TOO SOFT FOR YOUR TASTE?
Looking back I can see how we ended up like this. I'm not sure I agree with everything we did or everything we said or didn't say really, but I get it. It was a crazy galaxy out there at that time. Sometimes it still is. But all in all it's a lot more calm too. Maybe not perfect, but then.. what ever is?
I don't think I know exactly how or when things changed between the two of us. But they did. And fast! Maybe a little too fast. But I don't regret it. It was worth. In the end it was all worth it. Saving the galaxy... heh. Some would say it was a routine run for him. Done it before! Died for it even. It was his Job, some would say. Loco I say... It was just Loco.
The tension had been an undercurrent for us from the start. Even back on Earth. But we never did anything about it. I don't think we even thought about it really. But after Earth was hit. After we had to leave everything behind. Things got even more tense. I'm not gonna deny that I got a little exited with having him there at the Shuttle Bay, looking at me, while I was doing my workout routine. Even tho he was there to have a talk with Cortez I could not help but throw my own 2 cents in. Joking with Cortez about him liking the show. Sure I don't deny putting up a bit of a show. But it sure was not for the benefit of Esteban.
I do admit that I did have a thing for him. Even before we officially met on Earth. But that was just hero worship! I mean he did take down a Reaper on his own! OK, maybe not one on one but.. Scratch that HE DID do that later on on Rannoch! So hell, my initial thought of him being a superman in disguise were pretty darn accurate. Totally Loco, but still a Superman. Only thing he was missing from his image was the cape and pants like in those old vids form the 20th century. Tho I have to admit I don't quite understand the point behind the idea of wearing underwear on top of your pants. But then again I don't really understand the idea of wearing brightly coloured tight outfits either. I mean wouldn't that just make you a bigger target for the enemies to aim at? Maybe it's just a quirk from that time? Who knows...
I also have fond memories about the dance we had back then. I was so angry and frustrated at the world at the time. I just wanted someone to tell me what was what and what I could shoot at to make it all better. Wasn't quite that simple tho was it, Loco. Wasn't simple at all. But we did our dance. And you beat me hands down. No contest. And even then we were... I don't know? Flirting? I guess we were at that, weren't we. That's the first time I called you Loco too. You just smirked at me and told me that I could call you anything I wanted as long as I remembered that You were in charge. Thinking about it now I can't believe how blind I was. Makes me laugh really. Sure Commander... You are in charge. You always were... weren't you?
The things we went through together. The things we did and saw. It was loco. Just like you. I mean really! Taking on a Reaper.. One on one! ALONE! Loco! That's you! Through and through! But you know what? I don't mind. You were My Loco. Mine alone. And you could be in charge in the battle field or anywhere as much as you wanted. But with me... With me you were different. We talked. We shared things. We... connected. We were good together Loco. We really were.
I remember getting that message about joining the N7 program. I was floored. I mean sure it's was an honour but... Was I really ready for that? Or even worth it? Back then I did not even really want to think about it. For all we knew there would not be Earth left to save when we got back with the fleet and the Crucible. And to be honest I still don't know what the hell the Crucible was. All I saw was a big tube with a ball at the end of it. But I guess it doesn't matter now, huh? What matters is that it worked. And we did save the Earth. And the Galaxy along with it. Even back then I was unsure of our chances. To a point it all seemed hopeless. Just too big to be real. Like a nightmare you can't quite wake up from. But you pulled us through. Like you said you would. Like we hoped you would. You did it Loco. Maybe not alone. But it was all You.
N7... I did not want to think about it... But I had to. I remember asking if we could talk. I wanted your opinion. I wanted you to tell me if I was worth it. I- I just wanted You!
"James, I've got some time if you wanted to talk privately."
When you called me up to your cabin with that Esteban just smirked at me and gave me a thumbs up. I returned it with the one finger salute. I'd been talking with him about you. We were tight.. Esteban and me. Been through some crazy shit the two of us. It was a no brainer to share with him about you and what was going on.. or what wasn't really. Not to mention... Well! I am not the most familiar with things... about men. Well I'm one of course but.. Well Esteban he'd been married and all. I figured... OK! He figured I needed the pep talk about it. I can't remember the last time I've been so embarrassed. I guess the last time was when my old man gave me The talk. Figures Huh?
