Okay, little note before we begin our story. 1. I was writing this at 6 AM EST, and will have been up for 19 hours when this goes up. 2, it's been a long time since I've watched South Park, and as of right now, it's not set in any particular season, so please point out if any character seems majorly out of character. On a good note, with South Park being a spastic and random show, I have much more ability to come up with my own story line easier, adding my own twist. And lastly, I will try my best to point out and translate the German parts. Which btw, are from google translate, so please be merciful about incorrect translations.
"Okay class, we have a new student joining us today. Go ahead, introduce yourself." the man that was my new teacher said as he walked around me and stood near his desk. I sighed inwardly and removed my hat from my head, checking it for snow. "Look, can I just sit down? There will be plenty of time for this later." I replied as I put my cap back on. A sudden burst of laughter stopped him before he could reply. "Mr. Garrison, is he fucking retarded?! Was that even English?" A fat kid in a red jacket and blue cap said in between laughs. "Eric!" Mr. Garrison exclaimed to no avail. "I take that back, Mr. Garrison. I'll say a few words. I'm Lukas. And as (1)Fett arsch was so kind to point out, I'm not American." I said, wiping the kid's smile off his face. "What did you just call me?" he asked menacingly, leaning forward. "Nothing, Fett Arsch." I replied, a smug smile forming on my face. "Okay boys, that's enough. Now, where to put you?" Mr. Garrison said, diffusing the exchange. "Mr. Garrison? There's a seat over here." a girl in a pink cap said as she waved her hand in the air. "Ah, good. There you go, now sit down so we can get some work done." he said pointing me towards the empty seat. I nodded and made my way towards it, setting my stuff down and taking off my cap. "Getting to work already, huh Wendy?" the boy I was just arguing with said as I sat down. "Shut it, Eric. Don't make me kick your ass again." She replied, earning a grin from me. "Okay now, children, today we're going to talk about why Oprah is a stuck up, undeserving bitch and then how anti-vaccine people are absolute retards." Mr. Garrison said as he began to write on the chalk board. "Don't worry, he alternates between this and actual lessons." the girl said, noticing my look of confusion. "I would hope so." I replied as I leaned back in my chair. "I'm Wendy, by the way." she said as I turned to face her. "Lukas." I replied simply. "Tell me about yourself. It'll pass the time until recess." I shrugged and took off my hat, placing it on top of my bag. "Ask away." I replied. "Okay, so where are you from?" she asked. "Germany. Frankfurt, specifically." I replied. "Okay. Do you have any siblings?" she asked, bringing a small smile to my face. A four year old sister. (2)Und sie ist ein schmerz in den arsch." I replied. "You like doing that." she said. "Hmm?" I muttered, looking at her. "Mixing German in with English. You seem to do that a lot." she said. "It makes sure that things I don't want someone to know doesn't get out. I don't know if you'll ever meet my sister, but she'll kill me if she found out I said that about her. But in his case" I made sure to point at Eric "It's just fun to confuse him." I replied. "Mr Garrison! Wendy and the new kid keep distracting me!" he whined almost on cue. "*Sigh* Wendy, Lukas, keep it down if you're going to talk. We have ten minutes before lunch, let's try to keep it civil, please," Mr. Garrison replied without turning around. "Fett Arsch." I mumbled. "Nazi." he coughed, loud enough for the class to hear. "Dude, that's messed up, even for you." a boy in a green ushanka said. "What did you say, you (3)Schwanz saugnapf?" I fumed, almost standing up. "Nothing. Except that you're a Nazi." he replied in a low whisper. "And you're a (4) Schweineficker!" I replied. "Dude, he's getting really pissed. Just stop while you're ahead." a boy in a blue and red cap said this time. "No. He started it." Eric replied. "You called him a Nazi!" Wendy almost exclaimed. "He called me a fat ass!" Eric retorted. "Get off your pedestal. If you can't take what you dish out, you're not going anywhere." I said. "That's it! I'm going to kick your ass!" Eric said. "Recess yard. Five minutes." I replied as the bell rang. He nodded as everyone got up and started out.
