the desperate kingdom of love
Blair Waldorf takes a deep breath before finally locking eyes with her reflection in the mirror. A ghost of a smile falls on her lips as she gently runs her hands down the bodice of her ridiculously expensive wedding dress before finally landing on her growing stomach, her heart beginning to ache inside of her body.
She thinks about everything she's done to get here: she thinks about all the money she spent, all the people she hurt, she thinks about every truth she's tried to cover, every lie she's ever told, every boy she's ever kissed, and the only boy she's only ever loved. She thinks that maybe this is karma catching up to her.
She thinks that she'll wake up in his arms and it'll all be a dream.
She wishes it'll all be a dream.
"You are the most beautiful bride I've ever seen," Serena gushes, inevitably interrupting Blair's thoughts as she enters the dressing room, tears evident in her blue eyes. Blair offers her best friend a small smile, although the sadness etched in her brown eyes isn't lost on Serena. "What's wrong, B?"
"I'm just thinking," she admits quietly, incredulity evident in her voice. "I'm doing the right thing, right?" she asks suddenly, needing reassurance from someone she trusts more than her own instincts. Serena's eyebrows furrow together in confusion as she takes a small step forward, confusion on her features. "Marrying Louis," Blair clarifies unnecessarily.
Serena chuckles lightly. "I know who you're talking about – I just don't know why you'd ask something like that," she says tentatively. Blair lets out a deep breath in an attempt to steady her emotions.
"Something about this just doesn't feel right," Blair says.
"Every bride gets cold feet before her wedding," Serena says assuring before putting her hands on Blair's shoulders. "Especially beautiful brides who are going to marry a prince," she coos.
Intended to reassure Blair, Serena unintentionally made it worse as tears welled up in the bride's eyes. Blair found herself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in her own skin, more so now that she was pregnant. Today, she was a bride. Tomorrow, she would be a wife. Six months from now, she would be a mother.
Suddenly, she felt her life flashing before her eyes and she realized the unreality of it all. Her thoughts are interrupted for the second time that day when Serena's phone begins to ring. She shoots an apologetic look towards her best friend before reluctantly answering it.
"Wait, what? Dan, slow down…" Serena pleads anxiously, her eyes wide with concern.
Blair doesn't think she'll ever forget the look on Serena's face when she got that call.
She also doesn't think she'll ever forget how she felt.
"I need to see a doctor!" Blair said urgently as she swept into the emergency room. She can faintly hear the concerned cries of Serena who trails behind her best friend.
"Are you alright, ma'am?" a nurse asks tentatively, her eyes taking in Blair's disheveled appearance and worriment. Blair nods and she suddenly feels like the oxygen had been sucked out of her lungs. She opens her mouth to speak but she feels like her throat is constricted, preventing her from saying anything.
She wants to scream, but no sound comes out. She feels like she's in the middle of a crowded room and even if she did scream, no one would look up.
"Blair? Serena?" Dan asks as he steps out of the emergency clinic. Serena's eyes widen immediately as she takes in the sight of Dan and his bloody clothes as well as the large gash on his forehead. Any other injuries seem to be minor, but Serena still feels her heart ache and she instinctively wraps her arms around him. "Where's Louis?"
"Where's Chuck?" Blair retorts instinctively, her entire body becoming increasingly numb yet panicky. Dan lets out a deep breath, trying to hide the automatic wince from the pain. "Where is he?" she repeats, venom in her voice.
"He's in surgery," Dan deadpans. Blair remains silent and motionless; her hands tucked safely at her sides as she listens to him explain everything.
The truck came out of nowhere.
Chuck was driving.
There was so much blood.
I'm so sorry.
"Don't," Blair spits out suddenly, her eyes wide and stern. "Don't apologize. He's not dead, he's not gone. I know him. He's a fighter. It's gonna take a lot more than a random truck to take down Chuck Bass."
She wants nothing more to believe in her own words, but she can feel the vacancy in them.
Chuck Bass is a fighter.
But even the greatest champions quit the game.
She paces back and forth across the waiting room floor, her mind scrambling to try and make sense of all of this. She can't make sense of it. No matter how hard she tries.
