did but when Grissom told us you were leaving, I lost it, man. Seriously, I completely broke down. I couldn't sleep; I wasn't eating."
Now that Greg looked back on the last few days, Nick had been looking a bit sick. He should've picked up on it sooner.
"I don't know what I'm going to down now. I already gave up the lease on my apartment. I might be able to stay with Sara for a while until I get a new place …" Greg's rambling was cut off by a swift kiss.
"What do you think I was going to do? Let you sleep on a bench in the park and eat out of garbage cans? You can stay with me. I have plenty of room."
Greg couldn't believe what he was hearing. Twenty-four hours ago, he thought he was leaving Vegas and Nick forever, but not only was he staying in the city that he loved, but he was going to be living with his best friend and … what was Nick now?
"So? How about it, sunshine?" Nick asked.
"Nick … what exactly are we now?" Greg wondered.
"How does being a couple sound?" Nick said confidently.
"Sounds perfect," Greg said, smiling.
There would be things to overcome, of course, fights would, no doubt, ensue, but Greg knew that they would work through it. They always had. Nothing was going to take away the happiness that they had found with each other. Greg would fight for it, he would fight for Nick; they would survive.
All or Nothing
I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's gotta give
As sharing in this relationship gets older, older
You know I'd fight for you, but how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now; I want the best of you, I don't care if that's not fair
'Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
There are time it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it , show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you could see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it, know it
Don't make me promises, baby, you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you now; I want the best of you, it's time to show and tell
'Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
AN: I was originally going to make Greg leave but Nick wouldn't let me. The boys wanted a happy ending; there was nothing I could do.