Prologue: Come Fall With Me
Several weeks ago, I was given news that would forever change my life.
It all started with an event that had been initially regarded as being trivial, treated like any other casual brush with implacable danger. I never could have known then how much the fabric of reality would be rewoven for me.
I rationalized that maybe, as my mind and body shifted, the changes themselves would be merciful and respect the life and the identity I had built. I was told they wouldn't be, and that my carnal desires would grow to completely consume me.
But try as it might, they haven't done so. I don't want to add a 'yet', but I also couldn't be foolishly optimistic. I've been expecting the worst and so far, it hasn't happened. That gives me the room to hope for the best.
If I gave into despair, it would be as bad as sacrificing my identity and self worth. All I can say is, if there's someone willing to risk treading a road of stone and mire, they're irreplaceable.
I never had to say that about Clank because I knew that's how he is, and always was. It's merely a truth that never gets any less heartwarming.
He's been extremely patient, with tolerance that could earn him the title of saint. I never doubted that he wouldn't adjust to my new mannerisms and habits, but it just creates a catharsis factor that makes his willingness thousands of times better.
"What is going on in here?!"
"Huh?"
I leap back when a burst of heat comes close to singeing all the fur on my face off. Right, I'm in the kitchen. Now I'm watching the remains of my attempt to make a stir-fry implode spectacularly like my race's civilization had, once upon a time.
"Quickly! Get it over here!" Clank says, dropping a stack of dish towels and clambering up onto the sink. I hold my hand in front of my face, careful about getting burned as I draw closer to the stove. The flames soar higher the moment I grab the handle of the pan. In my rush I turn too fast, right as a healthy-sized flare gets spit out from its metal prison.
The end of my tail catches fire. I jump with a screech, arms flying out of control. The pan soars across the room, clatters into the sink, and is pacified under a stream of rushing water. A mountain of white steam erupts into the air.
"Hold on, Ratchet!" Clank cries, hidden by the steam. A stream of white shoots out and messily splatters every inch of me, except for the part that's still on fire. Before I can initiate another state of panic, my feet slip on the floor and I land on my back, hearing the sizzling of flames going out. It's getting harder to see with the mix of gases hovering in our small kitchen, and I clamber to my feet then bump into Clank, knocking him over. "Oh, sorry!"
When I pick him up I discover it's just the trash can, with most of its contents now spread out on the kitchen floor. "Goodness!" Clank cries, somewhere to my right. "Look at this mess! Out, out, out!"
By the time I stumble to the doorframe, I'm in a coughing fit from the smoke, rubbing at my watering eyes. A strange shiver runs up my spine towards the tip of my tail, and I without a second thought I give myself a good shake-off.
"Ahem."
I look around the living room, which is now oozing with foam in every place imaginable. A generous mound of it is hugging a side of Clank's body like a giant leech. His arms are folded, eyes squinted so hard they're almost closed.
"…whoops?" I try, grinning.
"Go on," he says calmly. "Tell me what happened in there."
"Uhh…it was an accident?"
His gaze is notwithstanding of my poor answer. "If I was seeing things correctly, you were staring at the wall with your eyes unfocused. You were not daydreaming in the kitchen, were you, Ratchet? Hm? I seem to recall several other instances where this has happened."
"I wasn't daydreaming," I insist. His eyes sink even lower. "…I was…uh, just doing some internal monologuing. Just thinking of what matters, y'know?"
The sprinklers come on. White trickles off all the surfaces in the room, running down and forming foamy puddles on the floor. The last of it melts off Clank's body, revealing more of the eerily calm expression he has. There's something different about it, like something else has pissed him off even more.
"...Oooh," I say lowly, realizing. "You weren't exactly done…reshelving your books. Were you…?"
He taps a finger into his arm in irritation. See, this was the reason why Clank was in the kitchen nine point nine times out of ten. Now he probably won't let me step foot back in there until I'm wasting away in a wheelchair. I'm not bad at cooking, it's the focusing part that I have trouble with.
