Pain….we've all felt it before. Whether you fell off your bike, or your boyfriend dumped you or the only person who ever really understood you, the one that made you feel loved and wanted in the world, died. You can see pain everywhere, if you know how to spot it. Sometimes it's easy, like look over there that man just got hit by a door opening, he is in pain. And over there that girl crying black tears into her boyfriends shirt, mascara staining her face while she screams out it's not fair. But look over there, yea that girl, the one staring into her tea with a closed book next to her. We have so many cover ups for pain. We could pass it off as our contacts, we stubbed our toe, or we just read a really sad book. But if you look at her closely, I mean really look at her, look into her eyes and see into her soul where there is no place to hide. She is falling apart. She is fighting the battle of staying strong or giving up. No one knows if she is losing or winning. Cause no one cares she thinks. Maybe that is so. Maybe she hasn't met the someone that can tell she's fighting, the one that can see it and will fight by her side, the one that makes her fight not just for herself anymore, but for him or her or anyone that has given up and lost or is too scared to fight. She will turn her pain into power and build with it.
But she could build two things: she could build a wall. A wall around her broken and bleeding heart to keep anything from damaging it further. Her new knight in shining armor could stay and break through it and heal her or he could run. Sometimes the pain can disguise itself. Your new golden knight could break through your wall, and shove his sword right into her heart. Pain wins either way, there is no going back from building a wall, a small piece of you has died and it will never fully come back. But she could also choose to build a sword. She could use it to battle the ones that target her unguarded heart and she could use it to break down other walls.
She could fight for the girl with smudged mascara, its' payoff would be a small thank you but it would be a battle nonetheless. But, she could look to the shadows, she could brave the darkness and find a man with large black walls, the kind of walls you see and your heart drops and your courage disappears. She could fight a long hard battle and find the person that heals her heart with a single word.
But pain still hasn't lost; you will never be the same person you were before pain picked you out of the crowd. But pain has two sides. The first is the pain that will knock you to the ground and make you beg for mercy and won't be finished with you until you give up. Until you pull the trigger, hang the noose, pop the pills, or try to fly. Everyone has to meet this side of pain. The second side is a bit more discrete. It's the little spark that you can choose to ignite or dull. You can beat this pain, you can stand on a pedestal showing off to it, hell you can throw your arm around its shoulder and take it drinking! You only conquer this pain if you can overcome the first. You have to jump into the abyss, you have to build your cocoon, you have to do the hardest thing possible…you have to trust yourself or someone else. When this pain kneels to you or gives you a toast, you've won. You have rebuilt yourself stronger, wiser, kinder, prettier, you've made your heart damn near fucking indestructible. And only a handful of people can survive this transformation, so congrats.
Pain is funny. It can be so simple. It can be very complicated. It can shut people down. It can make them find their courage. The weak will ask what they did to deserve it. The strong will believe it was better that they received it rather than someone else. The weak will try to run away from it. The strong can overcome it. People believe that the most pain is in their past, and their right. But with this belief comes a choice. You can let it rule you, or you can let it bow to your power.
I get pain. I get that it hurts. I get that it can kill people, both the physical and emotional kind. I get that it fucking sucks. I get that we pray for it to pass us up, to spare us, to give us a break in-between the torment we suffer through.
I know pain. I know it hurts. I know people can die from it. I know that it is one of the forms of magic we have in this world. I know we can say bring it on, but only some do. I know that it is strived for. I know it's the price for love. I know it's what we go through for those we choose to trust with a part of our heart. Whether it's a prick of pain for loving a little or the searing agony of your heart being crushed for loving someone with your entire being, love comes with a price and pain the first in line.