I always pictured myself one day finding the perfect man in Abnegation. Selfless, tall, dark hair, with big brown eyes that I could lose myself in for hours. My mom and dad would approve of him and we would live happily ever after in our grey lives cherishing every moment to give to others. But upon an unfortunate series of events, it did not end up like that. I ended up in a place where I chose but didn't belong. A black dome filled with fearless people that weren't actually fearless. They just called themselves that to survive what they were really scared of, the unknown. Fighting against something greater than reality.

I kiss him, heavenly, beautiful. A swimming pool of dazzling looks and a fixed personality. No moral compass, just an indecisiveness higher than the tallest Ferris wheel of his nightmare.

Dauntless, A place where the brave souls lie their heads to rest. The crazy people. The people you look at and wish you had that sort of bravery. Who had nothing, who wanted everything. Who hide their feelings in the color black to make their life an art. Who no longer desired anything but to chrysalis themselves in a pit of amorphous.

He removes my clothing while tilting my head to lick and suck gently on my jaw. His tongue feels like cashmere; enchanting lust.

I never understood what divergence was. All I knew is what they told me. My mother, my father and Jeanine. "Divergence is the enemy-" Jeanine would often protest, but no one ever understood Divergents and who they were. "They're aliens!" some would say, others did not believe in such a thing. Divergence was like a mist, just gently covering the surface trying to settle over the broken city of Chicago.

I feel the muscles in his back; radiant. I run my fingers over his spine and feel him shiver to my touch. Caressing him felt like a lullaby, he could just make me feel safe and secure.

I've seen the most intelligent minds be destroyed by madness. Trying to figure out my kind. But the one thing no one can understand is why we are the way we are, why they cannot control us. The truth is I still do not understand my kind. We cannot be controlled, but in reality, who can? Every human has coexistence. We are are all in this city, but we all have different minds and opinions. Not all Candor are honest and not all Abnegation are selfless. No one can control us and expect us to herd like sheep.

I taste his lips; succulent, rhapsodic.

My family died trying to protect me from the harsh, visceral death from Jeanine after she found out who I really was. I tried to hide who I am but it's too late, everyone knows about my ability to surpass authority. The thin red jellies inside of me, the bones, the marrow, the soul; decrepit.

He's on top of me, his weight pushing down on my body like an imperial coarse. All clothes off, burning curiosity to the naked touch of the body. He looks into my eyes, a million galaxies, dark crystalline blue. My heart is beating like the sound of a million horses.

I sometimes dream that if I had never been born, things would be different. Maybe Divergents are what is wrong with this world. Maybe our jurisdiction is what brought the war on.

The beauty of the waist, and thence of the of the hips. Touching, grinding, wanting.

For whatever reason, my family needs me to stay alive and fight for Divergents. We are the reason they died. I will find a way to make them proud and redeem myself for what i've done, letting them die.

He slides in, purifying pleasure, ineffable, purgatory, a drug.

Is this supposed to be happening? Us being alive at all? We are born to die, no real life; desultory. No chance to find ourselves, only hiding from the upper hand. Creating a life for ourselves so no one would ever find out who we are.

I hear him breathe in my ear, warm, breathing in and out, innocence lost. The exquisite realization of rebellion.

I will find a way to kill Jeanine and her army of brainwashed dogs. I will redeem the name for Divergence. I will not let my family die for any reason, this is my life. I'll fight for everything I need to. Me, Four, Caleb, everyone.

Undying pleasure, incandescent, an imperial nightmare, helplessness, orgasmic, needing of the soul, satisfaction, purgatoric, the entrance to the underworld, beautiful.

I was once a little girl with hopes and dreams of having a perfect family in Abnegation. Living with my family, occasionally seeing my mom, dad and Caleb. But things have changed. I am now at war with the world and myself. I will save this city like my mom wanted. I will belong to no one who belongs to everyone.

Jeanine will die.