I just had the urge to write this since I haven't written anything in a while (which probably means this is a bit below par) and the idea seemed pointless, stupid, and most importantly, HAWT.
My apologies for any factual errors- I haven't seen every episode of the newest season, and if something has changed (making my fic WRONG~), tell me. I'll fix it if I can, ignore it if I can't.
Sheldon was not having a very good day.
Oh yes, in time it would be worth it. But at the moment? No.
Not a very good day.
It wouldn't have been too much had Howard not insisted that he did not bring an extra set of clothing. "Just in case you try and cheat," he had said, grinning as his eyes swept over his newly polished belt buckles. "The whole day Sheldon. Not nine to five. The whole day."
It hadn't been nine to five anyway. The moment his boss saw his outfit (already tipped off by a few snorting coworkers) he had sent Sheldon home with an irritated glance that didn't quite mask his glee at having his most obnoxious employee humiliated in front of his peers.
Sheldon, of course, was not very pleased, but he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't at least partially grateful. The fabric was itchy and rode up in ah…certain places, and he was definitely relieved that he would not have to work in those conditions. It would be much easier to sit on the couch by himself and reread Stephen Hawking novels in prudent preparation.
His reading was soon interrupted by a shrill scream that he had begun to recognize as belonging solely to Leonard's abrasive partner.
"Oh…my…god." Penny was keeling over, making a feeble and ultimately useless attempt to close the door to his apartment as her face hit the floor and she kicked her legs, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stared at Sheldon. She was laughing so hard that she wasn't laughing at all, and Sheldon instinctively pulled the skirt farther down his legs. The draft the door created was unnerving.
"…What?" Sheldon started, looking around. He looked down at himself. "Honestly Penny," He looked back up, eyebrows knitting together in irritation. "You of all people I would expect to find this amusing, but I assure you that the reward far outweighs the work involved."
Penny made an effort to regain control over herself but when she looked at Sheldon, with his feather duster sitting neatly beside him, she lost it all over again.
"Waitresses." Sheldon snorted. "Anything will entertain them, and then they wonder why people don't like the Jersey Shore."
"No…Sheldon…Why…" Penny choked out between giggles, grabbing the side of the couch to haul herself up, brushing off the front of her shirt and skirt. "Why are you dressed so…sexy?"
He looked at her as if she was stupid (which she was, he thought distastefully.). "Penny, this is only a minor embarrassment when you look at the bigger picture. By the end of the week, I will have met Stephen Hawking and this moment will be forgotten."
Penny wiped her mouth, grinning. "Oh no, sweety, I don't think this ever will be forgotten. Didn't Stephen Hawking invent time or something?"
He rolled his eyes. "Sure. Close enough." He decided to address her first question. "For your information, I am dressed like this because Howard has insisted I do petty chores for him and go through repeated humiliation in order to meet Hawking. I personally find his reasoning absurd. We could all behave like barbarians if we wanted to, but where's the intelligence in that option?"
He watched as Penny's eyes trailed from his (exposed!) chest to his groin, which he instinctively kept his clasped hands over. She didn't seem to notice she was doing this, and he coughed.
"…Cold?" She ripped her gaze away from his bottom half (they were trailing down his thighs, and he was always insecure about those). "There is a draft in here. Your spot doesn't work if you're half naked, Sheldon."
"Actually," He countered. "It does. Trust me, I've tested it."
"Oh Sheldon," She purred mockingly at him and winked. "Walking around your apartment in a sexy French outfit and naked. Naughty boy."
"Half naked," He corrected, eyeing her suspiciously. He hadn't completely picked up on her mockery, and with Penny he could never really tell. She had never come on to him, but he had grabbed her chest, and she had rubbed his. He could never tell if people (women specifically) took this as foreplay or not.
"Well yes. Whatever." She checked her watch. "Is Leonard home? That's what I came here for."
"No," Sheldon replied simply, rolling his eyes. Why would Leonard be home? He was never home this hour on weekdays. Waitresses.
"Well okay," Penny headed for the door, and Sheldon could have sworn her eyes raked his body one more time before she walked out of the door. "Make sure Howard sends me some of the pictures!" She laughed from the hallway. "I'm sure he took some!"