"Uh, sorry," I say absently, scratching behind my ears. "I'd say it won't happen again, but…"
"I suggest you go get cleaned up before Talwyn arrives. Hopefully she will be able to hold your attention." He throws his hands into the air. "Honestly, Ratchet! What if I had not walked in? You would have burned the whole house to the ground!"
"That'd be a new record in terms of property damage."
He points to the bedroom. "Out. You do not have much time. I will get cleaned up in here, and we can discuss later about restoring my poor first editions."
I find myself cackling in sudden hilarity, and Clank almost looks offended.
"Hey, pal…I guess this gives a new meaning to get fired from the job, huh?"
He pulls out one of those electric, racquet-shaped bug zappers from his radiator core, then winds up to swing. I avoid the first hit and run, slipping slightly on the slick floor. He chases me, but I easily reach the bedroom seconds ahead of him. One of his lofty bookshelves is right by the door, and in a few well placed motions I ascend it.
Clank runs in, head already tilted upwards, looking like he wants to shoot me down with his glare alone.
"Hey, we're both civilized here," I say. "Well, you are more so than me, but we're above swinging around weapons like that, right?"
"You had better be glad I cannot find that spray bottle," he warns. That was because I dug a ditch and threw it in there before collapsing the hole. Something that evil had no reason to exist.
"Look pal, I'm really sorry and I'll help you later, promise. Right now I'm just gonna get down, and get ready, like you told me before Talwyn arrives," I hold my hands out. "Is that alright?"
Slowly he backs out of the room, eyes squinted. I slide my top half over the edge of the bookcase, holding onto the side. "Love you, pal!" I call. After I wait just a little bit longer I lean forward and drop down, quickly looking out the room. He's not in sight.
I breathe a sigh of relief and shut the door, finding him standing behind it.
"Yes, I love you too, Ratchet." He swings like a champ and scores a hit on my leg. I jump, more startled by the loud pop the thing makes than the slight shock. "OOH!" I yell.
"And that is why I cannot let you get off the hook so easy," Clank says. "On a related note, you must learn to pay attention to your surroundings better."
"Yeah, uh huh, you know that made absolutely zero sense. You're still teleporting, aren't you?"
He puts his hands on his hips. "I suggest you stop asking unanswerable questions and get to completing time-constrained tasks."
There was no use contending with him when he was being sensible and sassy.
After twenty minutes of a shower time, I've cleaned all the soot and foam out of my fur. It would've taken ten if my coat hadn't recently decided to grow a half inch longer. I scrub at myself furiously to get dry, wishing I could go out and let the sun do the rest of the job. There's no time for that, plus Clank hates when I streak without giving him a warning first.
The alarms and the sprinklers have turned off in the meantime, and Clank has opened the window in the bed room, letting a warm breeze draft in. I start rummaging through my closet, letting my eyes wander indiscriminately to land on an outfit that I could wear.
Something presentable, but chic at the same time. Chic. Now I'm turning into Qwark, who'd used that word as the selling point of his brand new "Omni-versal" skin tight jumpsuits. Or was it thick? I think I'll just go basic for now.
I pull a polo that matches the colors of my eyes, and a pair of khaki pants. With most pairs of my pants I needed a belt to keep them up, but I haven't had to use one in a while. I am a bit rounder in the middle now from devouring calories and lounging around just in the span of weeks, and it's weird to remember how it was the exact opposite before we came back home.
I slide my shirt over my head, starting to pull my pants on when the lights shoot out. Clank begins muttering expectantly in the hallway, and it almost sounds like he's fussing to himself.
"Hey, what gives?" I call.
"I have neglected something on my part as well. Do not be too concerned, I will have it fixed before you know it."
"Fumbling around with our generator again? I'd ask why, but it's probably another unanswerable question."
"In relation to the one you asked earlier, if you so care for a hint. That is why we have the trusty backup generator you made from paper clips and metal filings." He pauses. "Why are you lying on the floor with your pants down?"
Despite my better ability to see in darker settings, I may have stumbled when the lights went out. "Like you don't sleep in the same bed with me every night." I stand up and pull the waistband up all the way, and it's as snug as expected. "...Hmm." I sigh.