I fumed to myself as I put on my hat and started out. "Lukas, calm down." Wendy said, appearing next to me. "No, I'm not letting him call me a Nazi and get away with it." I replied as we followed the stream of kids on their way to the recess yard. "Just don't do anything serious. He tries to get his way, no matter what. I'll back you up if he tries to get you in trouble to avoid the fight." she said as we made our way into the yard. I slowly took my jacket off and passed it to Wendy as we walked toward the circle of kids. "You ready for a beating, Fett Arsch?" I asked as I cracked my knuckles. "Let's go dog, let's throw down." He said, throwing up ridiculous hand signs. I shook my head as I moved towards him, causing him to throw a messy punch. I easily ducked under it, and then hit him twice across the face as hard as I could. Before he could react. I grabbed his jacket and threw him head first into the snow. "Look, maybe I misspoke." he said as he started backing away on his hands and knees. "Don't try to back down. You're the one who called me a Nazi, then threatened to kick my ass when I retaliated. So get up." I said as I took a step forward. I then started to reach for him, but noticed he had pissed himself. "Actually, you've embarrassed yourself enough." I said as I took a step back. "What? Dude, you're gonna let him get away with what he said?" the boy in the ushanka asked. "Yeah, hit him." a boy in a blue chullo hat said. "I don't need to. He pissed himself." I replied as Eric started to get up. He didn't say a word as everyone stared at him and his piss-soaked pants. "Dude..." the boy in the red and blue cap said. "Cartman?" the ushanka boy asked. Eric didn't respond, only sniffled. "W-what do you want?" he asked with more sniffles. "An apology." I replied simply. He looked at me like I was crazy. "Or, I could start calling you piss-pants. Your choice." I said. "I'm sorry." he said lowly, almost inaudibly. "No. I want everyone here to hear you say it. Then you can go." I said as I put my hands in my pockets. "I'm sorry." he said louder. "Okay then. You can go." I said, motioning for the kids behind him to move out of the way. He nodded, and slowly started back to the school building. "That's fucked up." blue and red cap said as he and ushanka boy walked over to me. I nodded to them as Wendy handed me my jacket and then ran of to her friends. "I'm Stan, this is Kyle." he said as I put my jacket back on. "Lukas." I said as I shook their hands. "Glad to see that you didn't let him get away with that. He's too used to people putting up with his crap." Kyle said. "I can deal with his jokes about my English. But he took it too far." I replied as we started walking around. "He would've made blonde jokes if you didn't say anything. You're English is fine, dude." Stan said. We all dispersed before a teacher noticed us, and went back inside.
At the end of recess and lunch, it was back to class, and Mr. Garrison talking about pointless stuff. I sat at my desk, bored out of my mind. With Eric's absence from the class, it was actually quiet, and that didn't help. Finally, the dismissal bell rang, and we all gathered up our stuff and started out. "So, dude, you doing anything after school?" Stan asked as he and Kyle met up with me. "No, not really. I don't really know the town, or many people in it." I replied as I readjusted my bag on my shoulder. "(5)Bruder!" I heard my sister's voice behind me shout. "Emma." I said happily as she almost pushed Stan aside and wrapped herself around my side. "This your sister?" Kyle asked as we walked out the front doors. I nodded in reply and struggled to free myself from her grip. "Emma, (6)Loslassen! Du machst mir brech." I said as I tried to get her hands off. "No!" she replied. I sighed in defeat and went for the method that always worked; tickling. "Stop!" she said inbetween bouts of laughing. "Let go, and I'll stop." I replied. After a minute, she let go, and I stopped tickling her. "So, how was your day?" I asked as we climbed on the bus. "Good. Everyone is really nice. What about yours?" She replied as we claimed a seat. "I wish I could say the same." I said as I stretched out in the chair.
"Mom! We're home!" I called as we walked in the house and put down our bags. "Kids! Come in the kitchen, There are some people I want you to meet." Mom replied as I took off my jacket and hat and hung them up. I walked into the kitchen and found Mom at the dining table along with two other people. "Lukas, this is Sharon Marsh and Shelia Broflovski. They're our neighbors, and my old friends." Mom said as Emma walked in. "Oh my god, Diane. They look so much like you with the blonde hair." Mrs. Broflovski commented as she looked us over. "Well, it's been fun Diane, but I should get home, Stan should be home by now and I need to start dinner soon." Mrs. Marsh said as she got up. "Of course. No problem." Mom replied Mrs. Marsh then left, followed by Mrs. Broflovski a few minutes later. "So, how was your days?" Mom asked as she began to prepare dinner. "Good." We both replied as we started to the living room. We sat down on the couch and turned on the TV. Jager, our German Shepard, then jumped up and laid down in between us.
About half an hour later, a knock on the door sent Jager flying towards the front door and earned a sigh from me. "I got it." I said with a sigh. I got up and walked to the door. Gripping Jager's collar. "Jager, Nein! (7)Platz!" I said as he tried to run out the open door. I looked outside and saw Stan and Kyle backing up. "(8)Zwinger!" I said, pointing inside. He put his head down, and walked away. "Sorry about that. He gets excited easily. What's up?" I said as I stepped out onto the porch. "We were just stopping by, seeing if you wanted to hang out with us for a bit." Stan said as they stepped back onto the stoop. "Sorry, but not today. I'm just going to relax today. Tomorrow, maybe?" I replied. "Okay. See you tomorrow, dude." Kyle said as they walked off. I chuckled to myself as I walked back in to the house and went back to my seat.
*Reminder, all German parts, except for dog commands,i.e. Platz, come from google translate, and may be inaccurate.*
1- Fat ass.
2- and she's a pain in the ass.
3- Cock sucker
4- pig fucker
5- brother
6- Let go! You're crushing me!
7- down!
8- Crate!
And remember, leave a review! I'll be checking it frequently b/c I'm out of touch with South Park, and constructive criticism is good criticism!