Note to Readers: this is a little idea I randomly thought about. It's right after episode Second Star to the Right (2.21). Regina and Emma have been married for a little over five years and have a beautiful daughter named Zo. So basically all the same event happen up until the Cannery scene something unexpected turned into some unfortunate events for Regina. Now she writes to Emma a year later.
Dear Emma,
How do I even begin to write this? I buried you almost two weeks ago and I haven't slept in almost two weeks now. Without you it's just…. hard. You'd be so proud of Henry; he's been quite the caregiver since… since you… since me… since your passing. He did the dishes for me last night, been helping Zo with her homework, he even puts me to bed every now and then. I do try and keep myself composed when the kids are awake.
I'm trying Em I am, but I really need you and it's not fair… you weren't even supposed to be there… I told you I could handle it and… what's the use you were always so stubborn. I killed her you know. I didn't want to… no no I did. I was so hurt, I am so hurt. You are my happiness and now you're gone and all I want to do is scream and cry and throw things, but I can't; for Henry and Zo I can't. I have to be mom… and mama now.
Zo was missing you so much last night so Henry climbed into bed with her and was telling her about the day at the beach, remember?! I was so HUGE! A good nine months pregnant (I shouldn't have even been leaving my bed non the less the house) but you and Henry helped me waddle down to the beach on the hottest day of the summer I might add, but it was so much fun… the most peaceful day. Playing in the warm water and our attempt at building a sand castle although Henry insisted he was too old for such games. You know what my favorite part was sitting back eating one those delicious peaches we had brought and watching you and Henry play Frisbee. I wanted to join so badly, but I couldn't even see my feet at that point. Just use three for one the last times. I remember that amazing foot rub you gave me right before we started to pack up. Those fingers are talented Miss. Swan. Just teasing… If my memory serves me right Zo came that following Tuesday. Finally our baby girl.
Snow… Snow she uhm…. she's been helpful. Well I think she just knows what it's like to lose someone you love so very much. I figured she would hate me, I'm quite surprised that she doesn't… I kinda hate me. She and David took Zo for me so I could spend some one on one time with Henry. He's the one who chose these yellow daisies for you. He's turning into such a young man, but I can see how much he misses you. He talks about you nonstop, but who could blame him.
This wasn't the plan Emma! You said you'd be here for him, for me, for Zo. I love her so much but I can't stand to look at her because those green eyes are a perfect imitation of yours. I hurt her every time I look at her because I start to cry; and I can't help but think of what I've done. When she learns the truth about what happened to her mama she'll blame me… hate me. I see the stares and hear the whispers around town they all blame me and I can't do anything but agree. I was selfish and I brought my dirty past into your life and I didn't mean too I promise you Emma! It's just everything happened so fast and she dropped the gun and I just wanted to help! I wanted to get it to you I didn't mean to shoot you baby! Those shocks they were giving me screwed up my magic it must have been off I just… I just want you back I want you here instead of me. You deserve to be alive and happy and I'm sorry Emma! I'm so so sorry! I love you so much and I miss you more every second! I miss more than the dessert misses water or the beach misses the shore. I miss your bad breath in the morning, that stupid yellow bug, I miss tripping over boots every time I walk into our bedroom. I miss our random lunch dates, our family nights, I even miss going over to your parent's house for Sunday brunch. I miss your hand in mine and sweet tender evening kisses. I miss your warm vanilla body wash and sweet lilac shampoo. I miss you in the most unnecessary ways; simple smiles and fun conversations, you were my morning sunshine and my evening moon you were mine and I was yours. Now there's his empty this hollowness- it hurts. I long for you baby I do. One day I'll find you.
I'll always find you.
I Love You,
Regina