Juvia (dreamy thoughts)
From the moment, I laid eyes on him, I knew that I was destined to spent the rest of my life with him. He is my other half, my soulmate, my darling Gray-sama. If only he could see things my way, if just for a day. Just one brief moment in Gray-sama's arms, one simple lustful look, one kiss,… Oh I rather not wake up from such a dreams, I never want to leave. Just to be trapped in a room with Gray-sama or he asking me out, or just simply sitting in a couch eating ice cream. Oh Those dreams, I wish I never had to wake up from them. Gray-Same is always so focused and consistent, he never has time for me or my dreams. I understand though, I just wished that when he comes home from a stressful day, he would go home to me. We would have conversations that last the whole night trough, we would fall asleep in each others arms,we would cook and eat together, and complain about the bad guys or simply the weather. We would stroll along the beach and watch the sunset. We would pick-nick every now and then and watch the clouds change forms, we would laugh and cry, we would be genuily happy. We would one day get married and have the most fanciest wedding in fiore. We would have children that are close to copies of our selves. We would sit by the fire and have long comfortable silences. We would grow old together and watch as our children become strong adults. We would have all that some day,… Hopefully someday soon, cause I can hardly stay away any longer. I just love him so much and I want to have him besides me. Fighting together side by side, defeating whomever dares to cross our paths. He unconditionally trusting me and my skills, me gaining a small smile every once and a while, everyday for the rest of my life. Nothing could make me happier. But for now that's just a dream. I sometimes just want to stand up and scream, Gray-sama, I love you ! When I do things like that however, he freaks out and the distance only becomes larger. It's like torture, the never answered question going on and on in my head. Even if he doesn't love me, witch would devastate me, I would never stop loving him. For now I can live with the distance, with the friendship he has given me, with only a few touches, with small glances and smiles, with rejection,… But I can not stand him being with anyone other than me nor can I live without him, I need to keep him safe at all costs. My gray-sama, please be safe and return to me. My ice-prince, you're the one that made the rain stop, I hope I can someday bring you the same joy as you do to me. I hope we can live together and find happiness. I know we are soulmates and meant to be. It can't be any other way. I just know. I guess I should finally open my eyes and let reality wash over me. Even though I really don't want to wake up from the dream. My Gray-sama will finally come home today from his mission. Maybe if I try to contain myself, he would agree to have lunch with me. We would go out again and again, and then he would fall in love with me and then we would get married and have children. I can still keep on dreaming, hoping and l continue my love to Gray-Sama. Because I know one day, some of it will come true.
Gray (bittersweet thoughts)
What do I know about love ? Other than sacrifice, trust, forgiveness and loyalty. Nothing, yet it is expected from me. I can no longer ignore her or reject her because she keeps coming back. But the weird part is that I don't seem to mind it. I like being around her, I feel safer, more confident and somehow there's this warmth she keeps putting out. If she would stop fangirling and would see me as her friend, things would be a lot easier. But that's just Juvia and yes it creeps me out but it's also kind of endearing. I have to admit it even to myself, I like her and I would miss her immensely if she would leave. Yet I'm too much of a coward to say anything to her. I really don't know how she can be so open about this stuff. She doesn't shy away from a love declaration, she puts it right in the open and is never ashamed to express her feelings. I could never to do that. I admire her, she has so much patience and perseverance and is so honest about her feelings. I feel kinda bad for her, if I could somehow repay her to show her my gratitude or just give her a damn straight forward answer. But i can't, it's not as simple as a yes or no. It's not a no yet it's not a yes either. I seem to be stuck in the middle of something, I am not ready for. I hope that one day, Juvia will have someone that loves her as much as she does. She has such a big heart and deserves better than me. I don't think I will ever be able to return her love. She has so much passion, i cannot even wrap my mind around it. Yet I don't want her to be with someone else, especially Leon. I can't even hide my jealousy. It's so overwhelming. I cannot bear the thought of Juvia in Leons arms. It disgusts me. But luckily for me, she always choses me. I kinda feel a bit special about it. I can just see the enormous amounts of admiration in her eyes. I can't believe that should be for me, it's incomprehensible . But nothingness, I'm not ready to open up to her. I just wished she would slow things down a bit. If i would start to ask her out she'd be already with her head in the clouds thinking about our honeymoon. Even Leon asked me about it, Where in hell did he come up with that idea. Things truly are insane and ridiculous sometimes. Honestly too much for me to handle. But if Juvia could get passed that and we could go back to square one. I might say we had a chance.