Residential Evilness
Introducing S.T.A.R.S.
Raccoonus City, July 1998, some lonely forest somewhere in the Arklay BloodStains; Bravo's helicopter is just hovering above the premises in search of a place to land. Their Captain Enrico Marini was sure that the cannibalistic maniacs were concealing their Headquarters somewhere in here. But now in the middle of this place, being scrutinized by silent trees looking at him wrong, he hope he's mistaken. Their mission is to locate the freaks and gun them all down and have fun doing it, but mainly making sure to stop them from terrorizing the whole city. Their dark unorthodox festivities were responsible for many deranged minds and now people were afraid of their own shadows. And there is a lot of that in Raccoonus City, a lot….more so now that some street lamps have been dying out lately and the Mayor doesn't have money to have them fixed. Some people say he's been descending into mania, locked himself up somewhere and is now losing his mind disgracefully indulging in alcoholic beverages. But let's get back to the mission at hand.
Team comprised of six men and one woman, well, half a woman seeing she's so young and puny. Aside from the LDR (Leader) mentioned above; there is Forest Speyer under the position of OM (Omni Man), who really loves crows. Richard Aiken with the position of BUM (Backup Man), who has a personal relationship with his custom shotgun. Rebecca Chambers as medic, just 18 years old and merely joined last month. And three other dudes you actually shouldn't care about because the plot doesn't really care.
In the chopper, Aiken was looking outside the window at the vast forest, thinking how easy it must be to get lost in there and hoping it wasn't haunted as it seemed to be. Chambers, who was staring straight ahead trying not to piss herself, had to remember to breathe else nobody else would be qualified to perform reanimating procedures on her if she came to die. Speyer, who was busy holding his grenade launcher with style as if he was posing for some magazine, had this cocky smile on his features like always.
Well he was smiling like an idiot at the trees below when he realized the pilot might be flying too close to them. The next couple of seconds were filled with people screaming, bleeding and being assaulted by trees.
Nature always gets payback one way or another.
«Bravo team's helicopter was a derelict. Save for the body of Kev-», a rock hit Forest in the face.
«Don't do that! What's wrong with you?!»
Holding his nose, he glared at Rebecca, «What's wrong with you?»
«It's heartless to do such a joke!»
«Hey it's not like he really died!»
Aiken got out of the fuming carcass and addressed his Captain, «Engine's dead. », he leveled his assault shotgun over his shoulder, «Oh, so is the pilot and co-pilot. Maybe I should have mentioned that first… »
Forest nodded, «Pilots always die first.», he got slapped behind the head, then glared «You little-!»
Marini shook his head at Rebecca, «Just stop that, he is equipped with a grenade launcher. Alright. Our priority is to-» they had no time to refocus; a pack of savage beasts born from the apocalypse attacked them. «Double time, people! Let's run towards that ominous mansion silently lurking in the distance! »
At least the pilots were already dead so they didn't have to face this. And better yet, they wouldn't be stuck with Chambers later, better be deceased than endure that torture….
As for the Ecliptic Express train nearby that they should have investigated, screw that, I'M the one who's writing the story here. Actually saved two goddamn days of explanation right there.
Billy CoolEnd can just do the whole thing by himself, if his tattoos can provide backup. He'll need it.
RaccoonAnus City Police Department, briefing room; Alpha Team's finest were all seated and ready to listen to their dear Captain. The S.T.A.R.S. had been founded two years ago with that man as leader and he is THE man for the job; because someone has to. They still knew close to nothing about him but he was a pro down to his boots and up to his neatly combed hair; that is until they would hear him deliver stupid lines or laugh like a retarded stereotyped constipated villain. But that's not until a couple of hours later so we're still relatively safe for now. The blond man was always wearing shades because being able to see in the dark with one's eyes alone was for wimps; thus he liked to complicate his own vision, added spice to his life. He was tall, slim-athletic, stood straight as a wooden plank and his face was the very definition of a wall showing emotions.
He was so breathtaking that even mirrors broke in his face, shattering spectacularly as if a bomb had just exploded; tends to be pricy when walking around town as every single reflective surface would just burst. Perhaps that's also why he wears sunglasses 24/7, even in his sleep; hell even his name conveys the bad-assness of his whole personality. When people mentioned it, it was enough to send shivers down their spines and whenever they summoned the dreaded words inside their minds it echoed ominously… or something remarkable like that.