"If Talwyn notices, then just tell her," says Clank, perceptive of my thoughts as ever. "She will understand."
"I know, it's just me. It's still going to be a bit weird, you know? You're with me, and…I mean you almost always are, but," I hesitate, "you've seen how I've changed. Talwyn's only heard my voice."
"Then she should have a hint."
It has been something I've stopped noticing, but he's right. I'd had a hoarse throat some time ago and when it cleared up, my voice had stayed at a noticeably lower pitch. It doesn't really bother me, but it's still odd for my ears to readjust to my own big mouth.
"True," I say. "Maybe I'm concerned with surprising her too much."
He shrugs gently. "That should not be a valid concern. I was shocked at some of what you went through, but my image of you has not changed. She will be the same way."
"You're right. I can't be afraid of telling her things like this, Clank, you're…right," I say stiffly, my ears twitching in agitation. "I need to wise up and—"
I silence myself, the both of us turning slightly towards the hall at a distant, repetitive noise. Someone's knocking on our garage door.
"…panic," I say, quivering.
"Ignore those instincts. They are just there to be a burden," says Clank. "Remember what have we worked on when you feel this way, Ratchet?"
"I can't…" I say, my breaths growing tighter, frantic. "…uh…no, no, I do. I remember. Right. Hold on, Tal…"
Now that we've stopped talking for a moment, I take notice of the wind, which makes the curtains billow slightly as it gusts through the open window. I try to match that example, evening out my inhales and exhales until they're just as slight.
"She's here early, isn't she?"
"Correct. From experience, she likes to arrive to a destination twenty to fifteen minutes before scheduled time," says Clank. "She likes to rush like you, but somehow you always end up late."
"Let's not start," I groan, and he laughs. Since the power is off and the garage doors were electronically activated, I'll have to go out through the window in here. The sill creaks suspiciously underneath me, and I can't find my center of balance quite the way I want to. I drop out of our bedroom, stumbling a bit to the ground.
It's late afternoon and the sun is starting to clock out for the day, sagging lower in the sky like a splotch of yellow paint sliding down a white-stroked, cyan pallet. I instinctively lift my ears and tilt my nose towards the sky, searching the warm air and listening to the quiet melodies of whirling sands.
With how easily I get anxious now, Clank has taught me to use the familiarity of the environment to calm down and, if not familiar, find something. I'm alright here, though. Everything I need is here.
Feeling braver, I walk around the house, hearing her knock for a second time. I peer around the corner, getting an eyeful of Talwyn at our garage door. It's rude to keep a lady waiting, intentionally at that, but I'm taken by her appearance. She's wearing a light blue top, white jacket with a belt of the same color on her jeans, which go over her shoes slightly. I have never seen her hair in a ponytail before, nor the parted bangs that dip into her face slightly.
I'm numb as I walk out, completely in a trance. She's looking to her right, glancing across the landscape, and only looks over when I accidentally disturb a rock. She beams a smile that even a blind person can see.
"There you are! I was beginning to wonder if I'd come by when no one was home. Or if someone was still fast asleep from pulling one of his all-nighters."
I stop a foot short of her. I search her face like it's a treasure map, taking note of every curve and contour with intensive care. I pick up the flowery, slightly earthy perfume she wears and I open my mouth a bit, letting the scent swirl around on my tongue. My head spins bizarrely. I feel light, like I'm a grain of sand drifting in the wind. I'm on cloud nine right now and it feels so good.
"Ratchet, are you okay?" Talwyn asks.
"Uh huh."
"You're acting funny. Are you sure you were prepared for me to come over today?"
"Of course," I answer distantly. "I just missed you, Talwyn."
"I missed you more, how about that? Nice outfit. I've hardly seen you in anything other than work clothes or armor," she says, brushing her hair out her face. I follow the movement closely. I think Clank mentioned something about her holding my attention, and he was right. Those internal monologues are nowhere to be found now.
And now Talwyn is already looking right at my mouth, which clues me into the question, questions, forming in her mind.
"I…I know," I tell her. "We have some things to catch up on, Tal."
