Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I did. But I don't. Life's a bitch that way!
The first time he held my hand, his eyes were bright and full of hope.
I had just learned from a certain lazy jounin that it was his birthday that day. I was surprised, to say the least. Despite the fact that I had known him for so many years now, and that we were teammates, and more or less friends, it was a shock to me that I had never known.
There was a sick feeling bubbling in my stomach. I felt guilty and inconsiderate at the sudden knowledge that after all these years, I had not once said a simple "Happy birthday!" let alone given him anything for the occasion. I remembered though, that almost every year, when we were both free and available, he would always insist on treating me to a meal. I never once thought that they were birthday noodles as I slurped down a bowl of Ichiraku ramen.
I wanted to give him something, something special to make up for the years I've missed out and to finally pacify the conscience that had begun to nag at my blatant disinterest for his affairs. I wondered then, what to give him and after some thought; I realized that I had no clue.
I spent the entire day avoiding him, despite the many passed on messages from friends and strangers likewise that a certain loudmouth idiot was searching for me. I couldn't face him without a decent gift in tow. I spent the entire day, slipping in and out of shops and buildings, hoping to find something to give, or at least someone who could give me an idea of what he wanted.
I saw Kakashi-sensei first, his silver mop standing high above the crowd as he slouched about in the marketplace. It took me a while to pry him away from his book, and looking back, I realize that he must have enjoyed my frustrated efforts. When I asked him though, in as roundabout a way as I could if he knew it was his student's birthday that day, he smiled in that roundabout way of his and answered, "I would suppose." I got nothing else from him after that.
When I saw Kiba and Hinata talking by the med building, I thought my troubles were over. Kiba was close with the idiot, both having the temperament of a two year old on a sugar high and therefore able to deal with each other. As for Hinata, I've seen the quiet girl hanging around him and hoped that she stalked the oblivious boy enough to know what he would want as a present. It was to my complete dismay therefore, when that dog-boy grinned slyly and refused to say a word. Hinata just clammed up, giving me a meaningful look as if she wanted to tell me that I ought to know the answer to my question but was too scared of offending anyone to say it outright.
After I left the pair in more distress than when I began, I came upon Ino and Shikamaru in an argument—meaning that Ino was arguing and Shikamaru was nodding off—and hoped that the bearer of my bad news would also be the bearer of my salvation.
Shikamaru regarded me with slight interest and Ino, at least for a few minutes, ended her one-sided screeching to ask me what I wanted. I smiled nervously, hoping Shikamaru's genius would be enough to guess what I wanted and not make me blurt out my obvious embarrassment. He sighed, took me away from an incredulous Ino, and planted me on a shady corner of a building.
"Honestly, Haruno, you ought to be smart enough to know what your teammate of how many years would want!"
I deadpanned. The ugly monster called guilt reared its ugly head once again and I couldn't help but look down in shame. "I don't," I replied honestly, wringing my hands in nervousness as he stared me down. I could have sworn Hinata had possessed me somehow. I've never felt such insecurity as I did then.
"Geeze! Look—"
"Nara, you perverted two-timer, what are you doing to my Sakura-chan!"
We both looked up, Shikamaru surprised, and I, completely on the verge of breaking down and sprinting away. There he was, in all his bright, obnoxious, and oddly enough endearing glory, and all I wanted to do was turn tail and run. I wasn't ready to see him yet, to face his sunny smile and say yes to a dinner that I knew meant more to him than it ever did to me. I wished right then that the ground would swallow me entirely.
Shikamaru sighed, turned towards him and patted the surprised idiot on the shoulder.
He left me! That lazy, no-good deserter had left me! I would've killed him if I weren't busy staring down and silently commanding the ground to open up beneath me.
We both stood in silence for a while, and I hoped a little that he had gone away, noting that I didn't really want to talk to him at that moment. But he immediately broke the unnatural silence, his voice just as sunny as his smile, and somehow, I felt that everything would be all right.
"Hey Sakura-chan? Did that lazy bum try to hit on you?" he said laughing, though I could feel something slightly negative underlying his tone.
