Title: What Does
It Take?
Disclaimer: All
characters contained herein are the property of Warner Brothers Television
Productions and Shoot The Moon Productions. I just want to borrow them to play a little.
The song, "What
Does It Take" was written by Jason Scheff and Gerard McMahon, recorded by
Chicago in 1990, and can be found on Chicago 21. (Lyrics appear in italics)
Author:
WhizGidget
Written: February
15, 2001 - ???
Rating: G
Timing:
1990. Refers to canon, but is
definitely a work of my own creatively devious mind.
Comments? Love 'em. Good and Bad. That way I know
what I did right and wrong. Flames? Sure, you don't see very many fire-breathing
dragons anymore…
All I do is think about you
I never did let go of what we were
Can't pretend I'll live without you
As I learn to live alone.
Truer words had
never been spoken… or should that be sung?
Lee Stetson
listened to the pop song playing in the background as his gaze wandered across
the embassy ballroom at the slim and pretty brunette who was coordinating
security for the State Department. He
had heard it before on the radio, and he mused that it could have described his
life for the last couple of years to a "T". He had had everything he ever wanted in his life, but without even trying,
it had all fallen apart.
He had never been
able to forget about her. And in the
whole time that they had been apart, Scarecrow had gone back to his ways that
he had been like before he met her. In
all ways but one. He hadn't dated any
other woman since Amanda. She was
everything, and even though they had never lived under the same roof, they had
been in each other's lives for 5 years. He knew almost everything there was to know about her, and had become as
much a part of his life as sleeping and eating were.
He felt like he
had known her for forever, and he had to learn how to be alone again from
scratch. No, it wasn't like falling off
a bike. And he was lonely. He had nightmares about seeing her in
another man's arms. He still didn't
understand what had happened two years earlier.
'Two years?' he
thought to himself. 'Why does she look
so amazing after two years, and I feel like I've aged twenty?' He sighed silently to himself, and looked
down into the wine glass he was holding. A familiar voice broke his reverie.
"Scarecrow, go
over there and talk to her. She won't
bite." Lee looked up into the concerned
face of his friend and Section Chief, William Melrose.
"Billy, I
can't. It's been too long. Too much has happened."
"Too much? What has happened to you, Lee? You're still in the Q-Bureau. You still work every holiday that you can. You still work alone, live alone and sleep
alone. The only thing that seemed to
have happened to you is, well, nothing. Except losing two years that could have been spent with Amanda." Billy crossed his arms in front of him, and
looked sternly at his friend. He had
been sad to see Amanda King leave The Agency, and more remorseful to see Lee
remain there without her.
"Billy, what makes
you think we could ever be together? Look at her. She's happy,
alive. She looks great. She's doing great over at State, and she
doesn't need me."
"How do you know
that, Lee? I still talk to Amanda
occasionally, and she's still alone too. And I know that you two were involved, there's no reason to hide from
me. Since I know you haven't talked to
her, how do you know what she needs?"
"She told me that
she didn't need me anymore when she left The Agency. Aw, Billy, what's the use? It's over. It's been over for a
long time. It's like I never knew her…
like she was never even there to begin with." Lee took a drink from his wine glass, and then set it down on the nearest
table. He didn't want to rehash their
whole relationship in one night, but as Billy walked away, Lee started thinking
about all that time that had been wasted.
Why can't I be a man about it
I've tried and tried to hide you from my
heart
If I could just forget about us
If I knew just where to start
You are my destiny.
When he'd run
across her, desperate for help on that train station platform, she was just
another face in the crowd, albeit a pretty one. And one that looked trustworthy. How hard could it have been to pass off a package to a man in a red hat,
after all? She was just a housewife
from Arlington, and to tell the truth, she wasn't even that. She was a divorced, single mom from
Arlington who fell for the excitement of what The Agency could offer. It would have been so easy to just forget
about her. Lee thought for a moment
that that's what he should have done early on, just forget about her. After Billy initially brought her on board,
he didn't have to work with her… or go see her as often as he did, heading over
to her house for one thing or another. But he did.
