The pain in his chest was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Worse than any beating. Worse than a chest full of black campfire smoke. The pain was spreading through his whole body. Even worse than the time he dumped the bike after getting wasted with Merle. His legs felt like lead. He thought he heard a walker moaning, but it was the sound of his own lungs desperately trying to suck in oxygen.
He can't stop. She needs him.
With every step the road seemed to stretch out longer and she was moving further away from him. He had long before emptied his stomach. The little he had in it. A half of a jar of grape jelly and a few handfuls of stale saltines.
His throat clenched when he remembered carrying her into the kitchen. How easy she was to scoop up into his arms. Her arms around his neck. The way she giggled and smiled.
He stopped. Hunched over, hands on his knees.
No. Not her too.
His hands shook. He had held her in these hands.
He wiped the wetness stinging his eyes. Not sure if it's sweat or tears. Or both. Pain like he was being stabbed in the heart. He lets out a strangled growl.
Not her!
Anger. Rage. He moves his feet. She's out there. She needs him. Something horrible can be happening to her right now.
"I'll be gone someday"
No. Not yet. He should've told her. He should've wrapped his arms around her. He should've kissed her. Just once.
He can see a railroad crossing sign ahead. It feels like the tar of the road is melting and swallowing his feet. Every step is through quicksand.
Why didn't he check the god damned door?! FUCK! They could've stayed there. They could've taken care of each other.
He wanted to stay there with her. He wanted to go back and do it over.
That fucking dog. She wanted to see it. He was going to grab it for her. To make her happy. So she'd keep smiling.
He was barely moving now. Every breath felt like it could be his last. There was an intersection over the tracks. He dragged his feet toward it.
Somebody took her. They had her right now. She's crying. She's being hurt. Some sick motherfucker was hurting her.
He turned around, looking in all directions. Which way?! There was no way to know. Which fucking way?!
His legs buckle and he collapses in the middle of the road.
Gone. She's gone.
And it's his fault.