Albert Wesker; you probably pissed yourself this very moment and it's only natural, that's the proper reaction when coming into contact with that name. Bit insensitive too, probably, just shoving those in your face like that without warning. Put a diaper on and let's continue: you'll need one, several actually.
The stoic Captain parked one buttock on the side of his desk then someone threw him some coins. The money hit the furniture and clattered into a corner noisily, the man swiftly looked across the tiny room, «Who did that?» A woman wearing a blue beret winked at him and grinned; coming from her it wasn't entirely unpleasant but this was becoming a bad habit. «Valentine, it's the second time this week; if you really want to waste your money then buy Vickers some breath mints, he really could use them. »
She kept that professional cool air about her while holding her eyes on him, «It wasn't me this time, Sir. »
The Captain looked at the far side of the room where the communication radios were; Vickers gave him a thumb up. Wesker's brows slightly narrowed then he repositioned his eyes somewhere else before clearing his throat, «Alright everyone, let's start; the sooner I hear all of your worthless theories upon these gruesome incidents, the quicker we can just go over there and shoot everything in sight. »
Joseph, who had been replacing his red bandana for the hundredth time, suddenly stared like all the others. It soon transpired to the leader that he had said this out loud and not in the corner of his secretly evil mind like he was supposed to. He coughed, «Never mind that. So, anyone got something new to add to our, already very elaborated, deduction board?», he motioned towards a white board with a single note written over it which read 'dead people apocalypse'. Someone had hastily drawn two human stick-figurines in the lower right corner; one was devouring the other with additional blood pouring out.
Only the air conditioner was heard in the room, a snowflake flew passed Wesker's face so he turned it off. «Alright then, any questions?» A muscled hand linked to an even more muscular arm arose from the tiny crowd; it was attached to Barry, who was even bigger than that. Wesker feigned looking at his nails through his gloves, «Yes, Mr. Burton? »
«I was wondering, can we bring the bazooka on this mission? Last time you said it would be of no use though I think it would have been effective for crowd control. »
The Captain slowly reported his attention to the desks in front of him, «Any chance that somebody has anything of relevance to say before I level my ass off this desk and pretend you all don't exist? »
Vickers was heard popping his chewing gum before chocking on it, how in the hell he managed that was beyond explanation; just like everything else he fails to do right in life. As he inevitably turned blue nobody even thought to provide him with some help. Heartless? Nah that's just Brad, he deserves it.
Barry then added, «I love guns. »
Albert's fingers gripped the corners of his bureau intensely. Someone rushed in the room at that moment; nobody turned his way as for they were all accustomed to him being the very last person to get there. Wesker sighed heavily, «Greenfield-»
«It's Redfield, Sir. »
«Yes interesting. », said he condescendingly, « I forgot you weren't even here; that's telling to how much you're valuable. So what was it this time, your bicycle didn't start up this morning? Or is it that you got confused as to how to put your pants on? »
Oblivious to the authentic lack of caring from the Captain, Chris started to detail his worthless existence, «My hair got stuck in the toaster, I was trying to-»
Wesker got up, now really pretending none of them existed. Aggravated, he rubbed his forehead then pinched the upper part of his nose; hopefully the mission would prove far more entertaining than this. Jill had gotten up and was now drawing new stick-figurines on the board, while Brad and Chris argued upon the best technique to remove bread from a toaster. Barry was merely focusing into trying to breathe; his heart had difficulty pumping oxygen through all those muscles.