"Tonight's going to be even more interesting than I thought, then. I'd love to hear the story about those teeth of yours, preferably before they go anywhere near my neck."
A broad grin stretches across my face. "It's a deal. Let's not wait any longer, shall we?" I turn away, adding sheepishly, "We're uh…gonna have to go in through the window."
"Oh!" Talwyn exclaims, having entered the living room ahead of me. That does remind me unpleasantly of the kitchen disaster from earlier and how it wasn't exactly cleaned up yet.
"Talwyn, there's a perfectly reasonable…" I'm too distracted with not falling on my face as I come in behind her, and the explanation dies. So does my utter belief, when I take a good look around. Clank must have supernatural clean freak abilities. The floors and furniture are dry, the kitchen is spotless, and the lights are on.
"You guys' house is cute!" Talwyn continues, and I wince a little at the 'c' word. Thankfully she hasn't thought to use it on me yet. "It fits right in with how rustically charming Veldin is. I do have to wonder where you got that hardwood paneling out here, though. It's fantastic."
"It is crafted from one of Veldin's three species of trees, which are grown in a very particular area on the planet where more than thirty inches of precipitation fall each year," says Clank, sitting at the couch with his monitor in his lap. "It takes several dozen years for the wood to fully mature, then it can be sanded, glossed, and utilized however one's interior design instincts wish for it to be."
"Wow nerd, a whole lesson, huh?" I ask sarcastically. "Here I thought you were going to add on how the lumber cost us several thousand bolts per plank, plus the hefty shipping fee from one side of the planet to here."
"You have taken care of that for me, it seems. Good afternoon, Talwyn. I hope your stay this afternoon will turn out as expected."
"It's well on its way already. After all…I'm with my two favorite boys in the whole universe…" Talwyn says, turning ever so slightly and cutting her eyes to mine. Her expression carries an explicit, deeper meaning than her words, and the sentence isn't as innocent as Clank takes it to be. He smiles slightly. "If I can help in any way, just call me," he says, with the lovable naivety he still possesses.
"Don't worry pal, we're just going to plow some fields until the sun rises. We're going to be in the bedroom though, just in case you have any weird little robot business you need to take care of beforehand," I say.
"No, I am sure I am quite finished. I will be moving into our vault for an all-night study session." He gives me a puzzled glance. "What do you mean by plowing fields?"
"You could always come and see."
"Don't pay any attention to him, Clank!" Talwyn says uproariously, hooking her arm around mine. She pulls me away, leaving him staring in wonder after us.
Speaking of Clank and the bedroom, it had been cleaned up from the weird manic episode he had over the weekend. There had been papers and diagrams tacked up on walls and all over his desk, written in his tiny cursive that was impossible for me to read even with my reading glasses. It was all gone now, likely compiled into one of his many dossiers.
"First things first," Talwyn says, after I shut and lock the door, "I need to take my hair down."
She finds the bathroom, setting her things down in front of the mirror and seizing one of her hair ties. I lean on the doorframe, watching her. "I was going to say Tal, you had the right idea for how hot it gets here."
"Most definitely, but you know. This particular hairstyle would only get in the way tonight," she says, smiling knowingly. "You're going to have to teach me what it means to live on Veldin comfortably, Ratchet. It's so hot, and drier than a shriveled up tumfoid in a empty gelatonium plant here. You must have insane heat tolerance to live here with all that fuzz sprouting from you."
"Which has grown longer, by the way," I say. "Might just be a species thing, Tal. Fastoon does have a climate similar to Veldin, though it's not as hot…"
She looks at me in the mirror, eyes narrowing mischievously. "Interesting that you're tolerant of warm places when you're equipped for colder ones."
The observation is teasing, yet spoken so delicately it almost flies over my head. My eyes dart downwards out of habit. No matter how much I keep checking, no mystical fat-burning fairy has arrived and sprinkled magic dust over me.
Yet. Hey, when you're desperate for something, you try to look for possibilities in the craziest places.
"Oh, don't look so embarrassed," says Talwyn. "When you were looking at my face earlier, guess where I had my eyes?"
Well, now I gather it wasn't just at my mouth. "It's—" I cough slightly. "—uh, that obvious, huh?"
