Merry stares up into the darkness, his thoughts distracting him from sleep. The sky is pitch black, but the lights in the tall trees mean that Merry can still see. He taps his fingers on the soft ground and sighs. They should not have come on this journey. They should have stayed in the safety of the Shire. Of course, it is not his own wellbeing that Merry is concerned about.
He misses Gandalf. Not as much as Frodo or Pippin (he knows his cousins were very fond of the wizard) but it still hurts to think about him. The Fellowship is breaking, Merry knows. Without Gandalf they have nobody to lead the way, no one to guide them on their trip.
He does not worry about Frodo. He knows the older hobbit is strong and smart, and something inside his heart tells him that Frodo will succeed on his quest. Nor does he worry about Samwise, for he can tell that Sam is just as brave. It is Pippin that he worries about, his dear little cousin Pippin who is still a child at heart.
He hears a rustle. He can hear the sound of gentle, shaky breathing beside him. Merry moves his hand across the ground until he finds another hand, a little smaller and trembling. He grips it tightly.
"Don't be scared," he whispers, "We're safe here in Lórien. Nothing's going to hurt you."
"But I am scared, Merry," a quiet, terrified voice replies.
Merry moves a little closer to him so that their shoulders are touching. "I'll protect you, Pip," he tells, "I'll keep you safe."
"I wish none of this had ever happened," Pippin whimpers, "I wish we'd stayed at home."
"So do I, but I'm afraid there's nothing we can do about that now."
Pippin moves his head so that it is resting on Merry's chest. Merry wraps his arms around him and holds him close. He feels cold tears seeping through the fabric of his shirt.
"Don't cry, Pippin. I'm here."
"What if something happens to you?" asks Pippin, "What am I supposed to do if you're not here?"
"I'll always be here, Pip. I promise."
Merry would never do anything that might endanger his young cousin. In fact, if it came to it, he would give his own life in order to defend him. Pippin means everything to him; he is the one person Merry would do anything for, and he loves him dearly.
Of late he can't stop thinking about him, his smile and his eyes especially. There is something about Pippin that always makes Merry happy. Even in the darkest of hours, having Pippin with him means that Merry can relax, because he knows that the young hobbit is safe by his side.
"I'll always protect you, Pippin Took," he adds after a moment of thought, "I couldn't bear to be without you."
Merry presses a soft, tender kiss to Pippin's forehead. The young hobbit sighs and closes his eyes, relaxing a little at last.
Pippin wakes in Merry's embrace. The older hobbit is asleep, snoring a little. Pippin smiles. Merry always makes him smile; he has done since before Pippin could talk. He wriggles a little so that they are side by side, Merry's arm still around Pippin's waist, with their faces almost touching.
It is almost comical the way Merry's mouth hangs open when he sleeps. In normal circumstances Pippin would laugh, but in the unfamiliar woods of Lothlórien he feels too nervous to make even the smallest sound.
Merry's eyes open suddenly, and the two hobbits find themselves locked in each other's gaze. There is silence for what seems like hours.
"You know, you've got really beautiful eyes," Merry whispers after a minute or two.
Pippin blushes and the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile. "So have you," he responds.
He hasn't noticed before now that Merry's blue eyes really are quite beautiful.
Merry blinks and sits up, pulling himself away from his cousin. Pippin looks at him, confused.
"Merry?"
"I think we should start preparing to leave," Merry says, stumbling onto his feet.
Pippin watches, a little disheartened, as Merry rushes away. Nobody else is awake yet, save for Strider, who is leant against a tree with a dark look in his eyes. He is staring at the young hobbits, which makes Pippin feel slightly uneasy.
"Merry," he speaks, walking after his friend, "Merry, no one else is up yet."
"All the more reason for us to be," Merry replies. He doesn't even turn to face his cousin. Pippin sighs.
Merry stares vacantly into the river as the Fellowship sail away from Lothlórien. The ripples in the water are almost hypnotic, but they aren't enough to distract him from his thoughts of Pippin.
He knows why it is he keeps thinking about his young cousin, and he feels ashamed because of it. It is wrong for him to feel like this about his cousin. It is wrong because they are the same gender, and Pippin has not yet reached his coming-of-age. It is wrong for so many reasons, and yet Merry cannot shift the thoughts from his mind.
Pippin doesn't understand. Every time he tries to concentrate on something, an image of Merry pops into his head. He can't focus on his surroundings as they drift down the river. He keeps having to look over at Merry and he doesn't know why.
He gulps. Hopefully one day Merry will be able to explain it all to him.