She's alone in the waiting room. Dan is resting on a cot in a vacant room while Serena makes all the necessary phone calls.
"Blair," a familiar yet unfamiliar voice says from behind her. She reluctantly turns around to be faced with her fiancé, a worrisome expression on his face combined with sheer anger rolling off of his tuxedo-clad body in waves. "Are you okay?" he spits out hesitantly, noting the people that surround them.
Blair folds her arms instinctively across her chest, a feeble attempt to hold herself together as she falls apart from the inside out. "Not really," she says honestly, her voice void of any emotion.
"And Chuck?"
"Not really," she repeats, her voice weaker than ever before.
"I like what you did to your dress," Louis notes sarcastically.
She vaguely remembers that she's wearing a wedding dress; it all just feels so surreal. She remembers running out of the church and jumping into the limousine. She remembers Serena following in a cab, and she remembers running through a mud puddle to cross the street to get to the hospital.
"I didn't have time to change," she deadpans, avoiding Louis' gaze.
"Why?" he wonders, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. Her forehead furrows together in confusion before she finally musters up the courage to meet his penetrating gaze. "Why didn't you have time to change, Blair?" he asks again.
She knows that he's just angry and probably looking for a fight. But Blair is too numb to feel angry, and she's too tired to fight. She doesn't say anything – she doesn't know what to say.
"Why?" Louis finally screams, angrily grabbing Blair's shoulders almost as if to shake an answer out of her small frame.
"Hey, easy…" Serena's voice says from behind Louis before rushing over to disentangle a numb Blair from Louis' rough grasp. "We're all a little on edge here, okay? Have some compassion," she pleads, embracing Blair's shaking frame. Louis rolls his eyes and throws his hands up into exasperation, fighting the urge to punch the hospital walls.
"I've had compassion," Louis spits out bitterly. "I've had nothing but compassion for Blair. I had compassion when she flirted with the poor excuse of a boy she calls her best friend. I had compassion when she couldn't get over her pathetic obsession with her detrimental partner in crime, the infamous Chuck Bass. I've had compassion as she fell in and out of love with the multiple personalities that bastard possesses!"
Finally, Blair takes a deep breath and steps out of Serena's comforting embrace. She takes a small step forward, careful not to trip on her already ruined wedding dress. Her eyes meet the eyes of her fiancé as they sparkle with envy. Her touch sends a shock wave through his angered body as she gently takes his hand from his side and holds it in her own.
"I'm sorry," was all she says before placing the engagement ring in his palm. He swallows back the bile that is building up in his throat but he fights it, he fights it all. "You're a good man, Louis. And I hope you find happiness. I hope you get your happily ever after."
His forehead furrows together into pain. "I want to get my happily ever after, Blair. But I want to live happily ever after with you, just you and our child! Not me, you, Chuck and our baby! I want to spend my life with you. I want you to love me the way I love you. I want you to say you'll marry me and keep your word! I want you to stay with me!"
She takes a deep breath and wraps her arms around his shoulders. She pulls away too soon for his liking and places a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"You are a prince, Louis. But I am not your princess."
She is by his bedside now. His body is battered and bruised, he looks like she feels. He came out of surgery a little over two hours. Blair hasn't left his side since. She's waiting to wake up from the nightmare this day has become. She's waiting for Chuck to open his eyes, smirk at her and say something about this proving her love for him.
As if she could ever really doubt it.
But she has. She's spent the better half of the past five years denying the things she feels for him, partially because they're no good together. Unfortunately, they aren't good apart either.
She begins to think about the little life growing inside of her and she instantly wonders how she could have possibly made this big of a mess of her life. She's hurt so many people. She's lied to so many people.
"You've done a lot of selfish things, Chuck," she says quietly, squeezing his hand gently. Her eyes never leave his face. She's scared he'll disappear. "But getting into a car accident on my wedding day has to take the cake; no pun intended…" she jokes. "In all seriousness though, if you didn't want me to get married, all you had to do was say so. I think we could have all done without the theatrics of a life-threatening accident."
