Save the Best for Last

          Sometimes, just when you think you've hit rock bottom and there's nothing that can save you, something does. Something so wonderful, so perfect you can hardly breathe once you've found it. You might be plodding along in your pitiful little existence, not lifting your head for anything; you might just be slinking, trying to get by. And then, someone makes you smile. And it's that smile that saves you.

          You just look up and suddenly realize, all's you need is this one person beside you to make you smile and your day is perfect again. All you'll ever need from that moment on is that person and their ability to make you smile…and you're won over. It's just that tiny moment of clarity and realization to tip the scales in their favor and you're falling head over heels for them.

          And it's always a surprise. You'll never expect it; never see it coming. It's totally unexpected. Unexpected like…like…unexpected like seeing the fire that lies in crimson eyes that suddenly is burning only for you.

::Sometimes the snow comes down in June;
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon.
I see the passion in your eyes;
Sometimes it's all a big surprise.::

          I didn't believe him when he said he loved me for the first time. It just seemed too…too contrived. It was the first time we made love and in the sleepy, quiet dark aftermath out of nowhere came his voice with this declaration. I wanted to believe him. I think I did, for those first few moments when I clung to him and replied in a trembling voice. But when I awoke and saw the crimson strands clinging to my pillow and an empty space, still warm from his presence, I thought it was all a joke.

          But he came back. And he continued to come back. But he didn't say he loved me the way I wanted him too. The words would just float out in the still darkness after a bout of passion. But he couldn't seem to say it in front of the others. He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from a passing girl.

          I asked. I cried. I begged. I threatened.

          And all he did was look at me with mournful eyes and ask reproachfully, how could I expect him to change? This was who he was, and he was sorry that he wasn't perfect. But he loved me.

          And on his face was such truthful honesty, all's I could do was embrace him and tell him never to change. I loved him the way he was. And then, tenderness would give way to passion and soothing caresses would give way to kisses and before we knew it, we were back at one.

          I wasn't happy.

          I wasn't happy at all with our relationship.

          But I loved him. And he said…he told me that he loved me.

          And I let that be enough.

::'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish
You'd tell me this was love.
It's not the way I hoped or how I planned,
But somehow it's enough. ::

          Somehow it must have been enough. It must have been enough to get through it all, through the long days of travel, the long nights of wondering fear. Enough to bring us out alive and still able to *live*.

          Because, we're here now.

          We're here together, eyes locked together and hopeful, hands interlocked. You're trying to say something, trying to bring your lips to form the words. But you can't, and that's all right for now. Because I *know* how you feel.

          Because I feel the same.

          It's taken so much and so long, but now we're finally here. We went through hell to get here and damned if we won't stay!

          It seemed like we'd never make it. It seemed like we ought to just give up and follow the advice given to us by others. They told us it was useless; two people like us didn't deserve happiness.

          Maybe they're right.

          Maybe two people like us don't deserve it. But can't two undeserving people find happiness…together?

          We must be crazy.

          But after all those times, we're still here. *You're* still here. You had so many other chances to take, so many chances to leave me. I truly thought my hold on you wasn't enough to keep you here. But now…

          At last, you're here to stay.

::But now we're standing face-to-face.
Isn't this world a crazy place?
Just when I thought our chance had passed,
You go and save the best for last.::

          He used to come up to my room late at night, when all the others were asleep.

          He'd creep in, sheepish and remorseful, whispering his apologies to me even as he begged for my attention. Attention that I willingly gave him.

          He'd tell me about his night's doings. How he'd been with three girls and none of them had discovered he was gone yet. How he'd cleaned the local men at their paychecks at the card table. How he'd managed to drink them all under the table.

          He'd smile and laugh while he was telling me this and I'd smile back even as I gently admonished him. He'd throw off my admonishments until I was laughing with him and we'd both end up laughing at nothing as we collapsed onto the bed, shaking it and ourselves with helpless laughter.

          And then, we'd lay together and just talk about things. About the day's going-on's, about how Goku had survived yet another incurring of Sanzou's wrath and we'd wonder if there was something more than it seemed between the two. We'd talk about our pasts and sometimes we'd wonder if what we were doing was the right thing. And he'd laugh and tell me we were already screwed so why did it matter if we were doing right or not? I'd look at him and refuse to answer and suddenly he'd seem angry with himself.

          And then, one night he reached out and touched my eye. It startled me and I sucked in my breath sharply, wondering what he was doing and if he was deliberately trying to make me cry with unrequited emotion? He said quietly, that there had to be something out there worth fighting for, something so precious it was worth your own sight and maybe more. And then he snatched his hand away and laughed, a little to devil-my-care-ishly and asked of me how in all that is holy would we ever survive this?