"I really noticed when you were struggling to climb in through the living room window."
"Right, I forgot about those eyes on the back of your head..." I say, legitimately horrified.
"Don't be silly Ratchet, I'm not a mother yet. It's more like I could hear the heavy breathing you were doing," Talwyn answers lightly. "Jokes aside, how much do you weigh?"
"A…hundred ten," I say, and her eyes light up in surprise. "Might be hundred eleven now, with how many calories breakfast had this morning."
I ate seven Horny thighs this morning. They're my weakness. They're so good slow cooked, with a pinch of salt, and I love biting through flaky layer of skin and being delivered to the trove of rich meat underneath. That was where most of the creature's fat was concentrated, and their thighs had basically gone to mine.
It was a sacrifice to go from chic to thick by eating them, and I really needed to stop. Qwark would hate to have me a sponsor for his clothes right now.
Talwyn shakes her head, letting her hair flow out carelessly down to her shoulders. "Seems like you've been eating and resting the way you should be, so I'm alright," she says. "The question is, are you?"
"I don't have to be this heavy," I mutter. "I got too lazy."
"We can work on finding middle ground. I for one, have zero discrepancies about having more of you to go around."
She gets up, making sure to swing her hips noticeably as she walks by me. I turn slowly, then wait until she's in position before grabbing her from behind and pushing. We both grunt when we bounce slightly onto the bed.
"Rare up then, big boy," Talwyn hisses playfully.
The covers toss and get rumpled as we wrestle around, our laughter slightly muffled over each others. It makes me feel a bit bad that Clank probably spent a while getting the bed straightened up, then I realize he probably expected this to happen.
Sadly, my endurance has suffered as much as my general health and it's not long before I start panting, tiring out. Talwyn is a bit red in the face already, but the look in her eyes makes me silently chastise my own shortcomings.
"We can take shifts if we're going to be burning calories," she says. She props herself up on her elbows. "While you get your strength back, let's talk a bit more. Remember what we were discussing several days ago?"
Yes, I do. It was about us being so far apart from each other, and not being able to spend as much time together as we wanted. That was something that hasn't left my thoughts and I already knew she would bring it up again.
"You're going to leave the Apogee Space Station behind," I say, just for clarity. If anything, her willingness to do so speaks about the desires lurking in the corners of her mind. She tenses up, as if guilty to hear the words.
Then, with a stronger voice, she says, "It's hard. But I don't need it as much as I used to. I'm offered more here."
"The shaved ice here is highly desirable."
She thumps me lightly on the head. "I remember all your disclaimers about the extreme climate, murderous fauna, sparse civilization, et cetera…how hard would it be to adapt when I have you and Clank to help? I don't need much more than you two now, anyway."
"Mhm," I say into her neck as I nuzzle her. "You know we'd do anything for you. If it's helping your downsize and live with more simplicity, then so be it."
"Among other things," she says, after a short pause, "I think it would be healthier. It took me a while to realize why I was discontent. I had everything I could want and more, but what does it matter when those I care about aren't there? It doesn't. I don't want to be surrounded by stuff."
"It's lonely," I mutter.
"It's despair beyond just being isolated…you lose touch with yourself. The people in your life are a part of you. Sadly…you find out just how much when they're gone for good. I'm just trying to preserve what really matters to me now."
She holds out an arm. We're already close, but I know what she wants and roll over to my other side, backing up. Her arms lace under mine and pull me closer until there's no space between us.
"But, enough with the sentimental topics…Come on, tell me what's been happening," she says. "I need to know everything about your body, Ratchet."
"Then you're going to be enlightened," I utter lowly, partially to mess with her.
"Oh yeah, that does remind me!" Talwyn says. "I thought I was on to something with how different your voice sounded over the phone, but I wasn't sure. That's not something I would mind staying permanent."
"I'd assume everything's sticking, Tal. Except," I add, with a grunt. "All of this extra weight…well, you saw my teeth already too, so I'll explain those next."
I pause for a moment, gathering my thoughts.
