If I Could Turn Back Time
By Shadowgate
…...
Stan went over to Wendy's house and he was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her. When he got there and rang her doorbell she came to the door and pulled him right into her house. She had a song playing "If I Could Turn Back Time" on her I-POD.
Wendy said "you know Stan dating Token was alright but if I could turn back time I wouldn't have."
Stan shot back "well I would like to say if I could turn back time I would not have said all the hurtful things I said to you."
Stan and Wendy hugged.
Wendy said "at least you didn't make comments about me wanting a big black dick."
Stan replied "oh that's something Cartman would have done."
Wendy gave a look of disgust then nodded.
Stan went on to say if there was one thing I could turn back time on it would be to stop Cartman from confessing to the toilet-papering of the art teacher's house before we did.
Wendy said "you boys sure were mad when she gave you detention."
Stan said "yeah and when we were in detention Cartman suggested we TP her house and Kenny said 'yeah' loud enough for all of South Park to hear."
Wendy commented "Kenny loves to be a naughty boy."
Stan smiled.
Stan said "well when we realized Officer Barbrady wasn't going to stop and then Butters was in jail that's when we figured you know what this caused more trouble than we expected."
Wendy said "if only you could turn back time. Maybe if you all had been more accepting of the detention in the first place you wouldn't have ended up with two weeks less of detention. I also remember you saying 'art class is for gay wads' and Butters chimed in."
Stan laughed and said "I practically called Butters a faggot."
Wendy said "how would you feel if Butters called your dog a faggot?"
Stan went crazy and slammed his hand down on the desk. "He better not rip on my dog!" Stan exclaimed.
Wendy said "too bad your clay project wasn't rubber. If it was rubber it could have bounced up and down."
Stan and Wendy laughed so hard.
Wendy then told Stan it was time to be serious and "that dumb ass Cartman got you in more trouble when he told our art teacher she couldn't give you all detention. She said she could because she's a teacher then fat boy replied 'you're an art teacher" and got you an extra hour of detention."
Stan commented "when a mentally retarded nine year old like Cartman argues with a teacher he's going to lose. We knew to keep our mouth's shut."
Wendy said "well good move on your part. I mean art teacher has the word teacher in it. That shows you what a dumb fuck Cartman really is."
Stan said "had it not gotten us in trouble we would have ripped on him right there."
Wendy said "yeah he got you an extra hour of detention and then he was the first to suggest it. Then in the end he double crossed you so he'd get the lighter sentence."
Stan responded "oh and he was threatening to kill Kyle if Kyle decided to confess. Then when Kenny and I decided to confess because the heat was on and to help Kyle with his guilty conscience the Jew hater Cartman Jewed us out."
Wendy snapped "Stan first you say faggot then you make a Jew comment am I dating a junior Klan member?"
Stan answered "no"
Wendy stated "now getting back to your situation where you wish you could turn back time and confess before the fat ass did because it would have helped your best friend I must say what disappoints me most is when you decided to confess outside the police station you didn't rush back in to confess."
Stan said "well we thought of that."
Wendy said "Butters sat in jail for your crime. Remember he's the boy who loves art class and he was in a jail cell for what you and your friends did."
Stan said "we thought of that and Kyle tried to confess right there but fat ass stopped him. Being in handcuffs would have been good for Kyle's conscience. The reason we decided we were going to confess in the principal's office and not worry about Butters is because Butters clearly had a fetish for confessing to crimes he didn't commit."
Wendy yelled "WHAT?"
Stan said "you know how some people have a fetish for being spanked like Mister Slave?"
Wendy nodded and Stan explained "Butters isn't exactly tough and think about it, isn't it believable that he could have a fetish for confessing to crimes he didn't commit?"
Wendy answered "I get it now."
Stan said "but if I could turn back time I would have overpowered Cartman and we would have confessed to Officer Barbrady right there."
Wendy said "if only you could turn back time."
Stan said "that's a great song by Cher but how about her other song I Got You Babe?"
Stan and Wendy kiss then they start dancing.
THE END