The tears are now streaming down Blair's cheeks as she looks at him through her cloud of blurry vision. "Come back to me," Blair pleads, her voice barely above a whisper. Her chocolate brown eyes are glistening with tears of despair and her voice is broken and weak and her body is shaking with fear. "I always come back to you, now it's your turn. Come back to me."
"You must eat something, Miss Blair," Dorota tells her a few hours later. "You must eat for baby," she reminds her as she places the plate of homemade food on Chuck's nightstand. Blair closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, reluctantly taking a piece of watermelon from the plate.
Blair's face contorts into one that depicts sheer agony, and it only reflects what she feels on the inside. "I don't think I can do this, Dorota," she whispers, instinctively turning into the warm embrace of her most trusted confidant. Dorota doesn't press the issue; she just rubs soothing circles on Blair's back and gently rocks her back and forth.
"Miss Blair," Dorota says gently before tilting Blair's chin up to meet her gaze. "You are strongest person I know. You can do this," she assures with a warm, motherly smile on her face. "You going to be good mother and good wife, when you're ready," she adds tentatively. "Not because Mr. Chuck or Mr. Louis says so, but because you think it right thing for you and baby."
For the first time in what feels like forever (it's only been a day), Blair cracks a smile. "You know, don't you?" she whispers, returning her gaze back to Chuck's sleeping form. "You know the truth," she clarifies, avoiding Dorota's penetrating, motherly gaze.
"Dorota always knows the truth, Miss Blair," she says with a smile. "I just wait for you to know the truth. Sometimes, I wait for you to discover it."
Chuck finally opens his eyes that evening. He thinks he's in heaven because only in heaven would Blair Waldorf be wearing a white dress and remain by his bedside. He faintly remembers someone speaking to him – he thought it was an angel.
He thinks it must have been Blair.
He looks around the room, his eyes squinting against the harsh fluorescent life. He is vaguely aware of the pounding headache as well as the annoying beeping sound of the monitor. He opens his mouth to get her attention, but no sound comes out. Instead, he just fights through the haze of exhaustion to stay awake. He keeps his gaze fixed on the small rise and fall of her chest or the way her arm is resting comfortably across her stomach, protecting the life inside of her.
He wishes she would wake up.
Almost as if they shared a mind as they do a soul, her eyelashes flutter open, her brown eyes adjusting to the light. Finally, her eyes lock with his and a lazy smile finds itself on his lips. She lets out a shaky breath of relief, tears pooling in her eyes and she instinctively (and gently), throws herself at him.
She pulls away too soon for his liking, a wide smile on her face before she leans in and presses her lips against his. "I love you," Blair says quietly, her brown eyes wide and earnest as she looks into the abyss that has become his own eyes. "I love you," she repeats.
He thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.
"It's nice to have you back," Nate says when Chuck regains the rest of his consciousness.
"It's good to be back, Nathaniel," Chuck retorts with a smirk.
"I'm so sorry," Dan apologizes the second he sees Chuck and Blair. It's an apology towards both parties, to Chuck in case he blames him, and to Blair, the woman he's fallen in love with.
"My memory is still a little hazy, but I don't think you were driving that service truck," Chuck reminds him.
"Your room is all ready for when you come home," Lily assures, tears in her eyes as she looks at the son she loves so much. "I'm so happy you're okay, sweetheart."
"Get some rest, son," Rufus orders.
"If you pull a stunt like this again, I will shred all your scarves," Serena warns with a smile.
"Jenny says get well soon," Eric says awkwardly.
Blair just rolls her eyes.
Chuck is released from the hospital less than a week later. he soon realizes that getting waited on hand and foot by a constant slew of maids, caretakers, chefs is not all it's cracked up to be. He misses his independence, but he's aware that his friends and family need this because it's the only thing they can do.
Blair visits him every day, his eyes lighting up instinctively the second she walks into the room. She's as beautiful as ever, the glow from her pregnancy only making him love her more. He doesn't say anything, though. And although it's killing him not to ask, he avoids the subject of Louis until one day, she brings it up.
"Why haven't you asked me about Louis?" she asks.
She sounds almost angry.
"I knew that if you wanted to talk about it, you would have brought it up," he says honestly.