I looked up, smiled the best I could without showing him the apology in my eyes that I wanted too much to blurt out. Not yet! I needed something to help ease in the apology; something that would tell him I hadn't meant to not care.
"No, of course not," I replied, quite amazed at how soft my voice had become. Perhaps the Hyuuga-heiress was infectious. I had never been this meek, even when in front of Sasuke. "We…..were just talking about a mission."
"Really? Great! You can tell me all about it over a nice bowl of ramen at Ichiraku! My treat!"
I really should have just smiled and said "Sure" like all the other times he had asked me before. I should have just nodded and led the way to that quaint ramen bar that had become his second home. Only, it wasn't like before anymore. This dinner meant so much more now than it did at those times. That bowl of ramen would be his birthday meal and I would be his honored guest. The stories, the laughter, and everything else in between would be the party and he would be so much more than just a teammate that every so often treated me to a nice meal. He would be the birthday boy. It would be his day. And I couldn't face him knowing that without so much as a present to tell him that I cared and I'll never forget again.
I didn't notice I was crying until I heard his concerned voice. "Sakura-chan, what's wrong? Did something bad happen? What can I do, Sakura-chan?"
There was so much care and worry in his eyes that I felt drowned in them for a while. It was so easy, to be swept away by all his feelings and forget about mine, but I couldn't. I was afraid. I didn't want to forget my mistake. I wanted him to mean something more. Something that I could worry and care and fuss about.
I saw him approach, his hand stretched out to hold mine but I was too scared to let it happen. I ran, plain and simple. His voice followed me even when I knew he was no longer giving chase.
I had nowhere to go and no one to see. Shikamaru was right. I, of all people, should've known what he would've wanted. But I didn't. I didn't even know him as a person. I knew him as a teammate, as a shinobi, as a loudmouth nuisance. I knew he loved ramen, dreamt and still dreams of being the best Hokage, was stupid and clumsy but was dependable and strong when needed. I knew he liked annoying me, liked being the center of attention, craved acknowledgement and respect more than anything else. But what else? I didn't even know his favorite flavor of ramen. I had forgotten about it, I suppose but I was sure he had never told me of his other likes and dislikes. Did he like movies, or reading, or maybe going for a drink after a hard mission? What was his favorite color? Surely that garish orange jumpsuit wasn't his choice. Oh kami! How could I have not known so many things when he seemed to know everything about me?
I gasped, that quiet realization hitting me harder than the idea that I hadn't known his birthday until that day. How could I have not noticed it? He practically announced to the whole world whenever my birthday would come. He always knew what exactly to give me, even when I didn't know I needed it until I actually used it and thanked the heavens for its existence. I had never thanked him, thinking about it. Oh kami, how horrible a person could I get?
I wallowed in self-pity for the better part of the afternoon, finding myself staring out at the whole of Konoha in the fading light of the afternoon sun. I sat quietly on the tip of the Fourth's nose, finding it quite funny that I found this, of all places, the most relaxing. It wasn't until it rained that I realized night had come and that I had been staring out into space for more than a few hours. I sighed, stood up, and climbed my way to the fourth Hokage's forehead. I hadn't been able to think of anything suitable for him after all, despite the thorough soul searching I had done for every little thing he had ever said and done while in my presence.
Nearing the top, I looked up and realized that he was there, waiting for me in the darkness as if it were the most natural thing to do in the world. He seemed to shine and I wondered how dark the world would be if his shining would ever fade. It would be very dark, I supposed. I stared at him and he smiled.
He took my hand and pulled me the rest of the way up. I stood, mouth agape, thinking of something to say just so he would stop looking at me as if he understood everything running through my mind. And I guessed he probably did. He probably always did.
"I'm-"
"Let's go eat now, Sakura-chan!" he grinned, cutting short my poor attempt at an apology, and tugged at my hand to get me moving.
I looked down at our hands, his larger one over mine, and I couldn't quite understand why I hadn't pounded him yet for touching me so easily. His hand was rough and calloused, as all shinobis' hands were, but it was also comforting and warm in a way that I had never felt before. There was safety in his grasp, I surmised, and I knew that he would take care of me as he had always done before. He gave my hand a squeeze, and for some strange reason, I squeezed back, as if to reassure him that I wouldn't let go.