"I'd say…several days after we came back from your place, my entire mouth started hurting, gums and all. It got so bad I couldn't even eat for several days. So, with my blood sugar running low and me only able to drink water and being really grouchy about that, I didn't even notice at first."
"I'm sure Clank filled in for you."
"Oh, you know it. When he mentioned it at first, I couldn't believe it until I went to see for myself. It was so weird to see how they'd grown longer. Not all of them. Thankfully…"
"Here, let me see?"
I turn my head towards the ceiling then open my mouth. It's just the fangs on the top and bottom, but they've stretched at least a full inch longer, curving inward slightly. The ones on top were a fraction longer than the ones on bottom and were just shy of being visible even with my mouth shut.
"And they just grew that long in a short amount of time," says Talwyn, eyes processing her wonder. "…hm. I've been thinking about everything Dr. Croid told you. It hasn't been off my mind. What's happening to you makes me think of evolution. You know, the basic idea…when a species is evolving, they sometimes gain or lose traits to help their odds of survival…And since Dr. Croid said you were regressing…I think that means Lombaxes must have had pronounced teeth when they were still evolving…"
"Oh…" I say hesitantly.
"But." Talwyn says steadily, voice growing softer. "You know a parallel that I see? Agorians stopped moving forward in their evolution. Even if you're moving in a reverse direction…the same thing might happen to you."
"I'd hope for that, instead of completely going feral..." I mutter. "Part of the issue now is when I step out of this safe space, and into the universe again. There's going to be the eventual moment where someone realizes how different I've become…"
"You can't help that your nature is shifting a little, and you're still trying to adapt! Besides, you're still you. I know that. Clank does, too," she says, holding me tighter. "That's why you can always count on us to be there. Sure, we'll have our rough times, but you know we'd never give up on you. Not for anyone or anything in the universe."
"Thanks, Talwyn," I say, voice shaking slightly. "Can I...tell you something else?"
It feels like a brick is lodged in my throat. Of all things, this was hardest to tell someone I trusted.
Talwyn lays patiently, saying, "Go ahead at your own pace. I'm listening."
It was several weeks ago, when I had been so restless I couldn't sleep. I left the garage to take a walk in the night. The feeling I had when I left was so potent it's still nearly fresh now. It was like I had a insatiable craving for something but just didn't know what.
I wandered out until our garage was another indistinctive structure lifting up from the desert. I remember hearing my own breath, an uneven, gusty heaving from my lungs that made me sound like a creature several times my size.
The next thing I recalled was noise, a loud quarreling that broke the spell of the quiet night. There was the swift movement of a shadow lurching up from the deceptively still grounds; I'd unintentionally wandered too close to a Horny Toad's burrow. It had gone into a frenzy, enraged at its territory being crossed, and ready to defend it to any length short of death. What was on its mind had been unequivocally natural, which lead to a likewise response.
I moved, swiftly, and left its teeth to gnash the air. I fell on it like an anvil and sunk my teeth into it without hesitation, without a thought.
I remember the smell of iron and Veldin's dirt stirring in my nostrils. I had the creature pinned to the ground underneath me, its head wrenched skywards from where I had a grip on its neck. It was frozen for a moment, as if still absorbing the change in events, then started to move. It began to thrash in panic, gurgling.
It wasn't my first time wrestling with one of the things and I'd expertly stayed on top of it. What came next felt natural. I sliced deeper into the creature's tender skin, pulling back so its head was getting closer to touching its back. Blood had seeped from the messy wound in the folds of its neck, bleeding into my mouth and running off to pool on the ground like candle wax.
I had been listening for the rich sound of its trachea collapsing. It never came.
My head had cleared then. I don't know why, at that particular moment, but I could see again. A wave of emotions drowned me, the prominent of them being sheer disgust. I stoically let go of the body, sensing light peering over my shoulder; the clouds had parted, leaving moonlight to illuminate me, and what I had done without shame.
Before I knew it I had gotten up, gone with the wind back home. I washed off the best I could when I got back, spending the entire time trying to rationalize why. Why I felt that way in the first place, why I'd let it drive me out like I was a slave to it…why I felt so wrong for attacking in the first place. I'd been targeted first, so of course I'd had all rights to defend myself. I still felt horribly torn, like I'd had done something filthy and impure.