"Fair enough," she says with a small smile. She takes a deep breath, the palm of her hand resting almost instinctively on her stomach as she reluctantly meets his gaze. "Can I ask you something?" Blair asks hesitantly, vulnerability evident in her chocolate brown eyes. Chuck simply nods. "Do you…" she pauses, an incredulous laugh falling from her lips. "Do you think you could love another man's child?"
Chuck doesn't know what to say. He thought she was just there because if she were in his shoes, come hell or high water, he would be there for her. That's what you do when you love someone. You're there for them, albeit as a lover or a friend. He treaded lightly on the subject of Louis' because he didn't have the guts to ask either way.
Instead of her question angering him, it gave him a sliver of hope that he's been lacking for what feels like forever. His forehead furrows together in confusion and pain, his heart beginning to ache inside of his chest. "Why are you asking me this?"
"I'm…paralyzed," she answers honestly. Chuck straightens up on the couch at her words, confusion evident in his eyes. "Sometimes I can't move, I can't breathe. Sometimes I don't think I can be anything but in love with you."
"Blair—" he says tentatively.
"Dan called Serena less than half an hour before I was going to officially become a princess. I took the limo and I've been here ever since," she tells him suddenly. "Louis came by the hospital. He's furious with me, as he should be but I couldn't imagine you waking up in a hospital alone. I needed to be there with you. It's where I belong."
"I can't imagine it'd be a mistake for you to marry the father of your child," Chuck says tentatively, carefully avoiding her gaze as he watches the city lights outside the large window. Her breath hitches in her throat and she's fiddling with her thumbs on her lap, confused by his answer. "But I can't make that decision for you, Blair."
"I'm not asking you to," Blair retorts. "I'm only asking if you think you could love another man's child. I know it's a lot to ask, but…I just need to know if it's something you think you can do."
Does he think he could love another man's child? Could he look into the eyes of a baby, and know that those eyes don't belong to him? Could he love that baby as if it were his own?
Why, yes.
Yes he could.
Chuck takes a deep breath and sits up slightly, wincing from the pain. Blair immediately hovers, her arms outstretched as if to take away the pain that is searing through his body but he fights it back because he needs to say this to her. He gingerly places his hand over hers, his eyes meeting hers.
"If Louis is the father of your baby," he begins and he can see the pain that flashes behind her eyes. "-that doesn't mean you should be with him. You should be with me."
There it is, the words Blair has waited her entire life to hear.
She fights back a smile.
"Why?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Because I'm going to love your baby as much as I love you," Chuck answers.
All she can do is smile as she gently cradles his face in her hands, her eyes searching his for any form of regret. The only thing she finds is unwavering love and affection, two looks only she can see. His hands cradle her face as well, and they kiss, their passion threatening to set the world on fire.
She pulls away from his safe embrace and he can see tears clinging to her long eyelashes. His thumb brushes away a fallen tear as it slides down her cheek, her body tingling at his touch. "I never read the results," she admits tearfully. "I couldn't. I shred them before I even looked at them. Ever since I was a little girl I had this dream of the perfect fairytale wedding, and not at all like Kim Kardashian. I would fall in love with a prince, I would be his princess, we would get married, have a family and live happily ever after. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought that if the baby wasn't Louis' my entire fairytale would shatter into a thousand pieces, so I didn't want to face the possibility of that happening."
"What changed your mind?" Chuck presses. Blair chuckles lightly, bringing his forehead against hers as she lets out a shaky breath.
"I realized that I don't need a fairytale wedding or life. I don't need a prince, I don't need to be a princess."
"But it's your dream..."
She just shakes her head. "No. You are my dream. I love you. I've only ever loved you and I'm only ever going to love you," Blair takes a deep breath, a warm smile on her face as she meets Chuck's penetrating gaze. "Do you believe in fate, Chuck?"
"I believe in us," Chuck answers without skipping a beat. "Some believe it's one in the same."