The phone rang and Albert answered, his jaws clenched as the excruciatingly enjoyable damn voice of Chief Brian Brainless Irons hit his eardrum. «So what's the situation? I assume you know the situation? Don't tell me you don-»
«Affirmative plus we're ready to take off. I've got everything covered, like usual. My eyes and hands included. »
«Good. Fine. I guess. Now, ehh, what was it I wanted to say? »
«No matter, I'll have this done and my report will be as flawed as it always is. We'll get there, decimate or get decimated, and if they don't I'll see to it myself that they are. Possibly all team members will meet discreet or otherwise quite brutal deaths, but I'm ready as previously instructed. »
Wesker then rapidly briefed him on the real situation, minus some important secret details that he kept for himself since he's secretly evil; but then the Chief thought he'd look cunning to repeat everything he had just been told. Damn he always did that, Irons was such a moron; no brain cells usable. The blond man paused for a couple of seconds, and then replied, «Yes. That's what I just told you, words for words exactly; merely seconds ago. »
A clock was heard ticking in the Chief's office then him sipping on his tea, testing Albert's already very-tried patience, before finally saying «Good! Carry on. », and Brainless hung up.
The receiver cracked in between the Captain's hand before he replaced it down, trying not to obliterate it like he was itching to. Then he leveled his voice above the ruckus finally ordering them all to pack and be ready in five minutes. Seeing veins pulsing at the blonde's temple, visibly seriously ready to burst; they all obeyed silently while Barry remained behind trying to remove his important physical mass from the small desk. Eventually his own sweat provided lubricant so he popped out with a weird sound.
Jill was in the locker room and switched her blue beret for one entirely similar in every way before running up the stairs to the roof, content with her ingenious choice. Brad was still in the same room though where he had tripped over his own feet, despite being seated. Joseph didn't give him the slightest look of concern as Vickers laid there whimpering with a tooth gone, instead grabbed his video recording unit before running out as well. Don't feel sorry for him that's just Brad we're talking about. He probably deserved that, for some reason.
Eventually the slacker appeared on the heliport followed by Burton who was all red in the face and wheezing, then managed getting in; the chopper struggled to leave the ground with the important weight added. Now Barry clogged one side of the machine by himself as Chris, Jill, Joseph and the equipment occupied the other, along with a huge rocket launcher which held four missiles. The Captain was with Vickers in front mainly because there was no space left behind; that little twit better keep his hands to himself else he would never pilot an helicopter ever again. Not that 'piloting' was an appropriate word to describe Vickers' ''skills'' with the machine. Besides it was still to be seen if anyone could steer with their hands, ribs and neck fractured….. Say if he indeed can't keep his hands to himself.
Content with his ever-useless and obnoxious self, Chief Irons stood near the window overlooking the heliport. He eventually stopped rubbing his greasy stupid-looking mustache in between his chubby fingers and turned around, winking at the unfortunate rigid animals gracing his office walls. I'm always so awesome it's unbearable. He sat on his chair but it broke, sending him on his ass. He quickly leveled his face on the many motionless eyes to see if any dared laugh at him, they sometimes do, he'd swear on his own soul to the devil Sparda that they do….. He yelled at them, «Don't look at me like that, I'm not insane! », saliva spraying forth.
The secretary next door merely sighed as she kept typing; the jaded woman was used to his mental illness by now. Too bad he's the Chief though: bad for everyone. Makes you wonder how WillyHam BirdKin managed to survive many meetings with that deranged porky-man. Perhaps they have something in common…. or maybe he just has a lot of experience with lunatics thanks to his wife Annette, not to mention himself as well; runs in the family.
Possibly both of those explanations combined and much, much more…..we'll never really know: Umbrella mystery. *Spooky atmosphere tune*
Author Note:
I often mention Jill's outfit is blue, in the PS1 version it was but in the remake it's green; I kept my favorite in here. Also, I have videos on You Tube on this very game (the remake on PS3), and much more; they are packed with the same type of humor that my parodies are. The ones titled 'Jill Survival' starts rather slowly because I wanted to induce an interesting vibe of the sceneries since I really think they look great; even the ones on PS1 and PS2 are amazing. So many details solely made for us players to enjoy (music included) and frankly too often overlooked, and/or wrongly bitched by ungrateful little pricks who have no idea how much work is put into creating those kinds of games. But you can be sure my videos are about humorous fun time, when they're about games. I don't do it for the money or fame, only to share my uncommon humor. So search through them all before we get turned into real zombies…
Since Fan Ficiton does not allow to write web-links, you'll have to do it the longer way.
In You Tube type ''De Void Jill Terminator'', De Void is me, the rest is the video title. From my own page you can look for vids on ''chrisCo'' or the ''Jill Survival (joking)'' ones, and hopefully enjoy.