I had made more noise than thought. I caught movement out the corner of my eye and whirled, setting myself in a defensive crouch. When I realized the glowing pair of eyes peering in were the farthest thing from a threat I relaxed. Even in the absence of light I could see how surprised Clank was at my reaction, but I was too distraught to speak and only hung my head in silence.
"Tell me what happened, Ratchet."
I was close to breaking at that and the daze I was in shattered, leaving my insecuries exposed. It took me a while to begin speaking, with barely restrained hysteria at that. He had moved several paces in, looking up at me intently as he listened. He didn't move. He didn't speak until I was done.
"You will have to accept it."
I wanted to ask how, even getting a little frustrated with him and myself. It wasn't until he gave me a simple explanation I understood.
Clank told me suppressing my instincts would only make them fight back harder. He stressed that it might even make them react in unpredictable ways.
"To an extent, they do have control over you, Ratchet. If you do not respect how deeply they make you function, then they will find a way to express themselves. Remember what happened with Optner?"
I almost hopped on him. Not from anger, but determination, neatly sprinkled with manic panic.
"I can't let that happen again Clank! I can't!"
"Then do not. Do not be afraid of your own nature. Adapt with it, and you will be fine."
I knew what I had to do. The next day I went out around twilight, and accepted. I let that burning desire have free reign, I found my senses being less chaotic than before. I could still think and rationalize. I just had to let a new mindset coexist within me at the same time. I had a dangerous new game to play in my lonesome, in which there could be no winners.
I wasn't harming anyone. We had an overpopulation of Hornies anyway, and it was peak breeding season. I could no longer be afraid of the instincts that expressed a part of the natural order just because they made me feel and act different.
"When I get that way, now…I don't seem like myself. The one talking to you now. I mean I...don't know how to explain it," I tell her. "It'd be much different seeing than hearing, Talwyn. Just in the case you catch me in the process of murdering in cold blood."
If I had a choice I wouldn't want her to see me like that. Clank either, but I've become resigned that he will eventually from just how much time we spend together.
"I don't think it'd bother me that much," says Talwyn. "But I recognize that tone of voice. You wouldn't want me to witness that side of you if you had a choice."
A nervous laugh staggers out of me, and I hastily aim to divert the topic. "There is something else I think you'll get a kick out of. If you see bite marks on several objects whenever you stop by to visit, it, it's just me. Also, the rocks around here taste surprisingly good."
"What?" Talwyn utters in disbelief, sounding like she wants to laugh. "Have you developed a tolerance to eat anything?"
I'm about to make an inappropriate joke, but it's too soon. "I call it oral experimenting, Talwyn."
"Oh, that's real subtle."
I snort. "When Clank brought me breakfast the other day, I bit him."
"With those teeth?"
"I was gentle, though I didn't mean to do it in the first place," I say, sheepish. "He was right there, I leaned over and just, very carefully, bit down. No marks or anything."
"So you were—ha!" Now she laughs, and something about it pacifies me even more. "You were mouthing, basically."
"That has a word for it?" I ask, appalled.
"It's completely normal…well," Talwyn stresses after a moment, "it seems to be another behavior that's inching its way into your general nature. What did you mean by it?"
"I was really thankful, because I was really hungry that morning spending the whole night working on the Starquake," I say. "…at least, I hope that was it and my instincts weren't suggesting anything else…"
"Your first answer was partially right," says Talwyn. "You said thank you without the words, but you were also showing affection. When we were just facing each other, you were already going to town on my neckline."
I probably wouldn't even have a dim recollection now if she hadn't pointed that out. I hope I can control these impulses with time. I know Clank and Talwyn won't mind. I just don't want to get used to blindly doing things without realizing what effect they'll bring. Uh, even more so, I guess I should add.
"By the way, what did he do?" she asks. "Stand there and process what had happened before telling you that you were welcome?"
"It's almost like you were there, Tal."