When I got up to his place... Wow. Just wow. I was just completely floored! The place was bigger than I imagined. And the Fish tank! And all those ship models in their own showing case! I never would have thought that he had so much time on his hands to actually complete them all. But damn! The place was spacious. And that nice, large, soft looking bed. I remember wondering if it was as soft as it looked. I also noticed some whiskey on the bedside table. That made me a bit worried about him. Was he sleeping alright? Tho, I guess it wass totally understandable. I mean with all that we'd been through so far. And he'd been through a lot more than I. But what really got my attention was that he even had his own private shower! It's amazing what you can get when you have the command of your own ship!
Joking with the Commander was always a joy. He always makes me feel like we're on the same page, ya know? Like the jab I said about being old and not able to fight worth shit. He just snorted and jabbed back at me. Makes me smile every time I think about it. He is one of a kind.. My Loco. There's really no one like him in the whole wide 'vers. And talking with him about the N7 program and everything. The way he just let me vent and let it all out. The way he looked at me. Everything about the moment just made me feel... I don't know. Like the static feeling you get when near someone using Biotics. Electrified. Powerful. The moment when you decide to pull the trigger to start a confrontation. Adrenalin someone would say. It was more than that tho. A lot more.
He reminded me that no one in the N7 program had gotten there without being scarred or having to have sacrificed something somehow. Not him, not me... no one. He told me I was worth the honour. And the way he said it. The way he looked at me. Made me believe it. Made me believe in ME. He just has this presence when he talks about something he thinks is important. I could almost taste it. When they talk about charisma of a person or their presence... He had it. Shit loads of it. He does not just look at you and make you feel wanted. He makes you believe you are worth everything in the galaxy. When he looked at me in the cabin that night.. He made me feel more than anyone ever has.
I told him that I should let him get back to what he was doing. Said some quip about the place being too "soft" for me. He told me that the bed was harder than it looked. I was not expecting him to be quite That forward with his flirting. I told him I'd take his word for it. Man I was so stupid. Backing down like that. I'm just glad he didn't take no for an answer.
I was almost at the door when he slammed me against it.
"I don't think I gave you the permission to leave, Lieutenant."
His voice was almost a purr in my ear. And the heat form his chest burned on my back. I was out of breath and sweating. His hands holding my shoulders against the cold steal felt almost like molten lava on my skin.
I felt dizzy as I answered.
"No, sir."
I could feel the hard length of his erection against my backside. He pushed me against the door grinding himself against me.
"Do you want this?"
I could hardly think. My own hard length trapped between the cloth of my fatigues and the hard cold steal of the door. Did I want this? Did I really? I knew the answer to that as well as I knew that there would be no second guessing after I'd given my answer. This was the final port of call beyond the veil. The last ready check before a battle. Was I ready? Hell yea!
"Yes!"
The temperature in the room went from normal to dessert hot in seconds. The moment had shifted from flirty fun to lust filled passion. Shepard's hands pulled me from the door just to spin me around and again push me against it. I hardly had time to realize what was happening before he was on me. Lips on mine. Hand pulling at my shirt. Tongue demanding entrance to taste what it had wanted for so long. It was feverish. WE were feverish.
I wanted to taste all of him. I wanted him. More than I thought I would. Chest upon chest. Tongues mingling and our cocks grinding against each other in desperate dance for relief. My hands were not idle either. I stroked, I petted, I groped. Any part of him I could find! I wanted to feel him. All of him. Anyway I could get him!
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I think I blanked out there for a moment, because the next thing I know I'm on my side with Loco holding me from behind. Talk about a memorable first time.
"So..."
"So?"
"Not too soft for you?"
"Huh?"
"The bed, James. Not too soft for you?"
I look back at him with a twitch of a smirk on my lips. I reach down and gently stoke his now flaccid length.
"Not at all, Loco. Not at all." I tell him with a smile and lean forward to kiss him.
That night I realized something important. I might be a house of muscles on the outside. I might be in control of these muscles. But he had the control of the one that mattered the most. My heart. It wasn't all about sex. To either of us. It was more than that. It was about us.
I don't know how long we spent kissing, talking, laughing, stroking, licking... fucking. But it felt like ages had gone past without us taking any note of it. But in the end duty would wait for no man. And we had to get dressed to face another day of war and politics. Hoping that in the end we would win...
And we did win. Didn't we... Loco.
Authors Notes: For a full uncencored version you shoudl head over to my NSFW blog
h t t p : / / xm - nsfw (dot) blogspot (dot) com