"Naruto?"
"Yup?" he asked, not bothering to look back while he pulled me towards our destination.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know until today."
"Hm? About what, Sakura-chan?"
"That it was your birthday," I replied quietly, too ashamed to look him in the eye, even when I could feel that he was staring at my head.
He chuckled, his voice cutting through the loudness of Konoha's nightlife and I couldn't help but look up in surprise. I had never heard him chuckle before. He had always had a nice laugh, and although loud at most times, his voice remained pleasant enough to be tolerated. But his chuckle was something different. In some inexplicable way, it made him sound older and more mature than the 16-year-old boy I knew him to be. It made him sound like he knew and understood me even without my explaining. I realized right then, that I liked his laugh better than his chuckle. At least when he laughed, there was nothing painful hidden behind his smiling face.
"So that's what you've been worrying about? Honestly, Shikamaru can be a total ass sometimes!'
"You shouldn't take this too lightly! I've been your teammate for three years and I feel as though I know nothing of you! And it's not even that part that bothers me! It's the part where I didn't even care enough to realize this until today! Do you know how bad a person that makes me, Naruto? How could you even smile at me all those times, knowing that I had never once greeted you on your special day or at least treated you better?"
His eyes regarded me silently and for a while I asked myself if I had missed more than a few years' worth of birthdays. He seemed so much older, so much wiser than myself that I thought I had mistaken someone else for him.
"You know, Sakura-chan," he began, his voice soft and cautious as if he feared he could hurt me with his words. Really! I thought it was about time he put me in my place for all the times I had treated him as less than what he deserved. I was hoping he was mad. "I never told you when my birthday was because I didn't want you to feel obligated to treat me better or get me something. It would be like forcing you to do something you really didn't want to do."
"But-"
"And in any case, you've always made me happy during my birthdays, even when you didn't know it. You always gave me what I wanted," he finished; his eyes and smile shining at me as if he were the sun itself.
Strangely, I thought I would burn under his newly acquired brightness. In the end, I only found it comforting and familiar. "I did?"
"Yup! You were there to celebrate it with me! Nothing else could be better than that, Sakura-chan!"
"I….I," I let the tears fall, hiccups shaking my body every now and then. I hadn't expected that he had cherished my company so much during all those times. I had thought he had chosen me merely because I was his teammate and he was comfortable with me.
"Oh no! Please don't cry, Sakura-chan! I'm sorry! Did I say something wrong?" His voice sounded worried and panicked and I couldn't help but laugh at the irony that he was more worried about my sudden breakdown than his right to extricate retribution for my neglect. I shook my head, wiping away my tears with both hands, one of which was still in his grasp.
When I finally composed myself enough to look him in the eyes, I felt myself breathe in easily as if it were the first time in so long. I smiled, not bothering to take my hand out of his grip even when I saw that his own hand was wet with tears. "I guess, I'll just have to make it up to you next time, Naruto. I haven't gotten you anything for your birthday."
He grinned, giving me a thumbs up with his free hand. "Sure!" he exclaimed, before turning to pull Ichiraku's cloth door aside to enter. But before he could go in, I pulled him back, making him yelp in surprise at both my action, and the strength by which I accomplished it.
He looked at me again, his bright blue eyes full of questions I knew I had no answer to. So instead, I smiled, stepped on my tiptoes just because he was so much taller than I was, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.
His eyes grew wide in surprise, and I smiled inside to see just how red his face had become. "Happy birthday, Naruto!" I whispered before stepping to his side and pulling him into the welcoming heat and aroma that was Ichiraku.
When I looked back, he was grinning, his eyes bright and full of hope. He held my hand tighter, and for the first time in my life, I was glad he did
Author's notes: This didn't turn out the way I thought it would. Anyway, just a little fluff for NaruSaku fans out there like myself. Please R&R. It'd really help. Also, as it turned out far longer than I had first imagined, I'm going to have to turn this into a series of one-shots to accommodate all my ideas. Well, only if you guys think it's worth doing so. Hehe. Milking for praise here!