          And I didn't answer, only brought my hand up to rest where he had touched and wondered why he couldn't see.

::All of the nights you came to me,
When some silly girl had set you free.
You wondered how you'd make it through;
I wondered what was wrong with you.::

          I didn't understand how someone could be so oblivious as to miss the one thing standing *right there* before them. How could he could he come back night after night to *my* room and talk to *me* and laugh with *me* and simply just *be* with me when he was convinced that he would 'the one' in one of those girls.

          It didn't make sense. You don't share your deepest darkest secrets with someone, speak to them in a way you know they don't speak to anyone else, you don't spend the whole night talking and sitting in a comfortable silence with one person and then profess your undying devotion to some nameless girl less than twenty-four hours later! You just *don't do that*!

          Tell me! Tell me, how can you tell someone of your past, tell them in such vivid description you both end up crying in each other's arms-and then finish the night out in someone else's bed? How does that do anything to help you find the only one who can ever set your life right?

          How does that help when you keep leaving the one person who can make you smile? How does it help to leave, perhaps the only person, who loved you more than they loved themselves?

::'Cause how could you give your love to someone else
And share your dreams with me.
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for
Is the one thing you can't see. ::

          Somehow though, you realized you didn't have to keep searching. I guess I'll never know what made you come back that final time. You swore you'd leave, that you didn't want, didn't need a relationship like this.

          But you came back.

          Thank any God there may be that you came back.

          I love you.

          Do you hear me, Sha Goyjo?

          I love you!

          Right now, right here, standing before God and our closest friends- our *family* I'm telling you I love you! I love you because of who you were when you left. And even more who you were when you came back.

          I know you must think I'm crazy. Maybe I am. I probably lost any sanity I had ages ago.

          But it doesn't matter.

          Because you had the chance to leave.

          And you came back.

          Goyjo, you came *back*.

::But now we're standing face-to-face.
Isn't this world a crazy place?
Just when I thought our chance had passed,
You go and save the best for last.::

          It took him so damned long to finally *see*!

          After all those nights, he finally opened those crimson eyes of his and *looked* at me!

          I'll never forget the expression on his face.

          He looked up at me, his eyes half-closed with laughter. I smiled back at him and without thinking, reached out to brush long silky strands of hair out of his face. His eyes flew open all the way and locked on mine. Slowly, my hand drifted away from his face, following the curve of his cheek and the flow of his shoulder…only to have my hand drop uselessly at my side.

          His lips were slightly parted and he was looking at me with the strangest expression, and for the first time I felt an awkward pause in our friendship. I whispered his name, fearful of what I had unknowingly done. I was so afraid, had I sabotaged our relationship?

          But I hadn't.

          Instead of responding with words, he sat up and wrapped his arms firmly around me and brought his lips crashing down on mine until there was nothing more but the taste, the scent, the feel of *him*.

::Sometimes the very thing you're looking for
Is the one thing you can't see.::

          After that day, we were lovers.

          And no one knew it but us.

          Yes, he told me he loved me. Maybe he did then, in his own way. But I didn't believe him. It was as if he was only trying to create a happy ending for our lovemaking.

          If he really wanted to make me happy, all's he would have had to do was stay for once. Just one night, he could have stayed. If he had stayed, I would have known he loved me.

          But he didn't.

          And one night, I told him he could leave. I told him that if he didn't want me, if he didn't want the caring and commitment that came with me, he could leave. That I would understand and I would never bring up past events if he didn't want me.

          He was silent. And then he left.

          That was the first time I cried, I think. I cried because I thought he'd never come back.

          But he did.

          Oh, he came back!

          And that night…

          …he stayed.

          Goyjo stayed with me.

::Sometimes the snow comes down in June;
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon.
Just when I thought our chance has passed,
You go and save the best for last.::

          Your lips are close to mine now as you whisper, "Hakkai, I love you. Forever."

          I smile and nod, returning the soft pressure of your lips. "I love you," I add as we break apart, both smiling softly at each other despite the titter of a certain moronic ape.

          "I'm always going to come back," you promise, not letting me go.

          "I know," I whisper back, a smile of pleasure refusing to leave my face.

          And then, you winked at the monk and his ape before drawing me close and securing your promise with a warm kiss.

          "Hey San-mmmph!"

          And Sanzou it seems, has found his own forever in the hungry ape.

          We break apart and there's nothing left to say.

          It's just that same comfortable knowledge that we love each and that you're always going to come back.

          Forever.

::You went and saved the best for last::

::End::

AN: *bangs head on desk* I didn't like the ending! Didja like the ending? *sigh* Um, all legal disclaimers apply and forgive me if I goofed, I haven't seen the anime or read the manga, I'm hopelessly stuck with miscellaneous website info until May when I get to go to a con. ^_^