The room lights dim to half luminosity. They're still acting up, yet I find that this casts the room into an appropriate light. I feel Talwyn's hands move a bit farther down, slowly, like she was trying to catch a coiled snake with them. The analogy makes me chuckle under my breath.
"I'm done talking. Are you?" Talwyn asks. Her fingers clench slightly into my waist. Now, this was a time where those impulses could have full control and did a better job of speaking than words.
Then, there's a mental lid slammed shut on them when I remember something.
"…before you get too worked up," I begin, rolling over to face her. She looks like she's a moment from shoving me to the floor from impatience. "Heh heh, whoa there, cowgirl. I almost forgot I had something else in mind before the night ended. It's fitting, I promise."
I reach under the pillow and hold up a plastic case. "Wanna watch a holo-film? It got a never before seen six out of five stars from all the critics!"
"Damn it, Ratchet. Put it in!"
"You mean the movie, right?"
I'm a bit surprised at how quickly she agreed, or the fact she did at all. At least I didn't mention it while we were in the middle of something, or else she would've been the second person I pissed off today.
When I told her that the film is titled Big Bang Attack, she was hysterical and wanted to see it right away.
Rest assured, it's purely an action film.
As the laws of the universe dictate, every action causes a reaction. By the last twenty minutes of the movie's runtime my attention span has begun to migrate, and not too far. I glance over at Talwyn, who's staring hollowly at the screen. Good to see I'm not the only one focusing on the dramatic climax playing out before our eyes. It goes completely forgone as I lean over quietly, opening and closing my mouth on her cheek so my teeth scrape lightly on it.
She jumps slightly and faces me, light welling up in her eyes. I lean back, smirking at her. "See? Gentle."
Talwyn sticks out her lower jaw, grinding her teeth together in a furious smile. She shakes her head languidly. "Oh, no buster," she says lowly, voice bordering on a hiss. "It's been too long. We are not having gentle tonight."
The holo-film runs its course and the room becomes devoid of light when the screen darkens, but the action only gets better.
"She was morning, and I was night time…"
I open my eyes, catching a healthy beam of sun that managed to slip through the blinds. I hear music coming from our radio, trying to remember when or why it was turned on.
I blink several times to get adjusted to the light then lean up on one elbow, eyes widening. The desk is tipped over from the wall, and all the papers I'd finally organized in a pile are scattered with several books along the floor. Tufts of cotton are strewn across the floor like fallen pollen, and my eyes wander to the gutted pillow hanging on the edge of the dresser. The piece of furniture itself has all the drawers pulled out to their furthest lengths. There's much more I take in but my mind is still slow and hardly cares about all the information it's receiving, inducing the effect of drowsiness.
Oh, well, guess the cleanup will start when I actually care. It'd be hilarious for Clank to walk in now and have a spectacular reaction at this. Then he'd wonder how it'd happened. I can't really say how. It all came on so fast overnight.
I carefully lie back down again to not disturb Talwyn, but she stirs anyway. She's the lighter sleeper out of us both. For a moment I lie with my eyes closed, breathing, listening, feeling caressing warmness of the early morning light on my face. The unseen radio falls silent, having finished its latest melancholy river of song. Just when I'm on the verge of nodding off, Talwyn begins mumbling, lightly tickling the fur on my stomach.
"…hnng…keep singing, Ratchet…" I hear her say. I'm half asleep, but I'm confident in making a decent pickup line. Whatever I had to say is completely out of mind when I open my mouth and words don't come out. What exits is a low rasp of air that ends in an awkward high-pitched whine.
My eyes practically become headlights, and for a moment I wonder if I'm dreaming or just that tired. Tentatively, I try again with more force. A jagged spire of pain runs up my throat and a violent cough bursts from my mouth.
Talwyn is already half-awake from the noise, but the final shreds of sleep peel from her face when she looks up and sees my expression. I want to tell her that I'm fine, but I can only manage to make a miserable squeak.
She sits up indignantly, her hair rolling in waves as she brushes it out of her eyes. "Ratchet, what's wrong?!"
I can only stare back at her like a dummy. I've lost my voice.
This is the only thing I haven't seen coming after last night.