As time wore on,
Billy hadn't put them together as much as Lee had suggested working with
Amanda. Finally, he had to admit that
she had some good instincts. And that
she was a good partner. And,
eventually, he had to admit that she was a good friend. That really shocked him. After all, he was the famous Scarecrow who
didn't need anyone, but more and more he had found himself thinking and
dreaming about Amanda King. No matter
how hard he tried to distance himself from her, ignore her, make comments that
would have driven most sane women away she still was there. Always around, always helpful, always
willing to listen. He began to realize
that Scarecrow was just a mask that he wore, as if at a costume party, and that
Lee Stetson was a flesh and blood human being. A once orphaned little boy who stopping hiding behind shadows and came
into the light. A man who needed this
very unique woman in his life.
That's when he
realized he was in love with her. Life
was so much better with her in it, and he wanted her to be a part of it
forever. And once they made that
commitment, it all went downhill from there.
What does it take
To win you back
To hold in these arms once more
What can I say
To make you understand
You're still all I'm waiting for
The words and
sentiment of the song hadn't been lost on Amanda King. She'd heard the song numerous times on the
radio in recent days. She stole a quick
glance over at her former husband, and caught him looking at her. She looked away quickly enough to not have
noticed that he did the same thing.
She smiled to
herself and shook her head slightly. Despite the less traumatic lifestyle that her position at the State
Department afforded her, she still felt like someone had put her into a blender
for the last two years and pressed the puree setting for a little too
long. She looked up again to see that
Lee was no longer looking in her direction, but was talking to Billy
Melrose. This afforded her the
opportunity to take a longer look at Lee.
She hadn't seen
him in over a year. And he still looked
much the same as he had when she first met him on the train station platform
almost 8 years earlier. His sandy brown
hair was still styled much the same way, although it was looking a little long
in back, and he still looked as dashing as ever in his black tuxedo. But there was something about the look on
his face that kept Amanda's attention, he didn't look as happy as he used
to. From that look on his face, she
couldn't even be sure that he still had that familiar twinkle in his pretty
green eyes, and he certainly wasn't smiling. 'I can sure relate to that," Amanda thought solemnly. Ever since they had dissolved their
partnership and relationship, Amanda's mother had noticed that she didn't look
nearly as happy as she used to be, and had commented herself that the twinkle
seemed to be missing from her daughter's brown eyes.
She noticed Billy
walk away, and how lonely Lee seemed to be all of a sudden. His shoulders sagged slightly as if he was
tired, but it was more like he was bearing the weight of the world on
them. Amanda remembered that the last
time she had seen him that way was long before he told her he loved her. After that, he was always standing tall, and
proud – he had a secret that he couldn't tell anyone. She had spent so much time waiting for those walls he had built
around his emotions to break down, and once they had, it was like Lee Stetson
was a whole different person. Everyone
around them had noticed a difference in him, but no one person had the
satisfaction of an answer – only rumors could put a reason to the changes in
his personality.
They had fallen
in love in the Q-Bureau, admitted it when the government thought that they were
traitors, and got engaged under the most unusual of circumstances – while being
held captive by a terrorist who was going to kill them. 'You'd think that we could have lasted
forever on the basis of that start,' she thought to herself.
They had gotten
married, in a secret ceremony, so as to protect her children from any
harm. After all, Scarecrow had earned
many enemies over the years at The Agency. Amanda had earned her fair share as well, working as his partner. But after being married for close to a
year, and getting pressure from friends and family alike as to when they were
going to settle down together, they didn't seem to be as close as they once
were.
It had started as
a simple disagreement over whether or not they should announce an engagement,
or just 'elope' again on their wedding anniversary and tell everyone after the
fact. Amanda had wanted to announce
their engagement and quietly get married again on their anniversary, so that no
one would be the wiser. Lee thought
eloping again would be the right way to go about things. When that argument had reached an impasse,
they scrapped the idea and discussed coming clean with everyone about the
truth. But that too would have
emotional consequences that neither side was ready or willing to deal with.
Then there was
the assignment that went south. It had
been a simple milk run that Lee and Amanda decided to do together, as the
location was to be a street fair near the Embassy celebrating Romania's
victories in the Olympic Games that summer. Retrieve the package, and turn it over to The Agency. It had turned dangerous when the package
turned out to be a Romanian nuclear scientist who had deep ties in the European
intelligence community and was attempting to defect. It went to a full scramble when the two agents realized they
were being followed and lost the scientist in the crowds to a man with a
semi-automatic pointed at Amanda. Lee
had weighed his options and got Amanda out of harm's way before tending to the
needs of the defecting man. And thus,
brought disgrace to The Agency when the man turned up dead in an alley, two
blocks away.