"Yes," Sheldon said to himself sorely as he clasped his knees. "He had. Damn camera phones."
"Penny?"
Penny looked over at her boyfriend, who was currently stretched on his side of the bed and looking at her with a half smile. "What, Leonard?" She rolled over so she could completely face him.
"It's about Sheldon," he said. "He's worried that you're going to try and have sex with him."
"What?" Penny exclaimed, glancing over to the door, which led to the hallway, which led to Sheldon's room. She knew if she pressed her ear to the door she would be able to hear his soft, rhythmic breathing, as organized as he was.
Leonard adjusted his glasses. "He thinks you were checking him out earlier when you came by. He thinks since he was dressed so proactively that he might have 'triggered the primal instincts in your underdeveloped brain and your overdeveloped groin.'" He quoted, shrugging.
"Hmmph." Penny brushed it off, snuggling closer to Leonard's chest. "Sheldon's insane. He's always been paranoid about those types of things."
"Yeah," Leonard agreed, yawning. "He'll get over it if we ignore his antics. Just don't think about it and it'll go away."
Penny thought about it.
Sheldon…attractive? No.
Well yes. Maybe.
Sheldon wasn't unattractive, but the way he presented himself-his swagger, some would call it-just screamed…unsexy.
She'd be lying if she said she wasn't checking him out earlier though. She had seen his chest before, and she had definitely seen his legs more than once, but there was something about…everything. How the outfit, though short, still left a little to the imagination. Throughout her discussion with Sheldon she had felt her eyes wandering back to his groin, and with a small wince of disgust she realized that she liked it.
Man, was that weird.
The outfit was made for women, obviously, but that fact didn't do anything to stop her interest when it was on a male. Did Sheldon even have a gender? If you had asked her before today, she would have said no, but now she'd say yes.
Definitely yes.
Oh man. Penny shut her eyes, closing them as hard as she could. Leonard. Leonard. Leonard. I love Leonard and I love Leonard's body. I am not thinking about Sheldon or about Sheldon undressing, and I am especially not thinking about taking Sheldon's clothes off for him and touching his…
Oh sweet Jesus.
She hugged against Leonard harder, his regulated breathing relaxing her a great deal. She'd get over it in the morning.
Hopefully.
"Good morning, Penny."
Penny rubbed her eyes as she walked into the living room, wincing as the light assaulted her eyes. "To some, maybe."
"Nonsense." Sheldon raised his cup of whatever it was he drank in the morning (orange juice maybe, she thought) and gave her the toothy grin he was known to give people when he was in an especially good mood.
What was special about this morning? He answered her silent question before she could ask it. Not a surprise when referring to someone who never shuts up.
"No itchy costumes," He murmured as he bustled around the kitchen.
Damn.
She had almost forgotten about that. About how tight it was around his abdomen, about how much skin was displayed, about how she wanted to…
"Good morning, Leonard."
"To some, maybe," Leonard replied, copying Penny (who he must have overheard, had to have overheard) and Sheldon snorted.
"That's just what Penny said!"
"Uh huh." Leonard adjusted his glasses, putting on some coffee, not really paying attention. When his back was turned, Penny couldn't help herself.
She snuck a peek at Sheldon.
And caught his eye.
Damn.
She brushed it off quickly with a smile and sarcasm. "It's like Leonard and I are in the bionic bond."
"Ionic bond, Penny," Sheldon corrected.
"Whatever, sweety."
Was the room always this hot?
Was Sheldon always this…
Oh man.
If only his damn robes would somehow fall off, then maybe she could just see what was there and be done with it. But no. He practically dressed like a nun when it was by choice, and his sleep clothes and robes were no exception.
She didn't want Sheldon. She wanted Leonard. She wanted Leonard. Not Sheldon. Leonard. But, when it came to looking…
She felt her eyes find Sheldon's groin, and no matter the increasing risks, she couldn't find the logical (Spock!) part of her to tear her gaze away. It was just too tempting, too enjoyable to look at…
"See, Leonard? I told you Penny wanted me! Look! She's trying to seduce me now! Look at her!"
Oh man.
The end.