Every night I dream I'm back in the arena. I construct new horrors, and replay old ones. With Peeta sleeping beside me, I am achored to the present. The fear is still there, but so is his slow and steady breath, letting me know that we are alive. We sleep side by side like siblings, his touch is comforting, but platonic.
Except tonight, I dream of something else. In the arena, I kissed Peeta many times, almost all of them for the audience. I played the part every time, feeling safely distanced from myself as our lips met. There was once, though, when I felt something real stir inside of me, and it is of this moment that I dream tonight.
When I wake up, the memory is still fresh in my mind, and my flesh tingles with the echoes of the sensation. I feel Peeta curled around me, his hand resting gently on my hip, his mouth inches from the back of my neck. There is nothing different about this arrangement tonight, only that now every muscle in my body is tense.
As if he can sense my wakefulness, Peeta awakens and exhales, making the hairs on my neck stand up. My breath catches slightly, and I feel his body become tense as well. Never before have I been so aware of my every limb, my every inch of skin. Feeling as though we are on the brink of something unameable, I arch my back slightly, pressing more firmly against his body. After a moment, he responds by moving his feet closer to mine, slowly, so that it might be interpreted as accidental, until they touch. When I don't move away, he slides his left foot between my own.
I cannot think, all I know is that I want this touching to continue, want to touch more of him. I move my neck slightly, so slightly, just enough that his lips now rest there. Peeta's hand moves slowly towards my head, and begins to trace along my left ear. I'd never thought an ear could feel so sensual, but with his touch I feel my pulse quicken.
His finger moves down along my jaw and comes to my lips. I let the weight open them slightly, and slowly reach my tongue to meet the tip. He moves it further and I make circles around it with my tongue. I can feel Peeta's breath quicken where his lips are still pressed against my neck, his own tongue beginning to move slightly against my flesh.
Suddenly I cannot take it, this building of tension, and I turn quickly around to face him, our legs tangling as our lips finally meet. The kiss is deeper than any we ever had in front of a camera, my tongue moving against his to create a perfect rhythm. Our legs are intertwined in such a way that his thigh presses between my own legs, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from that spot through his pajamas. I break the kiss to look into his eyes for a moment, and position myself so that there is no way he can miss my intention. His arm reaches to hold me at the base of my back, and pulling me in for another kiss he begins to move his leg so that it rubs against my clitoris.
We move fast together, and I can feel where he himself is aroused. I've never come in contact with a man in this way, and I worry that the pressure of my own leg between his might be painful. The small sounds that escape his mouth as we kiss, stopping more often now to focus on our movements, tell me that he's just fine.
I know what I want but do not want to break the verbal silence we have maintained up until now, so I simply guide his hand downwards to where the pressure of his leg is no longer enough. He pulls his face away from mine slightly and asks for permission with his eyes. I nod slightly in response and his hand plunges into my panties. His face now near my collarbone, I can feel him smile at how wet he finds me. Unsure at first, he gains confidence and quickly learns how to move his fingers to make me moan.
When I briefly move my hands towards his erect penis, he looks up at me and blinks, letting me know in a look that his pleasure in this moment comes from pleasuring me. I close my eyes and let the waves of sensation roll over me. Finally I know that I am near the end, and I pull Peeta close as his fingers gain speed. Without concern over what I must sound like, I let out sharp cries until finally one long one brings me to the top. In the moments directly afterwards me body shakes, like an aftershock, and I feel from the wet spot between us that Peeta has also climaxed.
We cling to eachother, Peeta kissing the sweat gently off of my clavicle. In this moment I feel safer than I've ever felt. I smile and look down at his face, for once looking forward to the future. There are so many things that I want to do with this man.