At times I feel it's best without you
And times I still believe in you so much
After what I've been through without you
You'd think that I'd move on
But you're still my destiny.
Amanda was busy
trying to convince herself that quitting The Agency after the incident and
telling Lee that she didn't need him anymore in her life was the right thing to
do. She had gotten the job offer at
State, and jumped on it – it would mean more money and stable hours for her to
be around for the boys. And it would
be safe – she wouldn't have strange agents (or for that matter, agents that she
knew that went bad) placing a gun against her neck and threatening her life. She encouraged Lee to come over too, but he
had put in so much time with The Agency, and wasn't willing to leave it for a
desk job – he still loved the physical aspect of making a difference, despite
the obvious risks. She did, too, but
she also couldn't get past the thought that Lee held their failure with the
defection against her.
She was still
busy convincing herself that she had done the right thing for the thousandth
time, when she realized that she had been staring across the room, as if in a
trance, at Lee. He shook his head too
– he had been in the same little memory zone she had been, and their eyes
caught. Amanda brought a short smile to
her face, and then shyly looked down and away. 'God, why does he still do that to me? Why do I still love him so much? Why did we do this to ourselves –
maybe… maybe it was a mistake…' She
realized what she was thinking and tried to shake the feeling out of her
head.
They were both
better off without each other. Amanda
didn't have to lie to her mother about where she was at night, and never have to
wonder if she would ever see her boys again. She had kept tabs on Lee through Billy, and knew that he still had the
best record in The Agency, despite what had happened two years earlier. She rationalized it all by the fact that he
could be a better agent without her. She wouldn't be a distraction if they split up. It's not as if they were together to begin
with – they spent so many nights apart as a married couple, that Amanda didn't
think that she'd know how to treat him if they had moved in together and
maintained a traditional marriage.
Still, even after
their separation and divorce, she hadn't moved on. She hadn't dated anyone, despite her mother's attempts to set her
up with eligible men she met in the supermarket. Amanda didn't think she'd ever find anyone who was as special to
her as Lee. She felt in her heart that
they belonged together – fate, destiny, and the great powers that be had put
them together at that train station, but it wasn't reasonable unless they both
lived in the normal world. And they
were so far past normal that Amanda didn't even remember what normal was
like. 'He looks so alone. Maybe I should just go over and say hello.'
Amanda shook her
head again, as Billy approached her. This was a joint operation between State and The Agency, and she needed
her head clear to bring him up to date. She smiled wryly to herself knowing where the conversation would turn,
and that there would be nothing for her to bring him up to date on. She hadn't been doing anything since leaving
Lee and The Agency.
What does it take
'cause we can't go back
Can't be like it was before
What does it take
To win you back
To hold in these arms
What does it take
What will it take now?
Lee looked around
the room for Billy, and noticed that he had approached Amanda and was talking
with her. He noticed that they both
stole glances in his direction as he stood there, nonchalantly leaning against
a pillar keeping an eye on things, when all he wanted to do was cross that room
and take her in his arms again. 'Wait a
second, where did *that* come from?' Lee was shocked with himself. He
wasn't going to get over her if he kept thinking about her that way, or if he
thought about her at all.
He had to admit
that he was a coward. He didn't have it
in him to stop thinking about her. To
move on with his life. And he had even
less courage to be able to cross the room, say hello, and have a calm friendly
conversation. The mere thought of it
made him shiver. He had picked up
another glass of wine, and was looking down into it, when the thought struck
him – he didn't know what he would do if *she* came to talk to him. That's when he looked up and his worst fear
was coming true.
She was slowly
crossing the room, with a hesitant look on her face, heading straight for
him. She couldn't be going anywhere
else – he was in a corner, there was nothing there, but a table and him. 'What am I possibly going to say to her?'
How ironic, that the man who could always think of something to say to a
beautiful woman, couldn't think of anything to say to his former wife.
"Hello,
Lee." Amanda was more nervous than she
ever thought she could be. Billy had
approached at just the right time to convince her to at least go talk to him. She was glad that she got the opportunity to
speak first.
Lee just stood
there for a few seconds, his mind a blank at what to say. Then he said the first thing that came to
his mind. As the last line of the song
filled the ballroom, he said it carefully along with the vocal…
"All I do is think about you…"