I Don't Want It, I Think

by FabulousLasVegas

Beka denies that she may like Rosto, but all of her friends know that the two like each other. Now, Rosto exgirlfriend's sudden appearance makes everything a little more complicated. She is in denial and he's a clueless guy. R&R.BxR

1. Hints

Ch 1: Not So Usual

BPOV

Before watch

Alas, I haven't really much to say. The usual has replayed itself again as it has for several days. Of course we have had our breakfast meetings and I had to clean up by myself, again. Like I said, the usual.

But, also, I've gotten that tingling feeling again. It's not like I want it, I think, but Rosto was dropping hints during breakfast. This is the usual, but it's different. Sure, Rosto is...handsome, but he is a rusher! Aniki and Kora hint constantly too, and my Dogs have caught on too. My tingles want to give in to the surrounding hints, but my previous experiences have told me not to.

Ok, I'll admit that there are other reasons. I have to take into account of other things that there are reasons, ones that agree with logic and common sense, why I cannot be Rosto's gixie. One, the obvious that everybody sees: he is a rusher and I am a dog! Two, my mother took in many rushers and in return, they beat her and we stayed poor 'til my Lord Provost used my information to find a rat, in fact, the rat that had last hurt my mother. Which leads to another, what would my Lord Provost think? I don't care about My Lady's opinion of my becoming a dog, she doesn't matter as much, but I do care about my Lord Provost's opinion. He encouraged me to become a Dog, to help my people, behind My Lady's back. I also feel indebted to him. He took my family in, has taken care of us and still does, not threatening to throw my siblings out at any moment. Acos of this, I feel obligated to do what he thinks is best or right for not only do I look up to him, but he is also the closet father figure I have.

Alas, I have now realized while writing that I have had an epiphany. Today was not the usual. Today, I came upon a realization I have stubbornly avoided until now. I do like Rosto more than I should. It's not something I'm proud of and I will try to deny it, but its right in my face like My Lady when I arrive at the palace dirty and wrinkled. I can't avoid it much longer. Why did Rosto have to be so good looking with his white hair that he argues is blonde, not white? And the safe feeling that he gives me, how does he do that?

I must go now, watch is coming around and I've to meet Tunstall and Goodwin soon. Pounce is waking from his nap. 'Til tonight, that's if I can manage to write before I sleep. Hope there's something exciting tonight, dare I hope for a bar fight?