PROLOGUE

Dear Finnick,

You've been gone for two weeks now. I don't think I've been coping well. Peeta sent me to a therapist to help me forget, I think he's the only one who cares. He sent me to the therapist the minute Gale returned telling us that you were dead. They think I'm crazy, they always thought I was crazy, didn't they? Did you think I was crazy? I can finally see it now. Like they're just waiting for the moment that Annie Cresta bursts. I feel like a shell, an empty shell with nothing to feel what used to be Annie Cresta except her thoughts. But I can't forget. You're all I ever think about. Your silky bronze hair that slipped so easily through my fingers, the way your smile always lights up a room, your sea green eyes that I love so much, that I always got lost in, no matter what. I can still see you, you know? How rough and strong your hands were but so incredibly delicate they were to weave the most intricate knots I never could. Finnick, they tell me to forget. They think it's helping me. They whisper behind my back. Annie Cresta. Annie Cresta. Annie Cresta. The girl who's gone mad.

But do you want to know something, Finnick? You're impossible to forget. And I don't want to forget.

Of course they're worried about me. I'm even worried about me. Am I going crazy? Was I always crazy? I remember you once said to me, how can you be crazy when you're asking yourself if you're crazy? Finnick, that never answered my question. How can you leave me without ever giving me a straight answer?

My therapist is worried about me as well, that's why he handed me this journal, so that I can write down my "innermost" thoughts. I don't like him. He has the lightest eyes, almost like a blind man's and he never talks about you. Every time I mention your name he gets angry. I don't know why. He thinks you're bad for me. Oh correct me if you will, he thinks you were bad for me. But you've never left Finnick, right? You can't have left me. But you did. I'm so confused, Finnick. My therapist said you left me. I don't know what to think anymore. You promised, Finnick.

I don't really know what to write, Finnick, you've always been the one who could say anything and express it so perfectly that nobody ever questioned you. Peeta has a way with words too, he reminds me of you a bit, but he'll never be you. Katniss, Peeta, Johanna, Beetee, they'll never replace you. You can count on that Finnick.

I'm supposed to give him this every week to read it over, and I just feel so weird giving it to him. Most of my thoughts revolve around you, so I guess that's why he wants to read it over, to make sure I'm handling everything well.

But to be honest, I'm not. And yes I'm fairly aware he will read this. But he along with everybody else things I'm about to crack, so I don't think I care anymore. And honestly, the truth has got to come out sooner or later, doesn't it Finnick? He never specifically told me what to write, but just that I have to write. Well isn't that lovely? That's what you used to say Finnick. Finnick, can you hear me?

So, I'm writing to you. I hope you don't mind. I want you to know how I've coped with the whole thing. The whole thing being you leaving me. I still don't believe you left me.

I'm going to tell you how it's been without you here with me, without your swirling sea green eyes fixed on me every day, without your hand to hold, without your smile, without you. How I feel all day every day will be written down in here. I promised I will cope, Finnick. And I'm going to keep that promise. And you're going to see me keep that promise, and you're going to smile at me, and ... Finnick. Stay with me will you? I'm going to write down everything that has happened, and most importantly, everything I've thought since the day you may or may not have left me. Starting from day one.

It's therapy after all isn't it, Finnick?

A.N. What do you think? Want to read more? This is my first the Hunger Games fanfiction so I'm not sure...

Should I continue? If I get 3 reviews, I'll continue. Please tell me what you think, I really would like to know.

Sugar cubes to everybody who reviews!

Lots of love,

Jess.