"Miss Blair," Dorota says urgently once she says goodbye to the mail courier. Once Chuck was finally able to get off bed rest a week later, he went with Blair to re-take the blood test. The results came to her penthouse the next day. "Mr Chuck," she acknowledges before she lets out a big breath and wipes a bead of sweat off of her brow. She offers Blair a reassuring smile before extending her hand, all but waving the envelope in front of the young girl's face. Blair's eyes widen as she looks at the paper as if it were a live cockroach rather than a piece of paper. "It baby daddy results," Dorota urges.
"I don't think I can do this," Blair whispers before standing up and beginning to pace in front of the large window of her bedroom. Her forehead is furrowed into a frown, her eyes are emanating nothing but worriment and her stomach is churning at the thought of her child not begin Chuck's. An instant calm washes over her body when she feels chuck's arms wrap around her middle. She leans into his embrace, inhaling the scent of his cologne and she closes her eyes in an attempt to seek out courage.
"Whatever is on that paper doesn't change the way I feel about you," Chuck whispers in her ear. And he means it because no test can measure the unwavering love for the woman in his arms or the child in her stomach. He'll love them both until the day he dies. Blair nods against his embrace before taking a deep breath and opens her eyes, giving the nod of approval to Dorota. Dorota hands Blair the results and nods before leaving the room out of courtesy. "I love you," Chuck says just before Blair finally musters up the courage to open the envelope.
"It's about time," Nate says nonchalantly as he enters Blair's hospital room. She rolls her eyes but can't even muster up a frown, for the little life that lay in her arms almost forbids it. Serena is next, an unmistakable smile on her lips as she silently squeals in delight at the sight of her best friend's child, as well as her godchild. Dan follows suit, a small smile on his face as he takes in Blair and Serena's expression. "The rest of the world has been waiting on you two since high school," Nate explains, looking pointedly at Chuck and Blair.
Blair reluctantly tears her gaze away from her child to look up at Chuck, who is wearing the same expression that she is: one that depicts love, affection, adoration and every other emotion that one can possess at once. Chuck only leans down and kisses her hair before smiling at the child in her arms. "I'm so happy for the two of you," Serena squeals, gently holding the tiny child's hand. Blair and Chuck look at each other once again, and he can't help but smile, he just loves her so much.
"Thank you," Blair says quietly. It isn't until Blair relents a yawn she's been holding back that Chuck takes the baby from his wife's arms, everyone inevitably exiting the room to give the happy couple some space.
Their quiet time alone with their new family is interrupted half an hour later by a nurse, with a smile on her face as she all but tiptoes into Blair's private room. "What is it?" Chuck asks in a hushed tone, shifting the baby in his arms.
"I have the birth certificate here," the nurse says quietly, unable to take her eyes off of the child in Chuck's arms. "Would you like to do the honors?"
Chuck looks at Blair, who can't help but nod as she extends her arms and happily takes the baby back into her soft embrace. "Do you have a pen?" Chuck asks. The nurse nods and hands him a pen to which he sits on the edge of the Blair's bed and reads the application out loud.
"Name on certificate," Chuck readsaloud.
Blair smiles down at the child in her arms before she answers her husband.
"Henry Charles Bass," Blair answers swiftly. Chuck smiles.
"Date of birth."
"May 2nd, 2012."
"Mother's maiden name," he reads again.
"Blair Cornelia Waldorf," Blair says with a chuckle.
She still can't believe it's her maiden name. She spent her entire life being Blair Waldorf, Queen B.
Now she's Blair Bass, wife and mother.
"Father's name," Chuck says aloud before an unmistakable smile falls on his lips. Blair is beaming when she reads that question, tears forming in her chocolate brown eyes. All of her fears and doubts were put to rest when she'd read the test results six months ago. That was the day when everything in her world shifted back into focus, back into place. "Charles Bartholomew Bass," he says proudly. He finishes the rest of the application before handing the clipboard to the nurse and crawling into bed beside Blair.
She had now fallen asleep and her head was leaning against Chuck's broad shoulder, while he held his son in his protective embrace. Chuck took a deep breath and looked between his wife and his son, and he thinks that this is as good life is ever going to get.
Everything was perfect, and as long as Chuck had Blair and Blair had Chuck, and as long as they had their Henry, everything would always be perfect.